A Maze of Death

His job, as always, bored him. So he had during the previous week gone to the ship’s transmitter and attached conduits to the permanent electrodes extending from his pineal gland. The conduits had carried his prayer to the transmitter, and from there the prayer had gone into the nearest relay network; his prayer, during these days, had bounced throughout the galaxy, winding up—he hoped—at one of the god-worlds.

His prayer had been simple. “This damn inventory-control job bores me,” he had prayed. “Routine work—this ship is too large and in addition it’s overstaffed. I’m a useless standby module. Could you help me find something more creative and stimulating?” He had addressed the prayer, as a matter of course, to the Intercessor. Had it failed he would have presently readdressed the prayer, this time to the Mentufacturer.

But the prayer had not failed.

“Mr. Tallchief,” his supervisor said, entering Ben’s work cubicle. “You’re being transferred. How about that?”

“I’ll transmit a thankyou prayer,” Ben said, and felt good inside. It always felt good when one’s prayers were listened
to and answered. “When do I transfer? Soon?” He had never concealed his dissatisfaction from his supervisor; there was now even less reason to do so.

“Ben Tallchief,” his supervisor said. “The praying mantis.”

“Don’t you pray?” Ben asked, amazed.

“Only when there’s no other alternative. I’m in favor of a person solving his problems on his own, without outside help. Anyhow, your transfer is valid.” His supervisor dropped a document on the desk before Ben. “A small colony on a planet named Delmak-O. I don’t know anything about it, but I suppose you’ll find it all out when you get there.” He eyed Ben thoughtfully. “You’re entitled to use one of the ship’s nosers. For a payment of three silver dollars.”

“Done,” Ben said, and stood up, clutching the document.

He ascended by express elevator to the ship’s transmitter, which he found hard at work transacting official ship business. “Will you be having any empty periods later today?” he asked the chief radio operator. “I have another prayer, but I don’t want to tie up your equipment if you’ll be needing it.”

“Busy all day,” the chief radio operator said. “Look, Mac—we put one prayer through for you last week; isn’t that enough?”

Anyhow I tried, Ben Tallchief mused as he left the transmitter with its hardworking crew and returned to his own quarters. If the matter ever comes up, he thought, I can say I did my best. But, as usual, the channels were tied up by nonpersonal communications.

He felt his anticipation grow; a creative job at last, and just when he needed it most. Another few weeks here, he said to himself, and I would have been pizzling away at the bottle again as in lamented former times. And of course that’s why they granted it, he realized. They knew I was nearing a break. I’d probably have wound up in the ship’s brig, along with—how many were there in the brig now?—well, however
many there were in there. Ten, maybe. Not much for a ship this size. And with such stringent rules.

From the top drawer of his dresser he got out an unopened fifth of Peter Dawson scotch, broke the seal, unscrewed the lid. Little libation, he told himself as he poured scotch into a Dixie cup. And celebration. The gods appreciate ceremony. He drank the scotch, then refilled the small paper cup.

To further enlarge the ceremony he got down—a bit reluctantly—his copy of The Book: A. J. Specktowsky’s
How I Rose From the Dead in My Spare Time and So Can You
, a cheap copy with soft covers, but the only copy he had ever owned; hence he had a sentimental attitude toward it. Opening at random (a highly approved method) he read over a few familiar paragraphs of the great twenty-first century Communist theologian’s apologia pro vita sua.

“God is not supernatural. His existence was the first and most natural mode of being to form itself.”

True, Ben Tallchief said to himself. As later theological investigation had proved. Specktowsky had been a prophet as well as a logician; all that he had predicted had turned up sooner or later. There remained, of course, a good deal to know … for example, the cause of the Mentufacturer’s coming into being (unless one was satisfied to believe, with Specktowsky, that beings of that order were self-creating, and existing outside of time, hence outside of causality). But in the main it was all there on the many-times-printed pages.

“With each greater circle the power, good and knowledge on the part of God weakened, so that at the periphery of the greatest circle his good was weak, his knowledge was weak—too weak for him to observe the Form Destroyer, which was called into being by God’s acts of form creation. The origin of the Form Destroyer is unclear; it is, for instance, not possible to declare whether (one) he was a separate entity from God from the start, uncreated by God but also self-creating, as is God, or (two) whether the Form Destroyer is an aspect of God, there being nothing—”

He ceased reading, sat sipping scotch and rubbing his forehead semi-wearily. He was forty-two years old and had read The Book many times. His life, although long, had not added up to much, at least until now. He had held a variety of jobs, doing a modicum of service to his employers, but never ever really excelling. Maybe I can begin to excel, he said to himself. On this new assignment. Maybe this is my big chance.

Forty-two. His age had astounded him for years, and each time that he had sat so astounded, trying to figure out what had become of the young, slim man in his twenties, a whole additional year slipped by and had to be recorded, a continually growing sum which he could not reconcile with his self-image. He still saw himself, in his mind’s eye, as youthful, and when he caught sight of himself in photographs he usually collapsed. For example, he shaved now with an electric razor, unwilling to gaze at himself in his bathroom mirror. Somebody took my actual physical presence away and substituted
this
, he had thought from time to time. Oh well, so it went. He sighed.

Of all his many meager jobs he had enjoyed one alone, and he still meditated about it now and then. In 2105 he had operated the background music system aboard a huge colonizing ship on its way to one of the Deneb worlds. In the tape vault he had found all of the Beethoven symphonies mixed haphazardly in with string versions of
Carmen
and of Delibes and he had played the
Fifth
, his favorite, a thousand times throughout the speaker complex that crept everywhere within the ship, reaching each cubicle and work area. Oddly enough no one had complained and he had kept on, finally shifting his loyalty to the
Seventh
and at last, in a fit of excitement during the final months of the ship’s voyage, to the
Ninth
—from which his loyalty never waned.

Maybe what I really need is sleep, he said to himself. A sort of twilight of living, with only the background sound of Beethoven audible. All the rest a blur.

No, he decided; I want to
be!
I want to act and accomplish something. And every year it becomes more necessary. Every
year, too, it slips further and further away. The thing about the Mentufacturer, he reflected, is that he can renew everything. He can abort the decay process by replacing the decaying object with a new one, one whose form is perfect. And then that decays. The Form Destroyer gets hold of it—and presently the Mentufacturer replaces that. As with a succession of old bees wearing out their wings, dying and being replaced at last by new bees. But I can’t do that. I decay and the Form Destroyer has me. And it will get only worse.

God, he thought, help me.

But not by replacing me. That would be fine from a cosmological standpoint, but ceasing to exist is not what I’m after; and perhaps you understood this when you answered my prayer.

The scotch had made him sleepy; to his chagrin he found himself nodding. To bring himself back to full wakefulness: that was necessary. Leaping up as he strode to his portable phonograph, took a visrecord at random, and placed it on the turntable. At once the far wall of the room lit up, and bright shapes intermingled with one another, a mixture of motion and of life, but unnaturally flat. He reflexively adjusted the depth-circuit; the figures began to become three dimensional. He turned up the sound as well.