A MATTER OF TRUST (8 page)

“So you’ve never…?”

“No, never.” Seeing the regret in his eyes, Maddy curled her arm around his neck and pulled him closer. “It doesn’t matter, Chase. I know I was scared at first, but I’m not any more. I want you to make love to me. Please,” she whispered.

Even as he allowed her to draw his mouth down to hers, Chase cursed himself for being so weak. It was like touching a live wire every time he kissed her; the first initial jolt came when their lips met, followed by a tingling electrical current that grew stronger and stronger until he was so hot for her he could barely breathe. There was no room for logical thought, only raw emotion and the carnal need to bury himself in the warmth of her body. He knew he was in trouble even before Maddy tilted her hips into him and wound one silky leg around the back of his thigh, but it was the throaty moan that damn near did him in.

Chase tore his mouth away from hers, almost as surprised by his own actions as Maddy was. Gently pulling her arm from around his neck, he pressed a breathless kiss to her palm and attempted a smile. “My self control is very precarious right now so I think it’s best if I don’t touch you until after we talk.”

“Talk? You want to talk now?”

She gaped in disbelief as Chase disentangled himself then sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. Suddenly she felt extremely foolish just lying there without a scrap of clothing on since he’d apparently changed his mind about making love to her. Maddy sat up slowly, glancing around for something to cover herself with and grabbed the only thing within reach; the t-shirt Chase had been wearing. Yanking it numbly over her head, she stared at his broad shoulders, her heart plummeting at the rueful shake of his head.

“Oh God, it’s my fault, isn’t it?” She turned her head away when he looked back at her, too ashamed to face him. “I should have told you. I should have considered that you wouldn’t want someone so inexperienced, but I just wanted you so bad and…” She choked back a sob. “It’s no excuse,” Maddy said as she climbed off the bed. “I embarrassed you and I embarrassed myself, and I’m so sorry for putting us both in this position.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Maddy please,” he grabbed her wrist as she leaned down to pick up her jeans, “sit for a minute so we can talk.”

“What is there to talk about? I made a complete fool of myself, something I’ve become very adept at since meeting you, and if you don’t let go of me I’m going to make an even bigger fool of myself by doing something stupid like crying or begging you to tell me why you don’t want me.”

“Don’t want…?” Chase yanked her down onto his lap and propped his cast over her thighs hoping she’d be too afraid to hurt his arm to try and squiggle free. “Wanting you is not the problem.” He shifted her weight, chuckling at the gasp of surprise she let out when she realized just what is was that was prodding the back of her thighs.

“Listen, honey, I know you think you’re ready for this, but it’s not something you should rush into without giving it some serious thought. You’re first time should be special, and it should be shared with someone you care about and who cares about you.” Chase could have kicked himself when she flinched. “Damn it, Maddy, I’m not trying to hurt you, I just don’t want you to look back on this and regret it.”

“Thank you for saving me from making such a horrible mistake,” she said coldly. She forced up an impenetrable wall around her heart, one that would keep Chase Malone from ever touching it again, and primly removed herself from his lap.

“Maddy…”

“No, you were right.” She started gathering up her clothes. “We hardly know each other so it’s obvious there couldn’t be any real emotion. I guess I just mistook good old fashioned lust for genuine feelings, but don’t worry, it won’t happen again.” Maddy held her head up with as much dignity as she could muster and looked him straight in the eyes. She wasn’t a coward in spite of her timid nature and she wouldn’t allow him to think otherwise. “I propose that we maintain a business-like arrangement from here on out just to spare us both from any further uncomfortable situations.” Her eyes swept over his magnificent body. “Do you require my help in getting dressed?”

Chase gritted his teeth at the formal tone she was using. “No, I’ll manage.” She nodded stiffly then turned and headed towards the door. “Maddy, wait. I don’t…” But it was too late, she was already gone.

****

Of all the asinine, poorly thought out, utterly stupid things he’d ever done in his life, rejecting Maddy took the grand prize. Yes, it was insane to think he actually felt something more than sexual attraction when he’d only known her for a few days, but the dull ache in his chest told him it was true weather it seemed rational or not. And as hard as she’d tried to mask it, he’d caught the wounded look in her eyes just before she turned around so there was no denying it was a two way street as far as their feelings for each other went. Yet he hadn’t gone after her. Why?

Chase paced restlessly back and forth, searching for an answer. His usual aversion to commitment had gone by the wayside the moment he’d laid eyes on her so what was the problem? He glanced back at the bed, thoroughly disgusted with himself for letting her go. She could by lying there right now, her soft skin moist and still heated from making love with him, her lips swollen from his kisses and those beautiful blue eyes of hers would be gazing at him with love. Chase stopped abruptly. Love? Was that what he wanted?

He stood there for several minutes staring blankly at the wall as a strange sensation began to invade his entire body. He couldn’t recall if he’d ever even looked into a woman’s eyes after having sex, and he’d certainly never hoped to find any deep emotions there if he had. But he wanted that from Maddy. He wanted her to fall madly, irrevocably, insanely in love with him so that when they finally did share the intimacy of their bodies he’d see it shining through her eyes and know that she was completely his. But he couldn’t very well tell her that, especially not now when she believed he’d been turned off by her inexperience.

Chase raked his fingers through his hair. Hell, he couldn’t remember a time when he’d been more turned on. But he didn’t just want to be Maddy’s first lover, he wanted to be her only lover, but these were thoughts and feelings better kept to himself for the moment. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her off, assuming he hadn’t done that already. Chase strode purposefully towards the door, the very idea that she might be packing her things or was contemplating leaving him chilled him to the bone. Good God, he had it bad!

“Maddy,” he hollered out as he flung the door open and crossed the hall. “Maddy, come out here, I need…” the air left his lungs in a whoosh when she suddenly came flying out of her room and barreled right into him.

There was a howl of pain from both of them; one from Chase because she’d rammed the cast into his ribs, and one from Maddy because she felt as if she’d just collided with a brick wall. The impact left them both nursing wounds and glaring heatedly at each other, and though she felt a twinge of guilt for once again battering his broken arm, she thought there was a good shot he’d dislocated her shoulder which put sympathy on the back burner at the moment.

Chase rubbed his side, wincing when his fingers hit a particularly tender spot. “You’re determined to cause as much bodily injury as possible while you’re here, aren’t you?”

“Me! How was I to know you were blocking my doorway?”

“Maybe if you’d exit your room like a normal person instead charging through like your tail was on fire…”

Maddy shot him a scathing glance. “I wouldn’t have been rushing to get to you at all if you hadn’t been yelling for me. I thought you’d fallen down the stairs or something and it scared me to death.”

A slow smile spread across his face. “Really? You were worried about me?”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” she said dryly, “I’d have done the same for any injured animal.”

Chase couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up in his throat, and though Maddy didn’t seem to find as much humor in it as he did, she lightened up enough to give him a tentative smile. What it was about her that stole his breath he couldn’t really say, all he knew was that she stirred something deep in his heart and he didn’t ever want that feeling to go away.

There wasn’t more than a foot of distance between them, but it might as well have been a canyon as far as he was concerned because even an inch apart at that moment was too much. He needed to touch her, taste her lips, breath in her scent, but when he reached out to pull her into his arms, Maddy backed away from him.

****

“I meant what I said, Chase. I won’t have you playing with my emotions.”

His arm dropped back to his side. “That wasn’t what I was doing, you must know that.”

“You think taking me to your room and letting me crawl into your bed naked when you had no intention of making love to me wasn’t playing with my emotions? Do you have any idea how humiliating that was for me?”

“You know damn well I wanted you just as much as you wanted me.”

“Oh really? Is that why you made up that ridiculous story about waiting for the right person?” Maddy crossed her arms, her anger beginning to pick up steam. “Let’s be honest, Chase. The truth is you were afraid I’d become a clinging vine if I gave up my virginity to you. That’s why you hook up with women like Angela, so you don’t have to worry about them falling in love with you for who you are and the only thing you have to worry about protecting is your pocketbook.”

“You don’t understand…”

“You’re right, I don’t understand. I don’t understand how a man who obviously had the passion to build a successful business and acquire a home like this would stop short of having it all. The big house and fancy cars and all the money in the world won’t make you happy in here,” she tapped her chest, “not when you have a different woman on your arm every Saturday night.”

“Maddy…”

“No, I’m not finished. Look, Chase, I’m not saying I’m the one for you, I’m just saying I might have been. But you won't ever know that because you’re so afraid to open up your heart to anyone you’d rather pass up the chance at something truly wonderful than admit it terrifies you.”

“It does terrify me.” He stepped closer, but this time he was ready for her evasive action and caught Maddy around the waist before she could get away. “You’re right about the other women and about something missing in my life, but you’re dead wrong if you think the reason I didn’t make love to you was because I was afraid something real would develop between us.”

“Then why?” Maddy’s heart fluttered when he drew her into him and lowered his mouth to hers. His lips were warm and soft, the kiss so agonizingly slow and tender it made her want to cry.

“That’s why,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I want more than just a physical relationship with you and I was afraid that making love to you now would cloud that. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I don’t want to ruin it before it’s even had a chance to begin.”

“Oh Chase, why didn’t you just say that?”

“Because I wasn’t sure myself until I had time to think it out.”

Maddy smiled up at him. “Is that why you were bellowing for me?”

“I don’t bellow. I admit I may have been a little more vocal than normal because I was afraid I’d chased you off, but that’s all.”

“So you weren’t going to tell me all this, you just wanted to make sure I wasn’t leaving?”

“I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, I only knew I couldn’t lose you.”

“You know people are going to think we’re crazy.”

“Maybe we are,” he grinned.

“So what do we do now?”

“We could take that walk on the beach you suggested earlier.”

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll accidentally trip you going down the stairs?” She teased.

“I’ll take my chances.”

“Brave man.”

Chase pulled her closer. “Maybe you should give me a kiss for luck.”

Maddy wasn’t sure if kissing the jinx would do any good, but she wasn’t about to do anything that would dissuade him from doing it. She’d been so miserable thinking he didn’t want her but now that she understood his reasons for not taking her when he had the chance, she was glad. Not that she would have regretted making love to Chase, but she liked the idea that he wanted them to get to know each other better and form an emotional bond before they gave in to their physical desires. Besides, Maddy thought as she molded herself to him, the anticipation of being together would only heighten the experience when it finally happened.

****

Chase couldn’t have been happier with their arrangement. They’d walked along the beach hand in hand that afternoon, talking and laughing and getting to know each other. Occasionally he’d stop and give her a kiss, his heart swelling in his chest every time she accepted his attention as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He was falling hard and fast but for the first time in his life he had no desire to stop and analyze his feelings or wonder if he was getting in too deep. She was kind and giving and so different from the cold, calculating women he’d been keeping company with that it was easy to forget he’d ever vowed to remain a bachelor.