A Hope Beyond (45 page)

Later, sharing her idea with Victoria, Carolina was met with immediate approval.

“Can we go now? Today?” Victoria had asked in her animated way.

Carolina laughed. “No, not today. We have only buried your father last week. It might appear inappropriate.”

“But Papa wouldn’t care,” Victoria argued, and Carolina knew she was right. He wouldn’t care. Even if he’d still lived, he would hardly consider their absence from Baltimore a problem.

“You are right, Victoria. Your father would probably want us to go.” She considered the matter for a moment. “We will go on Thursday. That is only two days away. We will take the train to Washington, and from there we will hire a carriage or send a messenger to Oakbridge and have someone come to the city for us.”

Victoria clapped her hands and danced around. “How long will we stay? Can we stay for Christmas and my birthday?”

“Perhaps Christmas, but we would certainly return before your birthday. After all, what would Cook and Mrs. Graves do without us all that time?”

“They could come with us,” Victoria said, suddenly giving the matter sober thought. “But maybe they’d like to go see their grandfathers.”

Carolina smiled. “I’m not sure they have grandfathers who are still living, but perhaps a respite away from their responsibilities would be to their liking. We shall approach them immediately.”

And so it was decided that the house would be closed for a short time. Carolina was uncertain as to how long she and Victoria would actually stay at Oakbridge, and so Mrs. Graves gave her the address of her sister. Carolina promised to post her a letter noting the time and date of their expected return to Baltimore, with Mrs.

Graves in turn promising to return in plenty of time to open the house and air it out.

Carolina’s last order of business was to contact Mr. Swann. For this she took the carriage to his office and surprised him by arriving completely unannounced.

“Mrs. St. John, I must say this is a surprise,” Swann said, coming from behind his desk to bow.

Carolina curtsied and allowed him to lead her to a chair. “I have come on particularly pressing business that I wanted to discuss in person.”

“Pray tell me what is on your mind,” he replied, retaking his seat at the desk.

“There are several matters,” Carolina began. “First of all, I’d like accounts set up for Mrs. Dover and Mrs. Graves on the chance that anything should happen to me. I would suggest the sum of five thousand dollars each, to be paid out upon my death.” Mr. Swann nodded and made notes on a sheet of paper. “I will also want to set up an annuity for them upon their retirement from my service. I don’t want these women lacking for their necessities in old age.”

Swann again nodded. “Did you have an amount in mind?” he questioned.

“Not exactly. I have no idea, to tell you the truth, of their circumstance outside of my home. I will leave it up to you to consider their living and give me a figure.”

“Very well. Is there anything else?”

“Yes,” Carolina replied. “I want to set up a trust for Victoria. With no other living relative and both of her real parents dead, I want to assure both her and myself that should I die before she is of age, she will have all that she needs to survive. My brother and sister-in-law York and Lucy Adams, currently of Philadelphia, would be my choice for raising Victoria, but until I acquire their assurance that such a thing would meet with their approval, we will leave that unmentioned in the trust.”

Mr. Swann nodded and put pen to paper once again. “Is there anything else?”

“Yes. We are leaving tomorrow for my father’s plantation. I’m uncertain as to how long we will be gone, but should you need to reach me, simply post a letter to my attention, in care of Joseph Adams, Oakbridge Plantation, Falls Church, Virginia.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Mrs. St. John?” Swann asked.

“No, not at this time.” Carolina got to her feet, and Swann quickly rose to assist her. “I will inform you of our return to Baltimore.”

He escorted her out to the carriage and, after handing her up, surprised her by saying, “Mrs. St. John, you are an admirable woman. I know very few people who would give so faithfully to those around them. You are truly good.”

“It is what I feel God would have me do, Mr. Swann. It doesn’t come from my goodness, it comes from His,” she answered.

“To be certain,” Swann replied and stepped back to give her a sweeping bow. “Godspeed.”

Carolina returned home to find that the railroad tickets had arrived and that Mrs. Graves had everything completely packed and ready for the trip. After a lively supper answering Victoria’s many questions, Carolina tucked her daughter into bed and together they prayed.

Carolina picked up the lamp and started for the door, but Victoria had yet another series of questions in mind. Sleepily she asked, “Why do you love the railroad so much?”

Smiling, Carolina put the lamp on the desk and came to sit beside the child. “I don’t know that I have a simple answer,” she said softly. Taking Victoria’s hands in her own, Carolina thought back to her first experience with a locomotive.

“When I was fifteen, the railroad came to Washington City. My parents took me to see the first locomotive to come to the city, and I was amazed at the noise and the smell and the size of such a monster.

“A man offered me a ride and helped me onto the platform behind the engine before I could object. Not that I would have,” she said with a grin. “I rode only a few yards, but it was such bliss, and I felt the wonder of it all flood my soul. I knew this machine had the power to take a person on wonderful adventures and to fulfill dreams I had yet even to think of. I sensed that this machine, above all others, would play an important part not only in the future of America but in my future as well. And, because of that, I wanted to be a part of it.”

Victoria yawned and patted her mother’s hand. “And we shall ride on the locomotive tomorrow,” she said, her eyes drooping in sleep.

Carolina leaned down to kiss her forehead. “You sleep now. Tomorrow we shall venture to Oakbridge, and we can talk more about the railroad then, if you like.”

Closing the door quietly behind her, Carolina leaned back and sighed. It was as if all the problems and complications of her life had suddenly been worked through. Her father would say that the rough places had been made smooth, and that if one would only trust God, that would be the outcome every time.

Looking at all that surrounded her life, Carolina was amazed at how intricately God had made those rough places plain. She was no longer in a marriage of convenience, a marriage she had been quite uncertain about participating in. Yet Victoria, the reason for such a marriage, remained safely in her care and would forever stay that way. It was as if a door had opened onto a new chapter of life. A very promising chapter.

50
Knowing Peace

Looking out the window of the Baltimore-bound locomotive, James Baldwin gave his mind over to the seriousness of his father’s deception. He was headed north with only one thing on his mind. Carolina. He had to speak to her and apologize for his anger, and then somehow he had to swallow his pride and admit that she had been right all along.

In only two weeks’ time, the Baltimore and Ohio would reach completion to Cumberland, and he was scheduled to be on the westbound celebration train. But celebrating was hardly what he felt up to. All he could think of was that his father had caused much grief and harm to hundreds of people, but perhaps more despairing, his father was responsible for delaying the dream Joseph and Carolina had shared for the P&GF. It was that betrayal that injured him more than any other.

He had to remind himself once again that God now shared his burdens, and that somehow things would work out to a good conclusion.

The scenery moved by at a steady pace, passing the point of his accident just north of Washington. James could see no scars upon the landscape to mark the occasion, but deep inside there were still scars upon his heart. His body, too, bore jagged white reminders of injuries sustained. He wondered what Phineas would think of the railroad had he lived. It was certain he would be pleased at reaching Cumberland. He would no doubt ride proudly on the engine or on the tender, where he could get a perfect feel of the line and the engine.

James couldn’t help but smile and remember a very young and excited Carolina Adams sharing the tale of her first locomotive ride. Thinking of it now, James pulled two white kid gloves from his pocket and spread them out on his lap. They were Carolina’s gloves. They were the gloves she had stained while taking her first railroad excursion.

Tracing the faded black smudges, James thought of how Carolina had shared with him that these gloves represented her dreams. She would sleep with the gloves sometimes and think of what the future might offer her and how she might play a part with the railroad.

They were very small reminders, James thought, impressed with how tiny her hands must have been to fit such gloves. He doubted her hands were much larger now, even if seven years had passed since that day.

He rolled the gloves back together and stuffed them in his pocket. He would return them to her today and explain how they had disappeared years ago. He thought of the day he’d taken them from her room. Carolina had been steeped in sorrow. Margaret Adams had put an end to her daughter’s tutoring sessions as James was to become Virginia’s husband. She had deemed it unacceptable for the sessions to continue and had assigned Carolina duty in housekeeping and more mundane feminine responsibilities. Carolina had felt betrayed by this, and by the announcement that James would marry Virginia.

This thought came unbidden to his mind, but he was certain of its genuineness. He hadn’t believed it possible then, but over the years James had come to realize that Carolina had given him more than her esteem as student to tutor. She had come to care for him, of this he was certain. It made more sense to believe this, especially now looking back in time, than to believe her too young to be capable of such feelings. Annabelle had helped him to realize this, yet Annabelle could do nothing to keep him from regretting such a realization.

How could I have been so blind? he thought. If only I’d known that she cared. I would never have accepted Virginia’s proposal that we marry, but instead, I would have held out, insisting that the tradition of oldest daughter marrying first be done away with. Then I would have married Carolina, instead of leaving her to fend for herself and marry that St. John character.

The car lurched, and a spittoon fell over and rolled down the aisle. It did nothing to halt James’ memories. Thinking of Carolina and Annabelle, James again reflected on his father’s actions and how he might make peace with the Adamses. Annabelle had said that when a man was trying to please God, He would make even his worst enemies to be at peace with him. She’d also pointed out that James was often his own worst enemy.

And he had almost forgotten that he did not have to face Carolina, or even his father’s investors, alone. The thought comforted him. He finally understood what Ben, Annabelle, and even Carolina so long ago had been talking about. God was a friend he could have at his side no matter what.

God, he prayed silently, I don’t know Your ways as I should. I’ve listened to the words of my friends, however, and they have brought to me an understanding of Your love and sacrifice, and while I am still uncertain and my faith still weak, I do want to know the peace You offer. I want to be at peace with myself and those around me, and I want to correct this matter that my father has so recklessly created.

Thickly forested landscape passed by the window as James took a deep breath and immediately felt a sensation of stillness. It was as though the wrinkles of his life were being smoothed out, things set in order. His soul was at rest for perhaps the first time in his life, and James knew what it was to place his future in God’s hands.

After seeing to railroad business, James hired a hack to take him to the St. John house near Federal Hill. He felt a new confidence that gave him courage to do what he had to do. Carolina might be out of reach romantically, but he was determined to present himself as a faithful friend, an acquaintance she might trust and believe in when times of trouble came upon her. He didn’t know if he could ever do as Annabelle suggested and declare his love to her, but he would pledge his undying devotion to their friendship and pray that she would not throw it back in his face.

The cab stopped in front of the imposing brick house, and James stepped down with a lightness of heart that surprised even him. There was still a good portion of anxiety, even anticipation, at the thought of seeing her again, but he squared his shoulders and made his way through the wrought-iron gate and up the front walk. Today, he would set things right with Carolina. What happened from that point would rest in God’s capable hands.

Sounding the knocker, James waited until the stern-faced Mrs. Graves answered the door. The woman appeared as though she was ready to step out for the day, and James offered her a brief greeting and handed her his card.