A Glimpse of the Dream (20 page)

“And why don’t you trust him?”

“For one, he enjoys living outside of his means, and in so doing he’s made some not so very wise choices.”

“Meaning?”

“His business associates are not all respectable.”

“And his firm knows this?”

“I’m not sure how they wouldn’t. It’s not like he keeps it a secret.”

“Why would a practice hire a man like that?”

“I would guess that Mr. Falco has information that one or more of the partners in that firm isn’t interested in having shared. Leverage to a man like Mr. Falco deludes him into believing he holds all the power.”

A disturbing and cryptic comment. “When you do fully retire, do you think you’ll be able to get Mrs. Marks another lawyer?”

“I’m working on it. I have a few things I’m looking into.”

“What firm is Mr. Falco with?”

“Connelly, Drake, and Bowen”

“Bowen as in Camille Bowen?”

“Her father.”

“Well hell.”

On my way back from the Lawsons, my mind whirled. Mr. Lawson knew something about Kane’s mom. I really hoped it was good news, though I couldn’t imagine how the news could be good, considering she’d left years ago and had never tried to contact her son. The old Kane felt his mother’s abandonment deeply, but I wasn’t sure how Kane felt now. Did he even care?

Sleazy worked for Camille’s father. I didn’t know much about Mr. Bowen, but the man had a reputation for being a good lawyer, so why would he hire someone so shady?

I tracked Kane down the following morning while he was walking Zeus on the beach. I hated that I had to have this discussion, especially when I was trying to draw him out of the hole he’d put himself in, but I couldn’t hold on to this knowledge. It wouldn’t be right or fair.

“Teagan, morning.”

“How did you . . . never mind. I need to talk to you. Do you have a minute?”

“Sure.”

I fell into step next to him, déjà vu washing over me with how many times we had done this same thing in our youth. “When I went to visit Mrs. Marks the other day, she was conscious for a part of the visit. She became very agitated . . . needed you to know something.”

I felt his body tense, but he didn’t say a word.

“I went to see her lawyer—Lawson, not Falco. He knows the secret.” Stopping, I touched his arm. “It has to do with your mom. Mr. Lawson said when you’re ready he’ll tell you what he knows. I asked, because it would matter to me: it turns out she doesn’t have other children.”

Silence.

“I also ran into Kathy yesterday. She’s nice, but she has lots of guilt about you and the fire. I can’t say I blame her for feeling the way she does. Anyone in her shoes would. I tried to ease her pain a bit by telling her you knew what you were getting into, knew the risks, and in the end you saved her.

“She told me about the fire, about you coming for her, all of it. How happy you were, happy that you were going to be joining me, and when the beam fell, she saw your expression and could tell that you believed the dream was lost.” His arm turned rigid under my hands, every muscle tensed.

“You didn’t lose the dream. I’m here, Kane, and I love you. I never stopped. You said you didn’t want that, that what we had was over. If you really truly feel nothing for me, then fine, once Mrs. Marks is better, I’ll go back to Boston. But if you still feel for me what you once did, give us a chance. If all you can offer is your friendship, I want it. I miss you. I’ve missed my best friend all these years.”

“You have Simon.” Bitterness and hurt radiated off him.

“Simon is a close friend, yes. He was there to force me to pick up the pieces. I wouldn’t have survived without him; I was that lost, that broken. But he isn’t my best friend. I’ve only ever had one of those. You’re not the only one who suffered. Seems stupid to continue suffering if we both want the same thing. I want you back in my life any way you’ll have me. If you want that too, take the step. You need to make the first move, but know that if you do, I’m all in.”

Lifting up on tiptoe, I pressed a kiss on his cheek. “Love you, Kane.”

And then I left. I knew he needed time to think.

Kane

I heard the boat moving away, but I stood frozen in my spot. I never thought I’d hear those words from her again. She loved me. Maybe I didn’t deserve it, but damn if I wasn’t greedy to hear her say it again. Having her near stoked the flames that never died in me. I loved her, always had.

I wasn’t good for her, though. I couldn’t give her all the things she deserved and I couldn’t be the man she deserved. At some point it was going to cause resentment, probably on both sides. And beyond that, I was a mess, an emotionally fucked-up mess. My therapist called them panic attacks, but they felt more like I was dying—fear so intense that I couldn’t breathe. My heart raced, my body shook, and for however long it lasted, I was completely crippled with fear. There were signs to alert me I was about to have one, heart palpitations, sweating, and shaking just before the full out attack. Apparently it was common after what I’d been through, but I knew from Mrs. Marks and the others that witnessing one was terrifying. When I’d told Tea what we’d had was over, I’d meant it. That died in the fire when the boy I was died. I wasn’t sure she’d be really thrilled with the man I’d become.

And even knowing that, I felt hope, because she wanted me—damaged and scarred, she still wanted me, and I wanted her. I’d take her any way I could have her. She was right that I was hiding from her, from life. She’d called me a coward and selfish, and at the time her words had felt like a kick in the gut. A kick that I’d apparently needed, because she wasn’t wrong about that either. I hadn’t realized my insecurities had morphed into cowardice until I saw myself through her eyes. A nasty reality check, but one I’d definitely needed.

Yet I honestly didn’t know if I’d ever conquer all of my insecurities. Even after nine years, I still found myself struggling to relearn everyday activities. The first time I went grocery shopping was a day-long event, locating what I needed in the store, buying the items, and getting them all home. The grocer had said I could call in my order and he’d get it ready for me, and sometimes I took him up on it. And sometimes I wanted the challenge, wanted to be able to buy my groceries like a sighted man. So I had learned to fold my money in different ways to distinguish the various denominations. I knew now I needed both Zeus and a person with me to help me locate the items that weren’t easily distinguishable by touch. I was adapting. It got a bit easier every day, but having lost my sight so abruptly, there really weren’t words to describe the fear and panic, the realization that my life was forever different, and the struggle to adapt to that life in the darkness. To make Tea struggle with me as I found my way again seemed wrong. Not to mention that if she ever witnessed me in a full-on panic attack, it would probably traumatize her and send her running back to Boston. And maybe that wasn’t being fair to Tea, but then again, she had no idea what life for me was like now. And even listing all the negatives, I wanted to try. I wanted her back, wanted to hear about her life, wanted to hear her laugh again. I wanted to sink myself deep inside of her and appease the hunger that never went away. I wanted to touch her, to feel her face, to see the woman she had become. To taste her on my tongue while hearing the sounds of loving she always made that drove me wild. I wanted my Tea, all of her, every inch of her, body and soul.

But to really have Tea, I needed to stop hiding and find my niche: somewhere I could still add value. I was limited in what I could do, but I knew myself well enough to know that, if I didn’t make something of myself, Tea and I were never going to work—my disability would always be there between us, at least for me.

Tea’s unexpected news about Mrs. Marks and her apparent secret about my mom was startling. My mom had left, for whatever reason, and stayed gone. Perhaps there was a perfectly logical explanation, but I wasn’t able to find one. No matter what the cause, she’d removed herself from my life. How does someone forgive that? I wasn’t sure I wanted to take Mr. Lawson up on his offer. I suspected that leaving that part of my past in the past might be the wiser choice.

The same couldn’t be said about Tea, though. She had visited the other day, offering the olive branch about the bakery. She’d even insulted my intelligence, and I knew she was trying to get me to engage. She said I needed to make the next move.

What should my next move be? I wanted to get to know who she was now . . . and there was the double-edged sword. If I learned all that she had accomplished in the time we’d been apart, I would understand exactly what she would be giving up to be with me. That seemed not only unfair but really fucking selfish on my part. I knew Tea loved me enough to give it all up, and that fact settled like lead in my gut. Tea was a college graduate, a business owner with a social life in Boston. How the hell could a blind guy with no job compete with that? And still, none of that was going to keep me from trying to win her back.

Teagan

Simon and I had just returned from another visit with Mrs. Marks. The doctors had planned on releasing her but decided to hold her for a few more days. Some of her numbers weren’t where they’d like them to be. I thought this wise—her speech was still disjointed, and she couldn’t focus for long. I wondered if maybe she’d had a stroke along with the heart attack, since her mind wasn’t quite there. I asked her doctors, but they didn’t readily answer.

Simon was in his room dealing with a problem from the shop. There was a chance he was going to need to leave for Boston. I hadn’t expected that he was going to stay with me the entire time, but I was going to miss his company. We’d never been that far from each other since becoming friends almost a decade earlier. It was going to be strange not seeing him every day.

It had been two days since I’d spoken to Kane regarding Mr. Lawson. He hadn’t made any attempt to talk to me. His absence was my answer, and, boy, did that hurt like hell. It seemed like the Kane I knew really was gone.

Walking down the lane around Raven’s Peak, I unsuccessfully tried to put Kane out of my head. I remembered Kane’s wish to turn the place into an inn. He was right, it would make a wonderful retreat for people, away from the beaten path but close enough to enjoy the offerings in town. And the town was different now—it had more trendy shops and sights worthy of seeing. We had always been a shore resort town, but in the years since I’d been gone, we’d turned into a resort, period. Any season held interest for visitors, whether it was the whale migration in the fall, the theater troupe that put on productions that were recognized as far down as Boston, or the holiday open houses where many of the older homes celebrated the season with a walking tour. An inn would do very well here, especially one with the view that Raven’s Peak had.