A Second Chance at Forever (13 page)

Alex blinked, a mix of confusion and concern lighting in his eyes. “Ang? What’s the matter?”

She wrapped her arms around herself in a vain attempt to stem the sudden trembling of her limbs. “It’s just...oh God you’re such a good kisser, and it’s been so long since anybody’s made me feel the way I do when you touch me, but it was only supposed to be one night. I was prepared for that, but this…I don’t know if I’m ready for more.”

For a long moment, his gaze searched her face, brows drawn together. Several heartbeats later, something shifted within him, as if he’d found what he’d been looking for. He pushed off the swing then closed the distance between them, stroked his fingers over her chin, so tender she trembled.

“I understand that more than you know. I said vows seven years ago that I had no intention of breaking. There’s a part of me that hasn’t quite accepted the fact Karen’s gone. That part tells me I shouldn’t feel anything for you. I had no intention of this moving beyond that one night either. Frankly, you’re a surprise in my life I hadn’t counted on. But one I’d like to explore. I just…” The harsh set of his shoulders softened. “I just want to spend time with you.”

“This is moving too fast, Alex.” She shook her head, willed him to understand. “I swore when David left I would never put myself through that again. The last few years of my marriage…” She lowered her voice. “I became somebody I’m not proud of.”

Her mind filled with the memories, the heat of shame creeping up her neck and into her chest. “I changed everything for him. My beliefs, my behavior. What he wanted, I gave him. Until I become someone else entirely. Someone weak, all in a desperate attempt to save a sinking marriage.”

She’d changed herself for a man who’d decided in the end he didn’t want her at all.

“He shredded my self esteem, made me doubt myself as a woman. But I finally crawled out of that awful hole. I’m a stronger person for it now. I can’t deny that I want you, Alex, but I don’t know if I’m willing to risk going back there again.”

“I’m not David, Ang.” He gave a sad, slow shake his head, his dejected tone wrenching at the knot forming in her stomach. “Let me make my own mistakes.”

Deep down, she knew he was right. She was judging him by unfair standards when so far, he’d done nothing but prove himself trustworthy. Even knowing he’d never hurt her intentionally, she couldn’t shake the choking fear.

She turned to the railing and stared out into the darkness beyond, at the stars twinkling in the blackened sky. “When I met you, I only wanted one night. You were a fantasy and I wanted to live in one night of it. That’s what Candy is for me, a brilliant fantasy where I get to be someone else. Someone strong who doesn’t care what the world thinks of her, who isn’t afraid to stand in her own sexuality.” She sighed, lowered her voice. “I hadn’t counted on you finding out who I was. Or getting pregnant. Suddenly this is all…”

“Spinning wildly out of control?” he said, suddenly behind her.

Surprised he seemed to understand how she felt, she turned to face him, stared at the dark shape of his face. “Yes.”

“You’re not alone in that feeling. I honestly can’t think beyond tomorrow at this point. I’m only just starting to put the pieces together. I’ve told you that. But being with you…” His head tipped downward as he took one of her hands in his, his thumb sweeping across her knuckles. “Being with you makes me feel more alive than I’ve felt since Karen and Hailey died. I can’t turn my back on that.”

He lifted his head. Despite that she couldn’t see his eyes, his gaze captured her.

“I’ll go, but only because you asked me to. Not because I want to. I meant what I said, though, Ang. I will be here with you as much as I can. Every doctor’s appointment, every Lamaze class, all of it. I can’t cancel my court dates, but when I can, I’m
going
to be here. He walked out on you. I’m not going to. We’re in this”—he put a hand to her stomach, emphasizing his point—“together.”

For the second time that night, he cupped her face in his warm palms, this time merely touching her, as if he couldn’t resist connecting them. “I know you’re scared. So am I. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Or push you. All I’m asking is that you give me a chance.” He kissed her cheek, his lips lingering on her skin, then turned and quietly left, leaving her standing alone on the front porch.

****

“But am I doing the right thing?” Angela let out a heavy sigh as she stared down at her cup, watching the last bit of her tea swirl in the bottom.

The following Saturday, she and Stacy sat at a table at a local burger joint, watching Stacy’s four-year-old son, Lucas, play on the jungle gym with the other kids. They met for coffee often, to chat and catch up. When her best friend had called this morning, Angela hadn’t been able to resist.

She couldn’t stop rehashing the last conversation she’d had with Alex. It had been a week since she’d last seen him. He called her every day, at six o’clock precisely. On the weekdays, her time at the office ended at five. On the weekends, she slept late, but her shift at the Diamond didn’t start until eight. So Alex had taken to calling her after dinner, her time.

Their conversations remained neutral, usually revolving around their days, but had become wonderfully comfortable. She found talking to him easy, like she’d done it every day for years. He listened, made her laugh. Twice he’d admitted he missed her, but otherwise, he hadn’t pushed. He’d been more patient than she’d expected, so that she began to look forward to those phone calls.

Solid court dates had kept him from coming out to see her though. She didn’t know how she felt about that. While she yearned to see him, she was grateful for the time to get used to his role in her life.

When she’d agreed to lunch today, she hadn’t intended to lay her problems on poor Stacy, but her best friend had taken one look at her and demanded she spill everything.

Out the corner of her eye, Angela saw Stacy shake her head. “Girl, are you crazy? You’ve told the man you’re pregnant and he’s running
at
you, not away. Do you know how many women I work with who have to drag the fathers to court to get them pay child support? Sweetie, I’d grab that man with both hands. Men like him are rare.”

Angela lifted her head. “I know, but I don’t want to get hurt again.”

Stacy blew out a heavy breath and turned her gaze to the small, brightly colored jungle gym that sat in the middle of the room. Kids ran screaming in all directions, running up stairs, slipping down slides, chasing each other around the base.

“Well, I can’t say I blame you there, sweetie. I like to flirt, you know that. Makes me feel like I’m still a woman, but that’s where it ends for me. Every man I’ve ever known walked out on me. I don’t trust them as far as I can throw ’em. But I have Lucas to think about now. I can’t get all caught up in things like lust anymore. I can’t afford it. Lucas could get hurt.”

Angela took Stacy’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Stacy had been through hell. Her father had walked out on her and her mother when she was ten, and the father of her child had done the same thing. Stacy knew as well as Angela did that life didn’t always work the way you wanted it to.

Stacy turned to look at her, pinning her with a somber gaze. “You have a man who’s told you he wants to be a father to those babies, Ang. Who wants to spend time with
you
. That’s something, hon.” She raised her brows over her coffee cup as she lifted it to her lips. “I’m telling you that man’s a keeper.”

Angela turned to watch Lucas chase a blonde girl around the base of the jungle gym, his small face lit up with joy. Not too long from now, that would be her children running around the playland.

She sighed, plunked her chin in her hand. “I know you’re right. Alex is a good man. I think he’ll make a good father. But I don’t know if I’m ready to put my heart on the line yet.”

“Honey, who says you have to? Answer me this. Do you like him?”

She glanced over at Stacy, who stared at her, a somber look in her eye. She bit her lip, hesitated, then nodded. “That’s what scares me. I like him too much. My track record with men isn’t so hot.”

Stacy shook her head. “Me either, sweetie.” She placed a hand over Angela’s, where it rested at the table. “What do you
want
, hon?”

It took her all of three seconds for the answer to pop into her mind. A fierce blush crept up her neck and into her cheeks. “My mother asked me the same thing when I told her about the babies the other day.” That night with Alex on the front porch, she’d gone into the house to find her mother already awake. She hadn’t been able to resist the urge to tell her mother everything, the way she always had.

Stacy squeezed her hand. “Then spend time with him. Who says it has to be about forever? Truth is, you’re going to be parents. You’re going to have to get used to being around him anyway. Give yourself time to figure things out. If he’s not rushing you, don’t rush yourself. Eventually, your heart will make the decision for you.”

More than curious to know how her take-no-prisoners best friend would respond, Angela looked over at Stacy and quirked a brow in playful challenge. “Would you?”

Stacy’s brows rose. “Are you kidding? The man’s got a job. He’s a lawyer, for crying out loud, which means not only is he smart but he makes good money. To top it off, he knows you’re pregnant and isn’t afraid.” A wide grin eased across Stacy’s face as she peered at her over her coffee cup and snapped a finger. “Honey, I’d snatch him up in a heartbeat.”

Angela giggled.

Stacy leaned back in her chair, her gaze sobering. “Call him, sweetie. Invite him to your next prenatal appointment.”

****

Angela’s hands trembled as she punched the numbers into her phone. The kitchen around her was quiet, only the ticking of the clock above the stove filling the silence. Her mother had gone out to the store to pick up items for dinner, leaving her alone in the house. The silence echoed around her, too quiet. All she could hear, all she could focus on, was the fierce throbbing of her pulse.

It wasn’t the first time she’d dialed Alex’s number. Wasn’t the first time she’d spoken to him over the phone. While she yearned to hear the simple sound of his voice, her stomach twisted itself into a giant tangled knot at what she was about to do.

She couldn’t help thinking Stacy was right, though. She needed to give herself time to figure out what she wanted from him. How she felt about him.

She knew darn well he deserved the chance to prove he wasn’t like David. He was right. It was unfair to judge him by someone else’s standards. David had done that to her before he left. She’d forever come up short. She hated knowing she was now doing the same thing to Alex.

The only way to know was to put herself out there, to take that step forward and… spend time with him. It could be as simple as him coming to this doctor’s appointment with her.

As the phone began to ring, she squeezed her eyes shut, struggling to breathe through the tide of emotions that suddenly swamped her. Fear, nervousness, joy.

You can do this
, she told herself.
You can do this.

Three rings later he picked up. “Hello, Angela.”

The rich, smooth sound of his voice, the way her name rolled off his tongue, lit a fire in her belly. Some part of her sighed in relief.

Nerves quickly overwhelmed her, every part of her suddenly shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. In that moment, she felt like that fifteen-year-old girl all over again, with a crush on her older brother’s best friend. The woman her ex-husband had walked out on.

Nerdy little Angie.

No. She wasn’t that woman anymore, and Alex wasn’t David.

She swallowed hard, sat up straight in her chair. “Hi.”

“I wasn’t expecting to talk to you until tonight. Is everything okay?”

How was it he always sounded so relaxed while she felt like she was coming apart at the seams? Was his heart pounding like hers? Wasn’t he nervous at all? She was tempted to ask him, just to hear him say it.

She settled back in the seat, rested her head against the wall behind her, and closed her eyes. She was inviting him to a doctor’s appointment, that’s all. He was the father of her babies. He deserved the chance to be the father they needed. It wasn’t anymore complicated than that.

“Everything’s fine.” She opened her eyes, forced her mind to focus. “Actually, I called to ask you something.”

“Okay.”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Why was this so hard? “I, um, I have a prenatal appointment coming up soon. In…in two weeks. I thought you might like to know.”

She bit her bottom lip, cringing at the way the words left her mouth, the way her voice trembled, and banged her head back against the wall. God this was coming out all wrong. The man made her feel so…vulnerable. Like she couldn’t hide from him. All she could do was squeeze her eyes shut and wait for his response.

“Would you like me to be there?”

The hidden question in his tone was obvious. Did
she
want him there?

She bit her lower lip, hesitated, then finally whispered, “Yes.”

Yes, she wanted him to be there, she couldn’t deny that. She wanted to know she wasn’t going to be alone through all of this. Oh, she could care for these babies on her own, but that wasn’t the way she wanted it. Her babies deserved to know their father.

That was only half of it, though. What she wanted, deep down, was to see him. To be in the same space as him. To look into those eyes and see
it
, that connection, that lethal spark. Heaven help her, she craved it.

“Hang on. Let me check my schedule.” For several moments, only the quiet sound of his breathing echoed over the line. Then came the sound of papers rustling. “What’s the exact date?”

She opened her eyes, stared at the picture of her and Brock as kids on the wall opposite her. “It’s next Friday, the first of July. At nine.”