A Moment of Weakness (16 page)

“Will you excuse me?” Jade rushed out of the room and barely reached the bathroom in time. There she vomited until there was nothing left inside her.

Until her stomach was as empty as her breaking heart.

It couldn’t be true! It was a nightmare, and any moment she was going to wake up and start the day over again. Her stomach convulsed again and nothing came up.
Dear God, is it true? Was everything he told me a lie?
Had he manipulated their time together that summer so that she’d sleep with him? Her heart raced and once more her stomach convulsed, as if her body were trying to rid itself of everything about Tanner Eastman.

When she was finally finished, she stood and wiped her face. Her legs were wobbly and her head pounded. It couldn’t be true, could it? Tanner loved her. He had wanted to marry her, to wait until then before they … She made her way slowly back to the living room and sat down.

“Are you all right, dear? You look pale.” Tanner’s mother extended her hand and Jade took it. After all, it wasn’t her fault Tanner had lied.

“I’ll be okay.”

The woman paused and presented two separate snapshots. “I found these while you were gone. This is Amy and this … … is Justin.”

Jade stared at the photographs, and she was blindsided by another wave of nausea. There was no mistaking the resemblance. The children had Tanner’s piercing blue eyes, his strong jawline. They were gorgeous—and very much without a father.

The shock was wearing off. The pictures were proof—no question about it. Tanner had lied to her from the beginning. And like numerous other women before her, she had believed him willingly.

Anger began to replace her shock. “He doesn’t stay in touch with them?”

Mrs. Eastman shook her head sadly. “I’m afraid not. He isn’t very fatherly, actually. Doesn’t even send presents on their birthdays.”

Jade felt whatever color remained drain from her face, and again Tanner’s mother leaned closer. “You don’t look well, dear. Can I get you anything?”

“I’m sorry … I feel faint, I guess. This is all such a shock. He … he never told me any of it.”

The woman huffed in frustration. “I really thought he’d outgrown this irresponsible behavior. Especially what with his decision to work for the governor’s office next year.”

Jade’s head spun faster. “What?”

“Certainly he told you that much.”

Jade shook her head. “He’s going to law school. He wants to fight for religious freedom.”

Mrs. Eastman released a sad laugh. “He loves to talk about religious freedom. That was something his father and I always wanted for Tanner. That he might pursue a career in law, fighting for his faith. Despite his failings, he’s still a very religious young man, you know. But last week he accepted an entry-level position in the governor’s office. The governor of Virginia.”

Jade drew three quick breaths. She felt sick again, and her body shook uncontrollably. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get warm, couldn’t stop the trembling. “What about Hungary?”

“Tanner’s such a thrill seeker, he just couldn’t resist the challenge. It will look good on his resume, of course, that he spent a semester helping the people of Hungary restore their rights. And you can be sure that’s how it’ll appear on his resume.”

“I’m sorry, I.” Jade spread her knees and hung her head, desperately trying to stave off the fainting spell that had suddenly engulfed her.

“Here, dear. Have some water.” Mrs. Eastman was by her side, offering the drink.

Jade took two sips and then slowly returned to an upright position. There was something she wanted to know. “Tell me one thing, Mrs. Eastman.…”

“Yes?” The woman returned to her chair and smiled sympathetically.

“Did Tanner love any of those other women? Did he talk about marrying them?”

“Tanner has a double standard that way. He considers marrying a girl until she gives in to his advances. Once a girl has slept with him, he has no further interest. Wouldn’t look good on his political resume.”

Jade thought about Hungary. Was it true what Tanner’s mother said? Was Tanner not at all interested in fighting for religious freedom? Had he lied about that, too? Her body was seized with cramps, and she shook from the overload of shock. “But he told me politics were
your
idea.”

For a moment the woman’s eyes hardened, but then almost instantly they were kind again. “No, no, dear. Tanner’s wanted to be a politician as far back as I can remember. Oh, his father and I would have loved him to be a lawyer, helping the religious among us. But Tanner is very single-minded. When he wants something, he gets it … when he doesn’t, well …”

Jade thought of little Amy and Justin. He hadn’t wanted them or their mothers, and now he lived his life completely separate from them. It was the same thing he’d do to her.

Mrs. Eastman was watching her, and Jade was overcome with a sense of loss. How could she have been so wrong about Tanner? After being his best friend so many years earlier.…

“Jade, dear, I’m afraid Tanner can be very irresponsible. But he’s my son and I love him. One day the whole world will love him.”

Jade’s eyes filled with tears. Shock and anger were giving
way to repulsion. She had been used and made to feel like a whore at the hands of a man who had lied about everything. Certainly he had lied about his love for her. No wonder he sounded so short-tempered during their last telephone conversation.

“Here, dear—” Mrs. Eastman handed Jade a tissue—“I see you’re upset. Should we see if we can find an emergency number for Tanner?”

Jade clenched her jaw and gritted her teeth. “No, thank you. I have no interest in calling him now.”

“Oh, dear, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Jade felt the steady stream of tears on her cheeks, but she was not filled with grief. No, what filled her to overflowing was much more direct, more simple. Hatred. That’s what she felt. If she hadn’t seen the pictures of the children, she wouldn’t have believed a word of it. She had thought she knew Tanner better than she even knew herself. But now. “No, Mrs. Eastman. I’m glad you told me. You spared me from making a fool out of myself.”

“Now, now, child. How could you have known?” The woman reached for her purse, opened it, and pulled something out. “You’re planning to keep the baby, is that right?”

Jade nodded fiercely. “Definitely.”

“Well, I’ll treat your child the same way I treat Amy and Justin. But there are a few stipulations I’d like to discuss.”

Stipulations?
What in the world was she talking about? This wasn’t a business transaction. Jade stared at Tanner’s mother and noticed something she hadn’t before: The kindness was gone.

Mrs. Eastman cleared her throat and continued. “You will not put Tanner’s name on the birth certificate. He’ll not want anything to do with the child anyway, and it will only complicate things. Also, you will not mention the identity of the
baby’s father to anyone.” The woman crossed her legs again and smiled through hard eyes. “Tanner will be a household name one day, and he and I will deny to the death that he ever had anything to do with you. Is that understood?”

“I thought … you seemed like you wanted to help. Like you wanted to be a part of my baby’s life. You’ve been so …”

“Friendly? Do I have a choice?” Mrs. Eastman cast her a look of disdain. “As long as Tanner keeps getting girls like you pregnant, it’ll be up to me to cover his tracks. There will be no room for scandal in the White House. Tanner will be remembered for his high standards, his moral character. I’ve told the same thing to the other women.”

“So you’re in charge of cleaning up after him, is that it?” Jade forced herself to breathe, to remain seated even though everything in her wanted to walk over and choke this woman. How dare she place demands on Jade and her unborn child? “What if I don’t agree? What if I choose to put his name on the birth certificate anyway?”

The woman made an exaggerated shrug of her shoulders while her eyes shot daggers at Jade. “That will be your choice. But the moment you do, you will be cut off from any financial assistance I might otherwise give. Also, I will hire a batch of attorneys to sue you for child endangerment and complete custody of that brat you’re carrying. And then you’ll lose the child for good.” Mrs. Eastman uttered a short, mocking laugh. “Girls like you would never win a court battle against the Eastman estate. If you know what’s good for you, and you want to be a mother to that baby, you’ll take the money I’m about to offer and any other money I send you, and once in a while you’ll send me a photograph.” Mrs. Eastman smiled wickedly. “I like to be kept apprised of my grandchildren.”

Jade was on her feet, grabbing her purse and keys. “I don’t
want your money.” She glared at the woman, sickened at how hateful and evil she was. Just like her son. “You and Tanner don’t have to worry. My baby won’t have anybody’s name but mine.” She paused. “And I’ll never tell a soul as long as I live who the baby’s father is.”

Tanner’s mother settled back in her chair. “I thought you’d see it my way.” She held out what looked like a check. “It’s a cashier’s check. I never send Tanner’s children money any other way. Wouldn’t want it to be traced, you know.”

Jade stared at the woman in shock. She was every bit as good a liar as Tanner. To think she had spent nearly an hour believing the woman cared about her! A sickening shudder coursed through her veins. She needed air. “Keep your money. I said I don’t want it.”

Mrs. Eastman raised an eyebrow and continued to hold the check in Jade’s direction. “Are you sure? It’s ten thousand dollars.”

Jade’s eyes widened and she hesitated. She was about to set out on the world pregnant, single, and penniless. She could live with her father for a while, but once he found out about the baby.

Anxiety wrapped its arms around her, and even her teeth chattered from the shock. How could this be happening? Her body trembled with rage, furious at the way Tanner had tricked her, betrayed her. Maybe he did owe her something after all. It wasn’t much. It wouldn’t replace the fact that her child would be without a father, but it would help. It would mean that her baby wouldn’t starve while she figured out how to find a job.

“I’m not sending you pictures.” Jade held her ground, too angry and proud to approach the woman.

Mrs. Eastman nodded. “Very well, then I won’t be sending you monthly support.”

Jade hesitated. She desperately wanted to take the check and rip it in half. But the truth was, she had no other means of existence. She had to think of the baby. “So you give me ten thousand dollars and that’s it? Neither of us ever looks back?”

“I told you, Jade, I like you.” The woman’s eyes were hateful as she came near, the check clutched in her outstretched hand. “Consider the money a gift.”

Everything in Jade was repulsed at the thought of taking this woman’s check.
Think of the baby. Tanner should be responsible for something
. Jade snapped the check from the woman’s hand. “One thing …”

Mrs. Eastman waited.

“Don’t tell Tanner.” She had made up her mind in the last few minutes. If he hadn’t been a father to the other children, he’d never be one to this baby either.

The woman’s mouth curled into a smile that looked practically evil. “Very well, dear. You have my promise. I’ll not mention a word of your … this situation … to anyone. Not even Tanner.”

Jade’s heart fell at what she’d just done. Tanner would never know about the baby now, never know what had become of Jade and the child she bore. She wanted to spit at Tanner’s mother for being so obviously glad about the fact. “I’m leaving now, Mrs. Eastman. You’ll never hear from me again.”

“Very well.” Tanner’s mother ushered her to the front door and glanced anxiously at her watch. “You’d best get going.”

Jade’s head was spinning, and she thought she might need a bathroom again. None of it mattered. She had to get away from this woman, had to find a place to get her bearings. Feeling unsteady on her feet, Jade moved as quickly as she could down the sidewalk toward her car. Mrs. Eastman raised her voice so Jade could hear her. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out like you
thought they would. You know, I think Tanner really liked you, Jade.”

She spun around.
He loved me! Even if he lied, he loved me!
She wanted to tell Tanner’s mother how great her son’s feelings had been, but it was too late. Mrs. Eastman saw Jade’s hesitation and cast one final dagger her way.

“But you weren’t the marrying type, were you? Just a tramp like all the rest.”

With that, Tanner’s mother disappeared behind her door.

Inside the house, Doris Eastman peered through the window and watched until Jade’s car disappeared from sight.
It worked! That stupid girl believed everything I said
.

It had been the pictures, of course. Jade was having trouble believing the lies about Tanner until she saw the pictures of Amy and Justin. Doris felt utterly satisfied with herself as she moved into the living room and found the framed photographs of the children on the coffee table where she’d left them.

Her oldest son had never been much of a business man, never gifted with the social graces and heady future that awaited Tanner. But Doris would say this for him: He always remembered to send pictures of his children.

Jade felt like she’d been trampled by a herd of wild horses.

As she pulled away from Doris Eastman’s home, she tucked the cashier’s check into her glove box and started the engine. Three blocks down the road, she pulled over, and for the next hour she wept until she thought she would die from the pain.

Tanner had loved her, hadn’t he? She sobbed and struck the steering wheel with her fists. He had told her the Lord had
plans for her, that she was a precious child of God, and that next summer he would marry her. Jade shook from the weight of it all. So many lies. No wonder he hadn’t written to her since he left. He was finished with her.

She thought about all the ways Tanner had fooled her. Pictures of little Amy and Justin came to mind again, and she felt another wave of nausea. What kind of man would call himself a Christian and turn his back on his own children? If she’d had any doubts about the awful things Mrs. Eastman had told her, the pictures of Amy and Justin dissolved them. Those were Tanner’s children. She had no doubt whatsoever.