A Matter of Sin (6 page)

Isabel shut her eyes briefly. Now she had hurt Serena’s feelings, which was the last thing in the world she ever intended.

This had to stop! She was not in control of herself. In fact, she was not
herself
at all.

She opened her eyes and found that the marchioness had opened up a conversation with the girls. Serena now smiled softly as she spoke to their two companions. Her upset of a moment ago seemed forgotten, although Isabel doubted her sensitive sister had completely overcome Isabel’s uncharacteristic sharpness.

She turned in her chair toward Grace and whispered, “Oh, this is all that blasted book’s fault.”

“Don’t blame the book, Isabel,” she whispered back sharply. “It only put into focus
exactly
what your heart already desired.”

“What are you talking about?” Isabel asked through clenched teeth.

“In London you talked of this longing, and that was before you ever touched the book.”

Isabel pursed her lips. There was no arguing with that logic.

“Perhaps you are correct,” she admitted softly. “This is a struggle I’ve been having for some time and now it is all coming to a head.”

“Feeling desire is not a crime,” Grace whispered.

Isabel sighed. She looked at her sister again. At present, Serena was a well-liked and well-received young lady with a bright future, but Isabel had been in Society long enough to know how easily that could change. She had seen what Jacinda went through after her unfortunate fall, and Isabel didn’t want that for Serena.

“Not a crime, perhaps,” she conceded. “But most definitely a scandal. A chaperone isn’t meant to…to do what I did. Especially with
whom
I did it.”

Grace opened her mouth, but she shut it again when she could come up with no argument.

“My only consolation is that I have not gone past the point of no return. I started myself on this inappropriate path, and that means one thing.”

And what is that?” Grace asked.

She folded her hands in her lap. “That I can stop it.”

Isabel looked across the crowd. She found Seth at a table a few places over. He was sitting with his mother and a few other women, some chaperones and potential brides. Suddenly, he lifted his gaze to hers, as if he had felt her stare on him.

For a moment, just a blissful moment, she allowed herself to look into those bright blue depths. But then she looked away.

“There is no question. I
must
stop this,” she murmured.

Chapter Six

“Secret rendezvous are so very thrilling. It is recommended to have them as often as possible.”
—The Ladies Book of Pleasures

For as long as Seth could recall, his mother had taken an hour alone every afternoon in the sitting room of her vast chamber. Even with a house full of guests, that was her way.

It wasn’t because she didn’t wish to spend that time with others. In fact, she had always said it was so that he and his siblings or his father could find her alone at least once a day. Her habit offered anyone in the family a chance to discuss their problems or triumphs with her for an hour if they had need for her always-wise counsel.

There had been many an afternoon he had come here to discuss a thorny problem. Or had slipped past her door to see one of his two sisters or his late brother or father at her side sharing a scone and deep conversation.

Today, though, he’d been invited into her chamber for her daily ritual and now he sat watching her prepare a cup of tea exactly as he liked it. He smiled as she handed the beverage over and settled back to examine him with unguarded interest.

“I’ve seen that expression before.” Seth chuckled as he sipped the brew. “You have a question you are dying to ask me.”

His mother smiled. “Of course I do. And you probably know exactly what it is, don’t you?”

He looked at her. She was still the same woman who had loved and raised him. She even looked the same. Time had grayed her hair a bit and lined her face here and there, but it hadn’t changed her at her core. Except for one thing: her eyes.

Since his brother’s death, those bright eyes had never regained their luster. They were always sad in a way that nothing would ever change or cure completely.

“Seth?” she pressed, her brow lowering in concern.

He smiled and patted her hand to reassure her. “I may not know your exact question. However, I would guess it has something to do with the passel of young ladies who have been gathered here for my approval.”

His mother laughed. “I believe they must approve you as well for any match to truly work. Though anyone who wouldn’t approve of you is a madwoman and wouldn’t be right for our family.”

Seth set his cup down. “You may be a bit biased.”

She shrugged. “So what if I am?
That
is a mother’s prerogative.” She sipped her tea. “But I do admit, I’m curious as to your thoughts on the young ladies. Are there
any
prospects amongst the throng?”

Seth stifled the sigh that escaped his lips whenever he thought of his potential brides.

“They are all very lovely,” he said before he took a sip of tea.

His mother set her cup down and stared at him. “‘Very lovely’,” she repeated. “Come, Seth, do not wax poetic. Your enthusiasm is almost overwhelming.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at her deadpan humor. “I apologize, Mother, for my out of control emotions.”

Her smile faded. “Truly, is there none here to tempt you?”

Seth lifted his gaze to her face. There was an anxiety there. A concern he couldn’t deny or tease away. It was the same anxiousness he felt in his own chest with each passing month that he did not find a proper bride. He had a duty to perform, after all.

And yet duty wasn’t what came to mind when his mother asked about a woman to “tempt” him. No, his thoughts turned, quite against his will, toward wavy auburn locks and soulful brown eyes, not to mention lips that had burned against his in that one stolen kiss.

“Seth?” his mother asked, her voice intruding upon his thoughts, perhaps thankfully.

This was a mistake, but he was bound to do it anyway.

“Mother, what do you know about Lady Avenbury?”

His mother’s expression turned to one of confusion.

“Isabel?” she asked with a shake of her head. “Not very much. She was married to Lord Avenbury since she was quite young. She raised her half sisters, much to her credit, after the tragic death of her parents. I have always liked her.”

Seth nodded. These were things he already knew, though perhaps hadn’t pondered to any great detail. “I see.”

His mother stared at him. “Are you—are you asking because you have an interest in her sister, Lady Serena? She is a lovely girl, but I admit I wouldn’t have thought she would catch your attention.”

“She hasn’t,” Seth mused, his mind still on Isabel. “I’ve barely thought of the girl.”

His mother was silent for a moment as she took her tea back up and absently stirred it. Her lips were a thin line of worry as she stared at him, analyzing as she always did.

“I’m beginning to think that holding this gathering wasn’t a good idea,” she said softly. “Your brother hasn’t been gone long and—”

“Over a year,” he interrupted, though there was no need. Seth was fully aware that his mother knew exactly how long Kenneth had been gone, to the day, the hour, Lord, probably to the minute.

“Yes,” she said softly. “But you put so much pressure on yourself. Too much.”

Seth shrugged as he pushed to his feet and paced his mother’s chamber slowly. “A great duty has been laid out at my feet, Mother. Do I not owe it to the family and to the memory of my father and my brother to take it seriously?”

She shook her head. “Of course, but not to the exclusion of your happiness.”

Seth turned toward her with a wry smile. “I never thought I would say this, but you sound exactly like Jason.”

His mother laughed, and the sound eased the unusual tension between them. “Good Lord, of all people to be compared to! If I begin to sound like him in any other fashion, do tell me so that I may correct myself immediately.”

Seth nodded. “Absolutely.”

“Though, in this case, if we are on the same side, it is likely the side of right. We both care for you.” His mother got to her feet and touched his arm gently. “Please do think about what I’ve said. I know you feel compelled to marry this Season and start producing your heirs so that you may carry on what was cut short when your brother—”

She broke off and Seth was certain he saw the sparkle of tears in her eyes before she blinked them away.

“I admire you for your dedication to a duty I realize you never aspired to fulfill,” she said instead of finishing the sentence she had begun earlier. “But I do not want you to regret your choices, whatever they may be.”

“Nor do I,” he reassured her as he covered her hand with his own.

“If it takes you another Season to find a lady, then so be it.” She smiled. “You have a little time before supper and the ball,” she said with a wave to the beautiful sunny day outside. “Why don’t you take one of your walks about the property? It might help clear your head.”

Seth looked past her toward the estate grounds. She was right that he had always found solace in a turn about the grassy hills.

“I think that is a capital idea,” he said as he bent to kiss his mother’s forehead. “But I must demand one boon before I go.”

“What is that?” she asked as she looked up at him with pure love.

“Stop worrying about me,” he demanded with a smile.

She shook her head as she ushered him to the door. “That is one thing I may
never
grant you. Until the day I take my last breath, it will be my prerogative to fuss and worry and hope for nothing but the best for you, just as I do for all my children.”

Seth laughed as she waved him away, but as he moved down the hallway, his laughter faded. Although his mother preached about his happiness, she had serious concerns about the future of their line. She did not want the title to slip from her husband’s line and go to a cousin or other relation. In some way, she seemed to count that as a personal failure.

Even when she reassured him there was no pressure, she offered him, what, one additional Season to marry? Clearly the idea that he do so was heavy on her mind. When he did wed, it would take much of that burden from her.

He exited the home and turned toward the winding path that made its way into the hilly area beyond the main estate grounds. He would walk for an hour, work out some of his frustrations and be ready to resume his role as marquis when he came back. He hadn’t been taking it seriously enough since the party began and he owed it to himself, and to his family, to do so.

But no sooner had that thought entered his mind than it fled, replaced by something far more pleasant. Something far less appropriate. Because as he rounded a bend and stepped from the path to the grass, he saw a woman up ahead of him. And not just any woman.

He saw Isabel.

Isabel breathed the sweet air and smiled. She had hesitated when Grace encouraged her to take a walk to release some of her nervous energy, but her friend had been right, as always. The warm sun, the light breeze—these were exactly what she needed to clear her mind of distracting clutter and inappropriate desires.

Reaching up, she loosened her bonnet and removed it to allow the warmth to touch her head and her face, at least briefly. Just as she lowered the hat, she heard a sound behind her.

“Lady Avenbury?”

Isabel froze in her spot. She knew that voice, so she didn’t have to turn around to see that the person who called out to her was Seth.

But she did.

He was standing about ten feet from her, his face as filled with surprise to see her as she was sure hers was to see him. Her heart leapt, for they were alone…actually more than they had been when they met in the library. There a servant or a guest could have intruded.

But here…outside…they were almost in their own world.

“I thought that was you,” Seth continued, his voice suddenly falsely bright.

Isabel swallowed. “M-my lord,” she stammered. “Are you following me?”

He shook his head. “No.”

Although Isabel should have been pleased by that, instead her heart sank with disappointment. “Oh.”

“Actually, I was just about to take a short walk,” he continued, and now he moved toward her. “I had no idea I would find you here.”

She shrugged. “It seems we think alike, for that was my intention as well. I thought the air might clear my—”

She cut herself off. Oh, why had she started that sentence? She didn’t want him to know her mind had been clouded. He would surely guess why!

He smiled, and there was no judgment in the expression.

“I understand,” he said, filling in the gap where she had stopped talking. “Since we are on a similar mission, perhaps we should walk together.”

Isabel opened and closed her mouth. Although she had to admit that strolling in these beautiful surroundings with Seth was quite appealing, it couldn’t be a prudent idea.

But to deny the marquis his request would be rude beyond belief. Really, she had no choice.

“Very well,” she finally said softly.

“Good.”

He stepped up beside her and motioned her to continue in the direction she had been heading. He never took her arm, for which she was grateful. If he touched her, she might not be able to hide her unwanted reactions to him.

They walked for a while in silence, their only accompaniment the occasional twittering bird or stirring of the leaves in the breeze. In actuality, it was pleasant, for most of the men in Isabel’s acquaintance would have felt compelled to fill the silence with idle chatter.

Only the longer they walked, the more Isabel thought of that kiss in the library. She couldn’t help but steal glances at Seth with each step, looking at his mouth, recalling what it had felt like when it pressed to hers with such strength and desire and will.

This would not do! She was meant to be in this man’s house for several more days. She couldn’t spend them staring at his lips and panting over him like an animal in heat. It had to stop.

So Isabel did the only thing she could think of. She came to a halt midstride and turned toward Seth. Her whole body shook as she prepared to speak, but she couldn’t go back.

“You are being more than gentlemanly by not bringing up the obvious problem between us, but I fear I must do so,” she burst out, her words smooshing together with the speed with which she spoke them.

Seth stared at her, as if he was trying to decipher what she had just said. But then he nodded. “I assume the problem you refer to is our little…
encounter
in the library last night?”

Isabel swallowed. The word “encounter” implied that things had gone much further between them than a mere kiss. And that forced her to think of powerful, erotic images like the ones that had been haunting her dreams. She pushed them away with effort.

“Yes,” she said, her breath short. “You know that is what I mean.”

“Lady—” he began.

She shook her head. She could see he wished to placate her, but that wasn’t what she wanted. “Oh no, please. Let me say this or I fear I won’t and I’ll regret it.”

Seth nodded slowly. “Of course. I would not want to cause you regret. Say what is on your mind.”

She drew in a long breath. “I really don’t know what happened,” she began. “I have not been myself lately, you see.”

“Why?”

Isabel blinked. She had been wondering that herself, but she heard herself say, “My other sister, she married last year and ever since I’ve been…
distracted
. Not that I begrudge her the happiness she now experiences.” She shook her head. “No one deserves it more.”

Seth was staring at her now, but the words she’d never meant to say out loud wouldn’t stop flowing.

“And then that book…that stupid book!” she continued. “Oh, it only exacerbated my feelings and desires. Still, I hope you know that I did not come to the library with any intentions of…of kissing you.”

She broke off finally, pressing her lips shut. Heat flooded her cheeks and she wished she could pretend it was because the sun was on her skin, but that was a lie. What in the world had she just said to this man…this stranger who didn’t care one lick about her and her entirely unladylike urges? What he must think of her as he stared, his lips slightly parted.

Finally, he cleared his throat.

“Actually,” he said softly, his voice rougher than it had been before. “If I recall,
I
kissed
you
.”