A Heart's War (The Broken Men Chronicles Book 5) (2 page)

Only when Paxton headed toward the men’s room with his wife did I swivel my barstool and look around.  I felt like a fly on the wall, content to observe the festivities without partaking in them, recognizing a few faces, most of them from high-school, while others were new.

Earlier, my brother brought up a few points that had me thinking.  I needed to see my parents.  I needed a job.  And my younger sibling also saw it fit to tell me that I needed a woman.

Well, I couldn’t agree more with the first two, but the last one was debatable.

To be honest, I don’t want a night of hot fun where I sink my cock in some willing stranger.  To have that would be like never having evolved from my old ways.  And I wasn’t the old Theo Lowell.  Far from it, in fact.  I wanted a simple life with a partner – much like my brother and his friends seem to have acquired, if tonight was anything to go by.  What I wanted was a woman to call my own.

No one will have you once they know everything.

That pesky internal voice was always there, reminding me of the things I have done, or better yet, the things I failed to do during my deployments, things that no woman would overlook for the kind of long haul commitment I yearned for.

“Just as well,” I said to myself as I tilted the remainder of my beer back.

Cat calls and hollers sounded from the area where the gents and ladies’ rooms were located.  I turned to see what the women were going on about to find none other than my brother blushing while the women high-fived his wife.

Derek waved another bottle of
Bud Light
at me and I nodded.  Catching wind of what had gone on had me smirking as I took a large gulp of my fresh brew.  I guess my brother had finally found himself someone to keep up with his wilder side after that frigid bitch of an ex he’d been married to had left him.

Alissa settled herself on the stool next to mine having left Paxton to deal with the guys razing him.

“So, Theo,” she eyed me, “where are you spending the night?”

“I was thinking of the Sunset Inn on Western Boulevard.”

I was met with a disapproving look.  “I’m not going to let you hole yourself up in a hotel when we have a perfectly well-made-up room at the house.”

I harrumphed.  “That tiny townhouse only has two rooms.”

Paxton nudged my shoulder with his as he leaned against the bar on my other side.  “We’re living in Mom and Dad’s old place now.”

“The ranch?”  Alissa nodded.  Something inside me ached to see the old place again.  “You’re sure?”  I knew that it would be fine with my brother, so I aimed my gaze at his better half, who nodded once more.  “Okay.  Thank you.”

The look of approval in my brother’s eyes told me that accepting his wife’s invitation had been the right move.

The next morning, I woke to two wide piercing blue eyes staring back at me.

“Wow,” the kid said, “you’re big!”

Chuckling, I ruffled his hair as I sat up.  “You’ve gotten bigger too, buddy.”

His eyes lost a bit of their glimmer as they took on a hesitant look.  “Are you really my uncle Theo?”

Smiling to help reassure the kid, I said, “Sure am.”

The kid threw himself into my arms with a vice-like hug.  “You look different.  How come we haven’t seen you on the computer for so long?”  I may have not been home in a decade, but I had kept in touch all the way up until my capture.  With
all
of them, my father being the exception.

“Top secret, Jasp.”

“Like spy stuff?”  I set him on his feet, his grin making me chuckle.

“More like super spy stuff.” I nudged his chin with my fist.

“Oooh!” His excitement was palpable.  “Are you back to stay or just to visit?”

He looked as if his world would end if I didn’t provide him with the right answer, so I didn’t dally.  “I’m not leaving.  Ever.”

“Good.  Mommy said to come and get you.  I bet Grandma and Grandpa will be happy to see you when they get here.”

What?
  My head began to spin.

“Uncle Theo?” he asked when I didn’t respond.

“Huh?”

“Are you all right?”

I hoped my forced smile was convincing, since I was cringing internally.  “I’m good.  Go find Allie and let her know I’ll be there in a bit.  And tell your dad to come see me while you’re at it.  I need to talk to him.”

By the time I jumped out of the shower and returned to my room, Paxton was sitting at the foot of my bed.

“A little warning would have been nice, P,” I grumbled, sporting my boxers, running my towel over my short hair.

His hands came up in a peacekeeping manner.  “I’m sorry, but Alissa told me that our weekend brunch was brought up to today since Mom and Dad aren’t around tomorrow.”

“So I have her to blame for this?” I snorted.  “Do they know yet?”  Paxton shook his head indicating the negative.  “You know this has disaster written all over it, right?”

“T…”  Paxton sighed.

“I’m just worried.  You know how Mom gets.  And then there’s Dad…”  I rummaged through my rucksack for a t-shirt and slid it over my head when I found one.

“That’s all in the past,” Paxton said, getting to his feet.  “If there’s one thing I can tell you about our old man is that losing you has changed him.  You know… after we got the news about you, he told me that his biggest regret was not being able to tell you that he was proud of you.”

“In case you forgot, he had some pretty nasty things to say that last day right before I left, P.”

There was pain in his eyes as he set his lips in a thin line.  “Face it, what you did was stupid, and if memory serves, your words weren’t so eloquent either.”  Making for the hallway, he paused by the door.  “They’ll be here in about half an hour.  If, God forbid, this turns out to be a complete clusterfuck, I’ve got your six, bro.”

“Thanks, man.” Before he closed the door behind him, I smirked.  “By the way, nice shiner.”

The man laughed.  “Glad to see your jaw hasn’t kept you from boasting, G.I. Joe.  I’m sure Mom will have something to say when she sees we were up to our old antics.”

As long as someone thought to hide the wooden spoons, we’d all be safe.  The tiny woman was hell on wheels when it came to disciplining her sons and we were never too old to suffer the wrath of a spoon beating if the occasion called for it.  The memories of her numerous attempts had my smile widening.  Maybe being home wasn’t going to be so bad after all.  I just had to get through today first to see if my assessment would hold up.

Half an hour later, I was alone in the kitchen nursing my cup of coffee when the doorbell rang.

The sound of everyone’s laughter, the playful banter between Paxton and my father, and the squeals of excitement my mother made as she fawned over the niece I still had yet to meet and my nephew had me smiling, despite my apprehension.  I wanted to be a part of what was going on.  I had missed too much already.

It’s now or never.
  Setting my mug on the counter, I put one hesitant foot in front of the other and moved toward the living room.

My parents’ backs were to me when I entered. Paxton straightened his stance, as he looked my way.  “Mom.  Dad.  I-” His eyes stayed on me.

“Paxton, what-?”  My mother turned around to see what her youngest son was looking at.  Her hand flew to her mouth on a gasp while the other reached blindly toward Dad, clutching his shirt.

“Hilda, what’s the…?” The man’s voice faltered as he turned to see what had gotten his wife in a fit, his face losing its blood.  “It can’t be.”

“T-theo?” Mom whispered.  “But-”

“We buried you,” Dad supplied.

Let me explain.  When the chaplain delivered the news of my death to my family, everyone had been told that I’d perished with the rest of my unit when my Humvee was found in a smoldering pile of rubble.  The only thing left had been my dog tags.

“Is it really you?”  My mother looked at me as if I were a feat of magic about to disappear before her very eyes.

I took a few steps toward them, unable to control the wetness that began to ease itself down my cheeks. My parents sported mirroring teary gazes.  “Mama, it’s me. I swear.”

The woman hiccupped, her knees giving way as Dad helped ease her down into the chair behind her.  Paxton tended to her while Dad took the necessary steps, grabbed my shoulders and looked at me from top to bottom before crushing me in his embrace.  Arms trapped at my sides, I stiffened, not quite sure what to make of it.  My brother was right.  This wasn’t the man I remembered.

“God damn, I thought I’d lost you,” he said on a broken sob.

Never in my life have I ever seen my father like this.  In my arms, the man shook as if the years had made him soft.  Frail, even. This was new, and unsettling, to say the least.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” I croaked, my arms winding around him, holding his shaking body in case he collapsed.  “I’m so sorry I couldn’t come back or send someone to let you guys know that I was safe.”

Dad’s voice cracked when he said, “We’ll deal with that later, son.”  His hands grabbed hold of the sides of my face, giving it a subtle but abrupt shake. It’s as if he couldn’t bear to let me go just yet.  Releasing me, he wiped the back of his hand across his eyes and looked over at Mom.  “Your mother needs you.”

Mom was in shock, a shaking shell of herself.  She was mumbling…her words indecipherable, her head shaking from left to right in disbelief.  It wasn’t until I crouched down so she could see my face that her rambling stopped.  Her eyes met and held mine as her hands reached up and clasped both of my cheeks.  “Theo?”

“It’s me, Mama.” My lips quivered as I tried to smile for her.  “I’m back and I’m never leaving again.”

I never expected what came next.  “I’d have two minds to whoop your ass right now, boy!  Don’t you ever scare me like that again, do you hear!” I couldn’t help the boisterous laugh that escaped me.  Yes, my tiny spitfire of a mother still had it in her. Smacking me in the arm, her humored gaze softened.  “I thought a part of me died the day they came and…”  Not finishing, she threw herself into my arms, knocking me to the floor onto my ass and sobbing into my chest as I cradled her on my lap until she calmed.

“My baby’s back,” she repeated over and over, peppering my face with kisses, her arms holding on for dear life.  Much to my surprise, I felt my father kneeling in behind me, surrounding me in a parent sandwich.  “He’s back, honey,” Mom whispered.  “He’s really back.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

Mom sniffled.  “Thank God for second chances!”

The bittersweet mood was broken when Jasper interrupted our moment.  “Daddy, I’m hungry.”

Within seconds, Dad snorted a small laugh, Mom giggled, and when I looked up, my brother was shaking his head, a grin on his face as he looked at his son, holding his wife against his side. Allie’s giggle was mixed with sniffles as she held Abigail close with one arm, a hand wiping away the tears she’d shed.

Retiring to the patio while Alissa put the kids to bed for the night, Paxton handed me a beer before asking, “So what’re you going to do now that you’re back?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed. This reintegration thing was a hell of a lot more daunting than I’d anticipated. “I was thinking about following through with what I wanted to do after college. Go into construction.”

“Seriously?” I nodded.  “I would have thought that you’d settle with something more glamorous than that, what with that engineering degree of yours and all.”

“I prefer to work with my hands, P.  Always have.”  And I wasn’t sure if I could deal with the corporate aspect of things that came with working for a firm.  I liked the idea of being my own boss.  It offered me the sense of control I found I always needed since my capture.  I couldn’t be anyone’s puppet right now.  Maybe not ever.

“So you’re really not going back?” I saw the worry in his face.

“I received my honorable discharge before I left that hellhole.”  Uncle Sam’s had me at their beck and call long enough.  “With everything that happened on my last mission, I’d be no use to them now.  Plus, my head’s too fucked up to keep up with their games.  So no… I’m not going back.”

“I sense that there’s more to what you’re telling me,” Paxton swallowed before continuing, “but I have a feeling that you don’t care to share, nor do I really want you to relive it either.”

“Not particularly.  I’ll give you more details some time, but I just can’t right now, brother.  Not after seeing what you’ve all been through.  I wish I’d never gone along with my CO’s orders.”

“Doesn’t sound like you had much choice in the matter.”

That was true.  My superiors had included me in their plan and set the ball in motion long before I’d even entered the picture.  “I didn’t.”

“So did these super spy operations, as Jasper calls them, work out at least?”

I groaned and looked toward the horizon.  “Some of it.  Sure as shit wasn’t any James Bond-double-oh-seven kind of shit, that’s for sure.”

My brother laughed without much humor.  “Can’t say I’m surprised Hollywood’s got it all wrong.  The guy jumps out of a plane and his suit still keeps its pleats.”

I groaned at the visual.  There’d been no suits.  Hell, sometimes there’d been no food or anything beyond a few drops of clean water to drink, and you know you’ve had it good when you start missing the outhouses you once detested to take a dump in at base camp.  Keeping with the subject, I steered things away from me.  “Since we’re talking about work…” My gaze made its way to my brother.  “I read your book.”

Paxton’s head never snapped so damn fast in my direction before.  His reaction was comical.  “You did?”

Chuckling, I said, “Yeah.”  His eyes grew soft, despite his cocky smirk.  “It was some really great work, P.  Thinking of writing another?”

“Thanks.  Maybe… I’ve been working on something new.”

“Well, if you decide to have that one published, know that I’ll be the first to read it.”  I grinned.  “Seeing as we’re on the topic of you, little brother, how the hell did you land Allie?  The woman seems to be too much of a saint to be with someone like you.”

“Don’t let the halo fool you.” I turned at my sister-in-law’s words.  The woman sported a grin, her eyes twinkling as she eyed my brother.  “It’s fully tarnished, and my devil’s pitchfork is retractable.”

Paxton laughed and pulled her so she sat on his lap, depositing a kiss where her neck met her shoulder.

I laughed.  “It would explain that stunt in the pub last night.  I never thought that my little brother, of all people, would be the one coming out of a restroom with a partner – and be the one blushing.”

“I have that effect on him every now and again.”  She winked at him.

Lifting my beer to the woman, I said, “I like you more and more, Allie,” and downed the last of it.  “Well, at the risk of looking like an old man, I’m still jet-lagged and, frankly, I have a long day of figuring out how to live a normal life again come tomorrow morning.  I’m calling it a night.”

“Goodnight,” Paxton said along with his wife.

I patted him on the back and then leaned over to kiss the top of Allie’s head.  “Goodnight, sis.  P.”