A MATTER OF TRUST (18 page)

“Stay away from me,” Maddy choked. Cradling her bloodied hand to her stomach, she eyed him warily as she inched backwards. “I don’t want your help, not anymore, not after…”

“Maddy, stop,” Chase pleaded. “There’s glass everywhere and you’re barefooted. Let me carry you upstairs and…”

“No! I don’t want you anywhere near me.” She blinked back the tears that were blurring her vision. “You lied to me,” she cried hoarsely. “You said you wanted this baby.”

“I didn’t…honey, I do want the baby, you know I do. Look, Maddy, you’re not well. It’s the fever…it’s got you so confused you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“It’s not…the fever…” her voice trailed off and for a moment she forgot what she was going to say. She was tired, so very tired, and her head was starting to throb. Maddy looked down at her injured hand, idly wondering why it didn’t hurt and if it would take long to heal. “I think I need to lie down,” she said faintly. “I think…”

In two long strides, Chase was at her side and sweeping her up into his arms. “I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he murmured against her cheek.

Thank God, thank God, the words kept repeating themselves in his head as he held her close to his chest and double timed it up the stairs. If she’d taken even one more step backwards she would have sliced her feet open with the broken glass, and if she’d tried to make it up the stairs by herself…Chase shoved aside the vision he’d had of her tumbling down the staircase and landing in a heap at his feet.

She had to be sicker than they thought, or maybe it had just gotten worse instead of better, because the way she’d been looking at

him made him believe she wasn’t even sure who he was. Delirious, she had to be. It’s the only thing that explained why she thought he wouldn’t want their baby. He’d take her back to see Dr. Burky, but first he had to cleanse the wounds on her hand and see how serious the cuts were.

****

Chase carried her into his bathroom and carefully set her on her feet facing the sink and braced her back against his chest. Reaching around her, he turned on the tap so that there was a slow, steady stream of luke warm water then took her hand and gently began to rinse off the blood. He was relieved to see that none of the wounds were very deep, although the gash across the padded flesh below her thump would need a few butterfly bandages to keep it pulled together. The bleeding had stopped by the time he withdrew her hand and patted it dry, and though she remained silent while he applied the antiseptic and bandages, tears trickled down her face in a steady flow and there was such a heavy sadness in her eyes it nearly broke his heart in two.

Once he was done with her hand, Chase removed her blood stained robe and tossed it into the tub to be dispensed with later then took a warm clothe and wiped off her stomach where it had soaked through the material. He dampened a second clothe and wiped the tears from her face, all the while wondering what troubled thoughts were brewing in that pretty head of hers. When Maddy was all cleaned up, he ushered her back to bed and tucked her between the sheets then stretched out beside her and drew her close to his side. He rested his cheek on her forehead, allowing his own turbulent emotions to level out before trying to talk to her.

“I know you’re not feeling well and that your mind is playing tricks on you, but you have to believe me when I tell you there’s nothing I want more in this world than that baby you’re carrying.”

Maddy instantly tensed. She wanted to scream at him and call him a liar, and she wanted to pound her fist against his chest until he felt the same horrible pain that was gnawing at her heart and making her whole body ache, but she did neither. When she spoke, her voice was low and flat, devoid of all emotion.

“I heard you on the phone. I heard you tell your mother that you couldn’t handle it and that…that you were going to convince me to get rid of it.”

Chase’s heart clutched in his chest. “Oh God, sweetheart, no wonder you looked at me as if I was some sort of monster.” He rose up on one elbow, his gut wrenching at the wariness he saw in her eyes. “It wasn’t what you think.”

She turned her head away from him, her lips trembling. “How could you? How could imagine for even one moment that I’d do anything to harm my baby?”

He cupped her chin and gently forced her to look at him. “Our baby,” he said firmly. “You obviously only heard a small portion of the conversation and jumped to conclusions that simply weren’t true. Maddy, I called my mother to ask her if she’d plan the wedding. She was elated to hear she was going to be a grandmother and agreed that we should be married as quickly as possible.” Chase smiled down her when he saw hope replace the doubt in her eyes. “I told her I couldn’t handle it myself, not with having to return to work and not when I didn’t have the faintest idea how to throw together a wedding to begin with.”

“But you…you laughed and said it was going to difficult to convince me to get rid of the baby.”

“No, sweetheart, you misunderstood. Mom said Lydia told her about that old car of yours. You see, I’d confessed the whole story to Lydia about how I bullied you into staying with me and I’d told her the first thing I was going to do when we got married was to buy you a new car. When Mom heard you were pregnant she said it wasn’t safe for you to be driving around in it. Basically, she ordered me to get a new one now rather than wait until after the wedding.”

Maddy started to cry again. “The car? You were talking about getting rid of the car?”

“I should be mad at you,” he gently rebuked.

“No,” she sniffed, “you should be furious with me. Oh Chase, can you ever forgive me for thinking such horrible things about you?”

“I tell you what. You’re not yourself right now so I’m not going to say anymore about it.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “And when I’m feeling better?” The devilishly sexy grin he gave her made Maddy’s heart flutter and the muscles in her abdomen clench.

Chase’s hand moved slowly up her bare thigh. “Retribution,” he said huskily, “hours and hours of retribution.”

Chapter 11

Maddy flexed her fingers, examining the faint lines that still remained from where the glass had cut her nearly a week ago. She’d healed quickly and doubted there would be any scarring, except maybe the one she’d left on her own heart from the experience. How could she have been so distrustful of Chase when he’d never been anything but open and honest with her?

She gazed out over the ocean, a small frown curving her lips downward. Guilt perhaps? Her own little white lies had been gnawing at her for days now, ever since Chase told her they were going out this weekend to buy her a new car. It hadn’t really struck her until then just how important it was for him to feel like he was taking care of her.

Maddy kicked at the sand, disgusted with herself for not telling him the truth. He’d misconstrued her pleas not to spend his money on her, understandably believing it was pride that made her argue against it. After all, wasn’t she the one who’d told him the reason she’d gone on the road to begin with was to prove she could make it on her own? She’d never explained that it wasn’t financial security she’d been seeking, but the security of knowing she had something to offer the world besides being the daughter of Alexander St. Claire. And what else was Chase supposed to assume considering the shabby appearance of the old Chevy but that she was penniless?

Maddy shivered against the cool breeze sweeping off the ocean and angled back towards the house. That shoddy looking Chevy had a great deal of sentimental value to her because it had been left to her by her grandfather on her father’s side. It was the first car he owned outright and he’d been proud of the way he’d scrimped and saved every spare nickel to pay for it. Even after Joshua St. Claire finished college and pursued his career in politics and eventually became a state Senator, he’d kept the car and occasionally took it for a spin for old time’s sake.

He’d had everything under the hood gutted and replaced so it ran like a dream but Joshua had adamantly refused to restore the body to its original glory. It was a reminder, he told her, a reminder that no matter how far up the political ladder he climbed and no matter how much wealth he accrued, there were still people out there struggling to survive and willing to work hard and save every penny they had to make their dreams come true.

“I wanted this car so bad I worked three jobs to get it,” he’d told her wistfully. “It was a small dream, but it was still a dream. I try not to forget that while I’m sitting in my fancy office and living high on the hog. What I do or don’t do as a Senator could make or break someone else’s dream so it’s good to remember there was a time when I drove this old Chevy and had to worry about things like whether I’d have enough money to buy groceries and pay all my bills.” He’d reached over and given Maddy’s nose a playful tweak just like he’d done when she was a little girl. “Having money can keep you from reaching your dreams just as easily as not having it can, you remember that.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” she’d told him.

“I know you don’t like be in the limelight, but you do it because your parents expect you to. Like it or not, you were born into it because of me and your father, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it run your life. Your paintings are good, Maddy, and it’s where your heart is. Don’t settle for the life of a socialite or a politician’s daughter when you have this gift. Make your own way, honey. Don’t let money or the influence of Alexander dictate who you are or what you make of yourself.”

Her grandfather had died of a heart attack less than six months later and she’d grieved for another two months before taking what he’d said to heart. He’d left her a considerable amount of money along with a house in the Florida Keys and his cabin in the Colorado mountains, but what touched her more than any of those things was that silly old car. She’d made the decision to go on the road and the paint the world just as he’d encouraged her to do, but she’d also made the decision to leave the stigma of wealth and power behind her and now it had come back to haunt her.

Chase would be disappointed to discover she had more money than she knew what to do with because it meant she wasn’t the helpless female he imagined her to be. He was a proud man and he liked the idea she was dependent on him. How wounded was his ego going to be when he found out she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself financially? But he’d be especially hurt to learn she’d lied about her true identity. Oh, he’d probably understand why she hadn’t wanted to travel under the name St. Claire, but he wouldn’t be nearly so understanding about why she’d continued to keep the truth from him. She wasn’t even sure why she’d done it herself, except that maybe she’d needed to know Chase loved her for who she was inside.

Was that a cop out? Maddy didn’t think so. It wasn’t so bad when she was younger because her father hadn’t been a Senator then and even if he had been, children her own age had no concept of how important that position was. But later, when he’d become a Senator and she’d moved into her teens, the boys at the private school she attended were very much aware of who her father was and considered her a catch.

She’d hated the attention because she knew they wouldn’t have given her a second glance if her last name wasn’t St. Claire. She was too shy, and though she supposed she was pretty enough, she lacked the beauty and social grace necessary to earn any genuine interest of the popular boys who constantly asked her out. Thank God her brothers had been around to dissuade the ones who grew a little too bold in their pursuit of her.

College had been just as bad, and working for her father hadn’t improved the situation. In general, the men who worked for him were respectful towards her and once word got around that she’d declined offers for a date from two of the best looking men there, their interest in her waned. After all, if she wouldn’t go out with men who were drop-dead gorgeous, none of the others stood a chance. And if they couldn’t get her to even accept a date, there could be no involvement and therefore no possibility of using her as a way to gain favor with her father.

Maddy let out a heavy sigh, regretting that she hadn’t opened up to Chase about her childhood and how difficult it had been not to lose herself entirely when she was known in most circles only as Senator St. Claire’s daughter. People she’d seen at social gatherings for years, who’d carried on numerous conversations with her and who smiled and waved when they saw her shopping or at a restaurant still forgot her name. She wasn’t important to them. They acknowledged her existence because of who her father was, and though she loved him dearly and thought he was a truly great man, Maddy was tired of feeling insignificant and had finally set out to make a name for herself other than St. Claire.

That’s why she’d taken her mother’s maiden name. As Madysen Sawyer, she could try to sell her paintings without the fear that some gallery owner would want them for any reason other than that they were good. As Madysen Sawyer, she could wear faded blue jeans and go without make-up and put her hair up in an untidy ponytail if she wanted to. There would be no more parties or country clubs where she had to mingle for hours with a plastic smile painted on her face, pretending to be interested in whatever subject was in the political spot light. She was free at last, or so she’d thought. Now she wasn’t so sure. How could she be free when she was harboring secrets from the man she loved?