A Kind of Truth (22 page)

“My favorite,” he snarked. He grabbed the bag without turning around, much to my chagrin.

“I thought so,” I observed, skirting around the bench to take a seat beside him. “You have glitter under your eye.”

Will lifted his glasses slightly and touched his left cheek. “Oops. Benny needed a guinea pig last night. He was pretty excited you called him about being the band’s stylist. Does this mean you’ve heard from a label?”

I nodded distractedly. It was crowded for a midweek morning. I had a strong feeling of déjà vu of the first time we’d come here together when it was freezing outside and we’d had the place to ourselves. We’d talked then about what we wanted to be, where we wanted to go. What a difference a couple months made.

“You okay?”

I looked down at his hand on my arm and felt myself relax. He pulled out a water bottle, uncapped it, and handed it to me. I gave him a weak grin and took the bottle from him, watching as he painstakingly unwrapped his bagel. He took a bite and wiped his fingers on the corner of a napkin before offering me a piece. I shook my head and reached for the paperwork hidden in the folds of my jacket.

“Is that the contract?”

I nodded solemnly but busted up laughing when he squealed. Who was I kidding? It was pretty fucking amazing.

“There are a lot of details to iron out, which means lawyers and bureaucratic bullshit but… voilà!”

Will wasn’t fooled. His eyes lit with excitement as he set the bagel on top of his bag and wiped his hands again before taking the papers from me.

“Help yourself. It’s better than usual,” he teased, adjusting his glasses.

“I’ll have you know, I’ve become an MBT. That’s short for master bagel toaster. And when it comes to cream cheese application… I’m the man.”

Will chuckled, though he didn’t look up from the contract. “You’re very talented. It’s toasted to perf—why is my name on this?” His brow furrowed as he read on.

I leaned back on the bench with my legs stretched out in front of me. No doubt I looked like I didn’t have a care in the world. With my face turned toward the sun and my arms draped casually over the bench, I may as well have been on a lounge chair in the sand. Damn, I was a fucking amazing actor.

I pursed my lips and slowly turned. Will’s intense no-bullshit expression demanded an explanation without an addendum to my list of worries.

“They want you too.” I sat up tall and bent my knee to fully face him. “There were two offers. This is the better one because of the way it’s tiered. We can do some initial recording and play a few gigs here and in LA before things get serious.”

“Meaning what exactly?”

“It means we’ve been offered a deal to record our first album with a real label backing us. We won’t be a five-man show anymore—four musicians with a manager. We’ll have a real live staff managing tours and general logistics. It’s the beginning. Don’t get me wrong, we’ll have to work our asses off and there are no guarantees but… it means we’ve been given a shot.”

“I’m happy for you but—”

“I know. Look—” I closed my eyes and let out a breath before continuing. “I know you didn’t intend to join a band when you got onstage, but you made an impression, Will. They loved you. You were a big part of why we were amazing.”

“How did they know my full name? Did you tell them?”

“No. Tim told Cory, who told Mike when he started getting calls about them wanting to meet you. Cory asked Holly and—”

“Rand, I—”

“There’s a signing bonus. It’s enough money to help you to pay off some of your student debt, or at least the money you owe Marty. And you’d still have cash on hand to help with grad school. There’s no pressure for you to join us. We’ll counter without your name if you don’t want anything to do with it. But if you played through summer and helped train Isaac, the guy we’re thinking of hiring, well then….” I shrugged, unsure how to continue.

Silence.

He set the contract aside and rewrapped his bagel. I cocked my head, mindful of his deliberate movement.

“Aren’t you gonna eat?”

“I lost my appetite.” He stared into the distance. Maybe the students filming near the fountain had his attention or perhaps he recognized the guy playing the baby grand piano nearby. Wishful thinking. I listened to the strains of a Beethoven sonata, thinking idly the piano was slightly out of tune.

“I’m going to class. I’ll see you later.” He stood abruptly, upending his water bottle in his haste to get away. It fell to the ground, splattering our shoes. I grabbed his arm when he bent to retrieve it.

“We need to talk, Will.”

“I can’t talk to you right now. I’m too pissed and I don’t even know why. I’m happy for you, but this is your dream, Rand. Not mine. I didn’t want anyone to know my name. That night was a one-time deal for me. My family would freak out and—”

“Leave your family out of this.” I pulled his hand when he stepped away. “Maybe this isn’t what you planned, but it isn’t a bad thing. The reason you were so good that night was because you were doing something you loved. Something you’re good at. You played to over a thousand people like you’d done it every night of your life in a wig, makeup, and a weirdass getup you wouldn’t be caught dead in anywhere else in a city where no one gives a shit what you wear. Nothing mattered but the music.”

The look he gave me was scathing. I was taken aback by his anger. I expected him to be confused maybe, but not pissed.

“Sometimes there’s more at stake than just the music. This isn’t about what I like or don’t like. It’s bigger than me. Or you. You’re so….” He growled and spun away from me, then turned back and stabbed his finger into my chest. “Frustrating and egotistical. You think you know what’s right for everyone, but you don’t know this time! You don’t know me.”

“Hey!” I yanked him against me. “I do know you, and I see things in you that you can’t. Or won’t. I’m not begging you to join us. I’m not trying to convince you this is
your
chance of a lifetime. But I will point out… this will help you get out from under the mountain of debt that made you put on a wig and a pair of heels in the first place. You took a chance and you’re being given an opportunity in return. That’s all. Your choice. Read the contract and think about it.”

I picked up the water bottle, set his book bag over his shoulder, and handed him the paper bag with his cold bagel. He took the bag but he wouldn’t look at me. When I tilted his chin gently with my thumb and lifted his sunglasses, I was alarmed to see his eyes were wet with unshed tears.

“Will? Baby, what is it?”

He shook his head violently and brushed his hand across his nose. He looked anxious and upset. None of these reactions seemed to fit. I felt like we were talking about two different things and I had no idea what the second topic was about. I was baffled.

“It’s nothing. I’ll talk to you later.”

“You know me better than that. You’ll know I’ll follow you and—”

“Yes, I know. You’re relentless. You never stop ’til you get your way. Even though every once in a while, it would be nice if you… just left things alone.” His quivering tone took the sting out of his words. Maybe I was tenacious when I shouldn’t be, but I sensed I wasn’t the real problem this time.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

Will bit his lip and let out a heavy sigh before walking back to the bench we’d vacated. He crossed his arms and legs and looked toward some unknown object in the distance, though I knew he was very aware of my presence. I sat facing him with my knee resting on the bench and studied him for clues. He let the silence stretch uncomfortably before finally looking at me.

“I’m not who you think I am.”

Huh? “Who are you?”

“I’m me, but—” He licked his lips nervously before continuing. “—I’m not the kind of person you like.”

I cocked my head and waited. “What does that mean?”

“My parents, my world. I only told you part of it.”

I wanted to say, “Yeah, I know. I can practically see your demons following you,” but I waited for him to continue.

“I was cut off for belligerence. Going to NYU was not what my dad wanted. My petty defiance was an experiment that was supposed to last one year tops before I came crawling home. We’re at year four now and I’m about to graduate.”

“You told me that already.”

“Well, my mom’s recent visit was to make sure I remembered it was time to grow up, take back my words, and renounce my homosexuality. She said Dad had offered to pay my student loans in full and she’d quietly cover the amount I owe Martin. She wasn’t happy when you showed up because this… my silence means a lot to them.”

“Why? Nobody here cares if you’re gay.”

“Some people care, Rand.” He heaved a weary-sounding sigh and crossed his arms. “My dad is running for governor in next year’s election. Charles Sanders. Have you heard of him?”

Holy fuck. Yeah, I’d heard of him. Charles Sanders was a well-known sanctimonious asshole. The sort who supported “old-fashioned” family values and religious freedom to take radical aim against immorality and liberal agendas. If you weren’t white, straight, well employed and a steady churchgoer, you were bound for hell—and a dose of persecution from people like him who used fear to dictate their own version of the laws of human decency. He’d been on the news recently, voicing his strong opinions about gay marriage. There had been talk about him running for governor, but I must have missed the latest reports that he’d actually put his name in the hat. Poor Indiana.

I stared at him incredulously. Poor Will.

“You’re kidding, right?” I asked hopefully.

“No. I should have told you from the start, but I didn’t think I’d—I figured I’d graduate, step back in the closet during my dad’s campaign, and then… maybe eventually make my way out again. Someday. I didn’t think I had a choice.”

I held my breath for a moment and let it out in a rush before asking my next question. “When were you going to tell me about your dad?”

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I’m sorry. Since I met you, I’ve been living one day at a time. I’ve been sucking up memories and experiences I never thought I’d have. I was pretty sure you wouldn’t want anything to do with me if you found out where I’m from. I figured our time would expire before it came up.”

I ran my hand over my stubbled jaw. I’d barely come to grips with the contract in my hands, and now I was reeling from Will’s revelation. You don’t find out the guy you’ve been sleeping with is the son of a religious fruit loop with political aspirations every day. It was crazy and unexpected, but it wasn’t what had my heart skidding to a halt.

“Are you telling me we’ve expired now? Like a carton of milk or something?”

“No. I don’t want this to be over. I know this thing between us is new, but… it’s more than that. I’m just not ready to say good-bye.”

“Then don’t.” The weight on my chest was heavy. I wasn’t sure what I was up against, but I was willing to fight if he was. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Maybe your dad’s dream comes true and he’s elected governor—but what about you and your dreams?”

Will leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his knees. “What do you me—?”

“Give me the summer.”

“What?” Will straightened and lowered his glasses as though it might help him understand what the hell I was saying.

“Give me a chance to show you a different way.”

“What do you mean?”

“Play with us. You can dress up. Play a part. Be someone else. Wear a wig, makeup, whatever you need. Make some money and then decide what you want to be when you grow up. Give yourself an experience of a lifetime. Something to remember before you have to make big decisions. Pretend it’s a summer job that pays really fucking well. We can keep us on the DL. The record label basically asked that I do that anyway.”

“You told them about us?” His eyes widened with fresh worry.

“No, relax. But they wanted to do a cavity search on my personal life. I didn’t name you, but when I told them I was bi and seeing a guy, they said they’d prefer I didn’t shout it from the rooftops. At least not right away. I was planning on telling them to fuck off, but… I can keep quiet. For you. If it helps. Just—don’t give up, Will. Not yet. Please.”

“I want to say yes, but what do I tell my parents? My mom stayed in the city longer to make sure I remembered my family duty, which didn’t include disreputable men with tattoos. How will I explain—?”

“You don’t. Tell them you have a summer job. One that may require some travel. Tell them whatever you need to, but think about it. Would anyone recognize you in disguise? Even if they knew your real name, it’s a fairly common one. They wouldn’t associate you with some dude running for governor in another state. You can trust Tim, Cory, and Mike and… no one else will know so—”

“It’s not your band or the people listening to your music my dad cares about. It’s his voters. He’s spinning over anyone finding out I’m gay as it is. Throw in makeup, a band of left-leaning, tatted punks… one who told my mom he’s my boyfriend, and it’s going to raise some pretty major red flags. He’ll go nuts.”

“He won’t know. It’s only a few months, and other than a couple stage shows, you’d be practically invisible. You’d spend most of the time training the new guy. Look… I’m being a jerk and I know it. A nicer guy would let you go and leave you to decide what you want. But I’m a selfish fucker, Will. I want it all. And I want you.” I stood and picked up his messenger bag. I waited for him to join me before setting it over his shoulder. “The contract is in your bag. Read it and let me know what you decide.”

“Okay.”

We stared at each other for a moment in silent understanding.

“So what’s for dinner later?”

“Really?” Will gave me another one of those incredulous looks like he couldn’t believe he was stuck with me.

“Yeah. The world is upside down and backward, but we still have to eat, baby. How about Thai?”

Will bumped my arm playfully and chuckled. His smile wasn’t overly radiant but it was hopeful. And at that moment, it was what I needed.

I was dangerously close to sensory overload. I could barely process Will’s revelation and all it entailed. Nor could I forget the image of Mrs. Sanders with Marty and what it implied. Was his mother having an affair with her good “friend” while demanding her son pretend he was straight? The hypocrisy of their skewed so-called family values was outrageous.