A Hope Beyond (46 page)
“Might I speak with Mrs. St. John?”
Mrs. Graves shook her head. “Mrs. St. John and Miss St. John have closed the house for a short time and will be unavailable.”
“When will they be returning?” he asked, unable to hide his disappointment.
“Can’t say. Mrs. St. John was uncertain.”
“Might I inquire as to where they have gone?”
Mrs. Graves frowned. “No, you may not. I am hardly at liberty to discuss such things. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a stage to connect with.”
She closed the door in his face, leaving James both stunned and dismayed. He turned back to the street and began to walk toward the Pratt Street Station. There was no sense in remaining in Baltimore if Carolina was gone. Perhaps Joseph Adams might know his daughter’s whereabouts, but that would require returning to Washington and making a journey to Oakbridge.
He had not been to Oakbridge since that fateful day when Virginia had found him embracing Carolina. It had been an innocent embrace. Maryland had just been buried, and Carolina was crying tears of sorrow in his arms. But try as he might, James remembered all too well that on his part, the embrace had meant much more than comfort. That embrace had made up his mind that his feelings for Carolina were real. Much too real, in fact, to continue with marriage to her sister.
Yet could he really return to Oakbridge now? It would certainly mean a confrontation with Joseph that James was not certain he was ready for.
“Where are you, Carolina?” he murmured against the noises of the city. “Where are you?”
“Hurry, Mama,” Victoria said, pulling at Carolina’s gloved hand. The train had only a moment before it stopped at the Washington Station. “I want to see Grandfather.”
Carolina laughed and allowed the porter to lift Victoria from the passenger car, while she struggled to make a ladylike departure on her own. Catching her foot in the hem of her navy wool traveling outfit, Carolina lost her balance and would have fallen but for the sturdy hand of a passing stranger.
“Allow me to assist you,” came a very familiar voice.
Carolina steadied herself on the ground and looked up into the eyes of James Baldwin. “Mr. Baldwin,” she breathed, hardly daring to believe he was really there.
“Carolina,” he whispered as his face lit up with recognition and what appeared to be pure joy.
Carolina wanted nothing more than to lose herself in his eyes, but Victoria was quickly pulling on the sleeve of her caped jacket.
“Hurry, Mama.”
“Victoria, mind your manners,” Carolina said rather sternly. She turned from James to see Victoria’s joyous countenance fall. Softening, Carolina added, “I’m just as excited as you are.” She winked at the child and was rewarded with a giggle.
“You remember Mr. Baldwin, don’t you?” she asked Victoria.
“Yes,” came the suddenly shy voice, “I remember.” The little girl stepped away from Carolina and curtsied deeply. “Good afternoon, Mr. Baldwin.”
“Good afternoon, Miss St. John.” He bowed and gave her a smile. “I must say,” he continued, “this is quite an unexpected pleasure.”
“Were you traveling on this same locomotive?” Carolina asked, noting that his very stylish Chesterfield coat was wrinkled.
“Yes, in fact, I’ve come from a very unproductive trip to Baltimore.”
“Unproductive?”
“Indeed. I went there this morning with the sole purpose of seeing you, but, of course, you were already out and about Baltimore preparing for your trip to Washington. Or so I assume.”
“We were just now on the ladies’ car.” Carolina seemed to think about his words for a moment. Thoughtfully, amid the rush of debarking passengers she asked, “Why did you come to see me?”
“To apologize,” James said without hesitation. He glanced around. “What say we collect your baggage. Do you have someone arriving to drive you to Oakbridge?”
“No,” Carolina said, her heart racing within her. He was so handsome and self-confident, and there was something in the way in which he looked at her that left Carolina weak in the knees. He seemed older, but also stronger, more vital.
“Then please allow me to drive you both to Oakbridge. We can discuss business on the way.”
Business, thought Carolina, disappointed. He wants to discuss business. She smiled quickly so as to cover any disappointment that might show. “I would hate to put you to such trouble, Mr.
Baldwin.”
“No trouble at all.”
“Did you already plan to go to Oakbridge?”
“I do now,” he replied with a rather mysterious smile.
He collected their bags while Carolina and Victoria waited inside the depot. Victoria couldn’t contain herself and danced around the room taking in all the people. Carolina was certain that she thought Grandfather might magically appear at any moment, even though he had no idea they would be arriving today.
Carolina straightened her skirt and retied the ribbons of her bonnet in a nervous fashion. In her mind she thought of her regret in having never declared her feelings to James. Such things were simply not proper, she knew, but in her heart she was certain that propriety went right out the window in such matters.
She watched him, intrigued by the grown-up man she’d scarcely dared herself to see when he’d visited her in Baltimore. He was by far and away more muscular than when he had tutored her. Working on the rail line had no doubt accomplished this feat. He appeared, if possible, taller than she’d remembered and certainly more striking. His dark hair had been carefully cut to a fashionable length, but it was windblown from the trip. His face was clean-shaven, which made him appear quite youthful, but his eyes, so blue and intense, took away any doubt of his maturity.
“Here we are,” he announced, a baggageman quietly following behind with their things. “I’ve managed to secure a brougham and driver, and so if there are no further objections, we shall journey to Oakbridge.”
Carolina nodded. “By all means, and thank you very much.”
James helped Victoria and Carolina up into the enclosed and very private brougham before hoisting himself up the step and taking a seat opposite the ladies. He tapped on the roof, and the driver heeded his signal by moving them out into the late-day traffic.
Carolina wondered if he would speak of his business, or if Victoria’s presence might cause him to remain silent. More annoying than trying to second-guess James, however, was the bevy of thoughts that ran unchecked in her own mind. Should she tell him of Blake’s death and of her own freedom? Should she tell him of her feelings in the past and how regretful she was of the time they’d lost? Surely it would be foolishness to bring up such things. James might well be engaged to another woman by this time. Or worse, he might be married. She wondered how she might inquire of this without appearing too forward.
Victoria teetered on the edge of her seat in order to peer out the window and take in the Washington sights. She’d only made this trip on three earlier occasions, and it had been well over a year since the last one. Carolina decided not to chide her for her conduct. She was only a baby, after all, and there would be plenty of time for growing up and accepting adult edicts. She thought of Maryland, who drove their mother to near-panic by running up and down the grand staircase at Oakbridge. Margaret had feared that Mary would one day die from a broken neck after taking a tumble down those stairs. No one had expected yellow fever to steal the child away on a peaceful summer’s night. Carolina touched Victoria’s dark curls, as if in touching them she could bring back a pleasant memory of her sister.
“I mentioned apologizing,” James said, suddenly opening the conversation. “I meant that. I was harsh and narrow-minded when last we spoke. I hope you will forgive me.”
Carolina lowered her face. “It is I who should apologize. I was unthinkably rude to suggest the things I did. You had every right to get angry.”
“No, I didn’t.” James’ voice compelled her to look up. His eyes locked on her face and refused to look away. “You were very right in your concerns.”
Carolina felt her breath quicken. “I was?”
“Yes. The problems you suspected . . .” He paused and glanced at Victoria as if trying to decide how much to say. “The problems with the P&GF were valid.”
“They were?” She could scarcely believe he was saying these things. To admit them was to incriminate his own father.
“Unfortunately they were. However, I intend to find a way to straighten out the entire mess. That was the other reason I had wanted to see you in Baltimore. I realize now is hardly the time or place, but rest assured, I intend to arrange a meeting with you and your father to discuss the matter. I doubt seriously my father will attend, but nevertheless, we will endeavor to set the record straight.”
“I’m stunned. I . . . well, that is . . . I appreciate your honesty, James.” She relaxed against the plush leather upholstery.
“I owed you that much,” James replied. “And much more.”
Victoria grew bored as they passed from city to country. With a yawn, she leaned back against Carolina. “How much farther before we get there?”
“Quite a few miles, and the roads are a bit mucky, it appears,” Carolina answered.
“Yes, we’ve had several rather heavy rains, but it seems dry enough. It will only slow us a bit,” James said, smiling at the young child. “You are a very pretty girl, Miss St. John, and may I say that your coat and bonnet are quite fetching.”
Victoria beamed under such praise. “My mama picked them out for me. She said green suited me.”
“And indeed it does,” responded James.
Carolina looked down at the new coat and bonnet and laughed. “Most colors suit Victoria, but she outgrows them nearly as fast as I can hand over the coin to pay for them. She’s already grown two inches this last year.”
“Well, you shall be a very handsome woman,” James said with genuine affection, “just like your mama.”
Carolina felt her cheeks grow hot and pretended to fuss with Victoria’s bonnet. “Why don’t you rest against me while we travel, Victoria. Perhaps a nap will pass the time more quickly.”
“I don’t want a nap,” Victoria pouted, even while struggling to hide another yawn. But it wasn’t long before her eyelids grew heavy and the rhythmic rocking of the carriage lulled her to sleep.
James watched them for a time before speaking. “I hope you know I meant that compliment.”
Carolina looked at him and saw the sincerity in his expression. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“And I really am quite sorry for my anger during our last meeting.”
“I, too, apologize,” Carolina said, seeming to surprise James. “I suppose I just wanted to hurt you.”
“Hurt me? But why?” He was genuinely intrigued.
Carolina swallowed hard. “I suppose revenge. I wanted to get back at you for hurting me.” At his puzzled expression she held up her hand to ward off his question. “I know it was childish, but it hurt me very much when you went away without a word.”
“I tried to tell you that I was leaving. I even went in search of you, but my father was demanding that we leave—”
“What are you talking about?” Carolina asked.
“The day I left Oakbridge. I truly tried to find you and explain my feelings to you.”
Carolina smiled. “I was speaking of when you left Washington and my sister.”
“Oh.”
The silence hung painfully between them. Finally Carolina summoned up her courage and whispered, “Why did you leave?” He met her gaze with such intensity that Carolina felt her cheeks grow warm.
“Because I was in love with the wrong sister,” he said simply.
Carolina felt her heart pound harder in anticipation of her most secret thoughts becoming spoken declarations. James had loved her. He’d just said it. She felt woozy and weak inside. Surely for the first time she had a hope beyond the despair that had followed her from the night of her coming-out party. He loved her six years ago. But was it too late now? Was there someone else?
As if reading her thoughts, James chuckled bitterly. “Oh, what a mess. If only I’d been honest and forthright. If only I’d been truthful with you then, it might be my ring and not St. John’s that graces your finger.”
Carolina felt her eyes grow wide. He didn’t know! He didn’t know that she was a widow—that St. John was dead. Barely able to breathe, she knew words were impossible. Instead, she pulled off her left glove and held up the ringless hand.
He looked at her for a moment as if trying to decide what it all meant. His expression was such that Carolina’s next words came out in a mere whisper. “St. John is dead. Ours was only a marriage of convenience for the sake of this precious child. I never loved him, nor did he love me. That’s why I will not wear widow’s weeds.”
James shook his head. “It can’t be. I cannot believe it.”
Carolina, feeling rather shy, bit at her lower lip before answering. “It’s true enough. It’s just me and Victoria now. She has no one else.”
“I won’t pretend to be unhappy by this news,” James replied. “Is it too late for us to make amends for the past? Is it too late to start over and make a new life . . . together?” he asked, looking at her with such passion that Carolina thought her heart might burst.
“My father would say it’s never too late to make things right.”
James searched her face. “But could you love me? After all that’s happened. Could you forget . . . forgive?”
“I fell in love with you . . . without meaning to,” Carolina said, her voice trembling. “I knew you were intended for Virginia, and it made me feel so guilty. I felt scandalous, if not downright sinful, in losing my heart to my sister’s intended, but Granny always said you couldn’t choose who your heart picked to love. And my heart picked you then.” She smiled and squared her shoulders for confidence before looking back at him. “It picks you now.”
James’ face seemed to light up with a glow of triumph. “Then before I ask you properly to be my wife, I must tell you everything, lest there be any secrets between us.”
Carolina listened intently as the miles passed by. James poured out his heart and explained all that his father had done. She was angry, she had to admit, but her anger wasn’t directed at James. Nor, she assured him, did it change her feelings for him.