A Laird for Christmas (16 page)

Jules closed his eyes with a sigh. “Thank you,” he rasped before he lapsed into an exhausted sleep.

“Ollie, stay with him,” Nicholas instructed. He held out his hand to Jane, helping her to her feet. “Come with me. You need fresh air.”

She curled her fingers around his. She needed something to wash the scent of Jules’s burning flesh from her senses, but nothing would ever take away the memory of him bravely enduring such horrific pain. “I am to blame,” she said when they were out in the hallway, heading toward the stairs to the upper level of the keep and, hopefully, the tower.

“You did not put the lash to his back.”

“No, but I should have worked harder to free him from gaol.” Outside, a blissful breeze wafted across the tower, cold and refreshing. Jane drew her hand from Nicholas’s and moved to the crenellations, gazing out over her land. This tower was where she always came to think. Staring out over the castle walls and the hills beyond usually gave her a much-needed perspective when the weight of her burdens seemed too heavy. Standing here now brought her no such relief.

Silence surrounded them. She could feel Nicholas’s presence behind her. “Perhaps this game of suitors was a poor idea.”

“Without your ‘game’ Jules would still be in gaol. No amount of bodily damage or pain will make him less grateful to be here.”

“He should be safe within these walls,” she whispered.

“And so should you.” His hands moved to her shoulders and turned her to face him. “We are all glad to be here, no matter what happens. We all want you to keep your castle and to find happiness.”

Happiness?

Jane felt her throat tighten. She had been happier in the days since they had arrived than she could remember for a very long time.

“You have been so alone.”

She nodded.

“It must have been very hard.”

It had been hard. “I would do anything for Bellhaven.” For the third time in less than a week, she felt tears begin, tears of fear and sorrow. She had kept her grief locked inside for so long now.

The next thing she knew, she was gathered against Nicholas’s solid chest and wrapped in his arms. She tried to hold the tears back, and she was successful until he skimmed a hand over her hair. Reason fled and she allowed the tears to come. She clung to him and wept. She wept for her father, who had tried so hard to be everything his son needed after the loss of their mother, even if he had often failed. She cried for her brother who, despite being two years younger, tried to protect her from all harm—real or imagined—and who teased her and loved her with equal devotion. She cried for her mother who died giving her brother life.

And for a heartbeat, she wept for herself and the situation she now found herself in. She had to marry in such a short time. At least she would have her choice of men she liked instead of being forced to tolerate someone like Lord Fairfield, who only wanted to conquer her and take all she had.

She pulled away and batted at her tears with the back of her hand. She turned away. “Forgive me,” she said in a tight voice. “It has been a tiring morning.”

She felt his hands on her shoulders again. Nicholas turned her around, and despite herself, she looked up into his eyes. “Stop trying to be so damn strong. We are all here to help you. Please let us help you.”

“I have shouldered the burden for six months,” she said softly.

“You have been carrying the burden of Bellhaven since I first came here as a young man. Your brother and father offered you protection, but you have been overseeing the castle for years.” He brushed away her remaining tears with his thumbs.

His words were only the truth.

He drew her back against his chest. “Will you let me help you?”

“What can you do?”

“I would be the husband you need. The protector you crave. Your friend for a lifetime.”

She relaxed into him, let his strength flow through her. In his arms, she felt fragile. Protectable. Safe. To feel as if she could lay aside her burdens for the moment was an unusual sensation. But then reality returned, and a familiar hurt settled inside her. It was Nicholas who held her. Nicholas. The man who had only added to her burdens. She drew back, putting some necessary space between them. When he was further from her, she could think more clearly. “How am I to trust that you will never hurt me again?”

His features darkened. “Tell me what I did, Jane. How did I hurt you?”

“You left me behind, for one thing.”

“Is that the wedge you have forced between us? My leaving at your brother’s command?”

“There is so much more to it than that. You know there is. You hurt me in unimaginable ways.”

“How, Jane? Please talk to me. Tell me what I did. If I do not know, how will I ever make amends?”

She tried to talk, but her throat tightened as fresh tears threatened. Jane dropped her gaze to her feet, hiding her weakness. By the heavens, what was wrong with her? She never cried, yet now she could not seem to stop.

She forced the tears back and said what she had longed to say since that first day in her hall. She met Nicholas’s gaze once more. “Why did you start rumors about me?”

He frowned. “Rumors about what?”

“My sensual nature.” She forced the words out.

“What are you speaking of?” His expression turned troubled. “The passion we shared two years ago was precious and sacred. I would never betray you in that way.”

And yet he had. Tears forced their way forward once more.

He reached for her.

She took another step back, out of his grasp. She could not continue the discussion. Not now. Not until she could regain a sense of control over her emotions. “It matters not. The ‘game’ is what is before us. Only the winner of the competitions will gain my hand and all that goes with it.”

“I only care about Bellhaven because it is important to you, Jane. You are the prize I seek, only you.” Nicholas’s voice filled with determination. “I must know more about these rumors, but if you wish to discuss them later, so be it.”

He straightened. “If you fear me leaving you again, those days are gone.” He paused. “If it is the competition that matters, then prepare yourself, because I intend to use every tool in my arsenal to convince you of my devotion.”

The intensity of his gaze shook her down to her toes.

Nicholas acted as though he wanted to put the past behind them. Could she do it? Was she ready to let go of her anger and her hurt and start fresh with this man who had occupied her dreams and her nightmares for the past two years?

Given the urgency of her situation and the fact she would marry in less than a week, did her damaged reputation truly matter? Or was it her pride he had damaged beyond repair?

“What would you do if I gave you a second chance?” she asked, challenging him.

“Give me that second chance and I will prove to you that I am the only one who could ever make you happy.”

A shimmering coil of hope brought gooseflesh to her neck and arms. She did not want to believe him, but she did. “I am still angry with you.” It was a half-hearted attempt to hurt him.

“I can accept that.”

“You will get no special treatment.”

The beginnings of a smile pulled up the corners of his mouth. “I would not expect any.” He held out his hand.

She accepted it, and he laced his fingers with hers. Silently, they walked back into the keep.

Perhaps it was time not just to forgive Nicholas, but also to let go of those things that weighed her down. She was allowing her sadness to poison all her hours and days with worry and fear. Six gorgeous men awaited her in the keep,
men who were eager to marry her, but also eager to find and stop whoever meant to harm her.

A chance like this would never come to her twice. It was time to embrace this competition and the men who had answered her call. Tomorrow, she would begin anew.

T
he next morning, with the help of her maid, Jane dressed quickly in a simple gray gown. She pulled her hair away from her face with a ribbon, allowing it to hang long and free down her back. Finished with her morning ablutions, she headed through the door of her chamber. At the top of the stairs that led to the great hall she paused. From the sound of male voices, she knew her suitors and their men had gathered for their morning meal.

Slowly, Jane descended into the great hall and looked about the room. Instead of the cold stone walls, she saw warmth in the pink-gray stone, heard the sound of the men’s laughter, and smiled. Laughter was not something she had heard at Bellhaven in many years. She liked the sound. Perhaps this truly was a new beginning for her, for Bellhaven.

If it were not for the fact that someone was trying to harm both her and Margaret, or that when she had woken this morning her father’s sword and standard were gone, this new life of hers might actually be perfect.

Jane took the final step that brought her into the chamber. As she did, the voices diminished and all eyes turned to watch as she made her way to the dais. She took her seat beside Lady Margaret.

“Did you sleep well, my dear?” Margaret asked.

“I did, but I have a question for you. Did you come into my chamber last night and collect my father’s sword and standard?”

“Nay. Why?” Margaret asked, puzzled.

The warmth in the room paled. “They are gone.”

“Gone?”

“They were on the chair where you left them when I went to sleep and when I awoke, they were not. I was so hopeful that you took them away.…” As Jane’s words faded, so too did the voices in the hall, leaving only silence.

“Why would someone steal the tokens of your father?” Lord Galloway asked, abandoning his half-eaten slice of cheese.

“Perhaps one of the servants moved them,” David offered.

Jane shook her head as her smile faded along with the color of the walls. Not pink, but only gray stone stared back at her. The realities of her situation were as stark as ever, despite her best efforts. She shook her head at David’s assumption. “I asked my maid. She knew nothing of their removal from my chamber.”

Nicholas’s features darkened. “The danger to Lady Jane continues.”

“We should rotate a guard outside Lady Jane’s chamber from now on,” Colin offered, as all the levity in his features shifted to worry.

“As well as one of us remaining with her at all times,” Bryce suggested. At the statement, everyone turned to look at him with varying looks of disbelief. “What is it? You all look as though I have grown two heads. I have made no secret that I want to inherit the castle, but that does not mean I wish any harm to come to my cousin.”

“Enough of this dire talk,” Jules interrupted. “Jane was so happy a moment ago when she walked into this chamber. All our talk of danger and intrigue has robbed her of that.” He winced as he pushed back from his seat at the table, then stood. “I cannot tolerate that sad expression on your face a moment longer.”

“Do not concern yourself with me.” She motioned for him to return to his seat.

He ignored her, instead coming around the table to stand beside her. “You have had enough sadness and hardship of late. I want to see you smile again.”

Lord Galloway raised his goblet. “Hear, hear. We could all use a bit of levity.”

“What do you suggest?” Lady Margaret asked, casting a hesitant smile at the nobleman beside her.

“There are only six more days ’til Christmastide, and yet you would hardly know it by the look and mood of Bellhaven. I say it is time to put Lady Jane into the Christmas spirit, right here. Right now.”

A low rumble of voices filled the hall as not only her suitors, but their men, discussed the virtue of the idea.

Margaret stood and clapped her hands, bringing silence to the hall once more. “What a lovely idea. We will prepare for a banquet tonight with food and musicians and dancing.”

“Who will join me for an expedition into the woods?” Jules asked the others.

“Jules, you are in no condition to travel on a horse or by foot,” Jane argued.

“It is unwise for Jules or Jane to leave,” David replied with a scowl. “Both of you will remain here with two of us and half our men, while the rest of us gather greens and bring them back to decorate the hall.”

Lord Galloway nodded. “Splendid idea.” He stood, and after bidding Margaret a good day, moved to stand beside Jules. “Count me in to gather greens.”

“I will go as well,” Colin said, “There has been too much heartbreak around here of late. It is time to change all that.”

With mixed emotions, Jane watched Colin, Lord Galloway, and David gather several of their warriors before they left the hall. It had been two years since the Lennoxes had done anything more at Christmastide than burn a Yule log in the hearth and sip mulled wine with the castle residents. This year they needed the holiday to be so much more.

Jules was right. Christmastide was a time to be grateful for the blessings she had received. Decorating the hall was just a start to what Jane hoped would be a happier time for all of them. Bellhaven, and all the residents who lived there, deserved to hear laughter once more.

Later that evening Jane entered the great hall with a renewed sense of excitement. She had taken time before the meal to dress with care. She wore a pale pink gown with a tight satin bodice that had paned sleeves lined with a darker pink and a matching underdress. With her maid’s help, she had styled her hair in a mass of tight curls. Her mother’s pearl eardrops and necklace completed her attire.