A Heart Not Easily Broken (The Butterfly Memoirs) (19 page)

I settled on the bed, leaned down, and kissed him lightly. “No, Brian, I’m not mad, this is on both of us. Besides the chances are fifty-fifty, right?”

That was a big, fat lie. My chances were more than slim.

Since not being sexually active, my focus was not on maintaining protection. I didn’t take the pill because of blood clotting issues in my family. Hormone shots caused weight gain and uncontrollable nausea. I stopped taking it all together once I broke up with Patrick. I should have known better.

 The history of women in my family’s ability to conceive like the Virgin Mary flooded my already half-frozen brain. How could I forget?

My mother told me once that every time my father looked at her, she got pregnant. Plus, twins ran on her side of the family. My sister wasn’t any better. She’d been on birth control religiously since the age of sixteen before she and her husband decided they wanted kids. Once she stopped taking the pill, she thought it would take a year before she would conceive. Imagine her delight when she found out she was pregnant four months later.

Four months.

With a family like mine, what were my chances? I decided to keep that information to myself. The last thing Brian needed was an unnecessary distraction because of guilt.

And, oh, boy, Brian’s side of the family seemed pretty potent as well. After all, Mr. Young helped add five lives to the world’s population. What if Brian inherited his father’s potent gene, as he’d inherited his intense blue eyes?

Brian studied me without speaking.

I pulled back the sheets and crawled into bed. After a minute, he joined me.

“Ebony, there’s something I need to tell you.” He waited until he had my full attention. “I had already planned to say this, but now the timing just feels…wrong. But it’s still true.” He watched me with imploring eyes.

Uneasiness settled in the pit of my stomach. “Tell me what?”

He reached for my hand and kissed it tenderly. “To tell you how much I love you.”

I felt my eyes widen, not because of his words, but because of the sincerity in his voice and eyes. The eyes never lie.

“We’ve been together for less than three months. This last month has been crazy. We haven’t been together as much, and there is still much more for us to learn about each other.” He looked down at our linked fingers. “Baby, you don’t know how much your support has encouraged me. If it weren’t for you, this opportunity wouldn’t exist. Having you by my side and not be angry or discouraging has made me aspire to be more, to do more for you. I want to make you happy.”

“Brian, I’m happy, because I’m in love with you, too.” I smiled, blinking back the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes.

He returned my smile and wiped the tears. “Good, because when I come back, I’m going to do everything in my power to keep you happy. The first thing is looking into buying a house. I need a place of my own, so when I ask you to marry me”

I gasped and covered my mouth.

“…that part of our life will already be established.” His grin went a mile wide. “Yes, Ebony, I want to marry you. We’ll take time to get to really get to know each other first, but believe me; I’m going to buy you the biggest ring I can find.”

I laughed; the fear disappeared. The issues plaguing my life were no longer important. The only thing that mattered was hearing him say he wanted to marry me.

Not just because I could be pregnant, the ‘P’ word hadn’t been mentioned, just that he wanted me.

His hand went to my flat belly as though he’d read my thoughts. “If we just made a baby, it came from the love I feel for you, it’s not an accident. If not, then when we start our family, there will never be a ‘oops’, just pure, unadulterated love.” He angled his head, his smile charming. “Can you handle it?”

“Oh, yeah.” I beamed.

“One more thing.” He released my hand and dug into the nightstand. He removed a box of condoms and left them available for easy access. “Not trying to play baby roulette.”

I giggled and nodded in agreement.

He dug in again and pulled out another box. A beautiful shade of purple paper and glimmering silver tinsel sat in his hand. I felt my mouth drop open. Since my hands were in my lap, Brian placed it in my palm.

“Open it.”

It wasn’t a ring; the box was the wrong shape. I wanted to shake it to see if I could guess what hid inside. It was a struggle not to rip apart the beautiful packaging; the anticipation drove me crazy.

What I found left me speechless.

“Do you like it?” Brian’s brow creased as if my approval of his gift were a life or death issue.

In my hand was a fourteen-carat gold charm bracelet with three charms: a guitar, a heart and

 I studied the third charm. “A giraffe?” I laughed my surprise.

“I told the sales woman you took care of an orangutan for a living, and she looked at me like I was crazy. It was either this or a cat or dog. I wanted it to represent your dream job. This was the closest thing they had.”

“It’s beautiful. I love it. Thank you.”

Brian let out a sigh as his shoulders relaxed. He slipped the gold chain from my fingers and looped it around my wrist. “This is a promise. I chose these charms because they represent our hearts, our desires, and our future. As we grow together and accomplish more, I will give you another charm to celebrate.” His eyebrows furrowed. “Adding a baby bottle was not the first charm I planned on getting you. I was thinking of graduation and marriage.”

I pushed him back on the bed, moved the covers, and climbed on top of him, settling in the only place I wanted to be.

“Whether we have a baby now or later, I love you, Brian.” I leaned down and kissed him deeply.

His fingers ran over my hip. I cringed and sat up. “Ow, it’s sore.”

He looked down at his hand and realized he’d gripped my tattooed hip. “Sorry.” He pushed the shirt I wore aside and studied it from the angle where he lay. “It’s beautiful by the way. What made you get a butterfly? Why not a heart or a rose?”

I sat up and stared down at his marked biceps and traced them. “You told me your tattoos were symbols that mattered. I decided my tattoo would do the same.” I reached for both of his hands and pulled them to my chest.

I marveled at the subtle differences in the pigment of our skin. My caramel to his cream; the two complimented each other like a perfect blend of coffee. I could imagine what our baby would look like. Our child would be light skinned, with skin as bronze as his, only naturally. The hair would probably be brown with golden streaks and eyes as blue as his. Beautiful.

“Butterflies don’t start out as butterflies, they’re caterpillars. Just ordinary insects you rarely pay attention to. But then one day, they disappear into a cocoon and emerge changed, different. They’re no longer ordinary; they are magnificent, beautiful winged creatures.” I pulled his hand to my heart.

“Since meeting you, I’ve come out of my cocoon. I was alone with a one-track mind, but you’ve changed me. You’ve challenged my mind and made me see life, love, and relationships in a way I never thought would work for me. We went from friends, to lovers, to…being in love. You’ve supported me and taken interest in ways no other men have. These differences,” I held up our linked fingers and kissed his hand, “mean nothing. The heart is what’s important. So, I chose the butterfly. And it’s blue because of your eyes. They’re the first thing I noticed about you.”

“I may be pushing the man-code here, but that has got to be the most beautiful and sincere thing anyone has ever said to me.” He chuckled. “Come here.”

I lay down on his chest, and this time when our mouths met it was like magic. Every inch of my body tingled, warming me from my head to my toes. Brian deepened the kiss as he slid his roving hands up under the jersey and pulled it over my head. Naked again, he rolled me over onto my back. He pulled back and stared into my eyes. For the first time, I truly felt loved. This was home. This was perfection. This was the one thing I would never be able to be without again in my life. Not just love, but the love of this man.

Brian was my soul mate.

He pulled one of my hands from behind his head, linked our fingers, and pulled it between our chests.

“You are mine, and I am yours. No matter how far apart we are, my heart, my body belongs to you. There will never be another woman for me. Do you trust me?”

That was such an odd combination of words that for a moment I couldn’t answer.

“I need to know, Ebony, do you trust me to be away from you and know I’m not sleeping around?”

 “Yes…I trust you.”

His eyes closed, and he hung his head and sighed in what must have been relief. When he opened his eyes again, he focused on me with a soul-searching gaze.

“I trust you, too, with my heart. I need you to understand, I’ve never given my heart to another woman, not like this. Please, please, wait for me. Everything I’ve promised you will happen as soon as I come home. Don’t doubt that.”

“I’m not going anywhere. After tonight, no one else will touch me except for you. My body and my heart are for no one else but you.”

There was nothing else to say. I pulled his mouth back to mine and sealed the deal. Brian didn’t waste time. With our hands linked, our mouths mated. He parted my thighs with his and eased between my legs. His kiss traveled down my throat to my breasts while his free hand ran the length of my body.

“I want to be inside you and stay until I have to leave,” he whispered as he worked his way back up to my chin.

I moaned, wanting the same. He made a move to enter me, but stopped abruptly and reached for the condom box.

“Baby roulette,” we said in unison. One day, in our old age, we would look back at this night and laugh.

A deep groan emanated from his throat as his head dropped down on my chest.

“Damn it, it’s empty,” he said in frustration.

“Look in my purse, I always have some.” I pointed to my side of the bed where it sat on the floor.

Brian released our fingers and shifted for the bag. Not willing to search, he dumped the contents onto the floor. I seconded his impatience.

“Yes!” He sat up, covered himself, and slid right into home.

I had no idea how long we made love, but it was slow and beautiful and everything I ever wanted.

Tonight would sustain me until Brian came home.

Chapter 22

This cannot be happening.

The contents of my oversized purse littered the cashier’s counter. “I put it in my bag…”

An annoyed grunt came from the man standing in line behind me.

Irritation made my checks hot. I stuffed my things into my purse. “I’ll come back.” I muttered, grabbed my backpack from the floor, and moved out of the way.

So much for buying my book today. School had been in session for less than a week, and I had already fallen behind. My final year of college should not start like this. I stomped out of the campus bookstore while muttering under my breath.

I could only hope my professor would be lenient since this was the first assignment. Who was I kidding? He already made it clear that if the assignment wasn’t on his desk by the deadline, I would be screwed. I needed that book. It was my fault I didn’t have it on time. I’d spent the last few weeks focusing on finding another job, managing my finances, and spending as much time as possible with Brian before he left.

I climbed in my car and slammed the door shut. Where in the hell was my school ID? Paying full price for the book was not my idea of money management. As it was, I barely had enough money to get the book at the discounted price. I emptied my purse on the passenger seat and continued to search, as if it would make a difference. A scan of the seats, floor, and other surfaces yielded no results. The only other option would be paying for another card and waiting until my next paycheck to buy the book. By then it would be too late to turn in my assignment.

If I had accepted Brian’s help in the beginning, I would not be in this situation. I’d stupidly told him no, because I didn’t want to be a nuisance. And now I was paying for it.

I resigned myself to ask my roommates to borrow money. I could afford to pay for another ID with the money I had now, but it wouldn’t do any good. Student services closed thirty minutes ago. By the time they were open again, I’d be at work. Wasn’t that just great?

I lay my head back against the headrest and massaged my temples.

Today sucked.

I tried my best to stop stressing about the outcome of my grade for this paper and wished I could talk to Brian. Hearing his soothing voice would not make my ID card appear, but it would calm my nerves enough to mull over the matter with a clear head.

He had been gone for less than thirty-six hours, and I missed him like crazy. We spoke last night before I went to bed. Our goal was to talk to each other every day, at least before he went on stage. His new schedule revolved around practice, show time, and travel. And after parties.

Women threw panties at him when he performed at the club. I remembered watching him and listening to women behind me talk about what they could physically do for him. As vain as it sounded, I enjoyed watching their mouths gape open when Brian came off stage, pulled me into his arms, and kissed me.

I trusted Brian, but the right set of circumstances could lead to a slip up. Like a drunken after party.

I sighed and promised myself not to dwell on it any more. All I could do is trust him. Focusing on the ‘what if’s’ would only bring it to fruition.

I reached for my phone as it vibrated. It showed a missed call and voice message. I forgot to take it off vibrate when class ended. I turned up the ringer and checked the message. Brian had called. My heart leapt in my chest at the sound of his voice. Praying he’d still be available, I hit redial.

“Hey, baby.” His unbelievably smooth voice coated my irritation.

I closed my eyes and zeroed in on his timbre. “Brian, are you busy?”

“Kind of. We’re waiting for the stage to be changed around so we can do warm ups and sound checks before full show rehearsal. I’ve got a few minutes. How was class?”