A Hero to Dance With Me (5 page)

Jezelle had no clue how long she’d been asleep. The heavy drapes in her room assured no light could spill into the room to disturb her. Unfortunately, her dreams did. Every time she went to sleep, she’d wake up crying. Sometimes it was a sad, slow leak of tears. This time, however, she’d awakened to full-bodied sobs. God, she hated Steve! This was all his fault.

When she heard the door open, she hurriedly tried to dry her eyes, but she couldn’t seem to stop crying. Without even looking, she knew it was Steve. In this place, his parents’ home, she seemed to be tuned to his presence. This was his domain. His home turf.

“I h-hate you,” she sobbed. “Why c-couldn’t y-you just l-leave me a-alone?”

The bed dipped and Steve crawled in beside her under the blanket. He pulled her against his much bigger body. Much as they’d lain their one night together, Steve positioned her head on his arm and wrapped both his arms around her tightly. His warmth surrounded her like a cocoon, making her feel safe and secure. She resented him all the more for it.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry. I really am. If I could go back and change the way I treated you, I would.”

“Why?” she wailed, unable to stop crying no matter what she did. “Why did you leave me like that?”

“Does it matter? I was a third-rate ass.”

“It m-matters to m-me.” No matter what she tried to tell herself, she couldn’t seem to stop the flow of words. He was right. It didn’t matter. He’d left. The end. But, damn, she’d wanted this! Wanted him. “What did I do wrong?” Great. Now she sounded forlorn, like a little child. She needed to shut her mouth and just  leave it alone. But he was here now, and she could take what he was offering, even if only for a little while.

“Would you believe me if I said you scared the shit out of me?”

“No,” she sniffled.

“Well, you did. At least, what we shared did. I remembered telling you all those things. That you were mine. Now. Always.” He adjusted his grip on her, snuggling her closer as if he was afraid she’d pull away. “Jezelle, you don’t know me, but I’m a Teams man. A SEAL through and through. I once told my brother I didn’t need a woman, that I was married to the job. When I spent that night with you, I knew life as I knew it was over. I wanted all you represented, all you had to offer. And it turned my life upside down.”

“If that’s true, why not just communicate the need for a little space?”

He barked a laugh, but squeezed her tighter. “Why, indeed?” They were quiet for a few moments before he said anything else. “I know I hurt you, Jezelle. I don’t deserve it, but I’d like another chance with you.”

“Because I might be carrying your baby.” She made it a statement. Of course that was the only reason he wanted to be with her now. Before he could say anything she pushed on. “Look, I can take care of myself and anyone else who comes along. If I’m pregnant, you don’t have to be in my life in order to be in the baby’s. I think it best if we just leave it at that.”

“I didn’t come back for you because I thought you might be pregnant. As happy as I’ll be if you are, I couldn’t stay away from you.”

She wanted to believe him. God, how she wanted to! But she’d given him her heart once and he’d thrown it away. She couldn’t go into it blindly again. Especially if there was a child involved. She had to know from the outset that whoever she was with was in it for the long haul. Right now, Steve wasn’t. He might think he was, but she knew in her heart he would panic again. Probably once she confirmed the pregnancy. Instead of responding, she simply sighed and let him hold her, enjoying the moment as much as she could. Before long, her eyelids became heavy once again and she closed them. This time, no dreams tormented her rest. She couldn’t help but wonder if the man holding her so tightly, so protectively, was the cause for her restful slumber.

*****

Steve didn’t dare move. He was getting a cramp in his back and his arm had long since gone numb, but Jezelle hadn’t so much as whimpered for five solid hours. And he felt every single one of them. About two hours before, he’d tried to slip from her bed, but she’d clutched at his arm, sighing deeply before he settled back against her. Her grip had loosened but not released completely so he’d stayed put. Now, he was beginning to wonder if he could move even if he’d wanted to. The slight knock at the door was most welcome indeed.

“Everything all right in there?” That was his mother. Gingerly, she opened the door. Steve jerked his head in an indication she should come in. “How’s she resting?”

“Better,” he murmured.

“I guess she just needed a little reassurance.” Vivian smiled at him, patting his shoulder. “Are you all right?”

Steve couldn’t help the grimace. “No. But it’s no more than I deserve. Being a little uncomfortable is a small price to pay after what I put her through. You know, she actually believes the only reason I want back in her life is because she might be carrying my baby.”

“Gee, I wonder where that notion came from?” His mother had never been one for softening the blow when her children needed a hard lesson. Her motto was, “Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind,” and she took it very seriously.

“Mom…”

“Well, really. What did you expect?” She shook her head, that look on her face only a mother can give her child when contemplating the consequences of his actions. “Like I said, you’re going to have to work for it this time.”

Didn’t he know it.

Finally, Jezelle stirred, stretching before turning to her back. She blinked up at Vivian before a soft smile graced her face. “What time is it?”

“It’s after midnight, dear. Why not just settle in for the night? It’s too late to venture out.” Vivian could always sound so reasonable, even when she knew what she was suggesting wasn’t the first choice of the evening.

With a glance at Steve, Jezelle gave a nod. “You’re right. I’m sorry to be such a bother.”

“You’re not. I feel better now that you’ve had some sleep, but I’ll feel even better in the morning when you’re still here safe and sound and fully rested. Leland and I will take you home after breakfast.”

“You and Leland?” She looked from Steve to Vivian once again. “But I thought…”

“Steve can take you if you like, but I figured you’d like options.” Vivian’s smile seemed to put Jezelle at ease. Steve couldn’t blame her. His mother was a miracle worker with people.

“No. That’s fine. I think I’d prefer it if you took me home.” And just like that, Jezelle started putting distance between them. Physical and emotional distance. Steve wanted to growl in frustration, but it couldn’t be helped. He knew she’d rested better with him there. Which meant that, on some level, she really did still care about him. He’d just have to build on that. Just like his mother suggested.

“Come on, Steve,” Vivian said, holding out her hand for him. “I think she’s through the worst of it. Jezelle, you call for us if you need anything. I’ll leave your door partially open and Steve is just across the hall. He can come get me if you prefer.” Steve wanted to scowl at his mother, but he knew it was all necessary to make Jezelle feel at ease. She didn’t want to be here in the first place. If she felt like everyone was throwing him at her every chance they got, she’d be gone.

“You’ve been too kind, Mrs. Carver.”

“Oh, no, young lady. It’s Vivian.”

Jezelle smiled as she settled back into the pillow with a sigh. “Yes, ma’am. Vivian it is. I really appreciate all you’ve done. Your whole family.” She didn’t specify Steve, but she did give him a smile before closing her eyes once more. If hope were the best poker hand in the world, Steve would be all in. This time, he had to make it work. If not, neither of them would get out of it with their heart intact. Besides, the SEAL in him refused to lose. This was one mission that was hell-bent on success.

Chapter Nine

After Leland and Vivian drove her home the next day, Elle sat at her kitchen table for a long while debating on what to do. Not that there was a choice, really--she just needed time to process it all when not in an exhausted stupor. Deciding the first thing she need to do was find out once and for all if she was pregnant, she left a couple hours later and picked up a home pregnancy test. After another twenty minutes of sitting on the toilet staring at the little blue line, trying to determine if it really was positive or if she was reading it wrong, she took the second test in the package. Nope. Not reading it wrong. Damned little line was about as positive as it could get.

It all sank in then. She was pregnant with Steve Carver’s child. Any number of women she knew would kill to be in her shoes. Not only was Steve an incredibly sexy man, but his family was very well off. All Jezelle could think about was how she was going to juggle his parental rights without having to see him again. And when he found another woman—and he would find another woman—how would she deal with that?

Shit. There was no way she’d ever be able to deal with that. So what to do?

Later. She’d deal with that later. Get the baby here and healthy first, then figure out how she was going to be able to see Steve Carver on a regular basis without her heart breaking.

Making the doctor’s appointment proved fairly simple. She had an appointment two days out with the advice to start a prenatal vitamin. Two days later, she found out she was thirteen weeks and two days pregnant. Exactly what she’d expected. Hearing the baby’s heartbeat, then actually seeing the little gummy-bear-like shadow on the ultrasound brought it all crashing down around her, made it real. The emotion was nearly overwhelming. It was in that moment she knew that, no matter the cost to herself, she wouldn’t give up being pregnant with this child for anything in the world. Not even to save herself the pain of knowing Steve.

So. Now what? She needed to let Mr. and Mrs. Carver know, because she’d promised. Unfortunately, she felt she owed it to Steve to tell him herself as well. The first conversation went surprisingly well. Vivian wished her well, of course, and made her promise to keep her informed. She also made her promise to let her know if Jezelle needed someone to take her to any of her doctor’s appointments. Jezelle had hesitated about asking for Steve’s number but should have known better. Not only did Vivian give it up willingly, she encouraged Jezelle to make him wait as long as she liked. If he wanted to know, he could damned well hunt her down and ask her himself. It had been the first real laugh she’d had in weeks, but Jezelle had chuckled at that. Unfortunately, talking with Vivian only reinforced how much Jezelle wanted to be a part of that family. Having lost her parents to a car accident when she was twenty, she’d nearly forgotten what it was like to have a close connection like that with anyone. Now, she craved it.

Taking Vivian’s advice, Jezelle didn’t call Steve. Instead, she set about making plans. She had just shy of twenty-seven weeks to prepare for the little bundle of joy. And to decide how much of a role Steve and his family would play in the child’s life.

It wasn’t until a week later that there was a knock at her door. Elle knew before she looked through the peephole who would be there.

“Steve.” Elle was surprised at how badly she wanted to simply run into his arms, let him hold her as long as he would. Instead, she fixed her gaze squarely on the center of his chest as guilt over not calling him assailed her.

“I thought you might call after your doctor’s appointment,” he said. It wasn’t said as a chastisement, but it might as well have been. Elle had already been feeling guilty, but now she had to suppress the urge to apologize.

“I’ve been busy,” she managed. Standing aside, she allowed him into her apartment before closing the door. Her stomach fluttered, her heart beating so hard she thought she might see it if she looked down. Remembering that first night he’d come through that door made her weak. And needy. How could just being near him again have this effect on her? She’d even broken out into a sweat.

Hormones. Had to be the hormones.

“I know. I hated to bother you, but I had to know you were all right.”

“Don’t you mean that the baby is all right?” Elle sounded snippy even to herself.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck wearily. “No, Jezelle. I do hope the baby is doing good, but right now I’m so overwhelmed I’m having to focus on one thing at a time. If not, I’ll go crazy. A baby who’s not here yet is much harder to visualize than the woman who is. Right now, I’m worried about you.”

Turning away from him, she mumbled, “Sorry. That was mean.”

“No, baby. It wasn’t.” He tugged her arm until she faced him once more. “Sit with me a while. Will you do that?”

She hesitated, then nodded, letting him lead her to the couch. He put his arm around her shoulders, tucking her against him, and she let him. Being in his arms again felt so damned good, how could she not allow it? Sighing, Elle gave up, letting herself relax against him. She snuggled into his side as if she belonged there.

“I’m really sorry, Jezelle,” he said, his chin resting on the top of her head. “That doesn’t even begin to cut it, but I need to say it.”

“I actually understand,” she admitted reluctantly. “I suppose you were as overwhelmed as I was. People deal with stress differently. Given your occupation, I suppose that feeling came as a bit of a shock.”

“Yes. Still doesn’t change the fact that what I did was wrong.” He wasn’t making excuses. Most men Elle knew would. She expected him to use the military card again. Even though what he’d explained to her that day at his parents’ house had actually made sense to her, she still felt like he was hiding behind it to absolve himself of responsibility.

“No,” she agreed, not wanting him to think he was gaining any ground. Fact was, she was defenseless around him. It was only a matter of time before she gave him another chance, but would be very clear when she did. If he didn’t intend to stay, he needn’t waste his time. “Look.” She shifted to face him. “I’m not blind to the fact that you made your grand re-entrance into my life before you knew I might be pregnant. I also noticed you did it with your entire family circling the wagons. You had no intention of giving me a choice in the matter.”

Steve didn’t even have the good grace to deny it. He simply grinned at her. Damn if he didn’t have the most intriguing dimple on one side of his face when he did that. “I’d apologize for that too, but it wouldn’t have the same sincerity as the other one. I needed the full support of my family to give me the strength to face you. They all knew something was up; they just had no idea what it was.”

“At least you admit it,” she grumbled. “I need time, Steve. I’ve got so much to think about and prepare for I can barely wrap my mind around it all. You’re going to have to give me time to figure out what I want.”

Elle thought she heard a barely suppressed growl start inside his chest, but she couldn’t be sure. That would be the dominant, demanding male she’d fallen in love with that first night. Too bad that didn’t appeal to her anymore. At all. Not in the least.

“I figured as much. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, but I made my own hole there.” His voice was soft, lulling, his body warm and comforting next to hers. More than anything, Elle wanted to believe him, to trust him to take care of her needs both emotional and physical. But she didn’t dare. Not yet. Too much was riding on her future to trust it to Steve this soon after his abandonment.

Staring up into his eyes, Elle realized she was in trouble. A woman could get lost in eyes that blue. They weren’t a light, clear blue, but a deep sapphire that seemed to sparkle when he looked at her. Dark and mysterious. So much like the man they belonged to.

Steve shifted his position a little, pulling her more fully against him, his arm tightening just a little as if afraid she would try to get away from him. The fingers of his other hand skimmed her cheek, his thumb brushing the high bone structure gently. His path followed her jaw line until he brushed her bottom lip. Elle had to resist the urge to wet her lips, to lick at the digit he presented to her. Just that fast, sexual desire swamped her, her body readying her for his in a gush of moisture.

“Jezelle,” he rasped, his voice gone husky, “I’m going to kiss you. If you don’t want me to you’d better say so now. Because once I start, I intend on doing a thorough job of it.” He moved toward her slowly, stopping just shy of her lips. He was so close he was practically brushing his against hers.

There was no way she could stop him. Hell, she wasn’t even sure she wanted to stop him. Jezelle had always been one to live in the moment, and damn the consequences. But this was important! If she didn’t lay the ground rules now, she’d be lost in him yet again, setting herself up for heartache.

“This doesn’t change anything,” was all she could manage. “I’m still mad at you.”

“I know,” he breathed. Then his lips met hers and she forgot all the reasons why she should keep her distance.

Before, he’d kissed her with demanding urgency, taking as well as giving but doing it in an almost brutal way. This time, however, there was nothing but tenderness in his touch. His fingers slid from her face to tunnel through her hair, cupping the back of her head. When she sighed, his tongue slid smoothly inside to dab at hers with the lightest of touches. The sharp contrast from that first time was just as erotic to her as when Steve had taken what he wanted with strength and dominance. The shiver coursing through her body tightened her nipples until she moaned into his mouth.

With a careful mastering, Steve claimed her then. His touch was still gentle but where before he’d been coaxing, now he urged her to give herself to him more fully. All with a simple kiss.

Who was she kidding? Elle was so in over her head with this man she couldn’t even begin to describe it. The touch of his lips to hers, his tongue sliding into her mouth to caress and taste, were only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. That hard, hard body of his seemed to beg hers to melt against him.

Before she realized it, her hands were sliding up his chest to clutch the muscles there. He growled low in his throat as he pulled her over his lap so she straddled him. Strong arms held her tightly to him. One hand slid through her hair to cradle her head in his big palm, moving her to allow him to kiss her more deeply.

Elle tasted the desperation in his kiss, the need she felt herself as he continued. The nearly overwhelming urge to let him take her to another place, back to that place of passion they’d once shared, frightened her with its intensity. Dammit, she knew the consequences! Everything was riding on her staying strong and not giving in to Steve's sexual aggression until she knew he was fully committed to the business of them. Unfortunately, she couldn’t make herself pull away from him. It felt too good--she needed it too much.

As if he read her mind, Steve stood with her still wrapped around him. As if she weighed nothing, he carefully moved so that she lay on her back on the couch with him over her. For long, long moments, they lay like that simply looking at one another. Elle was wound so tight she thought she’d go mad if he didn’t do something fast. He still held her tightly, bracing his weight on one arm so he didn’t crush her, but his delicious heaviness still pinned her to the couch. Was she a freak for loving that?

“I want you so badly I ache,” he rasped, his face tight with tension, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’d give anything to just strip you down so that hot little body was naked and ready for me.” Elle swallowed. She should be protesting or something. Right? “I’d taste that sweet pussy again before fucking you until neither of us could stand.” He rocked against her, his cock rubbing against her sex through both their jeans, hitting her clit with every stroke. “You need gentle, so I’d do my best to be,” he continued, his lips trailing across her cheek to her ear. “But I’m not a gentle man. Before the night was over, I’d take you rough, ride that little body of yours so hard you screamed when you came.”

Just like that, she was lost. Pleasure seemed to come out of nowhere, her clit pulsing where the hard ridge of his cock pressed against her. Her hands slid up to grip his shoulders, her legs tightening around him. Unable to suppress her cries of passion, Jezelle clung to him, squeezing her eyes shut as the spasms coursed through her and the pleasure sent her flying to that elusive place she’d only ever found with Steve Carver.