A Girl Between (2 page)

Thinking about our failed plan half the night resulted in a
severe lack of sleep.  Of course, life still goes on so I had to drag myself
out of bed and quickly get ready for school.  Today will be one of my allotted
comfort days.  I save them for times like this.  I’m wearing a t-shirt,
sweatpants and flip flops.  I spaced the comfort days to maybe one or two a
week at the most.  I classify myself as a casual dresser and don’t want to slip
over into total slob territory.  Total slob can easily morph into ugly.  Believe
it or not, I have more pride than that.

I wish I could stop my mind spin.  I felt bad about not
carrying out our plan yesterday.  Of course, if I had carried it out, I’d be more
of a wreck than I already am.  I was also still worrying about moving out to the
sticks with Frank.  What would happen to us?  How about Aunt Amy?

For today, I just had to get through school.  The worrying
won’t cease, but I’m good at turning it into a background buzz.  At breakfast, Annie,
Eve and I didn’t say a word to each other.  We just gulped down a drink and ran
out the door before Frank made his appearance.  Seeing Frank before school is
like mentally putting on the dim switch for the day.  I preferred to start the
school day with the mental lights on.  I knew that lots of kids thought of
school as boring, but for me, school was an oasis of calmness.

This was my second week of school as a sophomore at
Minnetauk Regional High School.  There’s a little over 500 students here.  Since
it’s such a small place, everyone is familiar with everyone else’s business.  That’s
good and bad.  People here are nosey, but once they figure things out, they
tend to leave you alone.  For example, many of the students here know why we don’t
go out much.  They recognize that it’s not due to religious or anti-social
reasons.  They know that it’s only because we live with crazy Frank.  I used to
have girlfriends over on occasion, but Frank got way too grumpy and weird for
them, so I stopped inviting them over.  Since then, I’ve just settled for
school-type friendships.  It’s easier, but it’s lonely.  Consequently, I’ve
felt left out of high school life.

My first period class today was Spanish.  After I walked in
and sat down, I noticed how noisy the class was.  It’s always like that in here.
 The teacher was perched up at her desk as usual.  She always seemed busy up
there, talking on the phone, looking at the computer, typing, etc.  I’ve never
seen her actually teach the class.   She handed out the work for us to do, and
then sat up there in her little private zone.  Students knew not to bother her
because she didn’t offer any help.  She expected all of us to help each other,
if we had any questions.  Well, she’s the teacher, isn’t she?  What was she there
for?  Anyway, we all just called her ‘Zoneout’.  Just as the school nurse came
in the door, a paper airplane flew right by her.  She walked over to Zoneout
and said something to her.

Zoneout tore her eyes away from her computer and looked at
me.  “Tessie, can you please go with Mrs. Dyer?”

“OK,” I mumbled, thinking why didn’t the nurse just have me
called down?

We walked to the principal’s office without saying a word.  Mrs.
Dyer glanced at me with a concerned look on her face.  That made me anxious.  What’s
going on?  When I got there, the vice principal and my guidance counselor were
seated at a conference table.  The principal, Mr. Kowalski, and a police
officer were in the corner talking.  As soon as I walked in, Mr. Kowalski
cleared his throat and became quiet.  Since I hadn’t participated much in the
way of extracurricular school stuff and hadn’t gotten into trouble, I’m not
that familiar to any of these people.  I wonder if they even recognize me.  The
guidance woman, I forgot her name, motioned for me to sit down next to her.  Suddenly,
Annie and Eve appeared, eyes open wide, looking at me.  They were being escorted
by the school security officer.  I was feeling more freaked out now.  Then, I heard
Mr. Kowalski asking the school secretary when my aunt would be showing up.

Annie finally spoke up, “What’s going on?  Why are we here?”

At that moment, my aunt came rushing in, “I’m so sorry,
girls.  I got here as soon as I could.”  She looked over at Mr. Kowalski.  “Have
they been told?”

Eve responded, “We haven’t been told anything, Mom.  What’s
going on?”

Aunt Amy took a deep breath and then replied, “There’s been
an accident.”

“Mom, who’s had an accident?”  Annie asked, looking alarmed.

Aunt Amy solemnly answered, “It was Frank.  He was driving
to work down the mountain.  It appeared that one of his tires was loose and it
came off his car while he was taking a sharp turn.  He lost control and then he
went over a cliff.  He hit a tree.”

“Well, how is he?” asked Eve.

Aunt Amy’s hand went to her lips and she shook her head.  It
took a moment for her to speak.  “I’m afraid he died immediately from the
impact.”

Whaaaaaat???  I was shocked beyond belief.  How could this
be?  Annie and Eve looked over at me with a bewildered look in their eyes.  On
the way to school I had told them that I did NOT loosen any bolts on Frank's
tires.  I explained to them that I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  They
were looking at me suspiciously now.  I glanced back at them and slightly shook
my head no.  Everyone else at the table was looking at us with concern.  They
were afraid that we were going to break down and lose it in front of them.  One
thing I have to say about living with Frank; you learn to keep your emotions in
check.  All of us were stunned beyond words, and not just because he was dead.  How
did Frank happen to die in that particular way, especially today?  Could it
possibly be that coincidental?

After we got home, Annie, Eve and I went upstairs to talk
about everything.  We just couldn’t reconcile the strange timing between our
recent plan and what happened today.  I even felt a little guilty.  Was it
somehow my fault?  I had to reassure my sisters, again, that I did NOT loosen
the bolt.  Frank died in a real accident.  I think I was also trying to
convince myself.

The next few days passed in a blur.  There was a police
investigation of the incident, but it was quickly resolved as an unfortunate
accident.  The Corvette was an older car with older parts that Frank worked on
exclusively.  He was not considered an expert mechanic, so repair mistakes
would not be out of the question.

My aunt planned a simple funeral.  A few distant relatives
came from out of the area and stayed with us, but most of the family lived
within a drivable distance.  The three of us tried to support Aunt Amy with all
that she had to do.  At the same time, my cousins and I felt kind of numb.  Death
wasn’t something teenagers bothered to contemplate.  It’s a phenomenon we don’t
believe in until it stabs us in the heart.  Not that Frank’s death affected me
that way.  His dying just made me think about the possibility of other people
dying.  There’s a little corner of my brain that I usually manage to keep
shuttered.  Hearing of a death, any death, always shoves it open, and it’s not comfortable.
 It tilts my world so that everything is a little off.  It’s all the Mom
thoughts, Mom impressions, Mom feelings, where is Mom, does Mom see me, I miss
my Mom, will I see Mom again, Mommy I love you, Mommy . . . Mom, Mom.   It always
takes me a while to lock it up again.

I wondered how my aunt felt about Frank’s passing.  Even
though Frank treated her badly much of the time, she showed some loyalty to
him.  She was the kind of woman who was torn between her role as a good mother
and a dutiful wife.

The weirdest time for me was at the graveyard.  The last
time I was at a funeral was when my mother died.  I remember freaking out when
they lowered the casket and threw some dirt on it.  I thought she would
suffocate.  I didn’t understand the finality of it all.

Friends of the family and relatives were invited over to our
house afterward for refreshments.  I stayed downstairs with them for as long as
I felt I should, and then I crept up to my room.  I was so tired.  They
wouldn't miss me if I just lay down on my bed for a few minutes.  I just needed
to take a break.

I was startled awake when I felt someone sit on my bed.  I
looked over.  Why is Frank sitting there, staring at me?  Is this another Frank
nightmare?  Am I still sleeping?  He’s scaring me.  Isn’t he dead?  I put out
my hand to see if I could touch him, but I only felt air.  He’s still there,
though.  I can see him.  He had a really horrible look in his eye, like he
wanted to hurt me, so I finally spoke to him.  "Frank, what are you doing
here?  What do you want?"

"Why did you want me to die?" Frank growled.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"The reason I'm here is because of you."  Frank
moved in close to frighten me.  It was working.

"That makes no sense, Frank.  I didn't do anything to
you."

He moved to within an inch of my face and stared at me.  He
didn't look right.  He frequently got mad, but this was very different.  His
eyes had a wild look about them, like he was angry and petrified at the same
time.  "You started things up.  Once you got things rolling, my time
came."

"What are you talking about?  You died in a car
accident.  That had nothing to do with me."

"It had everything to do with you!" He screamed
hoarsely at me.

“You’re crazy.  You’re just in my dream anyway,” I pushed
back, trying to convince myself.

He pointed to my eyes and glared at me, “You have the ‘Sight’,
because you’re one of them.  I knew it the first time I saw you.  It was strong
then.  I kept you close, so you wouldn’t use it, but it’s in you.  You used it
against me.  I didn’t see this coming.”  Frank’s face started to look blurry.

“What sight are you talking about Frank?  Don’t go away.  Please
tell me,” I pleaded.

He was shrinking and fading before my eyes, but he croaked,
“They’re watching you now.  I’m warning you!”

Frank looked terrified.  “Please, NOOOO.  I must go now.  They
want me now.  Ohhh, no, NO, Please, please. . . . ,” Frank’s voice ended in a
whispery shriek.

Suddenly, I could hear a knocking sound.  I looked around.  Was
I sleeping?  Was that a dream?  It was my aunt knocking on the door, "Tessie,
your Great Aunt Sandy and Uncle Jimmy are leaving.  Can you come out and say
goodbye to them?"

After everyone left our house, I finally had a chance to think
about the dream.  It wasn’t like dreams usually are, kind of fuzzy and distant.
 With dreams, you forget most of the details after a short period of time.  This
dream was so real, however.  I could recall every detail.  I also experienced
the same feeling I always got when around Frank; a combination of panic and
loathing.  I could even detect Frank’s scent in the dream.  He always smelled
of lava soap and car grease.  Then I noticed something that really creeped me
out.  I had ironed a silk blouse and left it on the edge of my bed.  I decided
not to wear it to the funeral.  It was still there, nice and smooth, when I lay
down to take my nap.  After I got up, it wasn’t flat anymore.  It looked like
someone had sat there, right on top of it.

Things were really quiet around here, for the first week or so
after Frank’s funeral.  We were all shaken up for different reasons, so we
coped by returning to our daily routine of school, homework and chores.  However,
it was only a matter of time before that changed.  It began to dawn on me and
my cousins that we were no longer banned from the world of high school.  Aunt
Amy set up some rules, but they were nothing like the house arrest that Frank
had imposed on us.  So, we jumped right in, joining different sports and
activities, and having some friends over to the house.  Annie also got herself
a job in a local real estate office.  By that time, I had put the Frank
hallucination out of my mind.  I told myself that it was just a crazy dream.  It
wasn’t tough to release Frank from my thoughts.  For the present moment, life
was golden.

One morning before school, Aunt Amy asked us to sit at the kitchen
table.  She sat herself down across from us.  I’d been so busy in my own life,
I hadn’t thought too much about how Aunt Amy was doing.  She looked so worn
out.  She even looked like she lost some weight.  She finally cleared her
throat and said, “Tess, Annie and Eve, I’m giving you guys notice that there’ll
be a family meeting tomorrow night at 7 o’clock.  It’s very important that all
of you can make it, so don’t schedule anything else during that time or have
anyone over, seeing as it’s a ‘family’ meeting.”

We all glanced at each other, and then Eve asked in an
exasperated tone, “Mom, can’t you tell us something about this now, or if
there’s not enough time, how about tonight?”

My aunt frowned at us, “No, I need some time to explain
things.  I want to make sure that all of you are here and we have enough time.  Lately,
getting the three of you together is like trying to put the birds back in the
cage.”

“Auntie, you’re scaring us.  Are we really going to be left
hanging until tomorrow night?”  I inquired sweetly.  I didn’t want to sound too
pushy.

She got up and sighed, “I’m afraid so.”

We got up and left for school.  I guess we’ll find out
tomorrow.  In the meantime, I’ll be putting this out of my head.  No sense in
ruining my day.  It might be the last good one for a while.

The next day, we all congregated in the living room after
dinner.  Aunt Amy looks so serious.  That doesn’t leave me with a good feeling.

She starts out by saying, “You girls may have noticed that I
haven’t been wearing my typical jeans and t-shirt outfit, lately.  I’ve been
dressing up.”

“I know Mom, and by the way, you’ve got to update your
stuff.  When was the last time you bought something nice to wear?  I think I
remember you wearing that blue top about ten years ago,” asserted Annie. 

My aunt was taken aback.  “It’s not as bad as that, is it?”

“I’m sorry, Auntie, it is bad.  In fact, I was thinking that
the outfit you wore yesterday might have been from your high school days,” I said,
half joking, but it did resemble clothes from Grease.

“That blouse is a classic!” retorted Aunt Amy.

“Oh, my God, that IS from your high school days.  I was deliberately
exaggerating!” I exhorted.

Eve jumped in, “Mom, that’s terrible!  I mean it’s great
that you can still fit in those clothes, but really, that’s like things Grandma
would wear to a tea party.”

Aunt Amy chimed in, “Girls, girls, I hear your point, but
we’re getting off topic.  We’re here to talk about our future.  I brought up my
clothing situation because I’d been dressing up to look for a job.”

Annie looked surprised before asking, “So, how’s it going?”

“Not so good.  This is a rural area and there aren’t a lot
of jobs, plus the economy isn’t the greatest right now.  However, even if I got
a job, I know that we can’t afford this mortgage on my salary.”  My aunt looked
a little defeated when she told us this, but then she sat up and straightened
her shoulders and added, “Anyway, I might as well get to the point.  I’ve
decided that the best thing to do would be to move back East, to Grandma Edwina’s
house in Connecticut.”

“Mom, are you kidding?  Eve yelled.  I can’t believe you’d
want to move back there.  We don’t even know Grandma Edwina.  We haven’t seen
her for years.  We don’t know anyone there.  That’s a terrible idea!”

I added, “Don’t move because of money.  We can help make
money by doing jobs around here.  I can babysit and Annie has her job to help
out.  Eve is 16 and soon I will be, too.  We’ll be able to get regular jobs,
too.  We can make it here.”

Annie was sitting there, as if in shock.  She finally jumped
in, “It would be just awful to move right now, Mom.  I’m a senior.  I’m finally
able to hang around with my friends here.  You don’t know what it’s like for a
teenager in this situation.  You were able to do stuff that normal teens can
do.  I want to have a happy life with my friends now.  That will all change if
we move away.  We’ll have to start all over and be new kids in a school back East. 
It will take forever to make new friends.  By the time that happens, I’ll be
going away to college.  Mom, what are you thinking?”

I had to hand it to Aunt Amy.  She seemed prepared for the
onslaught.  She calmly responded, “I’m really sorry girls, but my mind is set
on this.  I’ve already spoken to your grandma, and she’s waiting for us to show
up.  She has a nice big house and plenty of room.  Since Grampa Myron died, she
really needs help in the greenhouse, too.  She’s getting older, after all.  I
used to work there when I was a kid, so I can jump right in.  It’s the perfect
job for me right now.  It’s also a way for you to get to know my family that
lives back East.”  Then, she turned to Annie, “Dear, there’re also plenty of
good colleges in that area of the country.”

We all sat there dumbstruck.  My aunt cleverly took
advantage of our stupor to hammer home one last point, “Most important of all, it’s
what is best for our family right now.”  Oh boy, once my aunt uses the ‘family’
word in the argument, we’re sunk.  And, she had that stubborn look on her
face.  I’ve seen that face on two other occasions.  There’s no fighting it.  Even
Frank backed down when he saw that look.  

“But Mom….,” Eve started.

“No buts!” Aunt Amy admonished.  She knew she was ahead, and
she wasn’t taking chances with any other debating points.  Talking was over.

My cousins also realized it.  Their shoulders were slumped
over and I couldn’t see their eyes.  We’re going east.