A Love Letter to Whiskey (19 page)

I tipped it to my lips once more and sucked a breath through my teeth as the whiskey burned its way down. I hadn’t even sprung for a nice bottle, just opted for good ol’ Jack Daniels. One day I swore I’d have an entire cabinet dedicated to high-end whiskey, just so I’d always have some ready for an occasion such as this.

“You’ve been quiet,” Jenna observed. “Everything okay?”

I forced a smile. “Of course. My best friend is here!”

“But?”

Dropping the act, I dropped onto one of the benches by the far fire pit and Jenna took the seat next to me. It was one of the last chilly nights we’d have in San Diego and the fire was a welcome warmth. “I’m so sorry, Jenna. I really am excited you’re here. I’m just…” I debated telling her, spilling everything right then and there. The truth is I
wanted
to tell someone, but it wasn’t the right time. “Tired. I’ve been helping Ethan with all this campaign stuff and it’s just kind of exhausting.”

“Ah,” Jenna mused, her eyes scanning the gathering crowd until she spotted Ethan. He and Shayla were now camped out at the keg we’d just been at, filling cups and handing them out, clearly not taking the night off like they’d said they would. “Pretty impressive that he’s running for Vice President. He seems like a good guy.”

“He is,” I agreed, my voice like sandpaper rubbing together. Ethan was an incredible guy, and when he found out what I’d done, I’d lose him. My stomach rolled, and I clutched the flask tighter.

“Are you happy?” Jenna asked casually, tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder as she sipped from her beer. The sun was just setting, the sky fading into a deep navy blue behind the fire. Her question should have been easy to answer, but I made a strange noise before smiling and shrugging. She cocked a brow. “What the hell does that mean?”

“I’m happy,” I said quickly. “I am. Like I said, he’s amazing.”

“You are the worst liar.”

I laughed. “I think it’s just the campaign stuff. I’ll be happy when it’s over.”

Jenna narrowed her eyes, but let me drop it. “Okay, fair enough. So,” she said with a pop, sitting up straighter. “I’m here for a week. What are we doing first?”

I perked up at that, excited for a week with her and plenty of distractions. “Well, we obviously have to hit the beach so you can see what the west coast has to offer. There are a few fun clubs downtown we can get into, and I have at least four places you have to eat at before you can leave the city — starting with The Taco Stand in La Jolla.”

Jenna squealed excitedly. “Can we go dancing somewhere?!”

“Duh!”

We laughed, and as the noise faded, I took in the moment to truly appreciate the fact that she was there. “I’m so glad you came, Jenna. Your timing actually couldn’t have been better.”

She nudged me. “Must be that best friend ESP stuff hard at work.”

“Must be.” I unscrewed the metal cap off my flask and tapped her red plastic cup with it. “Cheers, bitch.”

“Cheers.”

We tilted our drinks back, and Jenna opened her mouth to say something but was cut off.

“Well I’ll be damned.”

Jenna turned and I closed my eyes, pushing an exhale out through my nose as my stomach somersaulted.

“
Jamie?!
” She jumped up, throwing her arms around his neck as I held tight to my flask and lifted it to my mouth again. “What the hell? What are you
doing
here?”

He laughed, and I finally chanced a look at him. He had on the same hoodie from two nights ago and memories hit me like flashes of lightning, quick and beautiful, one right after another. His hair was disheveled, his eyes low, lazy smile in place. One glance, that’s all I needed for two things to sink in — one, he was drunk, and two, I was in trouble.

“What do you mean? I go to school here.”

Jenna’s mouth gaped open and she turned to me, brows pinched together in confusion. “What? Oh my God, B, how did you never tell me Jamie went to the same school as you?”

Jamie turned to me then, an easy, cocky smile playing at his lips. “She never told you, huh?”

My fingers nervously played with my curls and I shrugged, smile tight. “I figured you saw on social media or something.”

“Yeah right,” she giggled the words. “This asshole deleted me after he broke my heart.”

Oh God, she was flirting.

Jamie lifted one eyebrow, his smile growing as his eyes swept Jenna’s body. “I seem to remember being on the other side of that heartbreak.”

Now I was having a different kind of flashback, to that first day on the trail, the way they were looking at each other, studying each other, wondering where the other had been hiding. I tried to swallow, but came up empty. Shooting to my feet, I forced a smile and looped my arm through Jenna’s. “We should make the rounds, I want to introduce you to everyone.”

She was still looking up at Jamie, but she spoke to me. “Yeah, in a minute. I think Jamie needs a drink.”

I knew by the glazed look in his eyes that he had already had plenty, but his hands
were
currently empty. Our eyes connected, just for a second, and the anger I’d seen earlier had completely vanished. I tried to ask him something in that short moment I had his eyes on mine, but I wasn’t sure what. He dropped his gaze back to Jenna too quickly for me to figure it out.

“That I do. Escort me?” he asked, holding out his arm. Jenna dropped mine like a hot rock and took his offer.

“Of course.” They started walking, and Jenna turned over her shoulder to mouth
oh my God
to me before waggling her eyebrows and smiling back up at Jamie. I just watched them leave, flopping down on the bench with a sigh.

Fuck.

I realized quickly what kind of night it would be, so I drained three long shots from my flask and gritted against the sting. I needed an escape, I needed a break from my thoughts.

I needed to get drunk.

For the first half hour after that, I watched them together, sipping from my flask every other minute. I watched as they filled their cups, as they talked and laughed, as Jenna took every chance she could to reach out and touch him. When they made their way over to a bench at the fire pit opposite me, I stood abruptly, pausing a moment as the whiskey hit me all at once. Shaking it off, I scanned the fires until I found Ethan, weaving my way through the crowd toward him.

I was not going to torture myself. Jamie was my friend, Jenna was my best friend. They’d been together once before, so what if they rekindled that flame for the next week that she was here? It would be just like high school.

Except back then, I hadn’t slept with Jamie. I hadn’t felt him burn himself into my skin, brand me,
ruin
me.

I huffed, shaking my head. It was one night, and it wasn’t a big deal. It clearly didn’t matter to Jamie and it shouldn’t matter to me. I had Ethan, and Jamie had every other blonde bunny on campus. Things were back to normal.

I repeated that as I drained the last of my flask.

“Hey, there you are,” Ethan said with a smile as I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and slid into his lap.

“Here I am.” I kissed him hard, fists gripping his shirt to pull him closer. I needed him, I needed to fill myself with his scent and erase Jamie’s.

“Whoa,” he said against my lips, but I just pressed my lips into him harder. “Hey, you okay?” He’d pulled back, scanning me, judging my intoxication level, no doubt.

“Peachy. Just kissing my boyfriend.” I smiled and he returned it, but hesitantly. “What are you guys talking about?”

Shayla had turned away at some point, probably feeling a little awkward at my public display of affection, but she lit up then. “Oh! We were just talking about switching things up at our tents next week, really ramping up before the election, you know?” I nodded, reaching for my flask before realizing it was empty. “What do you think of
ice cream
instead of pizza?”

She was smiling so big, her and Ethan both waiting for my answer. I sucked my lips between my teeth before letting them go and clapping my hands on my thighs. “I think that sounds amazing! I need a drink. Be right back.”

I hopped up before either of them could say anything else and made a beeline for the keg. It wasn’t whiskey, but it’d do.

After I filled my drink, I wandered around for a while, deciding not to worry about Jenna. She was a big girl, and clearly she knew what she wanted to do tonight. Thinking about it just made me sick so I avoided it, prancing from group to group before finally making my way back over to Ethan.

Except Jamie and Jenna were at the same fire pit now.

Perfect.

I took my place in Ethan’s lap again and his hand found my hip, pulling me closer. “Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t want you to think I didn’t enjoy that kiss, because I definitely did,” he said, pressing his lips to my shoulder. “It’s just that Shayla was in the middle of that whole campaign conversation and I was worried she’d feel weird.”

“It’s fine, I probably should have taken a breath before mauling your face.”

He smiled, teeth bright even in the low light from the fire. “I kind of like when you maul my face.” He leaned in then, taking my chin between his thumb and knuckles and kissing me sweetly. My eyes flitted to where Jamie sat on the bench catty-corner to us, but his were on Jenna — focused, like he always was.

Ethan still held my chin as he pulled back, eyes searching mine. “Did you want to talk now?”

“What?” I asked, returning his gaze but still somehow acutely aware of Jamie’s movements.

“You wanted to talk earlier. Everything okay?”

Shit.
Suddenly, the idea of telling Ethan terrified me — especially after the amount of Jack Daniels I’d consumed. Seeing his gentle face in the light of the fire twisted the knot in my chest. He deserved to know, and I still planned on telling him.

But not tonight.

“You know, it’s nothing really. Let’s just enjoy ourselves tonight.”

Ethan’s eyebrows pinched together. “You sure?”

Nodding, I leaned in for another kiss, silencing his worry with my lips. “I’m sure.”

Even with my heart breaking over what I was keeping from Ethan, I still wondered if Jamie was watching us kiss, and I almost couldn’t hide my disappointment when I pulled back from Ethan’s lips and discovered that he wasn’t.

I might as well have been dead to him.

Maybe I was.

“We should play a game,” I announced to the group, sipping from my cup.

Jenna clapped her hands together. “Oh! Yes! How about Never Have I Ever?”

“Classic choice, bestie,” I air-cheers-ed her and she winked, lifting her cup, too.

“We’re a little old for games, don’t you think?” Jamie’s voice boomed. He was finally looking at me for the first time since he and Jenna had walked away, but I shrugged, keeping my eyes on the fire.

“You don’t have to play. Tina just showed up, why don’t you go get her a drink and leave us kids alone?” I said it with a smile, but my condescending tone was evident.

Jenna eyed me before turning her gaze to Jamie. “Girlfriend?”

Jamie was frowning, but I kept smiling sweetly. “No. B has some weird obsession with my Economics project partner and can’t let it go.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Stay or go, I don’t care. Ethan, you go first.”

Ethan looked uncomfortable, his eyes wary as he glanced around the fire, but he conceded. “Okay. Never have I ever had a one-night stand.”

Jamie and Jenna drank, smiling at each other over the rims of their cups. Jamie’s eyes fell on me next, and I saw the challenge in them before he even spoke. “Not drinking, B?”

“Nope.” The word popped off my lips. “Your turn.”

“You’ve
never
had a one-night stand?” he questioned, leaning his elbows on his knees. One eyebrow lifted as he waited for the response stuck in my throat.

“I was her first,” Ethan said confidently, pulling me in close and kissing my neck. “Her only.”

Guilt rolled through my stomach like a rock slide and I hastily kissed him back, keeping my eyes off Jamie’s.

“How sweet,” Jenna cooed.

“Yeah.
So
sweet,” Jamie agreed. “So, my turn, huh? Hmmm… Never have I ever had a threesome.”

Jenna and I smiled across the fire at each other, thinking about the promise we’d made to each other years ago that if we ever had a threesome, it had to involve the other. But the smile slid from my face when Ethan took a drink.

“Wait, seriously?”

Ethan cringed, like a dog with his tail between his legs. “I was a freshman, I thought it was cool at the time. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Oh,” I replied softly, wondering why he’d never mentioned it before.

“Are you mad?”

It clicked then why Jamie had asked that question and I glared at him over the flames. He just smirked.

“Of course not,” I assured Ethan. “It was before me. No big deal.” I smiled to seal that lie and he pulled me in closer, kissing my neck as I took a drink and nodded to Jenna. “Your turn.”