A Lesson in Forgiveness (26 page)

Turning to look up at his face, displaying a gentle smile, she responded, “I would never want to cause a scandal in your home, my lord. Perhaps we could keep our 'inappropriate topics' only to ourselves.”

Turning his head slightly, he gave her a sideways glance. “Indeed. I would not want anyone to think there is anything untoward going on between us.”

Before she could respond, Pearce entered the drawing room to announce dinner. Colin turned and offered his wife his arm. And, for the first time since his arrival home, she took it without reservation.

After a pleasant dinner, Colin and Ginny took a stroll around the gardens. The air was cool and the sky was clear. Ginny stared into the night sky, admiring the sight of so many stars not marred by too much ground light. Colin walked away, lighting his cigar and viewing some of his prized rosebushes.

“What are your plans for tomorrow, Bethany?” Colin watched his wife as she wandered the garden. Her dress swayed with her hips. All in all, the picture was erotic. He would need to woo her and quickly, as he could feel himself getting hard just by watching her walk.

“Normally, I would spend the day with Sean, discussing some of the improvements that still need to be completed or if there were any issues with the tenants. Did you make plans with him to do that?” Ginny didn't want to bring up the past, but some things would still have to be ironed out.

“Actually, we rode the estate this morning. I was impressed by some of the improvements you made for the tenants. Mr. McCarthy tells me that it has made everyone more profits over the last growing season.”

“I'm glad he took you out. Did he show you the school?” One of Ginny's greatest accomplishments was a school for all the children in the parish. They only attended in the winter, when there was no work to be done on the farms, but they were learning how to read and write.

“He did. Where do you get the teacher from?” Colin had wondered.

“Mr. Stevens former housekeeper, Mrs. Johnson, teaches the children. Turns out, she was a governess before she met her husband and settled down in Headley. Since Gladys, Sean's wife, didn't have need of a housekeeper, she agreed to tutor the children in the winter. Oh, and Sarah Cummings helps as well. Over the past winter, the children have already learned their letters and some are even starting to read.”

The smile on his wife's face made Colin's heart race. He could feel himself wanting to kiss her. Not wanting to push things too far, he turned away and puffed on his cigar. “That is wonderful. I am sure the children are appreciative of the schooling.”

“Some of the farmers were against the idea in the beginning. I had many days where I would argue with them about it. In the end, my stubbornness won out.”

“You, stubborn? I have never noticed that.”

Hearing the mockery in his voice, Ginny simply said, “Oh, you will, Colin. You will.”

Laughing, they continued their walk around the garden. They both stopped short as they found themselves in front of the Diana statue. The same statue where “the kiss” happened over a year before. Ginny remembered the kiss, so captivating and erotic. His tongue tasting her, her body responding to his touch. Seeing the statue with him, made her want those things back all the more.

Colin was worried about how Bethany might react. Would it dredge up the anger again and destroy the fragile truce they had? Afraid to stay, but afraid to move away as well, Colin felt rooted to the spot.

Ginny felt his tension and wished to put him at ease. “You know, I once was kissed by this spot.”

Whipping his head to look at his wife, he saw her smiling face and knew that everything would be fine. “Was it a good kiss?” he asked, extending her good humor.

“Eh,” was all she said in return.

Colin laughed a deep, hearty laugh. One he recognized from his youth, before the pressures of taking charge of so many could defeat it. How could he have left this woman? She was his ideal mate. When his laughter died, he walked away, feeling the depth of his loss. She hadn't forgiven him, per se. She chose to forget his indiscretion instead. Was that enough? Could he forget, or did he need to learn to forgive himself for his stupidity? Suddenly the moment was lost, and Colin felt very uncomfortable.

Sensing the change, Ginny set out to reassure him. “If I may, Colin, I would like to explain where my idea came from. The one about forgetting and starting over.”

Stopping, he turned around and stared at her. “Please,” was all he said.

Ginny walked over to the nearest bench and sat down. She motioned for him to join her and waited until he was seated. Staring at the garden, she explained. “I carry a lot of guilt for things I did over the past year. Obviously, our kiss was what started it all. But then, over the year, my infidelity has caused me much pain. I never thought of myself as being inconstant. I could justify it, but it didn't make me feel good about myself.”

Colin watched her face. She wouldn't look at him, but he could tell she was being truthful. It never occurred to him that she felt guilty about her behavior.

Ginny continued, “Forgiving you would be infinitely easier than forgiving myself. That is why I wish to forget the past year. I need to forget my weakness and start fresh. I don't wish to be alone and I now know I can never again be unfaithful. So, it was either start new or kill you. If I can't live with infidelity, I certainly wouldn't be able to live with murder.” Quirking up her eyebrow, she looked into his eyes and smiled.

Smiling back, he replied, “I am glad to hear that. Perhaps we both have much to forgive in ourselves.”

“It isn't easy. I will always feel the weight of certain decisions. But in the end, I think we can make it work. Don't you?”

“There is nothing I want more.” His declaration was whispered, but it carried the weight of deep feeling. He recognized that he would not live without her, could not. She was a piece of him and he would do anything and everything to win her back. He would woo the hell out of her.

“Very well. Shall we retire. I am feeling a bit tired this evening. It has been an emotional day.”

“As you wish.” Colin stood and helped Ginny up from her seat. Taking her arm, he escorted her back to the house, where she walked up the staircase toward her bedroom. Colin felt a strange ache in his groin. The past few months, he had been unable to consummate any new relationship. Now, his pretty wife was stirring those feelings in him again. The only problem was, he couldn't go to her. He would have to wait until she was ready. Groaning inwardly as he walked to his study, he wondered just how long it would take.

Chapter 22

The next week was spent reacquainting himself with his home. Colin worked almost daily with Sean McCarthy. He met the steward's wife and had tea with them in the hopes of smoothing things over after assuming McCarthy was having an affair with his wife. He visited the old tenants, who were happy to see him. There were two new tenants that he introduced himself to and made sure they were content on his estate.

He made sure he had breakfast with his wife every morning. They talked about all their favorite topics. Bethany had spent a little time in London and railed against the
ton
and it's antiquated ideals. She would complain about the pettiness, the cattiness and the snootiness. She laughed over the young bucks making plays for her like she would even consider their advances.

It was over this week that Colin learned Bethany had become very close to his sister, Evelyn. Since his townhouse was rented, he assumed that her affair with Clarendon had to transpire at his sister's home. He wondered if his sister encouraged the affair. With the season beginning in a few weeks, he could hardly avoid Evelyn and the almost guaranteed questioning of his behavior. Although his mother seldom traveled to London anymore, he was certain that once she heard of his return, there would be a visit from her as well.

Although Colin and Bethany danced around any discussion of their inappropriate behavior over the past year, there were certain topics that could scarcely be avoided. Bethany gave him the details of investments she'd made, improvements she approved and gossip she heard. It was actually Colin who opened a can of worms by asking why the staff had no details about his unexpected departure.

“I couldn't very well tell them you left me, could I?” Bethany asked while working in her garden one morning.

Sitting on a bench, enjoying the view of his wife bending over in breeches, he answered, “I would have thought you would be too happy to have them on your side.”

Laughing over his allegation, she responded, “Besides being somewhat embarrassing, having you run off after one night, I never wanted to turn anyone against you. The staff was told that you had serious business to take care of and that I was unsure of when you would be able to return. I believe many of them thought you were a spy in France.”

“Flattering, to be sure. Who did know of my real reasons for departing?”

“Pearce, of course. He was the one who told me you left. My parents, your mother and sister. Your brother-in-law, of course. And Miles. They're the only people I told.”

It stung him to hear Clarendon's name, but refused to mention it. After all, he was the one to bring it up. “How did my mother and sister take the news?”
“Your mother never said anything bad about you. She stayed for almost a month after you left to make sure I was alright. I believe she was disappointed, but I remember her constantly relaying stories of how you took care of her and your sister after your father died. I think she was trying to explain your behavior without taking sides.”

“And Evelyn?”
“She was very angry with you. But I suspect you already knew that. She had me read some of the letters she sent you in Europe. I'm almost glad you didn't read them. She felt betrayed. I guess mostly for me, but she took a lot of it personally. You may find gaining her forgiveness more difficult than gaining mine.”

Ginny turned around to see his reaction. His face was stone, hard and implacable. His eyes stared off toward a grove of trees. Turning her head slightly, she asked, “Are you nervous about seeing her again?”

His eyes turned to her. “Yes.”

“If she sees I've let bygones be bygones, maybe she will as well.”

Chuckling, he replied, “I doubt it.”

“I'm sorry, Colin. Your sister can be rather stubborn, but eventually she'll come around. You'll have to be patient.” Ginny stood up and brushed the dirt off her pants.

Colin could only stare at the vision that was his wife. A large part of him wanted to walk over and kiss her until she was as filled with desire as he was. His plan to let her make the first move was slowly degrading, since he was without the requisite willpower to maintain it. How much more could he take? He watched her stand there, in men's breeches no less. The picture was alluring to say the least.

His wife seemed oblivious to his desire. Bethany could be very astute, so he wondered if she pretended not to notice to drive him mad. The thought brought a smile to his face. It was a fitting punishment after his abandonment.

“What do you have planned today?” he asked, trying to distract his carnal thoughts.

“I am meeting with some of the women in Headley to discuss the upcoming festival.”

“The summer festival? Isn't that usually in July?”

“Normally, yes. But it was a very rainy July, so we put it off until now. Since harvest doesn't start for a few more weeks, we figured most everyone could attend.”

“I used to love attending the festival. It was the one time I didn't have to feel superior to everyone else.”

“Should I sign you up for some of the competitions? That should knock you down a few pegs.”

“Madam, what makes you think I would lose?”

“Somehow I can't see you throwing hatchets at a target.”

“Throwing hatchets?”

“Sean McCarthy's idea. Those Scottish are quite brutal.” She laughed as she described the contest to her husband. Ginny had first hand knowledge of how brutal the medieval Scottish could be.

“Perhaps I will find another competition in which to embarrass myself.” His laughter was a balm to Ginny. After a year of guilt and pain, it seemed a little too easy to forgive him. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that it would be okay. The romance novel world guaranteed he would never wander from her again.

“I should get cleaned up and changed. I doubt the good women of Headley would appreciate my... current fashion statement.”

“Indeed.” His eyes turned smoky and his stare intense. “I could not agree less. I find your current dress rather... alluring.”

Hearing the passion in his voice, feeling herself respond to it automatically, Ginny wasn't quite ready to forgive him that much. She had only spent a few months in Scotland with Ian, her first mega-hunk, and she had already spent over a year in this life. Ginny felt her real life slipping away at times, and would do anything she could to remember little things about it. Songs, nursery rhymes, TV commercials. Anything to prevent her from forgetting the 21
st
century. If she slept with him and got herself pregnant, then she might move on like her previous experience. Ginny just couldn't make herself do it yet. Maybe it was pride, but mostly she thought it was her own sense of how things needed to progress.
Soon
, she thought,
soon
.

“Be that as it may, I believe I shall prevent loads of local gossip by simply putting on a gown.” Not that putting on a gown was all that easy. After all, it did require the assistance of her maid.

“As you wish, my lady.”

Ginny felt her steps moving closer to him. Felt herself giving in to the desire she heard in his voice. Maybe one kiss wouldn't hurt. It might even smooth things over for when they finally did get to the point where they were sharing a bed again. Wouldn't want their first kiss to happen then, it might be too awkward.
Yes
, she considered,
it would be too awkward. We should get better acquainted over a simple kiss now
. When it came to justification, Ginny was the Queen.