A Penny's Worth (14 page)

“Maybe a little,” she answered with a
hearty laugh.

“Look you little jokester,” she replied
as she put both hands on her hips, “I think I’ve had enough surprises for one
day.”

Mrs Steller laughed again and handed
Penny another slice of orange, which she most graciously accepted.

Aunt Bess accompanied her on that shopping spree, and
Penny felt flushed with happiness over her purchases. She’d gone down two sizes
and was astounded at how small her waist was. She marveled at how flat her
stomach had become.

She loved her new pair of jeans and it
was so much fun to pick out a belt to go with them. She and Aunt Bess giggled together
like schoolgirls.

“Look at you,” her aunt exclaimed,
holding her hand to Penny’s cheek. “You are one hot mama, let me tell you.”

“Get out of here!” She waved her hand,
but her face was beaming.

“And you have a date this week to boot,”
said Aunt Bess. “What night is it with this James fellow?”

Smiling broadly, she answered, “Thursday.
We’re going to this really nice Italian restaurant I’ve always wanted to try.”
Putting a hand on her Aunt’s arm she said earnestly, “I really hope he’s not a
jerk.”

“So what if he is? Enjoy your free dinner
and move on.”

Looking at her aunt, Penny felt a
profound sadness. “Why can’t I spend time with my Mom like this? I wish you
weren’t going back to Florida so soon.”

Aunt Bess picked up a red silk scarf and
wrapped it contemplatively around her fingers. “One day, when you’re able to accept
her as she is, you’ll be able to hang with her. But it will be on your terms,
not hers.”

“Aunt Bess,” Penny protested, “I think
you have it backwards. Don’t you mean she has to accept me as I am?”

Smiling Aunt Bess shook her head, “No,
Penny, but you’ll know what I’m talking about when that happens. Seeing her perplexed
look, she patted Penny’s rear and smiled wryly. “You need to do some floor
lunges or something. Since you’ve lost weight, your butt got a little flat.”

“Aunt Bess! What a thing to say.”

“It’s the truth,” she replied with a huge
grin. “Hey, look, you can’t be perfect you know. But you’re almost there.” She
lightly kissed Penny on the cheek. “Damn, I have to go Penny. I’m going to be
late for a hair appointment.”

She left Penny alone with pleasant
thoughts. Thoughts that were interrupted the moment she entered the department
store adjacent to the mall. Her sister-in-law Theo was standing by the
cosmetics counter trying on lipsticks. Penny made a beeline toward the coat
department. praying that she could make a quick enough getaway.

“Oh my God Penny, is that you?”

She cringed: so much for the quick
getaway. She stopped walking and turned around, trying her best to look surprised.
“Oh, hi Theo, how are you?”

Jamming her bags under her arm, Theo
strode toward her. “Ooh, you look fantastic,” she praised, and added in an unsure
voice, “And you’ve lost even more weight.”

“Yes, well I may have lost a few more
pounds.”

“I think more than a few. Try like a
whole, huge, truck load.” Her strident voice echoed off the department store’s
high ceiling.

With well practised precision, her heart
sent the meek “Retreat!” signal with a feeling of shame and resignation: she knew
full well that she was being critized. But this is the new Penny. She won’t
stand for it: she launches the counterattack. Leaning to the side with her hand
on her hip, she asked, “Are you implying that I used to be huge?” Her heart was
pounding. What she said was simple, and perfect, but she wasn’t used to
standing up for herself. This was alien territory.

Theo unconsciously fiddled with her bag
handles, a look of discomfort on her face. For a moment, she had trouble
finding the right words for a comeback. She finally managed to sputter, “Oh,
no, of course not. I didn’t mean, ah, no, I would never imply that.”

“I didn’t think so.”

An awkward silence followed as Theo tried
to scramble for control of the conversation. Looking Penny square in the eye,
she stated coldly, “I must say, I’m a little shocked that you blew off your
nephew’s Communion luncheon. I mean, it’s so unlike you to do something like
that.” She rudely pointed her finger at Penny. “You didn’t even show up for a
quick drink.” She added smugly, “Are you even aware that your brother had to
pay for your lunch? Is something going on with you that you’re not telling us
about?”

Penny swallowed hard. “Only good things
are going on with me, Theo.” She laughed lightly to cover up her nervousness.
“But no wonder you’re shocked. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever
missed any family occasion in my entire life, even when I didn’t want to go. I
don’t think the world will end because I missed one.” Then she blurted out with
a sharp laugh, “I left Theo because my mother attacked me. Of course, that’s
nothing new. My mother has two awful habits: smoking, and belittling me. I
think I can break her of at least one of those vices.”

Theo looked as if she was blinking
sawdust out of her eyes. Several seconds later, Penny realised that she was wearing
a huge smile. She had finally told Theo how she felt. This feels wonderful, she
thought with enormous glee. I must make this a habit.

Theo was silent. She continued to stare,
and took a step back as if a wall of flames had sprung up between them.

Feeling nervous and lightheaded, Penny
decided to walk away. When she was far enough away she turned around and called
out, “Don’t tell my family anything. If they don’t know that they’ve treated me
badly, then how can you tell them? My mother especially needs to come to this
realization all on her own.” Regaining a bit of her composure, she added,
“Please tell my brother I’ll send him a check for the twenty dollars. I
wouldn’t want to put him out.”

She raced down the escalator toward the rug department.
She didn’t need to look at rugs, but anywhere would do. She felt as if she no
longer had a family, and soon there might be no-one in her life. This
despairing thought brought on a fresh, deep cut in her heart.

I need to go home now, she thought. I
need to sit down with Bob and Winston and give them a hug.

The patterns on the oriental rugs blurred
as she fought back tears. I’m all alone, Aunt Bess is leaving and that is why
I’m crying, she thought. I’m also throwing away the only people I can count on,
dysfunctional as they may be. I don’t want to be alone and I don’t know what
the hell I’m doing. I should run home to Dolores and beg for her forgiveness. I
should be trying desperately to get back into the folds of my family instead of
irritating the hell out of them. Fear gripped her heart at the thought of never
seeing her Mom or Dad again.

I can’t do this, she told herself. I
can’t let go of them even if they are no damn good for me.

“Can I help you?”

Whirling around, she found a rather
pleasant-looking man staring at her with a look of concern on his face. “No,”
she stammered. “No thank-you, I’m fine.”

Peering at her a bit longer, he said, “I
get the feeling that you have absolutely no interest in our rugs.”

Throwing back her head, she laughed and
quickly tried to wipe away her tears. “It’s that obvious?” There was something
about the man… he wasn’t conventionally handsome, nor particularly tall, but
his bright blue eyes held warmth; and that kind smile… he was the sort of man a
person could really talk to. “I was running away from someone I no longer
wanted to converse with.”

He mulled this over and then replied,
“The rug department is as good a refuge as any.”

She patted the rug hanging next to her,
and stepped back with a surprised grin when it quivered. “I thought the same
thing. Anyway, I really must be going, but the next time I’m in this department
I promise I’ll be a serious rug shopper.”

Those endearing blue eyes twinkled at
her. “I’ll look forward to doing business with you.”

Walking toward the escalator, she turned
back, but the rug salesman had disappeared. So okay, she thought, admit it—there
was something about him that sparked your interest. She felt as if she knew
him, and tried to place where from. Nope, she decided, she’d never laid eyes on
him before. Her arms were aching from holding all her purchases, and all she
wanted was to go home.

She practically ran into the parking lot.
Thinking of Theo, she realized that she had severed another thread that connected
her to family. Once the poison grapevine had relayed their conversation back to
her parents, she would be further cut off.

She wondered if the damage might be irreversible;
but it was too late to turn back now. She would never go back to her family
with the old dynamic ever again. The interactions with them must change: she
could no longer be on the sideline of her family’s life. She needed to be
treated with the same reverence and respect that her parents gave her brothers.

She turned the ignition and waited for
the old engine to spark into life. Heading out, Penny gave the parking attendant
two dollars, and thought: Hell with all of them, because I am worth so much
more than that.

Striding down the hospital corridor with her new pumpkin
colored sweater under her uniform, Penny ran her tongue lightly over new coral
lip gloss. She lightly touched the top of her hair. She had just gotten a
haircut and highlights the night before, and she could not believe how great
her hair looked. She loved the way it moved, and styling it was a cinch. The
soft waves flattered her features and made her feel like a million bucks.

Standing by the front desk, Dr Bruck was
looking over a patient’s records. He looked up and whistled softly. “Well, look
at you,” he crowed. “A more gorgeous creature I have yet to see.” He walked
around her predatorially. “Okay, what’s different? I never knew a woman who
could top perfect, but here you are standing before me.”

She was torn between snorting derisively
and swooning. Sex appeal oozed from this man and she couldn’t help but respond
to him. She blushed from his compliment. Through her peripheral vision she
caught the other nurses smirk sidelong at each other:
look at Dr Bruck
getting over on this chick
.

She hoped her thoughts weren’t
transparent when she replied, “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

He placed his hand on the small of her
back. “To some more than others.”

She felt as if warm butter had been
placed where his hand rested, and that warmth traveled all the way down her
legs. She was astounded at the effect he had on her, even after Alyssa’s
warnings.

With his hand still in place, Dr Bruck
steered her away from the nurses’ inquisitive stares. “Let’s go out for a drink
after work, say next Thursday?”

Penny gulped hard. She knew she
shouldn’t, and the mental picture she conjured up of the two of them together
was too much to bear.

Just as she was pondering all of this,
Alyssa passed by. She put her middle finger up behind Bruck’s back, wiggled it
and smiled. Penny finally had her answer. “Can I get back to you on that? I
have to check my calendar.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” His surprised
expression was priceless.

She added briskly, “I just need to make
sure I’m free. I’d hate to disappoint you.” Her gills fluttered with embarrassment
as she realized how arrogant she must have sounded.

Dr Bruck quickly recovered. “I wouldn’t
want you to disappoint me, and from now on please call me Jay. I’ll be waiting
to hear from you.” He patted her shoulder gently and marched toward the
elevator. Hang on just a minute, Penny thought hotly. Dr Bruck… whoops,
Jay
,
never called her by her name. She wondered if he even knew what it was. Yup,
she no longer needed to check her calendar. Alyssa may have been right about
him after all.

“Are you a masochist?”

She whirled around to find Alyssa
standing behind her. “Were you standing around the corner eavesdropping?”

Alyssa gave a wicked smile that Penny
loved. “Absolutely I was, but I couldn’t hear a damn thing you were saying. All
I could hear was Mr Grubb screaming bloody murder. Carly is giving him an
enema, lucky her.” She laughed and added, “Lucky him.”

She replayed her conversation with the
Good Doctor, while Alyssa’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Would I be the laughing
stock of the hospital if I went out with him?”

Alyssa gave Penny’s shoulder a quick
squeeze. “Probably, but don’t let that stop you. You should do what you want to
do. I don’t care if… you know… people talk about me all the time and I knew
they would have a gossip-fest when I went out with Bradley, but if I worried
about these things, I wouldn’t do anything but sit in my house and twiddle my
thumbs.”

“I wish I could be fearless like you
Alyssa. I twiddle my thumbs a whole lot.”

Alyssa nodded, grinning. “I understand.
You don’t strike me as a daring sort of person, but I’m working on you.”

“Yeah, I think I have to accept the fact
that I’m just an old stick in the mud.”