A History of the African-American People (Proposed) by Strom Thurmond

The authors wish to make clear to the reader that this is a work of fiction (i.e., none of it is true). Though there are many references to actual people, all of our interactions with those people (and the fictitious ones as well) are, in fact, fictitious. This includes all of the characters and events in the novel involving the Simon & Schuster publishing company. If any of the matter of this novel should be found offensive by anyone, we understand (if not completely) and suggest you find another book to read. We wish we could say that we mean no disrespect.

Published by Akashic Books
©2004 Percival Everett & James Kincaid
Excerpts from this book appeared in an earlier form in
Transition
magazine.

Cover photo ©AP/World Wide Photos Photo/Ken Lambert, Strom Thurmond greeted by two staff assistants for Mississippi Senator Trent Lott in the Capitol, September 24, 2002.
ISBN: 9781888451573
e-ISBN: 9781617752131
Library of Congress Control Number: 2003116549
All rights reserved

Second printing

Akashic Books
PO Box 1456
New York, NY 10009
[email protected]
www.akashicbooks.com

to Chessie and Nita

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Memo

MEMO

March 1, 2002

From: Barton Wilkes

To: The Senator

You will doubtless remember me but maybe not. You commented last Tuesday on my tie (bow, new) and red hair (not so much red as auburn, like the school).

But to get to the point, you know that you hold a peculiar place in history. You must know that, for all your modesty, and know too that I mean nothing special by peculiar. That place in history is perhaps nowhere so remarkable as vis a vis the colored people (aka Afro-Americans, negroes, people of color, and blacks). Now that your career has fully matured (you know I mean nothing special by matured), perhaps it is time to explore the true and unmistakable understanding (ripe right to the core) that you have attained vis a vis the subject(s) aforementioned to a nation failing to appreciate not only its most glittering jewels but the true depth and thickness of its historical roots.

While to many in our nation, the new diversity, as we may call it unhappily, may appear as cute as a speckled pup, I feel (and the nation will echo my feeling) it is your place to point out the route we have traveled to arrive at this place. Map it, I say! Like a 21st-century Vasco da Gama.

To this end, I trust I am not overstepping my bounds as I suggest to you that we initiate a discussion leading to the potential production of a possible mode of transport to allow us to travel that route aforementioned. And by this I mean a good old-fashioned Southern Greyhound Bus.

I await your pleasure, having taken such initial steps, baby though they may be, (Did you ever play Mother, May I?) that will pour starter fluid on the briquets.

Devotedly,
Barton Wilkes
Barton Wilkes, Assistant to Aide

March 3, 2002

To: Barton Wilkes

From: Strom

Come to think of it, I did play Mother May I. That’s been a while.

Who are you?

What?

O
FFICE OF
S
ENATOR
S
TROM
T
HURMOND
217 R
USSELL
S
ENATE
B
UILDING
W
ASHINGTON
, D.C. 20515

March 13, 2002

Simon & Schuster, Publishers
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

Dear Sir/Madam:

I will be brief.

The project is this:
A History of the African-American People by Strom Thurmond.
As Advisor to Senator Thurmond, I have his ear and will not say I have been entirely uninstrumental in persuading him to undertake the project in its present form. (By the way, the book title should have no honorific titles in it: no “Senator” or “The Honorable.” That’s the direct wish of the Senator. It’ll be a title without titles, as it were.)

Please contact me at this address and I will relay to the Senator details about such things as:

1. publicity plans

2. advances

3. royalties

Meanwhile, I remain, your friendly and helpful associate in all things,

O
FFICE OF
S
ENATOR
S
TROM
T
HURMOND
217 R
USSELL
S
ENATE
B
UILDING
W
ASHINGTON
, D.C. 20515

April 15, 2002

Simon & Schuster, Publishers

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

ATTN: Senior Editor

Dear Sir/Madam:

In ref. to mine of the 13th inst.

Ha, ha. I’m just joking, of course. There’s no need for such formality.

However, there is need for some dispatch, as the Senator always says, when telling the story about how there was only one outhouse at the school pie-eating contest when some prankster—the Senator swears, with a twinkle in his eye, it was not he—put castor oil in the blackberries that filled the pies (blackberry pie, the Senator’s favorite to this day): “There is need for some dispatch, Sammy!” shouts one of the boys in line. I wish you could hear the Senator tell that one.

Of course it will not be appropriate to the project we are discussing.

Or rather, I am discussing. I sent you an inquiry one month ago and have been, you will perhaps comprehend, somewhat confused by your failure to respond.

What am I to understand?

S
IMON
& S
CHUSTER
, I
NC
.
1230 Avenue Of The Americas
New York, NY 10020

May 14, 2002

Mr. Blanton Wilkes

Russell Senate Office Building

Washington, D.C.

The Hon. Strom Thurmond’s Staff

Dear Mr. Wilkes:

Thank you very much for your inquiry. We regret to say that the exceedingly large volume of manuscripts/proposals coming our way these days makes it impossible for us to entertain unsolicited inquiries.

We hope you will find a more receptive audience elsewhere.

Sincerely,

Simon & Schuster Publishers

p.s. If you sent a manuscript to us, we have to inform you that we are unable to return it.

O
FFICE OF
S
ENATOR
S
TROM
T
HURMOND
217 R
USSELL
S
ENATE
B
UILDING
W
ASHINGTON
, D.C. 20515

May 17, 2002

Simon & Schuster, Publishers

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

Dear Sir/Madam:

I can appreciate a joke as well as the next fellow, as I am sure you will discover in time.

I should begin by asking you to believe that I am whom I say I am, that I represent accurately Senator Thurmond’s wishes, and that my reasons for contacting you in this heartlessly impersonal way will become clear.