A Needful Heart (21 page)

George nodded and swiped his hand over the
few gray hairs on his head. “We know that, but he doesn’t. That boy
got his ass kicked almost every day for years on end. Watched his
momma get beat up a few of those years. He grew up in violence, and
he thinks that if something sets him off, he’ll go back to what he
knows. That’s a lot of learning to change in just a couple of
weeks.”

Gina nodded. George was absolutely right.
Things had moved very fast between them, and it probably had
overwhelmed him. Maybe if she just bided her time and tried to be
positive, they could build something stronger that would last.

She leaned over and gave the old man a hug.
“Thanks, George. I’ll try to be patient with him.”

“How’s that boy Matt talked about?”

“Oh, he’s wonderful!” she gushed. “The judge
granted me temporary custody, and I can eventually petition for
adoption. We’re going to his old house tonight and moving boxes of
his stuff over. He’s changed so much already.”

George grinned and patted her good arm. “I
think you’re the best thing to ever happen to that boy.”

Her eyes watered at the vote of confidence.
“Thanks, George.”

Wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath, she
stepped out of the room, placing the chart in the holder by the
door. She paused long enough to glance at Matt and give him a small
smile. “Hi, Matt.”

“Gina.”

“Thank you for sending the locksmith over to
fix the door. I wasn’t in a good frame of mind to think of it.”

He shrugged, arms folded tight to his chest.
The glower on his face was positively scary and reserved. Exactly
what he wanted, she thought.

“No problem.”

Gina really tried not to be hurt by his
abrupt attitude, but the pain must have shown on her face. For a
split second, his frown softened, and he looked about to say
something. She held her breath, but one of the nurses came down the
hallway and shattered their privacy. Matt clamped his jaw,
shuttered his gaze and stared over her head.

“Well, it was nice talking to you,” she
whispered, wounded all over again. Gathering her shredded
confidence, she turned for the break room. She asked one of the
other nurses to assist with George and waited until she knew for a
fact they were gone.

***

“She’s moving.”

Matt almost wrecked the truck as he whipped
his head to George. “What?”

“Packing tonight, she said.”

“Gina? What about her job? And the boy?”

The old man shrugged and looked out the
windshield.

Matt clamped his hands on the wheel and
fought not to throw up. She hadn’t said anything to him at the
office.
Well, of course not. You were a total asshole to
her
. But if he meant anything to her, shouldn’t she have at
least mentioned it?

Matt pulled up in his driveway and walked
George across to his own house, still tossing the question around
in his mind. Letting himself into his garage, he snatched up a long
piece of rough plank wood and went to the planer, running it
through the machine. What did he expect her to do? Wait around for
him until he thought he might be okay to be with her? Before he’d
walked into the office earlier, he’d worried that he would hear
about whoever she was dating this week. He certainly didn’t expect
to be broadsided by her leaving. The thought of never seeing her
again brought damnable tears to his eyes. She was the first
honestly good thing he’d ever allowed into his life.

Doubt nagged at him. Maybe George had heard
her incorrectly. Maybe she was helping a friend pack or something.
Indecision whittled at his mind. He could drive over there and talk
to her and put all these questions to rest. But what right did he
have to even question her? If she wanted to move away, he couldn’t
do anything about it. He’d given up that right when he’d turned his
back, literally, on her love.

For a couple of hours he wavered back and
forth. A nasty, inch long splinter in his hand forced him away from
the workshop and gave him the perfect excuse to go to her. Hopping
into the truck and heading to her house, he debated what he would
say. If she was moving, maybe he could… his mind shut down. The
thought of her leaving hollowed out his gut. For four years she’d
been a vital part of his life, whether she knew it or not. He
simply couldn’t imagine her not being there.

The stack of mismatched cardboard boxes
stacked on her porch told him he was going to have to find out what
it would be like without her.

Parking in Gina’s driveway, he turned off the
truck and just sat there, unable to believe she was leaving him.
After everything she’d told him, and done for him, she was leaving.
He shook his head as pain tore through him. Then anger. Every word
she’d spoken had to have been a line. The entire time he’d been
with her, she’d been playing him. That was the only explanation. If
she did love him, surely she’d stay as close as she could, right?
And wait for him to admit he cared for her?

Not even understanding what he was doing, he
slammed out of the truck and jogged across the sidewalk. He leapt
the stairs like they weren’t even there and pounded his fist
against her front door. Gina answered almost immediately. Her
expression turned guarded when she saw him and he hated that he had
dimmed her spirit that way. “Why didn’t you tell me you were
moving?” he demanded. “In the office, why didn’t you tell me?”

Confusion creased her brow, and her mouth
fell open. “What?”

He motioned to the boxes angrily. “Why didn’t
you tell me you were leaving? Thirteen days ago, you told me you
loved me, and now you can’t wait to get away from me. Why the hell
did you tell me you loved me? Was it a game to you, showing me what
I could have and then tearing it away?”

The confusion cleared and anger took its
place. She folded her arms across her breasts. “I didn’t tear it
away. You were the one who left me, remember? I told you I loved
you and you walked away. During one of the most traumatic nights of
my life, I might add.”

But he wasn’t listening to reason.

“If you change your mind that easily, maybe
it’s best that you do leave.”

She reared back as if he had slapped her, and
Matt felt like the lowest kind of snake. Tears filled her blue
eyes, and she swiped them away angrily. She stared at him for a
long moment, then stepped back and shut the door quietly in his
face.

“You’re just plain stupid!”

Matt turned from the door reluctantly. Gabe
stood at the base of the porch steps, arms wrapped around a
cardboard box. Anger twisted his young face. “Why did you tell her
that? She’s always nice to you and stands up for you even when you
aren’t around. If she told you she loves you, then she means
it.”

The boy stomped up the stairs and dropped the
box next to the rest on the porch. “She’s not the one moving. I am.
The court said I can live with her, and she’s going to adopt me.
We’ve been moving my stuff over from Chuck’s house.”

Matt felt the world shift on its axis. She
wasn’t leaving? But George had said…what needed to be said to get
him over here. And now he’d made her cry. Because of his own
insecurity. The one person he cherished most in the world, and he
kept hurting her. He dropped down to the top step of the porch and
put his head in his hands, scrubbing his eyes furiously. What a
fucking idiot.

A gentle hand on his shoulder drew his
attention.

“Gina doesn’t stay mad very long. If you
apologize to her, I bet she’ll forgive you for what you said.”

Matt wasn’t so sure. All he’d done ever done
was hurt her. How could she still love him?

Gabe stood beside him, hand still on his
shoulder.

“I don’t know, Gabe. I was pretty mean. I’ve
never been in a situation like this. Not sure what to think. Or
do.”

Nodding his head, the boy settled on the step
beside him. “Neither have I, but if I can be anywhere in the world,
it would be with Gina. I promised her I would keep my room clean
and everything if she would take me in, but she said I only needed
to love her.”

Matt’s stomach turned. Was this desperate,
frantic feeling actually love? Or obsession? He didn’t have the
slightest idea. It wasn’t something he’d ever dealt with before. It
was like he was standing on a cliff and either way he jumped
promised pain beyond what he could imagine.

“You need to go tell her you’re sorry,” Gabe
told him, arms folded.

“I know.”

But did he have the guts to see the
condemnation in her eyes? He wavered for several minutes before he
finally got frustrated with himself. Might as well get it over
with.

The front door was unlocked, so he walked
through. She probably wouldn’t have voluntarily let him in, but he
chose to remember her last directive, when he had been allowed to
enter as he pleased.

Gina wasn’t in the living room or the
kitchen. Matt ran his hands over the re-built banister and climbed
the steps to the second floor. Gina was in her bedroom, sitting in
the chair on the far side of the room. She stared out the window,
but he didn’t think she actually saw anything. Her face was blotchy
with tears, but Matt still thought she was the most beautiful thing
he’d ever seen.

“If you’re just going to be nasty, you can
head right back down those stairs.”

“I’m not going to be nasty,” he sighed. “I’m
going to apologize.”

She glanced at him from beneath her curly
hair and crossed her arms over her t-shirt. He walked close enough
to kneel in front of her but didn’t touch her. “I’m floundering in
deep water here, Gina. Everything about this situation is new to
me, and it scares the shit out of me. I don’t know what to think
from one minute to the next.

“Gabe told me he was the one moving over
here. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.”

She continued to stare out the window and
avoid his gaze. Matt began to panic. “Gina, I don’t want to lose
you, but I’m not sure how to keep you. Do you know what I mean? I
don’t know what to do to make you happy.”

Finally, she glanced at him, tears filling
her eyes again. “You just have to be with me, Matt. You may not
understand it, but just being close to you, and talking to you, and
making love to you makes me extremely happy. You are a wonderful
man, whether you see it or not.”

He looked down at his boot, but the damn
thing was blurry. He swiped at his eyes, but it didn’t clear
up.

Gina’s heart broke at the confusion she saw
in Matt’s eyes. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his
head, knocking his ball cap to the floor. She pressed gentle kisses
from the crown of his head all the way down the side of his neck.
“I understand why you left. You were defensive about what you did
to Chuck, and you expected me to jump all over you. So you removed
yourself from the situation before you were hurt. But I’ll tell you
a secret.” She leaned down enough to look in his eyes. “If I could
have done that to Chuck, I would have. You protecting us doesn’t
mean you have a monster inside of you that’s going to lash out and
hurt me. It means you’re human.”

Matt shook his head. “You don’t understand
how much I enjoyed it, though. It was the best feeling to let my
anger out on him.”

Gina nodded. “I’m sure it was. And I’m sure
you probably envisioned Chuck as your dad and imagined beating the
crap out of him like he did you all those years.”

A stunned look settled on his face and Gina
wondered if he’d ever talked these things out with a counselor.
Most assuredly not.

“Matt, I love you. Those aren’t just words.
It’s a commitment that I will support you in whatever you want to
do, or be, or whatever. If you want to paint your house neon green
and line the sidewalk with carpet, I’ll be right there beside you.
If you want to run for state senator, I’ll be beside you. Love
doesn’t stop just because the other person has hang-ups, or issues,
or reservations. We can go as slow as you want to go. If you want
to be friends right now, I’ll try to be good with that. If you want
to move into my house and start planning a future together, I’m
good with that too. Although you’re kind of getting a ready-made
family with Gabe moving in.” She grinned at him and rested her hand
on his face. “I’ll take anything you’re willing to give.”

Oh, so gently, she pressed her lips to his,
afraid he would pull away. But he didn’t. Instead he wrapped his
arms around her and lifted her up from the chair, holding her high
off the floor. Gina tried to keep her breath as he squeezed her
tight and buried his lips against her neck.

“I think I love you,” he whispered.

Her heart stalled in her chest, then started
to race. Tears flooded her eyes and rolled down her cheeks and she
tightened her own arms around his neck. She knew that was probably
the first time he’d ever said those words, and she branded them on
her mind. And heart.

“So, is he moving in too?”

They both laughed and pulled apart to look at
Gabe standing in the doorway.

“Well,” she hedged, “not right now. Hopefully
he’ll be around a lot, though.”

Gabe nodded like it was a done deal and
continued on to his room.

Matt set her on her feet and cupped her face.
“If you’re sure you want to take a chance on me, I guarantee you I
will be around. And I’ll do everything I can to deserve your
love.”

He wrapped his heavy arms around her, and
Gina knew it was where she was meant to be.

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A
Needful Heart
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