A Secret to Keep (34 page)

“Apologize to me?”

He nodded and was about to tell her how sorry he was for everything, but before he could continue the door opened.

“Sloane?” Avery reached out as she walked into the room.

“Auntie.” Sloane dropped her hands from his and walked into her aunt’s arms as she entered the room.

“Sweetheart, how’re you holding up?” Avery asked.

“I’m going crazy. He’s never been so sick. It’s nerve wracking.”

“I know honey, but he’s going to be fine. Gates, it’s good to see you. You doing okay?” Avery asked, giving him a hug.

“Yeah, just worried about this little guy here.” Gates continued to watch his son’s chest rise and fall.

“I’m guessing neither one of you has gotten an opportunity to eat anything.” Avery sat and patted the seat, motioning for Sloane to sit with her. She trudged over and sat beside her aunt as Gates kept a watchful eye on Brayden. Her pinstriped black skirt and starched white shirt were wrinkled from the short nap she’d gotten earlier. “Since I’m here, maybe you two would like to go and take a shower and change clothes.” Avery turned and pushed Sloane’s hair back from her face.

“I can’t leave him. I can’t.”

“Sweetie, Brayden needs you and Gates to be there for him. He also needs you to be rested so when he’s recovering, you’re not falling down from pure exhaustion.”

“I know, but I feel so guilty already.”

“Guilty? Guilty about what?”

Sloane looked at Gates’ back turned to her as he stood by Brayden’s crib and lowered her eyes to her lap. “Everything. Brayden is so sick and I didn’t keep him from getting this sick. What if something happens and he doesn’t get to spend time with Gates? I-”

“Shhhhh, honey. Brayden is going to be fine and he and Gates are going to get to spend a lifetime together, okay? You cannot control something like this. There’s no way in the world you could control Brayden getting this.”

“That’s what Gates said.”

“Well, he’s right.” Avery placed her arm around Sloane’s shoulders and hugged her to her side. “Now, I think the both of you need to go and get some rest.” Avery managed to convince Sloane to go home and at least get a shower and change clothes.

Gates placed his arm around Sloane’s shoulders and she leaned into him as they walked out of the hospital. A lot had transpired in the last day and a half. He could sense she was hesitant to leave.

“Maybe we shouldn’t leave him?”

“If you don’t want to leave, we don’t have to. But, you know your aunt will keep pushing you and will probably come and drive you to your house herself.”

“I know. I feel bad leaving him.”

“I do too. Look, we’ll just go and change. We won’t be gone long.”

Nodding her head, she got in the car as he held the door for her.

###

After showering and changing his clothes, Gates felt better. He’d been in a suit for over 24 hours and even though he was used to being in suits most of the time, he felt ten times better in the polo shirt and jeans he brought in his overnight bag. He ran his hands through his damp hair. He’d never had much experience with a child, much less a sick one. The only kids he’d ever been around were his nieces and nephew, but with them living overseas, their interaction was limited to phone calls and video chats. Walking out of the guest room, he strode through the living room and listened to the squeak of the screen door as he stepped out onto the front porch. Reaching down, he picked up Brayden’s ball and sat on the top step, watching the sun rising in the sky.

He sat there for a few minutes watching the sun peaking over the horizon. Hearing the door open behind him, he continued to stare at the ball in his hands as Sloane exited the house and took a seat on the step. She looked a little more relaxed in a pair of jeans, a knit shirt, and a gray warm up jacket. Her hair was pulled up in a loose bun of curls, revealing her slender neck. When she sat down, he smelled the faint scent of her lavender soap waft through the air.

“He loves playing with that.” She motioned towards the multicolored ball Gates held in his hands.

“Really?”

“Mmm, yeah. He tries to throw it every time he picks it up.”

“Sloane, I’m an idiot.” Dropping his head, Gates stared at the bottom step. He hadn’t meant for it to come out so abrupt, but he was having a hard time keeping his emotions bottled up and before he knew it, his heart leapt out of his chest onto his sleeve.

“Gates-”

“Please, let me say this.” He put the ball down and turned towards her. “I’m sorry for putting everything before you. For not being there for you while you carried our son. I’m sorry for running away from you both when all you wanted was for me to get to know him and spend time with him.”

“Gates, it’s okay.”

“No it’s not. I put so many other things in front of you and I shouldn’t have. You’re the mother of my son and I couldn’t be bothered to be there for either of you. I gave you money; like that was going to make up for everything, and it can’t.” He stood from his place on the step and walked a few feet away.

“Gates, first of all, you didn’t know about Brayden. What matters is that you’re here now.” He turned to see her standing near the steps.

“Is that enough? Honestly, is that what you want? Me coming to visit on the weekends; or when he’s sick? Spend a little time with Brayden and then fly back to New York while you do the hard part and raise him? Is that what you want, because it sure as hell isn’t good enough.”

“Gates-”

“No, Sloane. That’s why I left the morning after Brayden’s party. I let my emotions take over and I didn’t think about what was best for you and him. I only wanted you. I wanted what I wanted and that’s all I was thinking about. I wanted you more than I think I ever have. Even though I know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me; I know I’m not the best for you.” He felt like his chest would explode with the amount of frustration bottled inside of him. The scent of her lavender soap mixed with her shampoo reached out and touched every sensory nerve in his body. She was intoxicating and in that single step towards him, she had no idea how much power she had over him.

“How can you say that?”

“Sloane. I’ve done nothing but hurt you. And I’m nowhere close to being a great dad. Truly, what kind of father can I honestly be to Brayden? Coming and going in and out of his life; that’s not being a dad. And how fair is it to sleep with you and then hop on a plane and leave again? I couldn’t do that to either of you, so I thought if I distanced myself, then you could move on with your life. You could find someone else to give you and Brayden the life you deserve.”

“Gates, Brayden does deserve to have a father in his life. I won’t deny that.” He looked down at her coming to stand in front of him and he felt her soft hands slip into his own. “But if anything, he deserves to have you, his father, in his life in whatever way he can. I’m not going to replace you in his life because you can’t be replaced.”

“I don’t know how to be a father. Don’t you get it? My father was never there for me. He practically sent me away once I was able to form my own ideas. And once I was old enough, he used me for his purposes. Hell, he never even really wanted me. I don’t want to hurt Brayden like that. I don’t want to keep hurting you.”

“You won’t.” Sloane placed her hands on his forearms and looked into his eyes trying to reassure him. “I know you won’t hurt your son. You’re not like that.”

“Even you said I turned into my father. How can you have so much faith in me now?”

“Because, that’s not who you truly are. I know that now more than ever. You are
not
Victor. Yes, a lot of things have changed between us, but I know you have a good heart.” She paused and placed her hand on his chest. “I know that about you. And I know I don’t want Brayden to have anyone else but you for his father.”

“Are you sure about this? What kind of life could this be for him? For you?” He stared into her eyes and waited. He wanted to be there for both of them and give them the life they deserved. It was the only thing he wanted and he wasn’t sure how he could give it to them, but he wanted to try.

“It’ll be our life. We’ll work this out. He needs both of us. And regardless of what you say, he’s already attached to you and doesn’t want anyone but you for his dad.” She smiled, curling her tiny hands into his, giving him a reassuring grin. “I know we can figure this out.”

Pulling her hand to his mouth, he kissed it before pulling her into his embrace. For the first time in a long time, he finally felt like he was exactly where he needed to be. He breathed softly in her hair and then they walked hand in hand to the car to drive back to the hospital.

###

Once back, they found out Brayden’s fever had finally broken and the doctors were pleased with the progress he’d made in the past few hours. Sloane could hardly contain her relief at seeing her little boy more responsive than when she brought him in. The doctors explained he still wouldn’t feel great for a few more days, but they were sure they’d caught it in time to keep it from progressing to anything worse. Brayden remained in the hospital for another day and once his fluids reached a normal level, Sloane and Gates took him home.

Avery decided to head back to Charlotte once she knew Brayden was feeling better. Gates stayed for the rest of the week to make sure that not only Brayden got rest, but Sloane did too. He cancelled his meetings or had Evan handle them, so he could spend as much time as he could with Brayden and Sloane. From getting up with him at night when he cried or reading him a bedtime story, Gates was so attentive and he and Brayden were practically inseparable. One night in particular, Sloane managed to quietly take a picture of the two asleep on the sofa. Gates had finished reading Brayden a story and the little boy had fallen asleep on his father’s chest. Gates watched the little boy sleep until he nodded off too.

“He’s definitely feeling better.” Sloane yawned and sat on the sofa beside Gates. They had just finished giving Brayden his bath and had put him down for the night. The little boy had splashed and giggled during the bath and was acting like his old self again, much to Sloane and Gates’ relief.

“He’s quite a character. I’m amazed at how fast he picks up on things.”

“He’s a lot like you.” She laughed at the thought of how demanding the little boy could be.

“Oh? How’s that?”

“Well, he has a tremendous amount of personality, a definite sense of humor and he can be very, uh, let’s see, demanding when he wants something.” She leaned her head back on the sofa cushions, leering at Gates.

“Demanding? I don’t think he’s demanding, maybe more like, determined.” He grinned as she laughed at his reply.

“Uh, yeah, sure Gates,
determined.
Either way, he’s a lot like you.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. I’ll never have to worry about him. He’ll be extremely successful and everyone will love him.”

“Loved by everyone huh?”

“Uh, yes.” Blushing, she looked away from Gates’ hypnotic gaze.

“Wow. I had no idea that everyone loves me.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Do I?”

“Yes.” She nervously stood and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She could feel her mouth getting dry hearing him walk in behind her and she had a feeling he wasn’t going to let her comments go.

“Tell me what you mean by everyone loves me.” Taking the glass from her hand and placing it on the counter, Gates moved in closer. He stood so close that she became his prisoner when he placed his hands on either side of her on the counter. The whole week, she’d enjoyed spending time with Gates and they stayed up late practically every night talking and laughing. It felt good to have him there and she admittedly found herself more and more attracted to him.

“I uh...” She chewed the inside of her cheek as his body gently pinned hers against the cabinets. The smell of his cologne made her knees wobbly as he looked into her eyes.

“Well?”

“You know what I mean.” She stammered, trying to look away from him but failing miserably. His hazel eyes had her entranced.

“No, I don’t. It sounds like maybe you still have feelings for me; maybe even
you
still love me like ‘everyone’ does?”

Ducking her head she gulped. “And why would you think that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you can’t seem to look at me.” He gently tilted her chin up to look him in the eye.

“Okay, okay, so yeah, maybe I do still possibly have feelings for you. But we do have a son together and we shared a life together at one point, so I do still care about you, and what happens to you.”

“And that’s it?” She could hear his tone turn more serious and she noticed the sincerity reflected in his gaze.

“Well, yes, what else do you want me to say?”

He paused for a moment and she continued to stare at him. She noticed his demeanor shift as he began to speak. “I want you to tell me you forgive me for being an idiot. That you meant what you said about wanting only me to be Brayden’s dad and that you feel the same way I do.”

“How’s that?” She could barely hear her own voice dribble over her lips as she waited for him to continue.