A Love Undone (17 page)

The holes made for the first set of hardware didn’t exactly match the holes needed for the second set. But Ray and Wilmer had added compound, sanded it, and stained it. The spots were hardly noticeable, and the holes for the knobs were exactly the same.

Yoder frowned. “They’ll need to stay here to dry, so we can’t deliver them on time, and, like I said, we’ll have to give the McClains a discount. If they don’t take it, we’ll have to build new doors.” He sighed. “All of which is coming out of your pay, Ray, not the shop’s.”

Wilmer shook his head. “His sister needs—”

“I don’t care what his sister needs! You stay out of this, Wilmer. Everybody in this shop mollycoddles him, and those days are over!” Yoder turned to Ray. “You’re useless, Ray! If I could, I’d get the money from your account. But your uncle will take the hit, which affects my bonuses, and I’m sick of it!” He sighed. “Just absolutely useless.”

Ray’s heart pounded so hard he thought he might pass out, and why did it seem as if he was looking through a keyhole? He could hear his mother’s whispers again:
He’s worse than useless; he’s a burden
. “So can I go now?” Ray fought to keep his voice low. “My lunch was in the truck with Josiah, and I’d like to go home to eat.”

“I guess,” Yoder mumbled. “At least that way you can’t cause any more damage.”

Hatred and anger burned as Ray stormed out the door. His blood pulsed in his ears as he ran down the street, tears blinding him. It wasn’t fair! Why did he have to struggle so?

He strode past Beiler’s Blacksmith Shop and then by the bakery. James came out of a sandwich shop, carrying something in each hand. “Hey, Ray.”

Ray ignored him and kept going.

James hurried after him. “What’s going on?”

“Yoder, that’s what!”

“Did he find out about his dogs?”

“No. He made me miss seeing Teena on our last day to work there and called me names in front of everyone!”

“So where are you going?”

“To break a few windows. Maybe then he’ll know what it feels
like for someone to shatter his insides.” His thoughts were becoming fractured again. He could hear it in his words. Ray spotted an empty buggy, and an idea popped into his head. “You won’t tell, right?”

“I guess not, but, Ray, this is different than taking the man’s mistreated dogs.”

Ray stepped forward. “Are you my friend or not?”

“Well, ya, I want to be, but …”

Ray turned, ran to the buggy, and climbed in. The ride to Yoder’s place was a blur, taking forever and yet no time at all. As soon as he reached the man’s driveway, he jumped out and began searching for rocks. He found not only rocks but a few bricks lying around. He looked at the house and at the huge plate-glass window, probably the one in his living room. Ray aimed and flung a brick with all his might. It went straight through, making a hole and shattering the glass around it. Relief raced through him. He stood straight, feeling pretty darn good. He grabbed a rock with each hand this time and threw one at a set of windows.

“Ray.” A man’s gentle voice called to him. “Kumm now. Put the rock down.”

Ray turned. Another buggy was parked behind the one he’d taken. Was that James inside it? Van strode toward him, nodding his head and looking friendly. “I get what you’re doing, and you have a right to be angry. I’m mad too, but this could land you in jail.”

Feeling defiant, Ray picked up another rock.

“Kumm on, Ray. Don’t make the situation any worse.”

“Well, I’ve already started. I might as well make it worth it!”

Van put his hand on Ray’s shoulder. “Drop the rocks and let’s leave now. I’ll make it right with Yoder.”

“You can’t tell him!”

“He’s going to know, Ray. How long do you think it’ll take the police to put together that you stole his dogs, took someone’s rig, and vandalized his home? A day? Maybe two? I bet you have his dogs at your house, don’t you?”

Ray nodded.

“You don’t want Jolene to get in trouble for that, do you?”

“What? No.”

“You took my brother-in-law’s rig, so I can make that right with him easily enough. But do you know what it’ll do to your sister if she learns the rest of what you’ve done?”

“I … I didn’t think …” The idea of Jolene being angry or disappointed in him sent a wave of panic through him.

“I understand, and I’m here to help. Just put the rocks down, and let’s go to Yoder right now with an offer to set things right before he goes to the police. Maybe we can buy the dogs from him, but if not, you have to give them back.”

“He’s horrible to them.”

“After we get your mess cleaned up, if we can’t work out a deal about the dogs, we can go to the bishop or maybe file a report with the Humane Society. But right now, all the blame is on your shoulders, and I want to help you fix that, okay?”

Ray stood there looking at the rocks in his hands and then at Yoder’s house. The very actions that had felt so good only moments ago now seemed to be choking him. What had he done?

Ray dropped the rocks. “Do you think Yoder will let us make this right?”

“I do.”

“Jolene’s gonna get hurt by all this, isn’t she?”

“If she finds out, ya.” Van thought for a moment, his eyes narrowing. “But … if I can get Yoder to be cooperative, she doesn’t have to be told. That’ll be my goal, because it would actually be better for her if she didn’t know.”

“Yoder
really
hates me. He has since the day I went to work for my uncle.”

“Then we have to offer him something he
really
loves.” Van’s brows knit. “Kumm. I have an idea.”

The light from two kerosene lanterns flickered against the gray cement walls of the wash house as Jolene turned off the compressed air–powered washer. She began feeding the drenched, soapy towels through the wringer one by one while she turned the handle. Flattened towels slid from the grip of the rollers into the warm rinse water of the mud sink. Her back had a twinge, so she paused, working on the kinks while looking out the window.

The low-hanging purple clouds slowly peered through the darkness as the sun rose, bringing the light of day and promising that stormy weather was on its way. Winter Valley needed some springtime rain, but she hoped to get all the laundry washed and hung out long enough to dry before the sky opened up. The first load of clothes sat in a basket near the back door, waiting for it to be light enough so she could safely cross the yard and hang them on the line.

After nearly three weeks of going to Lester’s almost every day, she was woefully behind. A smile tugged at her lips and filled her heart. She didn’t mind how much time she’d spent at Lester’s. Actually, she felt just the opposite—because of Andy Fisher. She’d never once expected someone like him to enter her life. Apparently she had come to accept that
if
she found someone, it would be a make-do relationship. Better than none, but far less than her idealistic romantic notions.

She chuckled. Andy could fill every starry-eyed dream she’d ever
had. She knew he could, but what was it about him? He had a quiet, gentle air that she saw the clearest when he worked with the horses, and he had a down-to-earth honesty with a dry sense of humor when he talked to her. He seemed quite disinterested in impressing her, so maybe that was why he was comfortable being himself and speaking his mind. Whatever his reason, she liked it. What she loved was the sincerity in his eyes, his warm smile, his broad shoulders, and his deep, calm voice—except when he feared for her safety.

Taking a deep breath, she aimed to slow her mind … and her heart. It’d been only three weeks. Well, almost three. Come Monday it would be exactly twenty-one days since they met. But if all the time they spent working together was tallied, she figured it equaled courting about six months.

She laughed. Obviously she wanted to justify to herself how her feelings could be this strong this soon. But he’d yet to ask her to go for a walk or buggy ride. Actually, he hadn’t given a hint that he was interested in more than being friends who got along while working together, which was how she treated Glen. That caused her concern.

Was Andy seeing someone in Apple Ridge and didn’t want to tell her? That was an awful thought, but surely he would have asked her out by now if he was interested. However, a man like him—so respectful of proper boundaries—would have made it clear if he was seeing someone in Apple Ridge. Every evening as the group sat around the table after dinner, her heart pounded, thinking,
Maybe tonight he’ll say, “Jolene, how about a stroll, just the two of us?”

“Goodness, Jolene, grow some patience, girl.”

But she didn’t want patience. She wanted a date. She wanted him to trust her enough to tell her about his late wife and his hopes
for the future. But he never mentioned her, which probably was a sign that he carried her in his heart, unwilling to share the preciousness of the memories with Jolene. But he was interested in her, wasn’t he? It was subtle, but it did seem so at times.

She shoved the towels deeper into the rinse water and pulled them out again, dipping them up and down to free them of the soap. By the time she ran the rinsed towels through the wringer, her fingertips looked like pale prunes. While the first load of laundry had been in the washer, she’d scrubbed a week’s worth of Ray’s dirty dishes. Today was her day to get caught up. She’d chosen to stay home for two reasons: it was Saturday, so Ray was home, and Van would be at the farm most of the day, shoeing the last of the horses.

After dumping the wrung-out items into a basket, she grabbed a clean, dry dishtowel and blew out the kerosene lanterns before leaving the room. Since her bedroom was now on the main floor, she had yet to go upstairs to gather dirty clothes. Gloomy daylight lit her way as she climbed the steps of the old homestead. Once on the landing, she faced dirty, scattered laundry. When had Ray done that? She’d left a note in his room yesterday telling him to gather his dirty laundry and set it outside his room or she’d have to wake him this morning to get it. But his clothes were strewn as if he’d slung them out of his room.

Open the eyes of his heart, Father. Help him to see You more fully. Unless You build the house, the laborers labor in vain. And I trust that You, who began a good work in Ray, will complete it
. The Scripture-based prayers flowed easily, as they did at the beginning and ending of each day.

Was he awake?

She barely tapped on his bedroom door, expecting at least to hear the dogs’ feet hit the floor as they jumped off his bed. Their toenails should be tapping against the wooden floor as they waited expectantly to be petted. They were sweet dogs that seemed to love Ray, but she didn’t hear them stirring. She eased open the door.

The bed was empty. And made.

He wasn’t one to make his bed unless she insisted, and he liked to sleep until at least nine on Saturdays, so what was going on? She looked at the closet, thinking maybe he’d gotten up early. That’s when she saw him sitting in a chair on the widow’s walk, completely motionless. The dogs hurried her way, wagging their tails as she reached down to pet them.

“Ray?” She crept just past the doorway of his room, unsure whether she was trying to avoid startling him or angering him. He’d been so hostile since coming home late Tuesday night. It had been almost ten when he’d arrived. Occasionally he came home that late from work, but this time he entered the house without talking to her or stopping by the kitchen to eat. That had never happened before. As he’d hurried up the stairs, she’d rushed out of her main-floor bedroom, the dogs on her heels. She had paused at the foot of the steps and asked if he was okay.

“Fine,” he’d snapped, but he didn’t turn to look at her or reach to pet the dogs that’d been wriggling around him excitedly. “Just don’t ask! I’m not a baby, Jolene!”

Despite his words his voice cracked as if he were on the verge of tears. Still, his rudeness had stung. Fresh doubts and questions had assaulted her. Should she charge up the stairs and confront him, quoting Scripture about respect and self-control? Or should she
ignore her hurt feelings, reminding herself that love was patient and kind? How many times while raising her siblings had she cried out to God, asking those kinds of questions? Usually her heart seemed to say that she needed to remain gentle and let God do His work. She remembered relying on her fail-safe entry into her three younger brothers’ worlds over the years—food. “I made your favorite dinner at Lester’s and brought home a small casserole for you. Have you eaten?”

He’d shaken his head, his back still to her. “I’m not hungry.”

“You sure? I made it especially for you.”

He hadn’t responded to her question. Instead, he and the dogs had disappeared into his bedroom. A moment later she heard the lock turn. Since that night he’d left the house before she got up in the morning, and he was in bed asleep, or pretending to be, when she returned from Lester’s around eight.

She’d asked Josiah about it, and he’d said it was growing pains that involved reconnecting with that Teena girl he’d met a couple of years ago and having to pay the price for some mistakes at work.