A Miracle of Hope (The Amish Wonders Series) (27 page)

He closed his eyes and tried to focus his thoughts on Caroline, but Lindie’s face appeared. Even when he closed his
eyes tighter, her freckles and bright-blue eyes loomed before him. So did the lingering memory of her soft lips.

All this thinking and restlessness had caused him to sweat. He tossed the covers off. The woodstove didn’t usually pump out this much heat. Not in December. He sat up, removed his T-shirt, and hurled it to the floor.

The following day he woke before daybreak and went out to the shop. He used the jack plane to mill the rough bark and reduce the thickness. Later, to achieve a more accurate measurement, he would spend time flattening and truing the boards. Josiah worked until his arm muscles throbbed from the back-and-forth movement.

Simon limped into the workshop. “I didn’t realize you wanted to start so early.”

“I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“
Nay
. I don’t sleep much anymore. I’ve been up reading the Bible.” He came closer and inspected the board. “Started with the cedar first? I thought you had orders for the elm.”

“I do.” He guided the planer over the wood, and wood shavings curled and fell on the floor. “This is a Christmas gift for Lindie. I should have started it earlier.”

“It has a nice grain.” Simon motioned to the
grossdaadi haus
. “I made some
kaffi
. Would you like a cup?”

Josiah nodded and set the tool on the bench. “Jakob should be here shortly. I thought we could work on rough cutting banisters out of the elm.” Josiah followed Simon into his house.

“What about your cedar project?”

“I don’t think that will take too long. Especially if these sleepless nights continue,” he muttered under his breath.

Simon poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Josiah as someone called out from the shop.

“Josiah? Are you out here?”

“There’s Jakob.” Josiah took his cup with him and stepped into the shop.

Not wanting to get on Josiah’s bad side, Lindie stayed on bed rest. But it didn’t ease the awkwardness between them. When he brought her meals into the room, he didn’t stay long. Sometimes he didn’t say anything other than what the meal was and that he hoped she liked it.

With so much time alone, she prayed for courage to tell him what had happened. How it wasn’t his fault she panicked when he kissed her. Moses recoiled as if she were poison when he heard the truth. He blamed her and she did nothing to try to change his mind. Nothing she said would have changed the outcome. Maybe Josiah would blame her as well. She couldn’t bear to live in the same house, under any arrangement, if he recoiled at the sight of her too.

Someone tapped on the door. “
Kumm
in,” she said.

Josiah cracked the door open but didn’t enter the room. “You didn’t forget about your
doktah’s
appointment, did you?”

“I guess I did. I’m sorry.” She had lost track of the days spent in bed. That meant there were only two days before Christmas. She missed the flurry of baking she and Margaret used to do. It didn’t feel like Christmas at all.

“We need to leave soon.” He closed the door. His footsteps tromped down the hall and shortly after, the bell jingled over the door.

She crawled out of bed and chose a dress. Black. Not unlike the bleakness she felt. She pinned the front closed, then touched her
kapp
. Her hair had come undone from lying in bed all day. By the time she unraveled and brushed out the tangles, twisted it back into a bun, and secured it under the
kapp
, it was time to leave.

Josiah had the buggy waiting outside the door. A cold gust of wind swirled around them. He took her elbow and guided her down the steps and over the path blanketed in wood shavings.

Hannah sat beside Lindie and they shared the quilt. Josiah refused, saying he was warm enough.

“I made arrangements with Rebecca Troyer to watch Hannah while we are in town,” he said, adding, “Simon and Jakob are busy and I didn’t want her to get in their way.” He turned the buggy onto the main road and they traveled the short distance in silence.

Josiah set the brake. “I’ll be just a minute.” He climbed out and waited for Hannah. She mitten-waved good-bye to Lindie, then hurried to the house.

Lindie readjusted the blanket to leave enough for Josiah should he change his mind. So far he’d kept his distance—both physically and emotionally. Why had he complicated things, crossing the boundaries—the boundaries he set?

Josiah pushed the blanket aside when he sat down on the bench. The silence made the trip into town seem longer than usual.

Doctor Ethridge was happy with her weight gain and that she hadn’t vomited since her last visit or experienced any more sharp pains.

“Does this mean I can increase
mei
activity?”

“I don’t see why not. I’m very pleased with your progress.
As long as you don’t overdo it, I think it will be fine for you to resume your normal routine.”

“Will you tell Josiah?” Maybe he would feel as relieved as she was to hear the news from the doctor.

“Sure.” He picked up the phone and gave his receptionist instructions to send Josiah into his office.

Josiah entered the room and sat in the chair beside Lindie.

“The baby doesn’t appear to be in any distress,” Doctor Ethridge said. “The gestational measurements are still less than I’d like, but I’m very pleased with Lindie’s weight gain. According to Lindie, she hasn’t had any more pains, nor has she vomited in the last two weeks.” He smiled at Lindie, then turned his attention back to Josiah. “I told her it would be all right to resume normal activities provided Lindie comes into the office if she experiences more pain or begins vomiting again.”

“That’s
gut
news,” Josiah said to Lindie.

She smiled.

“Do either of you have any questions?”

They both answered no at the same time.

“I would like to see you in a month to make sure your weight gain is still on track.” Doctor Ethridge closed her chart and stood. “I won’t keep you.” He walked to the door. “I’m sure you have last-minute things to do before the holidays.”

Lindie’s thoughts whirled with special dishes she wanted to prepare for Christmas and the house-to-house visitation the women had discussed last Sunday. Josiah hadn’t mentioned anything about it, but now that she was no longer on bed rest, he would surely approve of fellowshipping within the settlement.

Josiah touched her arm. “Why don’t you go up front and make your next appointment. I’ll meet you in the lobby in a minute or two.”

“Okay.” His sober expression was difficult to interpret. She hoped he wasn’t planning to convince the doctor to keep her on bed rest. She proceeded toward the corridor. It wasn’t right to eavesdrop, but surely God would forgive her if the conversation was about her.

“The tests came back inconclusive. They need to be repeated.” The doctor’s voice was muffled, yet discernable.

Lindie looked over her shoulder as the door shut behind them. What tests? She arranged for her next appointment with the receptionist, then sat on the cushioned chair against the wall and waited for Josiah.

A few minutes passed before he came to the lobby. “Everything all set?”

“Jah.”
Lindie stood. “I made an afternoon appointment, is that all right?”

“That’s fine.” This time he seemed more eager to leave the office than she did. Once outside, he guided her by the elbow down the sidewalk, then helped her into the buggy.

Josiah took his spot on the bench. White clouds of air escaped from his mouth and he shivered.

She lifted the corner of the blanket. “I’ll share with you if you’re
kalt
.”

He shook his head. “I’m fine.” He clicked his tongue, signaling Molly, and the mare lurched forward.

They traveled out of town and over the first hill before Lindie broke the silence. “It snowed while we were at the
doktah’s
office. Are the roads slippery?”

“A little.”

Another long stretch of silence followed. Since her arrival, she hadn’t had much of a chance to develop any close friendships. Not like those she had in Ohio. The houses were too far apart to
drop in on neighbors as she had done in Ohio. Besides, she hadn’t wanted to ask Josiah to take the buggy.

“I gained five pounds,” she volunteered, hoping to start a conversation.

“That’s
gut
.”

Lindie stared at the snowy field. She blinked back tears and tried to clear her head but failed.
Oh, Lord, I feel so alone
.

Josiah slipped his hand under the cover, found hers, and squeezed it. “What are you upset about?”

She shrugged and the blanket fell off her shoulder.

He pulled his hand away from hers and gripped the reins. A car sped past, its back end sliding to the shoulder. Josiah kept both hands on the reins, his eyes fixed on the road. “These hills are getting bad.”

It took longer than normal to reach the bishop’s house. Anxious to talk with Rebecca, Lindie pulled the cover away.

Josiah stopped her. “Stay warm. I’ll get Hannah.”

“I wanted to find out more about the house-to-house visits.”

Josiah rubbed his jaw. “You want us to join in with the activities, don’t you?”

She lifted her brows. “I’m
nett
on restrictions anymore.”

“I’ll be right back.” He hurried up the steps and Rebecca was quick to answer the door.

Lindie closed her eyes.
Lord, I’m still struggling to understand your way
. She paused and thought about Moses’s sister, Mary. Lindie thought nothing would separate their friendship, but Mary stopped talking to her after news spread that Lindie had skipped the singing to spend the night with an
Englischer
. Mary had openly rebuked her, even said she was glad her brother changed his mind about marrying Lindie.

Voices outside drew her attention and she opened her eyes.
Rebecca waved from the doorway and Lindie returned the greeting.

The buggy door opened and Hannah slid across the bench and snuggled close to Lindie. Josiah took his place and released the buggy brake.

“I asked Rebecca if we can serve hot cocoa and cookies,” he said, then added, “I don’t want you overdoing it.”

She shifted to see him over Hannah. “What about Ada? I thought that’s what she wanted to serve.”

“We’ll go to Ada’s at the beginning and our
haus
will be the last stop on the loop. It’s a long
nacht
. It takes several hours going by sleigh through the open fields and woods.”

“It sounds fun.”

He shrugged.

Christmas without Caroline must have been difficult for him. Lindie wished things could change this year—for all of them.

Josiah jabbed a pitchfork into the stack of hay with all the force he could muster. He couldn’t get the echo of Doctor Ethridge’s voice out of his mind.
Inconclusive tests . . . possible relapse
. . . The doctor couldn’t say for certain if his lymphoma had returned. He rattled off blood levels and their ranges as if Josiah could keep track of what was not within normal limits.

This news wasn’t any different from what he received six years ago. The doctor’s pat assurance,
I don’t want to unnecessarily worry you, but
. . . was the same today as all those years ago. Josiah remembered Caroline sitting in the chair beside him as Doctor Ethridge explained how he routinely repeated any abnormal blood work. Tears ran down Caroline’s face, but
Josiah was too stunned to offer her the hankie he had tucked in his pocket.