A Merry Little Christmas (27 page)

They had at least sorted out the order of service, which would be held at the local parish church, St Olave’s, with the local vicar, Andrew Lawton, presiding. He hadn’t known Louise, but had welcomed the Tinsalls into the parish when they’d first arrived in Hope Christmas, and Cat got on well with him. When he’d popped round to see them a couple of nights earlier, Cat had liked the fact that he hadn’t tried to put her off with platitudes, understanding immediately how she was suffering.

‘What about the eulogy?’ he’d asked. ‘Do you feel up to doing it?’

‘I don’t think I’m brave enough,’ Cat admitted. ‘I’ll ask my Auntie Eileen.’

‘That’s okay, you know,’ Andrew said. ‘Most people find it’s too much.’

She’d been grateful for his understanding, and knew he’d lead the service with empathy and kindness. It was one less thing to worry about, as she woke up every day to the realisation that her world had changed forever.

Cat felt punch drunk, as if everything was in perpetual slow motion. She would think to herself every morning, when she got up, and looked out of her window onto the serene Shropshire hills,
Mum’s dead
, but it didn’t feel real. She said the words, but they were meaningless. It just didn’t seem possible that the world was still turning and Mum wasn’t in it. She knew she was being illogical, but that was how she felt. Horrible as all the last few years had been, she still felt the loss of her mother immensely. And probably always would.

They walked back into the house, into yet another fight. Mel had been left in charge, but things seemed to be a tad out of control.

‘Will you get your lazy butt off that PlayStation, and come and help me with tea,’ Mel was shouting at James. ‘You’re the famous cook!’

James was doing his usual infuriating
I’m a teenage boy in a world of my own
routine and ignoring her completely. Paige in the meantime was cutting up bits of paper on the living room floor for no apparent purpose, while Ruby, despite specific instructions not to, had got the pet hamster out and was letting it run all over the floor.

‘What the hell is going on?’ said Noel as Ruby let out a shriek, ‘Hammy’s got lost under the sofa!’ while Mel took the earphones from James’ head and poured water over him.

‘Mel!’ said Cat. ‘That is enough. Apologise to your brother.’

‘He should apologise to me,’ said Mel sulkily.

‘I don’t think so,’ said Cat. ‘You’re not the one with a wet head.’

‘You always take his side!’ said Mel and stormed out of the room, slamming the door so loudly, the whole house shook.

‘Great,’ said Cat.

‘Mummy, Mummy, what about Hammy?’ Ruby was clinging to Cat hysterically.

‘Well, let’s just carefully move the sofa back,’ said Cat. As she did so the hamster shot out and across the floor. In a swift and sudden movement, Noel dived down and grabbed it triumphantly, only to yelp out loud when Hammy decided to bite his finger.

‘Little bugger,’ said Noel, sucking his finger. ‘Now where’s he gone?’

‘There,’ said Cat, in time to see Hammy squeeze through a gap in the floorboards.

‘That’ll be where the mice are getting in, then,’ said Noel.

Ruby was still wailing, ‘But Hammy! How are we going to get him back?’

‘I know,’ said Cat, ‘why don’t we leave the cage here with his food, and he’ll come back when he’s hungry.’

That had worked in the past, so with any luck Hammy wouldn’t be lost for too long. It was enough to calm Ruby down at least. She and Noel made Paige clear up the mess on the floor, and James, spotting the way the wind was going, quickly got up to get the dinner on. ‘I really
was
going to do it,’ he said.

‘Yeah, and the rest,’ said Cat. Time to go and tackle Mel. It was unlike her to be quite so rotten to James. Cat resolved to be kind. Mel was clearly so upset about Louise, there was no point giving her a hard time.

‘Can I come in?’ She knocked on the door.

‘Sure.’ Mel was lying staring up at the ceiling looking so utterly miserable, Cat’s telling off dried up on her tongue.

‘Oh sweetheart,’ she said. ‘Are you okay? Is this about Granny?’

‘Sort of,’ said Mel through tearstained cheeks, ‘but there’s something else.’

Cat suddenly had a very very bad feeling.

‘I’m really really sorry, Mum,’ she said, ‘but I’m pregnant.’

‘You’re what?’ Cat sat down on the bed with a thump. ‘But I thought … you said … haven’t you been having your periods?’

The shock reverberated through her. She’d known all along something was wrong, but had ignored her instincts.

Mel sat, twisting the duvet she was holding on to for grim death.

‘Well, yes, that’s why I didn’t realise,’ she said. ‘I did a test and it was negative, and then I kept having sort of periods, so I thought …’

Her voice trailed off miserably, but Cat was so furious, she was beyond caring.

Pregnant, pregnant,
pregnant
. At sixteen. All the signs were there and she’d missed it. What kind of mother was she? Anger at herself impelled Cat to bombard Mel with questions. ‘Who’s the father? When’s it due? Have you seen a doctor?’ and eventually, ‘Mel, after everything I’ve taught you, how could you be so bloody stupid!’

Cat’s emotions were a jumbled-up mess. She wanted badly to give Mel a hug and say it would be all right, but she was so angry she couldn’t bring herself to. All she could see was Mel’s future going down the drain. It was so unnecessary and stupid, she could have wept.

‘I knew you wouldn’t understand!’ flared Mel. ‘You never do. You never listen. You’re not interested in me. Why should you care if I get pregnant?’

‘Of course I care!’ said Cat. ‘But you’re very young. You have your whole life ahead of you. This isn’t what we wanted for you.’

‘Well, sorry to be such a disappointment!’

‘Mel, I didn’t say that–’ said Cat, but Mel was picking up a bag and angrily throwing things into it, whilst crying big gulping tears.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ said Cat.

‘Going to Karen’s,’ said Mel. ‘At least her mum listens to me.’

‘What – you mean Karen’s mum knew? That’s just terrific!’ said Cat. ‘Does the whole of Hope Christmas know too?’

‘No, no one bloody does!’ said Mel. ‘But at least Karen’s mum understands, which is more than you do.’

‘Mel …’ said Cat again, but Mel had barged past her and down the stairs. Dully, Cat heard the familiar sound of the front door slamming. She sat wearily back on Mel’s bed, staring at the familiar teen bedroom with its pictures of various bands that Mel had liked over the years, the shelves still full of fluffy animals that Mel refused to give up. Her fluffy slippers lay discarded by the door – she’d evidently forgotten to pack them as she’d been in such a hurry, and her dressing gown still hung on the door. For all her aspirations to be grown up, this still felt like the room of a little girl. Her little girl, who was in terrible trouble and she’d turned her away. Ashamed of herself and bitterly guilty, Cat burst into hot angry tears.

Which is how Noel found her, sometime later.

‘What on earth’s going on?’ he said. ‘Where’s Mel? And why are you crying?’

‘Oh Noel,’ said Cat, bursting into tears, ‘Mel’s pregnant.’

Noel turned ashen.

‘Fuck. Fuck,’ he sat down next to Cat, clearly in as much of a state of shock as she was.

‘Fuck,’ he said again.

‘Are you going to say anything else?’ said Cat, giving him a weak grin.

‘I’m just – I don’t know what to say – stunned, I guess,’ said Noel. ‘How? Who? When?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Cat. ‘I didn’t deal with it very well. Mel’s gone to stay at Karen’s. Everything’s such a mess – and it’s all my fault.’

Noel put his arm around her. ‘Don’t be daft,’ he said. ‘How do you figure that out?’

‘I should have guessed – I think I did really,’ said Cat, ‘but then with Mum and everything … I feel like such a failure.’

‘If you’re a failure, then so am I,’ said Noel. ‘We both made her, you know.’

He elbowed her gently.

‘Come on, Cat, don’t be so hard on yourself. We need to face this together. She’s probably upset and angry with herself as much as you.’

‘But I was so horrible to her,’ said Cat. ‘I couldn’t bring myself to be sympathetic. The poor kid must be feeling terrible. It’s just that …’

Her voice trailed off again. Noel kissed her on the top of the head. ‘You’re thinking about the baby again aren’t you?’

Despite her misery, Cat felt a surge of gratitude for Noel’s immediate empathy. She was so glad she was married to him, that she wasn’t facing any of this alone.

‘It’s been such a shit year,’ she said.

‘Ah well,’ said Noel, giving her a hug, ‘then things can only get better, can’t they?’

‘So how far gone is she?’ said Pippa struggling with three drinks through the packed bar at the Hopesay Arms. Michael’s band The Dark Angels were playing, so the place was busy with very cheerful bikers, which wasn’t ideal, but when Cat had called an emergency girls’ night out, Pippa and Marianne had both responded with alacrity.

‘A night out will do us all good,’ Pippa said. ‘God knows, I need one.’

Organising the demo had taken up all of her time in the last week, and with Dan having retreated back into a surly silence, she guiltily felt she needed to get away from home for a bit.

‘I don’t even know,’ said Cat. She looked washed-out and pale, not her usual smart self. ‘How crap is that? The signs were all there; rebellion, sneaking off, moodiness, never knowing where she was or what she was doing. Christ, Marianne, she was even sick at your barbie. But when I asked her, she kept denying it. She’s a bloody convincing liar, I can tell you that. And she seemed to be still having periods … so I thought I was imagining things. And what with Mum and everything …’ her voice trailed off. ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t sound more miserable if I tried. This is supposed to be a cheering ourselves up kind of evening, isn’t it?’

‘Don’t be so hard on yourself,’ said Marianne, with sympathy. ‘You have had an awful lot to deal with.’

‘Have you thought what you’ll do?’ said Pippa.

‘No idea,’ said Cat. ‘Mel’s taken herself off to her friend Karen’s house and is refusing to come home. I have to say I’m not impressed with Karen’s mum, who seems to think Mel has come from such a dysfunctional family, she needs taking under her wing. I don’t even know if she’s going to be at the funeral.’

‘When is the funeral?’ said Marianne. ‘I’d like to come if I may.’

‘Next Tuesday at two p.m., two days before Pippa’s demo,’ said Cat. ‘Would you? That would be wonderful if you could.’

‘I’d like to come too,’ said Pippa. Cat had been such a support to her with the campaign, it was the least she could do.

‘Oh stop it, girls, you’re making me well up again,’ said Cat.

‘By the way,’ said Pippa thoughtfully, ‘is the Karen that Mel is friends with Karen Darling?’

‘Yes, why, do you know her?’

Marianne rolled her eyes. ‘Pippa grew up here, haven’t you worked out by now that she knows everyone?’

‘I know her mum, Gina,’ said Pippa. ‘She’s a single mum who treats Karen like she’s a grown-up. I’m surprised Karen’s not the one who’s pregnant. By all accounts Gina had her on the pill by the time she was thirteen.’

‘Crikey. I’ve led a sheltered life,’ said Cat.

‘I’ll have a word with her if you like,’ said Pippa. ‘Gina means well, and I’m sure the last thing she’d want is to keep Mel away from you. She’s a huge softie, and probably thinks you’ve been cruel to her.’

‘Mel probably thinks I
have
been cruel to her,’ said Cat with a sigh. ‘I suppose I could have been more understanding.’

‘I don’t think many mums would be that thrilled when their sixteen-year-old daughter announces she’s pregnant,’ said Marianne. ‘I know I wouldn’t be.’

‘And yet, I probably would be,’ said Pippa wistfully, ‘because I know it’s never going to happen.’

She shook herself. She didn’t often allow herself to look ahead to Lucy’s future. The day to day was so tiring she couldn’t bear to project into the future, to think what that might bring. But one day, Lucy would be grown up. What would happen to her then?

‘Sorry, that probably wasn’t helpful.’

‘Actually,’ said Cat, ‘it was. You’ve given me a different perspective. I can’t say I’m thrilled Mel’s pregnant, but I suppose in one way I’m lucky she can get pregnant. But still. It looks like I’m going to be a granny at forty-two. Help!’

‘You will be the most glamorous granny in town,’ said Marianne.

‘I’ll drink to that,’ said Pippa.

‘That’s something to be proud of, I suppose,’ said Cat.

Marianne was having a bad day. She was exhausted and slightly depressed by the double whammy that her job share partner had just handed her notice in, and Mrs Garratt wanted her in for an urgent meeting.

‘Ah Marianne, thank you for popping in,’ Mrs Garratt said, as Marianne came tentatively into her study. She was sitting behind her desk, looking officious and anything but supportive. ‘As you know, Jane is leaving us. Which leaves me with something of a dilemma.’

Marianne had a feeling she knew what was coming next, but she played dumb.

‘Which is?’

‘I know in the past that we’ve been generous in allowing people such as yourself to have a part-time teaching role, but Jane leaving has opened up an opportunity. And I feel, and the governors feel, for the sake of the school and the children it would be better to have a full-time teacher in that role. We don’t really want another part-timer teaching half the week.’

‘So how does this affect me?’ asked Marianne flatly. Other than making an urgent phone call to her union.

‘Well of course, we don’t want to lose a teacher of your calibre,’ Mrs Garratt said smoothly, and Marianne had the absurd thought that if she opened her mouth she would show the desperately huge fangs of a wolf. ‘So of course, you can keep working part-time for us, if you so wish. But I’m afraid I won’t be able to offer you a class of your own after Christmas. You can help out in a floating capacity, parachuting in where you’re needed. Unless, of course, you want to return to full-time teaching?’