A Rocker and a Hard Place (15 page)

Emma

I remembered the day that T.J. was born. It was the day of the worst snowstorm that had ever hit the area. The power had gone out all over, but the hospital had backup generators that helped bring him into the world.

That was the onl
y time I had actually enjoyed a hospital visit, and that was only because of the tiny wonder I got to hold in my arms on the way out the door.

Tyler hadn’t been with me that day. He hadn’t seen his son enter the world, hadn’t witnessed his first breaths. As we waited for news on whether T.J. would be okay, a though
t ran through my head that it seemed cruel that he had missed those firsts, but could likely be here to witness him leaving the world, taking his last breath.

It was a morbid thought, but I had seen the concern in the doctor’s eyes as they hurried him into the operating room. Broken ribs, collapsed lung, crushed leg and a concussion. Add the blood loss to the list and it didn’t take a statistician to realize the odds weren’t in T.J.’s favor.

“He’s going to be okay. He’s a tough kid.”

It was at least the tenth time Tyler had said those exact words. Just like all the other times, I didn’t reply.

“Do you want me to call anyone? Connor?”

This was what finally got a reaction from me. “What?”

“Do you want me to call him?” Tyler’s face was impossible to read.

“No. Of course not.” I went back to staring blankly at the wall across from us. “Connor is out of my life for good.”

Tyler stayed quiet despite the open question in front of us.

“When I realized that T.J. had overheard our conversation, I started to go after him. Connor said I should let him go, that his father would handle it. I could tell he was taking a jab at you and then I remembered that he has a sister that is the chief editor of some celebrity magazine.”

Tyler groaned, anticipating the rest of my story.

“I confronted him, and he admitted that he told her about you and T.J. I don’t think he did it on purpose, but regardless it was him.” I had realized that even if he hadn’t meant for the story to get out, I didn’t trust him. There was no question that I couldn’t keep him in my life if I didn’t trust him. “I gave him back the ring and told him to get lost.”

“T.J. assumed the worst. He wasn’t very happy about the idea of you marrying Connor.” Tyler fidgeted with the hem of his torn shirt. “I wasn’t very happy about it either.”

“Well that makes three of us.”

Tyler leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and said, “The last thing he said to me was
I hate you.
”

“He what?” That didn’t sound like T.J. at all.

“He didn’t want you to know he was at my house and he got mad when I started to call.” Tyler’s head dropped into his hands. “What if those are the last words he ever says to me?”

It turned out that I wasn’t the only dealing with morbid thoughts.

“He didn’t mean it.” I put my hand on his back and rubbed a slow circle. “T.J. adores you. He’ll tell you so himself when he wakes up.”

It turned out that I could be strong for him even if I couldn’t be strong for myself.

“When I found him like that, unconscious and bleeding, it was the worse feeling in the world. I actually started praying.” He chuckled softy. “I wasn’t sure what I was doing so I may not have done it right.”

“You prayed for T.J. to be okay?” I had prayed for that myself.

“Actually, I prayed for God to take me instead.” Tyler finally looked at me. “I can’t imagine living in this world without him.”

“You can’t think like that.”

“I know. He’s going to be okay.”

“No, I mean you can’t think like that because I need you to be strong for me,” I said, my throat tightening.
“It’s bad enough that I think those things in my head, I don’t need to hear you say them, too.”

Tyler studied my face. “Okay, Emma. I’ll be strong for you.”

“Okay.” I reached out my hand and he took it between his, raising it to his face. He kissed each knuckle, then threaded his fingers between mine.

“T.J. is going to be just fine,” he said, eyes locked onto mine. “He’ll recover and we’ll take him home. Our life together as a family is going to be perfect.”

He was forcing himself to believe the lie, but I didn’t mind. The truth was bitter, and the lie was so much sweeter.

Tyler

The surgery went as good as possible, which wasn’t saying much. The doctor was cautiously optimistic, but it would be days before we would know if T.J. would recover completely.
When the nurse escorted us to his bedside, my heart thudded at the sight of him. He was tiny in such a big hospital bed, surrounded by machines and covered in bandages. Emma’s hand went limp inside mine.

“He looks so fragile,” Emma whispered.

She crept closer to the bed and gently took his hand. As hard as it was to look at him so broken, it was even harder to look at Emma. It was like I could literally see her heart break as she leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

Neither of us could stand the thought of leaving him alone in the hospital even though the doctor said he wouldn’t wake for days. We took turns standing watch. One of us would sit by his side and hold his hand while the other dozed restlessly on a worn couch.

Three days after the storm, T.J. opened his eyes for the first time. It was a good sign, the doctor said. He wasn’t out of the woods yet, but he seemed to be taking a turn for the better. With the good news came some bad news.

T.J.’s leg had been badly shattered and it was going to require numerous surgeries to get it functioning again. Even then, the doctor couldn’t guarantee that he would walk normally. It would take close to two years before he would be done with all the surgeries and physical therapy, and he would probably spend at least a year in a wheelchair.

Aunt Karen came by for a visit and was horrified by our appearance. We hadn’t left the hospital in days and it definitely showed. She forced us out the door, promising to sit with T.J. through the night. It was important for us to take care of ourselves, she said wisely. I had to admit that a hot shower sounded like heaven.

I drove Emma home, already obsessed with the idea of placing my head on a soft pillow. She ruined my plans when she asked me inside, but I couldn’t have been happier about it. I wasn’t ready to leave her yet either.

“We’ll have to put in a ramp out front,” she said, pacing around the house nervously. “And I’ll need to set up a bed downstairs. I don’t think he’ll be able to climb stairs for a long time. I’m not sure how he’s going to go to school. Maybe I should look into homeschooling him.”

“Emma. Stop.” I grabbed her, holding her still. “We’ll figure all of this out. I promise. But we don’t have to have all of the answers right this minute.”

Emma looked up at me with tired eyes. “We’ll figure it out together?”

“Absolutely.” I pulled her into a hug, worried at how frail she felt in my arms. “You and T.J. are stuck with me now. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” she said.

When I leaned down and kissed her, our first real kiss in so many years, all of our past troubles faded away. We were living in the present now, focused only on each other and our son. But when she took my hand and led me upstairs, I couldn’t help but start to dream about our future.

Emma

When we left the hospital, my body was aching for a hot shower and a long nap. But when it was time to get out of the car, that same body was also aching for Tyler. I invited him inside- first into my house, then into my bed, and finally into my heart. We took our time reconnecting, learning each other all over again.

Afterward, with the steam of the shower filling the room, Tyler traced the words I Love You on the shower door and I repeated them back. In his arms, I had never felt safer, never more loved. And even though the road ahead of us was going to be insanely difficult, I felt better knowing he would be taking the journey with me.

Later, we returned to bed, damp and wrapped in towels, and this time I drifted to sleep with my head on his chest, rising and falling with every breath he took. Our love had not been a perfect love, but I was still so thankful to have loved and been loved by him.

I returned to the hospital rejuvenated, convinced that there was nothing we couldn’t conquer together as a family.
The first few days after T.J. woke up were especially hard. He was in a lot of pain, and he hated being stuck in bed. Nothing I tried cheered him up and I started to worry that he was becoming depressed. Fortunately, Tyler was a natural at parenting.

He brought in stacks of books for T.J. and then read them to him when he was too weak to sit up. He also brought in a guitar and they wrote short, quirky songs together about frogs and baseball, and other boy things. We finally got used to the idea of leaving him at night after we realized that the pain and sleeping medication he was on essentially knocked him out cold for at least ten hours.

But even though we could finally leave T.J. for the night, we couldn’t manage to leave each other. I got so used to Tyler sleeping next to me that I could barely remember a time when I hadn’t drifted off to sleep to the sound of his steady breathing with his strong arm around me.

When the doctor announced that T.J. would be able to go home in a week, Tyler and I reversed roles. I suddenly became the calm influence, content with watching endless cartoons with T.J. while Tyler couldn’t sit still for even five minutes. He spent every waking hour making preparations for T.J.’s discharge from the hospital.

We had been spending our nights in my house, but out of nowhere, Tyler insisted we go to his house instead. It had been two months since the storm and in that time I hadn’t so much as driven past his place.

My mouth dropped open when we pulled up outside. Somehow, Tyler had found time to finish rebuilding the porch, complete with a ramp.

“For the wheelchair,” he explained as I stared at it in awe.

“You did this?”

“Glenn helped a little.” He smiled and threw and arm over my shoulder. “Wait until you see the inside.”

Tyler’s surprises didn’t end outside. He’d had the inside of the house remodeled as well, and
I suspected he’d also hired an interior decorator considering he now had new area rugs and curtains as well.

“You’ve been busy,” I said, wondering when he’d had time to do all of this since he spent almost every hour of the day with me or T.J.

“Glenn oversaw the contractors while I was at the hospital and Wanda did some shopping with my credit card.” He exaggerated a wince. “I learned my lesson on that one.”

“Contractors?”

“Ah, yes.” He took my hand and pulled me down the hall. “I finished turning this area of the house into the perfect convalescence area for a ten-year-old boy.”

He pushed open the door to
his old bedroom and I was amazed by what I saw. The entire room had been transformed into a place that I knew T.J. would love. From the wall of stocked bookshelves to the flat screen television with every possible game console hooked up- it was a room that T.J. would never want to leave.

“He’s going to love this room,” I said. “I’ll never be able to get him to sleep in his old bedroom.”

“That’s kind of the plan,” Tyler said. “Wait until you see the bathroom.”

The bedroom had its own attached bathroom, but it wasn’t just any ordinary bathroom. It had a handicap accessible shower and a large Jacuzzi.

“You did all of this for T.J.?” I asked.

“Well the shower will be good when he first gets home and then later in recovery, the jets in the tub will probably be good for his leg.” Tyler ducked his head bashfully. “The master bath upstairs is even more impressive.”

“Oh, is it?” I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked at him hopefully. “Is that where we are headed next?”

“That depends on your answer to my question.”

“What question?”

“You mentioned that T.J. won’t want to go home when he sees this place.”

I nodded emphatically. “I won’t blame him. This place is amazing.”

“I’m glad you think so because I want this to be our home, Emma.
Not just during his recovery, but for years after.”

“You want us to move in here with you permanently?” I asked in surprise. “Are you sure about that?”

“I spent thousands of dollars remodeling this place. I’m more than sure.” He leaned down and rested his forehead against mine. With his eyes so close to mine, it was impossible not to get lost in them. “Shack up with me, Emma. Please?”

I kissed him softly and said, “Let’s go check out that master bath.”

Tyler

“Slow down!” I yelled, cringing as T.J. sped toward the ramp.

“He’s fine,” Emma said, squeezing my arm.

T.J. was released from the hospital nearly three months ago, but I still hadn’t gotten used to him whipping around in his wheelchair. While I was glad he wasn’t letting it slow him down, I wished that he would be just a little more careful.

“I’ll get the door.”

I hurried ahead to open the front door for him and he zoomed right on by. “Thanks, Dad!”

The first time he called me that, a couple of weeks after he and Emma moved into my house, it had taken my breath away. He had used it a hundred times since then, but it never felt any less amazing.

“Good work, Dad,” Emma said with a smile. She knew just how happy that word made me. “He’s getting really good with that chair.”

“Just as long as he doesn’t get too comfortable in it. I think we can agree that we’ll feel much better once he’s walking again.”

“Give it time.” Emma froze at the top of the porch stairs.

“What’s wrong?”

The look on her face was indecipherable.

“This spot…” she looked down at her feet, then back at me. “This might be my favorite spot in the whole world.”

“Really?”

“Except, one thing is missing.” She held out her hand and I took it, letting her pull me close. “That’s better.”

“I don’t know. I think something is still missing.” I held up her hand, studying it closely.

“What?” Emma looked utterly confused.

With my
free hand, I reached into my pocket and retrieved the ring I had tucked away there that morning. “This.”

I held it up and it caught the sunlight, sparkling brilliantly.

“Will you marry m-” I started, but Emma didn’t let me finish.

“Yes!”

Her lips found mine and she melted into my embrace. I held her what felt like forever, then pulled back just slightly so I could slip the ring on her finger.

“I really love this porch,” she said with a small laugh. “But I love you even more.”

“I never though you and I would end up on this porch together again,” I confessed. “But I guess life doesn’t always work out the way you think it will.”

“No,” she agreed, “but it always works out the way it’s supposed to. I just thank God that we were supposed to end up together.”

“Ditto.”

This time when we kissed, I thought of that freckled girl that had kissed me on the cheek before giggling and skipping away. She had been my first love, the woman she had become was now my best love, and the woman I would grow old with would be my last love.
That those three women could actually be the same woman was an amazing gift and it was one I would never take for granted again.

“Mom!” T.J. called from inside, following it with an even louder, “Dad!”

“Parenthood calls,” Emma joked. “What do you think he wants?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied, my heart full. “I’ll give him anything he wants.”

We both knew it was true; not just because he had me wrapped around his finger. Anything that T.J. would ask for would be nothing compared to everything he had given me just by being born.

“You spoil him,” Emma said happily, looking at her ring. “You spoil both of us.”

“You’ll make it up to me later tonight,” I said with a wink.

“Tonight,” she agreed. “And every night for the rest of our lives.”

I squeezed her tight and said, “Here’s to a long, long life.”

About the Author
:

Hunter J. Keane lives in Chicago where she surrounds herself with good food, great books and fantastic friends. She is the author of
the contemporary novels
Searching for Glory
,
The Sweet Surrender
, and
A Rocker and a Hard Place.
She is also the author of a number of young adult books including
The Shadows Trilogy
and
CASTLE
.

Keep reading for a sample from
The Sweet Surrender
– Now Available.

Connect with Hunter Online
:

www.hunterjkeane.com