A Lady of High Regard (18 page)

Mia arranged her voluminous silk skirt and tried to appear calm, but the truth was, she was feeling something for Garrett that she’d never expected. Could it be love? It certainly was disconcerting. She fanned herself nervously as the driver moved them out into traffic. The silence seemed heavy between them, almost like a thick veil that needed desperately to be pushed aside. Still, Mia couldn’t bring herself to speak.
What if I say the wrong thing in my nervousness? What if my feelings are proven to be false? Maybe I’m simply overcome with loneliness because of Mother and Father’s absence.

“You seem very deep in thought.”

Garrett’s words brought her out of her internal fretting. “I . . . well . . . there’s been a great deal on my mind of late.”

“Such as?”

She folded her hands together, feeling the heat of her palms beneath the gloves. “Well, of course I worry about my parents. I can’t help but wonder if they’ve arrived and if Mother made the journey in ease.”

“Yes, it is too soon to expect to find out about that just yet. I’m sure they’ll let you know at their first available chance.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” She tried to feign interest in looking out at the city.

“I hope you enjoyed our outing,” Garrett said.

“It was wonderful. Thank you for the invitation.”

“I thought the soprano particularly talented.”

Mia nodded, grateful that the conversation was fixed on something other than her worries. “Yes. She did a very nice job. I thought the costumes were lovely as well.”

“I heard there was a party going on afterward, but I don’t recall an invitation.”

She shrugged. “You know there are varying degrees of society in this town. We sometimes move in different circles. The party was being given by a distant cousin of the Brightons.”

“I see. Well, I hope you are not disappointed.”

“Because of the party? I suppose I could have gone and taken you along,” Mia admitted. “Frankly, I had no real desire to go. I don’t know the people very well, and most of my friends were not going to attend. I find it rather dull to go where I know no one.”

“I can understand that. It isn’t pleasant to spend your time alone.”

“Unless you really want to,” Mia countered. She didn’t know what else to say, and for some reason got the impression that Garrett was trying to make a point.

“I really couldn’t think of anyone I wanted to spend the evening with more than you. You make me laugh, and I very much enjoy our conversations.”

Mia looked at him and found Garrett smiling. “I greatly appreciate our . . . talks. I’m afraid there are many who would not take me seriously. You, however, seem never to be intimidated by my interests.”

“Intimidated? No. Your interests seem valid. Although I do worry when you involve yourself in affairs that are dangerous. But that’s only because I care deeply about what happens to you.”

Mia felt a band around her chest tighten. She felt strange— almost light-headed. “I appreciate . . . I uh . . . I’m glad that you care. I care about you as well.” She paused for a moment, trying to think of what to say. “It’s just nice to attend an opera or event without wondering what kind of pretense you should uphold.”

“You haven’t been out in a long time.” His words were low, almost inaudible.

“I’ve attended several parties—once with you and Mrs. Custiss, as you’ll recall.”

“I recall it very well,” he said with a chuckle. “That was a complete disaster.”

“Well, I suppose so,” Mia said with a grin.

Garrett sobered. “I wasn’t speaking of that kind of thing. Rather, I meant like tonight. Has no one asked to court you—to call on you?”

Mia felt her breath quicken. “You know how it is. I’ve really had no time for it. And I think the position at
Godey’s
probably left some potential suitors wondering if I’m too headstrong or mannish for their tastes.”

“Then they are fools.” He turned to her and she felt the full impact of his gaze. “Mia, you shouldn’t be alone. You’re a wonderful woman.”

The carriage came to a stop and the driver quickly opened the door. “Here we are, sir.”

Mia felt a sense of relief that she couldn’t explain, yet all the while it was coupled with disappointment. She didn’t want the evening to end on one hand, but on the other, she didn’t know quite what Garrett was implying. And because she couldn’t figure it all out, it frightened her.

“Thank you again for a wonderful evening, Garrett. I have some letters to write, so I’ll just head upstairs.” She hurried up the path without waiting for him to respond. She had to get away from him . . . had to be able to think things through and discern what was happening.

In her room, Mia replayed the events of the evening in her mind. Her lacy white nightgown trailed behind her as she paced back and forth.
I’ll wear a hole in the Wilsons’ rug if I don’t stop this nonsense.
She forced herself to sit for a moment in front of the fireplace, then got up once again.

“This is senseless.” She pulled on her robe and tied it securely. Checking the clock, she noted that it was quite late. Surely she’d encounter no one if she went to the kitchen for something to eat. She could take the servants’ stairs near the end of the hall, where George and Mercy had their bedroom. That way, even if Garrett should happen to be awake, he’d not hear her.

Mia edged the door open and listened for the sound of anyone stirring about. The house was silent. A small candle burned in the sconce at the top of the stairs, affording Mia a reasonable surveillance, although the ends of the hallway were shrouded in darkness.

She drew a deep breath and stepped out of her room. She hurried down the hall, hoping to avoid everyone, and especially Garrett. It would hardly be appropriate to be seen in her nightgown again. Breathing a sigh of relief as she reached Mercy and George’s bedroom, Mia knew the servants’ stairs were just a few steps more.

“George!”

Mia froze in her steps. It was Mercy.

“Help, someone!”

Mia went to the bedroom door and called out, “Mercy, it’s Mia. Are you all right?”

Mia threw open the door. “No. George just collapsed on the floor. He’s too weak to get up, and I can’t move him. Run—get Garrett. He’ll be able to lift his father.”

Mia fled down the hall without any thought but to retrieve help. “Garrett! Garrett!” she called as she pounded on his bedroom door.

He appeared still clad in clothes, except he wore no coat and his shirt had been unbuttoned. “What in the world is wrong, Mia?”

She pointed. “Your father has fallen. Mercy asked me to get you.”

He pushed her back as he rushed past. Mia felt breathless from her run and from the sight of him. She looked into his room and felt almost intrusive. The chamber was appointed in a similar fashion to her own, but there were rows of books against one wall, and a large desk took up one corner.

She pulled herself away and returned to George’s room. Mercy was hovering over her husband as Garrett finished tucking him in.

“You have to get more rest, Father.”

“I’ll rest soon enough.” The old man’s answer left little doubt in Mia’s mind that he meant something of a permanent nature.

“What else can I do?” Garrett asked Mercy. “Should I send for the doctor?”

“No. No doctor,” George said firmly. “He’s already told me there’s nothing to be done. I will not be poked and prodded. By morning my strength shall return. Now just leave me to rest.”

“Go ahead, Garrett. Get some sleep. We’ll be all right now,” Mercy assured.

Mia didn’t wait to hear whatever else was said. Although Garrett was not eager to go, Mia knew it was best she not be there when he exited. She hurried down the stairs to the kitchen. Garrett might think to knock on her bedroom door to offer his thanks, but he wouldn’t guess she’d be down there.

She took up a candle and lit it before heading to the counter. Here, she knew she’d find the cookie jar. She’d seen the cook filling it earlier in the day with freshly baked sugar cookies. She had just reached inside when Garrett called out to her.

“Caught you sneaking cookies.”

“You also just scared ten years off my life,” Mia said, her hand going to her throat. “Goodness, but you could have made some noise coming down the stairs or something.”

He grinned. “What—and miss seeing you jump three feet? Nah. It was worth it.”

Mia felt suddenly self-conscious. “I’ll just say good-night and—”

“Nonsense. Sit and eat a cookie with me. Maybe two.” He crossed the room and reached for the jar.

“It’s not very appropriate,” she said, thinking him without a doubt the handsomest man she’d ever seen.

“We’ve never let propriety stand between us, Mia,” he said, holding out a cookie.

Mia did nothing. She felt overwhelmed by the closeness of him. She looked up and for the first time in her life realized that she very much wanted Garrett to kiss her. The revelation so shocked her that she jumped back as if burned.

Forcing her mind to think on something else, she said, “How’s your father?”

Garrett took up the jar and brought it to the table. “He’s weak, and he’ll get a lot weaker.”

“I am sorry. I wish there was something we could do.”

Garrett sat and motioned her to do the same. “I do too, but there’s nothing to be done. The doctor believes it’s a cancer of some sort, but Father will not allow for any kind of surgery or further attention. I cannot say that I blame him.”

Mia came to the table, but instead of sitting, she took hold of the back of the chair to steady herself. “Will he die?”

Garrett looked up with the most solemn expression Mia had ever seen. “Yes. And probably quite soon.”

She let out a heavy sigh. “Oh, Garrett. I didn’t know.”

“Sit down, Mia. Sit and share a few minutes with me.”

How could she refuse him? His father was dying. She knew how terrible she would feel if it were happening to her father. She took hold of her thick hair and pulled it forward as she sat.

“I never knew your hair was so long,” Garrett admitted.

Mia met his gaze. “It’s never been cut. Not ever.”

“It’s beautiful.” He said nothing more, but extended a cookie as an offering of sorts.

She took it and tried to relax. The single candle flickered between them and cast strange shadows on the wall.

“I know I made you uncomfortable during the carriage ride home.” Garrett studied the cookie in his hand for a moment, then looked back up. “That wasn’t my intention. There have been so many things I’ve wanted to say to you lately.”

Mia didn’t want to ask what those things were but felt she had to. “Like what?”

Now he was the one who seemed uncomfortable. “Well . . . that is to say . . . I know you’ve been unhappy having to leave
Godey’s.
I know that I was in favor of that and you perhaps felt betrayed by me because of it. I know you want to help other people—especially the seamen’s wives, but I don’t want to see you risk your own safety. There’s very little you can do, in and of yourself. I admire your willingness to try, however.”

Mia stiffened. She knew she could respond in frustration and anger or she could acknowledge his concern and remain silent. She could even tell him what she’d been up to, but that would of course only further his worries. So instead of saying anything, she took a bite of the sugar cookie and only nodded.

Garrett seemed satisfied by this and continued. “When your parents allowed you to remain here, I felt I had a certain obligation to keep you safe and out of trouble.” He smiled. “But it was more than obligation. I
wanted
to see you protected. I hope you understand.”

Mia swallowed hard. She did understand. Garrett was like a big brother keeping his little sister safe from harm. It was no different than if he’d chosen to watch over Agnes or Bliss. She felt a rush of disappointment. Why couldn’t he think of her as a woman—a woman he might love? Mia struggled to rein in her thoughts. It was senseless to torture herself in such a way.

“I couldn’t bear to have something happen to you, Mia.”

“No one would blame you if anything did,” she said, her words sounding harsh even to her own ears. “I am not a child, however. I need no nanny to watch over me—to ensure I eat my vegetables and clean up after myself.”

Garrett looked at her oddly. “Of course you don’t need a nanny, but neither can you be out there risking your life for a cause you don’t truly understand.”

Mia put down the cookie. “What do you mean? I’m not a child nor a fool, Garrett, I think I understand the matter quite well.”

“I didn’t say you were either fool or child. But you need to know that this situation, as is often the case, is far more complicated than it appears.”

“All the more reason to be involved.”

“No. All the more reason to stay away.” Without warning, Garrett took hold of her hand. “You must promise me that you’ll stay out of this—stay out of matters that are beyond your control.”

She pulled back and got to her feet. “I’m going to bed.”

“Please, Mia.”

His pleading tone was almost her undoing. She looked at him, then shook her head. “I cannot make you that promise. I care too much about you to lie to you.”

CHAPTER 14