A Girl Between (3 page)

So here it is, two weeks later and we’re on our way to the
train station.  We were originally going to fly to Connecticut, but it’s just
too expensive, especially considering all the stuff we have to bring.  It’s cheaper
for us to haul everything on the train.  We could also take our Siamese cat,
Beauty Queen, on the train with us.  We just had to keep her in a cat carrier.

My cousins were still wearing the ‘mopey woe is me’ façade,
but it was getting old.  I could see signs of it cracking.  I knew Aunt Amy was
noticing the cracks, too.  I had a feeling that once we were on the train
viewing the scenery, they’d let down their guard.  I think they’re a little
pissed at me for not keeping up the hostility, but I just couldn’t do it after
a while.  I’m still anxious about the move, but I’m also looking forward to a
new adventure.

We boarded the train at the station, located right in the
center of our town.  I must have passed this building hundreds of times, although
I never noticed it before.  It’s one of those places you never really see
because it’s so plain that it blends right in.  I’ve never even been on a train
before.  When we boarded, I wanted to see everything, so I kept on walking
through all of the cars until the last one.  My aunt and cousins didn’t say a
word, but they followed me all the way.  They were curious, too, I guess.  We’d
be on this train for a few days so we might as well see where we go to eat and
where to buy stuff.  We finally sat down in seats that were in the end car (is
that the caboose?) and got out books, iPods, iPhones, and other paraphernalia, and
settled in.  The rhythm of the moving train was very soothing.  After a while, I
could feel myself drift off.

What’s that, off in the distance around the bend?  Is that
another train?  I could see it through the window, and I could even see people
inside.  It must be a passenger train like this one.  Something was wrong.  I
couldn’t figure out what it was, but it just doesn’t seem right.  My heart was
beating and I was breathing hard.  I could see smoke rising from the train.  It
was hit by a car; no, it’s a white pickup truck.  The truck seemed to go
through the crossing stop light.  It hit the last car on the train.  It stinks
of fire and smoke.  People are screaming and trying to get out.  It was so hot.
 I couldn’t see anything, but I could smell the smoke.  I could feel pain.  I
felt the wet blood on my face.

“Tess, Tess, what are you doing?  You were moaning and
touching your forehead.  Are you all right, dear?” Aunt Amy was leaning in and
peering at me with concern on her face.  She was shaking my arm.

I hastily looked around.  What was happening?  I saw a horrific
train crash and people getting injured.  It was awful.  But everything is fine
here.  The train is rolling along.  Eve and Annie are asleep.  I had a bad
nightmare.  That’s all it was.  I have to calm myself.  My hand is trembling,
so I grab hold of it.  I looked over at my aunt and smiled feebly before
answering, “I’m OK, Auntie, it was just a crazy train dream.  You know that I
have a rather vivid imagination.”

“OK dear, if you’re sure.  Here, have some chocolate.  I
brought your favorite.” My aunt pulled a Caramello bar out of her purse with a
little grin and handed it to me.

“Yummm…, a Caramello bar.  It IS my favorite!  Thank you,
Auntie,” I answered while unwrapping the chocolate caramel combo and popping
pieces into my mouth.  I felt the deliciously smooth chocolate/caramel melt on
my tongue.  It made me feel better.  It always does.

I sat there staring at the trees, buildings, and houses whiz
by.  It was mesmerizing.  My worried mind started shooting off in all
directions.  What will it be like in Connecticut?  I heard that people are snootier
in Connecticut than in Colorado.  Isn’t Connecticut a rich state?  Are all the
kids there rich snobs?  Will we fit in?  What will the high school be like?  I
know it’s much bigger than our old one.  Will kids there like me?  I wondered
what Grandma was like.  I knew that Aunt Amy had some trouble with Grandma
Edwina a long time ago.  I think Grandma hated Frank.  I agreed with her there.
 Maybe she was OK.  I heard that Grandma’s house was really cool.  Each of us
could still have our own bedrooms.  I couldn’t wait to see it.

I smelled that stinky smoke smell again.  It pulled me out
of my trance.  I looked around.  Everything was OK here.  Passengers were just
reading or sleeping.  My heartbeat picked up and I started feeling breathless.  I
still smelled smoke.  I could feel a storm of panic seep from the center of my
body right through to ends of my toes.  Something was very wrong here.  I had
to go and do something, RIGHT NOW.  

 “Something isn’t right.  We have to get out of here!  Don’t
you smell something?”  I cried out to my aunt.

Annie and Eve both opened their eyes and stared at me, like
I was an alien from Mars.  My aunt looked at me and said, “What are you talking
about, Tess?  I don’t smell anything.  Are you still upset?”  She pulled her
glasses down to look at me, closely.

Then, I thought about how I sounded.  And really, I didn’t
understand why I had an urge to leave, so how would I expect them to understand? 
I paused for a second and told myself to get a grip.  I turned to my aunt and
cousins and said, with a slightly shaky voice, “Actually, I’m just really
hungry right now.  I feel like I could faint.  Could we go and get some food
before it gets too crowded in the dining car?  We should leave now because it will
get crowded soon since it’s near breakfast time.”  I smiled, as pleasantly as I
could manage.

“OK, we can go.  Give me a minute to gather my purse and
things,” Aunt Amy answered, still looking at me like I was a little crazy.  I
wanted to get them all moving quickly, so I hurriedly grabbed purses and
backpacks and started down the aisle.  They had no choice but to follow me out
of the car.  The dining car was closer to the front of the train.  It took us a
little while to get there.  I walked all of the way to the end of the dining
car and took the last table.  I dumped everything in the seat and sat down.  I
took a couple of deep breaths and started feeling better.  I told myself that
everything would be all right, now.

“There’s room for Beauty Queen’s carrier over here,” I
pointed under the table.

Eve answered blithely, “I didn’t bring Beauty Queen.  She
was sleeping and I figured, why should we disturb her?  She’s freaking out enough
as it is.”

I totally lost it.  I stood up and screamed at Eve, “What’s
wrong with you?  You were supposed to be responsible for Beauty.  Don’t you
know what’s going to happen?”

Eve just sat there with her mouth open.  She was stunned.  I
pointed at her and shouted, “Now, I have to go back and get her.  There’s no
way I’m gonna leave her back there!”

As I ran through the dining car, I noticed that no one was
talking.  They were all staring at me.  I guess I caused a scene.  Well, it
couldn’t be helped.  I had to get Beauty Queen away from there.  Maybe I should
tell the other people in that car to leave.  But why would they listen?   I
wouldn’t know what to say to them.  I can’t explain it to myself.  I might just
be a crazy lunatic.  Maybe nothing will happen anyway.  But, deep down I don’t
believe that.  I KNOW something will happen.  I don’t know what or how, but I
know it’s most likely bad.  That smoke stink was still in my head.  It was
getting stronger.

I kept tearing through the cars, trying to get there as fast
as possible.  As soon as I got to our seats, I grabbed the cat carrier.  Beauty
Queen was awake and howling like a screaming banshee.  We got to the end of our
car and I pushed the button that slams the door open between the cars.  The
last thing I heard was a huge BANG.  I remember thinking to myself,  ‘I don’t
think that was the door opening’.  I felt a sharp stab of pain in my forehead
and saw colors whirling around, and then I entered the great void.

I feel pain.  I hear whispering voices.  Where am I?

“Mom, I think I saw her move a little.”

I feel a light touch.  My head feels so tight.  I’m thirsty. 
I finally open my eyes a crack.  Stabbing pain and bright lights.  Slam, the
eyes shut.  

“Mom, Mom, I think she’s waking up.”  

“Tess, dear, how are you feeling?”  Aunt Amy strokes my arm.

My faint voice whispers, “Auntie, can you turn the lights
down?”

“Of course, Tess.  Would you like a drink?” asks my aunt.

“Yes, please,” I murmur.  I feel a straw poke my lips and I
take a sip.  I slowly open my eyes a tiny bit.  Still bright, but bearable.  Aunt
Amy comes into my view.  She looks so upset.  I reach my hand out to her and
whisper, “I’m OK.”

I open my eyes more and turn to her.  Wow.  She has colors
around her.  Eve comes over, “I’m so sorry, Tess.  It’s all my fault.”  More
colors swirling around.  It’s giving me a headache.

“It’s OK, Evie,” I breathe out.  “Still love you.”  I feel
like joking more about it, but I’m so tired. “How’s kitty?”

“Beauty Queen was protected by her cat carrier.  It’s lucky
we got her a metal one,” my aunt remarked.

I can’t keep my eyes open for long.  The colors were almost pulsating
in the air.  I reach up to touch my achy head.  “Auntie, what’s wrong with me.  My
head feels terrible and it’s all wrapped up.  What happened?”

Aunt Amy exchanges looks with the girls before she answers.  “Tess,
they had to operate on you.  A pointed piece of metal pierced your head and
they had to pull it out, without causing any damage.  So far, it appears you’ll
be OK.”  She sat down and smiled at me.  There’s a bright pink haze around her.
 It was disorienting.

“I’m so sleepy.”  I close my eyes.

Within a couple of days, I was feeling better.  I still had
some strange symptoms, but what would you expect after having had a hole
punched into your forehead?  I was freaked out when I learned what happened,
but I’m alive and kicking which is more than could be said for some others on
the train.

As soon as I was feeling better, I asked my cousins exactly
what happened.  My nightmare/premonition turned out to be correct.  A large white
pick-up truck went through the railway crossing and crashed into the last car
on the train.  A fire broke out.  The young man in the pick-up was instantly
killed, along with two passengers in the train.  Several other passengers were
injured.

“Tessie, what I don’t understand is how you knew something
bad was going to happen.  How did you know?” queried Annie.

“What?” I asked.

Eve glared at me, “Tess, you knew something.  You rushed us
out of there, and then you went berserk trying to get Beauty Queen.”

I didn’t know what to tell them.  If I told them that I dreamed
the entire event, they would think I was crazy.  So how would I explain
myself? 

“Tess, are you gonna tell us?” Annie demanded.

I gave them the most innocent look I could manage.  It
wasn’t too hard considering how pitiful I looked, with my head wrapped in a giant
bandage.  “I really didn’t know anything.  I was starving, so I bugged you guys
to get some food.  Then, I just didn’t want to leave Beauty Queen all by
herself.  You know how crazy she gets when she thinks she’s being ignored.”

“Yeah, right!  There’s something missing with your
explanation.  You went crazy when you realized that Beauty Queen was in that
last car.”  Annie glowered at me as she added, “You’re not telling us
something.  I know it.”

I believed it was time for me to change the subject.  Yawn .
. . and put a hand over my mouth.  I said sleepily, “Gee, I’m so tired.  I think
I need some shut eye.”

“By the way, before you fall sleep again, Mom wants to talk
with you.  She’s in the hallway speaking with the doctors.  I’ll go get her,” Annie
announced before running out of the room.

I could feel a headache coming on again.  It kicked in a
little after I started seeing the colors.  I see the colors all the time when
people are in my room.  I’m not sure if the colors gave me the headache, or if
my anxiety did.  What brought this on?  It must have something to do with that
hole in my head.  Is this a mental disorder?  Is it my annoyingly overactive imagination?
 Sometimes I have an eerie feeling that I’m living in a dream.  It was very
unsettling.  I wanted to turn it off and feel normal again. 

Aunt Amy came into the room (accompanied by the pink cloud).
 She was with a tall, geeky-looking doctor.  Oh my, bright green with a flash
of orange around his head.  That was so strange.  My aunt was wringing her
hands, but when she saw me, she quickly dropped them and smiled. “You look so
much better, Tessie.  How’re you feeling?”

“I’m OK.  I was wondering, do you know when they plan on
taking the bandage off my head?” I asked.

“Those will come off tomorrow.  Dr. Yang is here to speak
with you, Tess.” Aunt Amy smiled at the guy in doctor garb.

He held out his hand to shake mine. “Hello, Tess.  How are
you feeling?”

He had a reserved smile.  When I shook his hand, I politely
looked him in the eye.  I expected to see dutiful interest, but instead I saw
bright energy and sharp intelligence.  It was unexpected.  “I’m doing all
right,” I murmured while trying to ignore the colors moving around him.

He sat down on the edge of my bed and he talked to me
straight on, eye to eye, “Did your aunt explain what happened to you, Tess?”

“She said that a piece of sharp metal went into my head and
that the doctors took it out,” I answered.

“Yes, a thin, sharp object penetrated your forehead, right
about here.” As he said that, he pointed right between his own eyes and up a
little.  “Tomorrow morning we’ll be taking the bandage off.  Do you have any
questions about your injury?”

“I presume this piece of metal went into my brain.  Isn’t
that really bad, I mean, am I going to be able to do normal things?” I asked
Dr. Yang pointedly.

He paused for a moment before answering, “That was a rather
unusual head injury.  Typically, when a person injures their frontal lobe, it
is from extreme pressure on the front of their skull, due to something like a
football injury or a car accident.  The front of the skull is one of the
toughest bones in your body.  For that reason, a head injury due to penetration
of the skull is rare.  When it does occur, it usually has dire consequences for
the individual.  However, your penetration was  not typical.  It was caused by
a long metal pin.  If it had any affect at all, it would have been in a very
tiny part of your brain.  As of now, we have not seen any evidence of a problem.”

I let his words sink in for a minute and then I asked, “At
what point will I know if I’m OK?”

Dr. Yang looked at me intently before answering, “This is an
inexact science.  We can’t say for sure; however, signs are looking good
already.  You’ve passed some basic cognitive tests that we do on people who
have undergone any kind of head injury.  You’ve been conversing with family
members, and you’ve been getting around a little.  That’s a great start.”

I was eyeing Dr. Yang and what was going on around him, the bright
green colors with the occasional orange flash, and I decided that it was time
to talk.  I had to tell someone about seeing the colors and I didn’t want to
worry Aunt Amy.  Besides, my aunt wouldn’t know what was going on, even if I
told her.  She’d just get upset.  My cousins were sitting a few feet away, half
listening and talking at the same time.  My aunt was standing by me holding my
hand.  I have to get rid of them before divulging my secret.

Dr. Yang narrowed his eyes at me.  He was suspicious of
something.  What, can he read my mind? “Tess, is there something you need to
tell me?”

“Yes, Dr. Yang, there is something I’d like to talk about
with you; but, I’d rather tell you when we’re alone,” I said pointedly looking over
at my Aunt Amy.

Aunt Amy immediately picked up on it.  She initially
appeared upset, but then she seemed to shake it off.  She quickly stood up and
said, “Girls, let’s go down to the hospital cafeteria and grab a bite to eat.”

Eve whined, “Aw, Mom, I want to hear how Tessie’s doing.  Besides,
the cafeteria food here stinks, blah.”

My aunt just ignored Eve.  “We’ll be back in a bit.  Would
you like anything from the café, Tess?”

“No thanks, Auntie,” I replied.  Eve and Annie reluctantly
got up and followed Aunt Amy out the door.

“So, Tess,” Dr. Yang turned his sharp dark eyes back to me,
“what would you like to tell me?”

I dropped the pretense of lightness and joy when Aunt Amy
left the room.  I was getting anxious about this vision problem.  I looked into
his eyes and quietly announced, “I see colors.”

He immediately looked intrigued.  “Describe how you see
colors.”

“I see them around people.  When a few people are here, I see
colors around all of them.  It started when I first woke up in the hospital and
it hasn’t gone away.  In fact, I see colors around you.”

“Are they different than the colors around others?” he
asked, a bit taken aback.

“Oh, yes.  I see a clear green color with some orange
flashes.  I see a pinkish color around my aunt.  I tend to see blue/green
around my cousins.”

“Really!” the doctor exclaimed.  “Do you have any indication
of what it means?”

“I think it just means that there’s something wrong with my
head.  That’s what it means,” I answered sarcastically.  “What else could it be,
Dr. Yang?  I want it to go away.”

“Let me think for a minute, Tess.  I think I could have you
speak with a psychiatrist here on staff, a Dr. Lee.  She’s done research in the
area of paranormal brain activity, which this may be related to.  I have to
admit that your symptoms are beyond my area of expertise.”

“You want me to speak to a shrink?  They tend to be nuts
themselves.  I don’t think I’m willing to do that,” I declared.

“What?  That’s no way to be, Tess.  Psychiatrists are simply
medical doctors who also undergo training in areas of mental health.  Since
this injury may have affected your brain in an unusual way, it would only be
reasonable for you to talk to a psychiatrist.  I might add that Dr. Lee is a
highly esteemed colleague here at the hospital,” Dr. Yang patiently explained.

I have so many bad memories of talking to a shrink after my
mom died.  That guy was an idiot.  I knew it, and I was only seven years old at
the time.  I knew he didn’t care about helping me.  He just wanted to continue
seeing me to make more money.  What choice do I have now, though?  I have to
figure out what these colors mean and how I can stop them from invading my
brain!  “All right, all right, I’ll talk to the shrink,” I concurred.

Dr. Yang grinned at me.  He was kind of cute, for a geek,
when he smiled like that.  “That’s a very wise decision, Tess.  I’ll set you up
with her as soon as possible.  I realize that your family plans on continuing
with your move as soon as you’re out of the hospital.”

“Yea, we’re moving all the way to Connecticut,” I grumbled.  I
may as well lap up all the sympathy that I can get from people.

“Actually, I went to college in Connecticut.  It’s a very
beautiful state.  I’m sure that you’ll like it there,” he remarked with a wry
smile.  “By the way, when Dr. Lee comes in to talk to you, please don’t call
her a shrink.  Some people don’t take kindly to that.”