A Life Unplanned (11 page)

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

"I think we should take things slow, if at all."

"If at all?" he asked confused.

"I'm not sure us being in a relationship, I mean a serious physical one, is a good idea. You don't have to seduce me to see your kids. I'm willing to be just friends and let you see them." I walked out of the bathroom, not wanting to hear his answer. I started digging in my bag for my pajamas and was surprised when Trent set a flannel pair on the bed next to my bag. They matched my robe.

"These should fit you," he said stiffly.

"I brought some. They're in here somewhere."

He let out a sigh and flopped back on the bed, closing his eyes for a second, while I continued to dig for my clothes. I couldn't find my pajamas, but I did find my underwear. I guessed Trent was going to get his wish of me wearing the matching flannels. I debated asking him to leave so I could get dressed, but then he snored softly, and I thought I was in the clear.

Once I was dressed and ready for bed, I tapped his leg, hoping to wake him. I was exhausted. I was sure his parents had someplace for him to sleep, because I didn't think he should be driving anymore, even if it was just across a small town.

"Trent," I said his name, but he didn't budge. "Dr. Carrington."

"How far is she dilated?" he said, sitting up abruptly. He looked around confused. "Oh, Clara, I'm sorry. I'd better head home."

"You should probably stay the night. I'm sure your parents have a room somewhere here for you." They had one for everyone else. There had to be a vacant bed.

He rubbed his face. "No, sorry, Hotel Carrington has no vacancies. Everyone from out of town is taking up the rooms." He stood up stretching and stumbled a little. There was no way he could safely drive home.

I looked at the bed and then back to him, as he slowly dragged his body toward the door. I let him go as far as the hallway before I cracked. "Trent, you can stay with me tonight, but I need you not to touch me."

He leaned on the hall wall and yawned. He wore a pout and looked down the hall again, like he was still considering leaving. "I'm sorry, I guess I assumed too much after we kissed last weekend."

"I'm just not ready for us to be something more, so I think it’d be best to take a step back from the physical aspect of our relationship and just focus on being friends."

He nodded sadly.

"Now come to bed. I can't let you try and drive home like that."

He took a few steps in my direction, and I knew he was following. I climbed into bed and flipped down the covers on his side. He kicked off his shoes and pants, not saying a word, and slipped into bed in his boxers and t-shirt. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was snoring again.

I lay awake, watching the man next to me sleep. I still wasn't sure what to make of him. I trusted him with my kids, but I didn't yet trust him with my heart, and I didn't know if I ever fully would. Right now, tentative friendship was all I was comfortable with, especially with a vengeful ex lurking around. I had to do whatever was necessary to protect my children, even if that meant us not being around their father.

Chapter 13 – On Feelings, Good and Bad

I woke the next morning to Trent touching me and humping my backside. I quickly pulled away, getting out of bed before I gave in, only to realize he was still asleep. After a moment alone in bed, he rolled over and went back to snoring. I looked at the clock, and it was a bit after eight. I put on my robe and went to check on Tyler. He wasn't in his room. I heard my mom talking downstairs and then him giggling. I debated going down for breakfast or to Tyler's room to try and sleep, but then thought better of it. Tyler would be going back in there to play soon, so I made my way to my room and used the bathroom. I stood at the bedside again, watching Trent once more. He was sprawled on his belly, so I figured it was safe to get back into the bed with him. I dozed off once more fairly quickly, grateful for the chance to sleep in.

When I woke the second time, I was curled up next to Trent, with my head resting on his shoulder and my arm wrapped around him. My leg was thrown over his, and my baby bump was squished into his side. The hard kicking protest of our daughter was likely what had woken me up.

I felt him rub my back and looked up to see he was awake.

"Good morning," he said with a smile, and I pulled away and checked the time again. It was 10:30 AM. "Did you sleep well?" he asked.

I wasn't sure how to answer him. I did feel rested, but then again, his sleep humping had woken me up earlier. "I think so."

"Good, let's go get you some breakfast."

He helped me out of bed and then put on his pants. When we entered the kitchen, both our mothers were smiling a little too widely.

"Good morning, you two. Did you have a good night?" my mother asked smirking.

Trevor walked in carrying little Charlotte and punched Trent's shoulder, wearing a cheeky grin.

"We just slept. I was too tired to drive, so Clara suggested I stay."

"That was very sweet of you, Clara," Maylene said with a huge smile.

My stomach growled loudly, embarrassing me.

"Bear on the loose," Trevor teased.

"We saved a couple of plates of food for you two. Trent, why don't you warm them up?"

"Where's Tyler?" I asked.

"He's out back playing on the swing set. Meredith is watching him," my mother answered. I didn't know Meredith well, but she seemed nice and capable. I also trusted my mother's judgment of her. If she believed Meredith could handle watching Tyler, then I knew he'd be safe.

Trent ate quickly and excused himself to go play with Tyler. When I checked on them, I thought it was cute to see Trent at the top of the slide with Tyler in his lap, ready to go down.

"Wee!" they both cheered, and when they had reached the bottom, they high-fived each other. They moved to the tire swing, and instead of setting Tyler in it alone, Trent climbed on it as well, and then he held Tyler while he spun them around.

Tyler's giggles filled the backyard, and I knew by the way he clung to Trent and the joy they shared that I could never keep them apart. Watching him with my son made me want him more, and I was getting frustrated with myself. It would be so easy to fall in love with Trent, but I knew it was dangerous as well. I couldn't let myself be blinded by love, leaving myself vulnerable to be taken advantage of and hurt.

It wasn't long before the house filled with baby shower guests. The bridge club, as Trent so lovingly referred to them, greeted me with hugs, cheek kisses and belly rubs. Oddly enough, it felt kind of nice to be so warmly welcomed by them. They were all excited to see me.

The old ladies weren't kidding when they said they had to knit a mess of pink, because they had. Some also had sewed and crocheted things. Maylene seemed to have gone a little overboard with the baby gifts and had purchased several things for Tyler as well.

Trent was forced to attend, but only the second half. The bridge club doted on little Tyler, gushing over how cute he was. More than once, they mentioned that he looked just like his daddy, and I had my mom whisk him away, before Tyler realized they were talking about him looking like Trent.

For some reason, Trent stayed right by my side and kept his arm around me or was touching me the whole time. I wanted to be annoyed, I should have pushed him away and kept my distance, but that damn smile…and he smelled so good, it felt so nice to have him close to me. I just didn't have it in me to push him away. I hated that both my loneliness and my pregnancy hormones were getting the better of me. I worried that my trying not to fall in love with him would be a losing battle.

When the party was finally over and everyone had filed out, Trent and I somehow ended up alone in the living room, with our mothers and son in the kitchen, cleaning up the refreshments. Trent still had his arm around me, and I made no move to pull away. "That was a lot more fun than I thought it’d be," he chuckled and smiled down at me.

I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I wanted him. It would be so easy to throw caution to the wind and give up, to just kiss him, and love him. In that minute, I really wanted him. I must have lost my mind, because next thing I knew, my hands were on his face, and my lips were on his mouth. I could tell he was shocked, but he dove right into the kiss as well.

He pulled back panting and looked scared. "I don't want to mess this up. What do you want from me?"

I didn't answer right away. I just pulled him in for another kiss, because I needed him. I hated it, but it was true.

His arms were tightening, his hands were getting bolder, but he still pulled away. "What do you want from me?"

"I don't know," I said, still too scared to confess the truth. I was scared to tell him that I was giving in.

He dropped his forehead to mine. "We need to wait, to take things slow, until we're sure what's going on, Clara. I don't want to lose you and the kids, just because I was a horny bastard and couldn't keep it in my pants."

"I thought you outgrew that?" I taunted.

"I thought I did, too, but then I ran into you," he kissed me again. When our mothers burst into a loud fit of giggles in the other room, we jumped apart. "It's too easy to lose myself in you, Clara. I can't mess this up. Please." His eyes made my insides melt.

I whispered, "I'm scared."

He nodded in understanding, and I wondered if he was scared, too. "Come back to my place, so we can talk privately?" he begged.

I nodded yes, and he helped me off the couch. "Mom, Clara and I need to go to my place to talk. Do you mind keeping an eye on Tyler?" he asked. Maylene was quick to agree, and my mother was giggling along with her, shooing us out the door.

Once at his place, he helped me sit on the couch and sat across from me in a chair. I missed his closeness for some insane reason, but I was glad for the distance. If I was going to speak to him with a clear head, it would be best if he wasn't close to me.

"Clara, I'd like to have a relationship with you, but I'm getting mixed signals from you. Can you tell me what's going on with you?" he asked kindly.

I suddenly felt bashful and wondered where my independent personality had gone. I didn't need a man, at least I hadn't until I met Trent. "I'm afraid you're going to use me just to be close to our kids."

He confused me when he smiled. "I love it when you call them our kids." He moved to sit on the coffee table in front of me. "I'm not using you, Clara. I'm genuinely interested in you."

My brow furrowed. "You shouldn't be. You don't really know me, Trent, and what little you do know of me isn't good. I basically tricked you so I could steal your sperm."

"And you confessed that first thing when we sat down and had a civil conversation. You didn't beat around the bush or try to pull one over on me. You could've played it off as an accident, but you were honest with me."

"Well, it wasn't an accident, and I don't know why you aren't more upset with me."

He shrugged. "I guess it's because I'm excited for the outcome. Clara, do you realize you haven't once asked me for anything?"

"I asked you to keep your distance, I asked you to not tell Tyler who you were."

"You were trying to protect our son. I'm not ignorant when it comes to deadbeat dads. I had a few friends growing up who had them. I knew what you were trying to protect Tyler from, and that was why I accepted it. I also knew you'd eventually let me be more involved with him."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Because of the way you treated my mother. You didn't allow her to see him begrudgingly; instead, you welcomed her into your lives, and invited her to stay in your home. You treated her like family. I wanted that…want it. You may not think I know you, but I do. You're an honest, kind and loving person, Clara. Heck, you even looked out for me, when I was completely rude and drunk. I knew you were leaving. I think we'd both written off that night, but you stopped me. You proved to me then that you were a good person."

"Then I stole your sperm after I helped you. You don't know that I didn't help you, just so I could have my wicked way with you."

He laughed. "You had nothing but disdain on your face for me, until I commented on your boobs. I was trying to piss you off. Boy was I pleasantly surprised. If I hadn't said anything about your breasts, would you have come on to me?"

I shook my head no. "It was obvious you weren't interested. I was just going to lock your drunken ass in the hotel room, so you could sleep it off."

He grinned so widely. "You went out of your way to make sure I was safe, even though I was a rude jerk. Then when the women at the clinic were after me, you stepped in and saved me again. I wanted what you said that day to be true, so badly. I wanted us to be together, and then when you told Thelma I wasn't gay…I had to have you, Clara. Then you agreed to let me be there for our daughter's birth, even though you were scared. You were so selfless. When you agreed to spend some time in Livingston after she was born, I knew I was done for. You're it, Clara. You're everything I've ever wanted in a woman." He moved to sit next to me on the couch. "I know it'll take time for you to trust me. That's my fault, my penance to pay for my bad behavior in the past." He took a deep breath and then unleashed those puppy eyes on me. "Please give me a chance," he begged and rested his forehead against mine.

I wanted to give in to him so badly. I wanted to believe him and surrender. I knew I was fighting a losing battle, and now as I looked at him, I wondered why I was fighting at all. I reached out and pulled his lips to mine. He let out a relieved sigh and held me tighter. "Please," he begged. "Tell me you want me, too."

I nodded yes, and he let out a happy laugh and pulled me into his lap. "Thank you," he whispered against my neck. I felt it dampen, and when he pulled back, I could see tears in his eyes.

I wiped them with a smile and kissed his lips softly. His smile widened, and he kissed me again. "Thank you," he said one more time. I felt my heart thump. I knew I was doing the right thing, I knew it was a losing battle to fight the way I felt about him, but that didn't mean I wasn't still scared.

"I still want to take things slow," I said, hoping not to disappoint him.

He nodded in agreement. "That's a good idea, but…can we be exclusive?"

He actually sounded worried. Did he really think there were guys lining up to date me? "No one is going to whisk me away from you, Trent."

He frowned. "I find that hard to believe, but still, I'd like the commitment. I'd like to be able to tell others I'm taken." He looked bashful.

"Okay," I said, cupping his cheek, so he'd look at me. "We can be exclusive. Are you sure you can handle it?" I said it like I was teasing, but I was actually voicing a real fear of mine.

He quickly pulled me to his lips again. "I'll joyfully handle being taken by you."

I guffawed. "I said slow, Trent. You aren't going to be taken by me for a while," I teased.

His eyes widened. "That wasn't what I meant."

"I know, I'm just teasing you."

He hugged me to him and just held me for a while. I felt so good, so content in his arms.

"Clara, I may have to distance myself a bit, when I first move to Waco. I want to be sure everything with the women who are out to get me is settled, before I get too close to you. I don't want them to involve you, or heaven forbid, the kids, in the mess I'm sure they have planned for me."

Just like that, he checked one more fear off my list and made me fall a little harder for him. I had a bad feeling he was right, and I didn't want my kids in the crossfire. "Thank you for wanting to keep us safe."

"Always, Clara, I'll always do everything in my power to protect you and the kids."

It was my turn to hold back tears. I kissed him again, deeply this time. I was annoyed at myself for it, but for some reason, I believed him. I didn't think I was ready, but I was wrong, I finally trusted him.