A Penny's Worth (11 page)

He nodded, rubbing his wavy light brown
hair. “I understand.”

She wondered if he was thinking about
their phone conversation of the other night. “You look handsome,” she said, meaning
it. Steve was taller than the rest of their family, and the only one with green
eyes. He had a lean athletic build that he kept in shape through regular jogs
on a track near his house.

She placed a hand on her brother’s
shoulder. “I’m happy you won’t be giving me any more grief.”

He laughed. “Never again, I learned my
lesson.”

“Aunt Penny, do you have candy?” Carrie
asked hopefully.

Looking down at her niece’s tear-streaked
face; Penny felt a tug of compassion. The poor little thing, she’s only two she
thought. If I’m miserable being here, imagine how she feels. She scooped her up
in her arms. “I’ll look in my bag and see. Give me a big huge hug because I’ve
missed you.”

A look of relief spread across Theo’s
face: Carrie was no longer hanging on the sleeve of her Armani suit. She took
off in a flash to find Amber and Dolores.

Out of the corner of her eye, Penny
caught Dolores glaring at her. She bit her lower lip: her mother was furious.

Steve whispered, “Don’t worry about Mom.
She always has to have a problem with someone. Today it’s you, tomorrow it’ll
be someone else. Don’t give her too much mindshare.”

Managing to smile, she replied, “Yeah,
but let’s face it, usually it’s me. You were late too and I don’t see her
making ugly faces at you.”

“We all know Mom has a knack of finding
fault with you. Just ignore her, I think she sees too much of herself in you.”

She glanced up at her brother in
surprise. She could not believe how much her father and brother were revealing
to her in such close proximity. She was beginning to receive the validation she
needed, and a firmer resolve to be her own person and fight back. They had
always pretended not see how her mother had tried to knock out every shred of
gumption, desire, confidence, and moxie she ever possessed.

She pulled her shoulders back as her
mother approached.

Dolores looked down at her watch. “You
couldn’t have organized your time a little better? You were the last person in
the church today. Do you know how bad that looks?” She was standing inches from
Penny with hands on hips. “They’re your nephews after all. How would you feel if
this was your children’s special day and Louis and Amber waltzed into your ceremony
late? You even had the nerve to sit in the very last pew, not even the decency
to sit with your family.”

“I guess I’m just not a decent person
Mom. Come on,” she laughed, “we’ve known that about me for ages.”

Dolores shook her head slowly. “I’m very
disappointed in you. Maybe you resent the fact that you don’t have a child of
your own, but you should be bigger than that and show some respect for your
brother and his family.”

Penny felt as if she’d been slapped in
the face; as if her mother’s tongue-lashing had sliced open her lungs and she
could barely breathe. Her mother had laced into her so many times, she should
be numb to the insults; but this time, the insults had cut deeper than ever.
Perhaps because she had taken some space from Dolores, it was that much harder
to go back into the lioness’ den.

Finally managing to find her voice Penny
snapped, “For you to think I’d be jealous of my brother means you have
definitely hit a new plateau in your already low opinion of me.” Waving her
hands in the air she added, “I love my nephews, being a few minutes late is not
the worst sin one can commit.” She took a step closer and said with a voice
filled with power, “I won’t let you stand here and berate me for nothing. I’m
done.”

“There is no excuse for your lateness
Penny, none whatsoever, so don’t you dare tell me,” she jabbed a finger in
Penny’s face, “you’re done. You only have to worry about taking care of
yourself. Couples with children have a lot more to do and everyone else made it
their business to come on time.” She finished with a Kansas tornado ripping
across her purple face. “You should have too.”

“Mom,” Steve broke in gently. “Take it
easy, it’s not so bad. Theo and I were late as well.”

Her brother’s newfound support bolstered
Penny’s resolve to defend herself, but her building anger outpaced the feeling
of strength. She was so furious that the words were out through her clenched
teeth in an instant. “Dolores thinks that everything I do is wrong and
everything I try to plan in my life is stupid.”

Cousin Charlene was heading their way at
a very fast pace. Gratefully Penny stepped back before she really lost her temper
and said things she would regret.

Her mother was still in her fight stance.
“What are you—” she began, then noticed Charlene approaching. An uneasy, temporary
truce stood between them like a straw house.

Charlene performed a grand sweep up the
stairs with open arms. As usual, she looked stunning. Her shiny hair was pulled
up into an elegant twist at the nape of her neck and she wore a beautiful jade
green dress with earrings to match. Penny managed to offer a weak smile when
Charlene pulled her into a hug.

“Penny, it’s been ages, look at you, you
look wonderful.” She assessed her from head to toe. “Why, I think you’ve even
lost weight.” She fell silent waiting for a reply.

“Thanks Charlene, you look great
yourself,” Penny answered carefully.

“So? Tell me how much you’ve lost!”

“To tell you the truth I don’t even know.
I haven’t weighed myself in a while.”

Charlene swept the group with raised
eyebrows. “What woman doesn’t know how much weight she’s lost?” Tittering
gaily, she leaned over and nudged Dolores. “Come on, is she for real? Look at
your clothes, they’re like practically falling off you Penny. Maybe it’s time I
take you under my wing and bring you shopping for new outfits.”

Watching this exchange with her eyes and
ears not missing a word or gesture, Dolores barked, “That’s Penny for you, she
always walked to her own drummer. I doubt she even owns a scale, and I’ve never
known her to be into fashion. Help her, Charlene.”

“The word is marched, Mom,” Penny
snapped. “You march to a different drummer, you don’t walk.” She turned to Charlene
and said icily, “Thanks for the offer to go shopping, but I’ve been busy and I
like to shop alone.”

“You’ve always had great taste, Sis,”
Steve said with a wink.

Dolores would not be usurped. “Whatever
the saying is, march or walk, who cares? You get my drift Charlene.”

Charlene pouted. “I was only trying to be
nice. You could use some new clothes, Penny. From the look of you you’ve lost
fifteen pounds, maybe more. That skirt is practically falling off you.”

“Fifteen give or take a few,” Dolores
added, studying her daughter with narrow eyes.

“Wow,” Penny exclaimed, “All this focus
on my weight. Don’t we have anything else to talk about?” The crowd was thinning
as people headed to their cars. Penny desperately wanted to join them. “I think
we better go or there won’t be anyone to greet the guests.” The little hub she
was in had grown. A few of her aunts and uncles had joined them at the top of
the stairs.

Charlene appeared not to have heard her.
She clacked her fingers. “I know why you’ve dropped a few sizes. You have a man
in your life don’t you? Am I right? Who is he?”

Feeling her stomach drop and her throat
squeeze shut, she wondered if she was about to choke in front of everyone. At
least twelve pairs of eyes were watching her, waiting for an answer. She
blurted out, “I don’t think my new friend has anything to do with my weight
loss.”

Dolores’ eyebrows rose as if someone had
just pumped in the Botox. “What friend?”

She swept her hand helplessly. “Just
someone who works at the hospital.”

Hand on hip, Charlene asked wide-eyed,
“It couldn’t possibly be a doctor now could it?”

Penny felt the anger seethe in her once
again. She knew Charlene was toying with her. Not for a second did Charlene
think that she was dating a doctor. “As a matter of fact, he is a doctor, one
of the top surgeons at Wayside Hospital.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Charlene
looked around with a triumphant smirk. “So who is it?” “I know a lot of the doctors
on staff there.”

Feeling her throat constrict again, Penny
spoke with a voice that sounded high and tinny to her ears. “It’s very early in
the relationship, so I’d rather not say right now.”

Charlene looked at her with amusement.
Penny knew she’d been rumbled. Charlene offered lightly, “When the relationship
feels safe to you, perhaps then you’ll introduce him to us. I’d love to do
dinner with you and the
mystery man
.” Leaning in close, she whispered,
“You know I will hold you to that.”

She thought of Dr Bruck and said softly,
“Yes, I know you will.”

Dolores was staring as if Penny had been
caught stealing cookies. “I can’t believe you didn’t even tell your family
about this.” Turning to Charlene she exclaimed, “I told you she walks to her
own drummer.”

“I just told you Mom, the word is march.
I march to a different drummer.”

“Don’t you raise your voice to me. I’ve
had it with your thoughtlessness today as it is.”

The group stepped back as if making room
for a catfight. Penny made a decision not to participate in the growing spectacle
that was about to unfold. Exasperated, she whispered at her mother, “Not here
and not now.” She turned around and simply walked away.

She reached the safety of her battered
blue Honda Civic. With a shaking hand she turned the ignition; the engine
put-putted into life. She didn’t care if Louis and Amber never forgave her for
not attending the luncheon. She’d finally learned that she must protect
herself. Tears formed; she fought them back but they wouldn’t be denied. Before
she knew it she was openly sobbing. The anguished sounds that came out of her
sounded just like a wounded animal. She frantically opened both front windows
to let the cold wind blast her into reality.

Aunt Bess was suddenly by her open
window. Looking at Penny with great sadness in her eyes, she began, “Penny,
don’t—”

Looking up at her Aunt with tearstained
eyes, she put a hand up to stop her. “Why am I so distraught? I have to stop
with all this crying already, it’s crazy. And now,” she said with a fresh sob,
“I’m filling up the empty spaces of my life with lies. Pretty soon I’m going to
have to start taking medication.”

“I don’t think just yet Penny. You have a
little ways to go.”

She grabbed her aunt’s hand. “I can’t do
this all by myself. I was wrong, I can’t do it. Why did I think I could change
my life?”

“I have great faith in you,” Aunt Bess
said quietly.

Stopping at a red light, Penny watched a family of four
cross the street in front of her. The husband had taken his wife’s arm to steer
her gently across. The woman was pushing a stroller which held a little girl
with pigtails. She was drinking from a purple juice cup. Her little brother
toddled beside her, one hand on the stroller, the other holding his father’s
hand.

She felt a pang of longing pierce her
heart. I want that, she thought, knowing that she too sounded like a
two-year-old.
I want that and then some.

Trying to maintain a firmer resolve to
find what she was looking for, she drove home with the determination to become
a shiny new Penny, a Penny that she could be proud of.

“What did you do this weekend, Penny?”

Twirling around, she found Alyssa Winkins
looking at her inquisitively. Alyssa was also an RN nurse on the oncology ward
and this was the first time she’d addressed her. Penny was speechless for a
moment. She wasn’t used to anyone wanting to know what she did on the weekend,
or any other time for that matter.

“Oh, well,” she said, trying to appear
nonchalant, “I went to my twin nephew’s Communion ceremony on Sunday.”

Alyssa mulled this over. “That sounds
like fun, I guess. Ha! Honestly, that sounds pretty boring. I hate family
gatherings probably because I hate most of my family.” Moving in closer, she
asked, “That’s kind of weird having a Communion in the fall. Aren’t they mostly
done in the spring?”

“I thought it was a little weird too, I
don’t know much about my brother’s church. I guess, maybe, some churches do it
differently,” she finished shyly.

Alyssa laughed again. “Yeah, well, I
guess we have no right questioning any church’s schedules. The planning of that
calendar of events is kind of sacred don’t you think?”

She shook her head in agreement. She
thought Alyssa was rather becoming and she had an outgoing personality.
Alyssa’s short blond hair was slightly wavy and fell to the nape of her neck in
a most attractive manner. She had beautiful skin with white teeth that sparkled
every time she smiled.

Everyone seemed fond of Alyssa at the
hospital. Penny would always find her chatting with someone, or laughing in the
middle of a small group that invariably formed when she was around. Alyssa was
fun and upbeat, and Penny would like nothing more than to know her better.