A Second Chance at Forever (11 page)

“Mm. I’m afraid I have court all next week. Child abuse case we’ve been building for two years now.” He moved to the edge of the steps, teetering on the top one. “I have to go. My flight leaves early in the morning. You’ll call me? Let me know how it went?”

She looked over at him. The hint of uncertainty in his eyes left no doubt to what he referred. He wanted a reassurance that she’d call him, while at the same time telling her he looked forward to hearing from her.

Touched, she nodded. Without a doubt she’d look forward to that conversation. “I’ll call you.”

He kissed her cheek, his lips lingering for a fraction of a second on her skin, then he trotted down the steps and got into his rental car.

Angela stood on the porch, watching as the purr of the engine faded into the distance, not entirely certain she’d made the right decision. She had no idea what the future held, for any of them. The very notion left her more confused than she’d been in a long time. All she knew was they were having a baby. She was about to spend time with the first man since David to make her knees go weak. It terrified her and excited her all at the same time, left her trembling on the porch, her queasy stomach revolting against the overwhelming emotion pounding through her.

She didn’t know what to do about any of it.

Chapter Eight

There it was.

Alex watched the number flash across the view screen of his cell phone’s lighted display, confusion twisting in his gut as he recognized Angela’s number. He’d spent the entire last week trying not to think about her and failing. He hadn’t gotten much past the fact that they were having a baby, let alone dealt with the overwhelming feelings he had for her.

Seeing her after the weekend they’d spent together had thrown him for a loop. He didn’t know which end was up anymore. She still kept him up at night, still tormented him with memories of the two of them, of her. It all twisted like a knife in his chest, the pain that insisted he shouldn’t want her at all.

The worst of his guilt lay with Karen. He was ready to take the first step, ready to breathe, to feel the sun on his face again, but he wasn’t ready for much more than that. He’d only stopped wearing his ring a few months ago. To move into the future with someone else somehow mocked the vows he’d taken seven years ago.

Candy had been what he’d needed—a weekend fling—but Angela…was so much more complicated.

When the phone vibrated again, he punched a button and held it to his ear. “Hello, Angela.”

A moment of silence played over the line. “How’d you know it was me?”

The sound of her voice assaulted his senses, soft and velvety, with an uncertain catch at the end that wrapped around him. Alex closed his eyes as an image of her flared to life in his mind. The way she’d looked showing up at his hotel room that night. Her glorious hair cascading down her back in soft waves he’d longed to sift his fingers through. The hunger in those big blue eyes when she’d looked at him.

Heart pounding, he opened his eyes and dragged a hand through his hair. “Recognized the number,” he said, calmer than he felt. “Did you have a good day?”

She sighed. “I had a busy day. Three of the guys on my team took the day off. I ran the help desk all by myself. Everybody in the building seemed to have a problem. You?”

“No. It’s been a long exhausting day. It didn’t end well for anyone except the damn defense.” He drew in a deep breath and blew it out, releasing the pent up frustration coiled in his stomach. “I had a case thrown out on a technicality today. It’s not sitting too well with me.”

It ate a hole in his gut, actually, to know the bastard was getting a reprieve from the things he’d done to his daughter, simply because someone along the lines had forgotten to dot their I’s and cross their T’s.

“I’m sorry.”

The soft empathy in her voice wrapped around him, soothed his ragged nerves. A part of him relaxed in a way he found disconcerting, because along with it came the memories. He’d felt so peaceful and content lying in her arms. Like he could tell her anything and it would be safe with her. The odd desire to lay his head in her lap and tell her about his day rose in the pit of his stomach.

Which had him envisioning exactly that.

“Mm. Not as sorry as I am. How’d your appointment go?”

“I have something to show you,” she said, soft and timid. “Can you check your email at home?”

“I do a lot of work from home, yeah.”

“Another workaholic,” she murmured. “Keeps the demons at bay.”

Working was the only thing that kept the demons at bay. Keeping himself so busy with his cases he didn’t have time to think about the past let alone wallow in all those things he couldn’t change. Like how much he wished he and Karen hadn’t argued that morning. Or that he shouldn’t have let work interrupt a family weekend. “Mm.”

“What’s your email address?”

After he gave it to her, the sound of a chair rolling across a hard floor drifted over the line, followed by the ticking of keys. “All right. Check your email.”

“Hang on.” He pushed off the sofa and moved through the house, winding his way through the rooms into his home office. There he sank into the chair behind his desk and opened his email program. Angela’s name popped into his inbox. He clicked the link attached. A black and white ultrasound picture popped up onto his screen moments later.

A herd of wild elephants stampeded through his chest as his mind processed the image in front of him. Two distinct gestational sacs, two distinct babies.

Alex squinted at the monitor. Blinked in disbelief. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Twins,” she offered softly.

“Twins.” He sank back into the chair, staring at the shapes on the screen. Emotion swamped him. Dual waves of fear and guilt, regret and awe, all washing over him, twisting at the wound in his chest and slowly drowning him.

Another black and white image flitted through his mind, a similar snapshot from long ago. He shifted his gaze to the dark wooden picture frame on the corner of his desk. She stood in front of the monkey exhibit at the Central Park Zoo, a stuffed monkey under one arm, beaming at him. Her chestnut curls bounced around her chin, her smile lighting up her entire face. She’d wrapped him around her little finger, and he’d gladly let her.

He shifted his gaze back to the computer, to the ultrasound picture, to the two tiny babies on the screen, the wound in his chest aching all over again. This wasn’t the way he’d planned his life. The same overwhelming guilt he’d struggled with for over a year now rose again within him—how could he move forward when his wife and daughter lay cold in the ground?

Yet at the same time the thought of those babies filled him with a profound sense of awe and wonder that grabbed a hold of him and refused to let go. Looking at them was like getting a glimpse into the future, all bright and promising. If only he could find it in himself to reach out and take what they represented.

“Are you disappointed?”

The soft uncertainty in Angela’s voice as it drifted over the line cut through the fog that held him bound. This wasn’t only about him. “Why on earth would I be?”

She was silent for a moment, but he could hear the wheels of her mind turning, could almost hear her struggling with her words. “You don’t sound overly thrilled.”

His gut wrenched.

“I’m sorry. It’s a bit…difficult to process.” He turned to stare at the framed picture again. What made him say it, he wasn’t sure. The words left his mouth on not only a need to say them, but to share them with her. “There’s a picture of Hailey on my desk, beside my computer. I still have her ultrasound pictures in a box in the bedroom closet. I remember the day Karen had the procedure done.”

“I have to admit,” she said softly, “all things considered, I wasn’t sure if you’d even want them. This must be very difficult for you.”

Her soft words, the uncertain catch in her voice, twisted at his gut. “I’m not going to leave you to raise them by yourself, Ang. What the hell kind of man were you married to?” It bugged the crap out of him that she kept expecting him to turn around and walk away from her. It also made him long, more than anything, to take her in his arms and soothe the doubt. To reassure her.

“David didn’t want children,” she whispered.

“Well, I’m not David. I meant what I said, I’ll be right here. Through all of it. I want to share as much as I can.” His voice lowered, softened with the need that swelled within him. “I wish I could have been there with you.”

Somehow he knew he meant that, though the thought sat like acid on his tongue.

“The distance…” He let out a heavy breath. “I don’t know. We’ll figure it out. I have to admit I haven’t thought that far yet.”

That wasn’t entirely the truth. Amongst the millions of thoughts flying through his head this week, he’d been toying with the idea of moving back to Vegas. He’d even thought about doing the right thing and asking Angela to marry him. She deserved that much. Except he knew his heart wouldn’t be in it. He was old fashioned. Marriage ought to be about love. He couldn’t give her that. Though he hoped love might find him again one day, he had no idea if he’d ever get there. Angela deserved better than that.

That was neither here nor there. The fact was, neither one of them was ready to take that step. She’d said as much.

“Are they healthy?” he asked, before he risked their already precarious relationship by telling her all the thoughts running rampant through his mind.

“Doctor said everything looked good.”

A knot somewhere inside of him eased.

“Good. So.” He settled back in the chair. “Do you want boys or girls?”

She was silent a moment. “Honestly? Girls. I’ve always wanted a girl. Someone to dress up in frilly pink dresses, do her hair every day.”

The memories rose, filling his chest with warmth. “Girls are very sweet.”

“How old was she?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Her question surprised him. For a moment he debated what to tell her. Then he closed his eyes and found himself back in the safety of Angela’s embrace. The words fell from his mouth, pulled out of him by the softness of her voice.

“Four,” he said. “She would’ve started kindergarten this fall.”

“Tell me about her?”

He glanced again at the picture beside the computer. “She was just like her mother. Stubborn and opinionated, but lord she was strong willed. She had a definite mind of her own and wasn’t afraid to share it with the likes of me.”

Memories filled his mind. He found himself sharing them with Angela. Of all the times Hailey had woken him up by crawling in bed between him and Karen. Of her standing in the middle of the kitchen, hands on her hips, wagging a finger at him when she’d caught him doing something he shouldn’t have. Like drinking from the milk carton. Or swearing. Or forgetting to wash his hands before dinner.

Angela let out a quiet laugh, soft, throaty and breathy, reminding him too much of the first time he’d heard it at the club. “See, you do like feisty women.”

The tone of her voice said she’d meant the words as a tease, but once out, the air charged. Silence rang over the line, burned between them with wants and needs. Images rose up around him. Of her. Of them. That night. Of their bodies wrapped around each other.

Even though he knew he ought to end their conversation, that it went against his better judgment, he still found himself telling her, “I’m getting no sleep because of you, you know that? Haven’t slept in a damn week. My concentration was shot to hell, because all I could think about was this damn phone call. Of getting to hear your voice.”

He dragged a frustrated hand through his hair. The woman had him wound in knots. He wasn’t good for her, but they were having a baby, two of them, yet all he could think about was getting his hands on her. He wanted to watch her face, to know he’d been the one to make her moan and tremble, wanted to lose himself in those chaotic eyes all over again. All the while knowing he shouldn’t want any of it. Like that night, he found himself drawn to her, pulled in by something he couldn’t comprehend, but wasn’t strong enough to deny.

“Hell, Ang, do you know what I’m doing right now? Trying to picture you and wondering what on earth you’re wearing.”

****

Angela’s entire body trembled. The low tenor of Alex’s voice, the need etched in those words, settled deep in her core. The low burning coals in her belly ignited into a full blaze.

God how she wanted to admit how much she’d thought about their night together. She couldn’t stop seeing the tender heat in his eyes, the looks that had made her feel like the only woman in the world.

She bit her lower lip and glanced down at herself, sighed, uncertain whether she meant to put him off…or encourage him, but the words left her mouth unbidden. “I’m afraid I’m not wearing anything worthy of Candy. I’m not her, Alex, anywhere except at the club. I’m just…me.”

Silence rang across the line. Nerves clenched at her stomach. Despite knowing he wanted her, all those old insecurities rose all over again. The night they’d spent together she’d filled a role, but here, now? She was just Angela. Would he be disappointed in how plain she was? David had been. David had left her.

“I happen to like Angela.” Spoken soft and rough, but intimately honest. “I think if you wore a potato sack it would still arouse me.”

Angela’s heart thudded in her chest, an odd mixture of giddy, happy butterflies and desire rolling through her body. The air between them filled with the quiet whispers of needs unspoken.

“
Are
you aroused?” She bit her lip. Oh she should not have asked him that, but the very thought made her blood pulse, made her ache, to know she’d done that to him. Just her. Just Angela. It made her feel so…powerful. That power was a luscious heady sensation that went to her head in a dizzying rush and made her yearn for more.

He let out a low growl, a sound of defeat and agony. “Immensely.”

A beat of silence passed over the line, electrified with all the things neither one of them were saying out loud, then very quietly he asked, “Where are you?”