A Secret to Keep (33 page)

“Hi baby. Mommy’s here.” She stroked his curls and she knew if he were more coherent, he would probably be afraid of all of the beeping monitors and machines. He looked at her with the most listless eyes and she leaned down and rested her chin on the railing. He was so drained of energy and could barely keep his eyes open. She stood over him for the next few hours watching him breathe.

###

Gates hurried into the hospital looking for the signs pointing to the emergency room. His polished shoes echoed on the floor as he raced through the tiled hallways. He was still wearing the same black Armani suit, starched white button down and tie he’d been wearing during his meeting. He stuck out like a sore thumb as he wandered through the sea of scrubs and street clothes the nurses, doctors and patients wore. Looking at the signs hanging in the hallways, he grew frustrated because he had no clue where Sloane and Brayden could possibly be. He tried calling her, but her cell phone was going directly to voicemail. Finally reaching the reception area, he asked for information.

“Hi. I need to find out what room my son is in.”

“What’s the name sir?”

“Uh, Gates McCall, uh, oh his name is Brayden, Brayden
…Davis.”

“Brayden Davis. He’s been moved to the children’s wing. You need to follow the blue arrows down this hallway and take a right. Go up the escalator and you should be able to find the reception desk there. They can tell you what room he’s in.”

“Thank you.” Increasing his gait, he finally found the escalator leading to the children’s wing. He noticed a good number of people in waiting rooms on the way through the emergency area. Mothers were trying their best to comfort crying, wailing children who were either in pain, sleepy or suffering from some other problem. It was a little unnerving for him to think Sloane may have had to wait with Brayden when he came in as well and he picked up the pace to find them. Stepping off of the escalator, he walked to the reception area and scanned the room for any glimpse of Sloane.

“Hi, I need to know what room my son is in. Brayden Davis.”

“Let me check for you, sir.”

Waiting for the woman to give him the information, Gates scrubbed his face with his hands. All he wanted was to get to Brayden and Sloane. Looking around, Gates thought about the last time he spoke with Sloane and how he’d been so cold. Their last encounter had been the only thing he’d been able to think about. It was the reason he wasn’t getting much sleep at night. And now none of the things that had gone on between them even mattered. All he wanted was to know his son was okay. Before the lady could tell him the room number, Gates turned to lock eyes with Sloane. Her beautiful brown
eyes were swollen from crying and he could see the toll the whole ordeal was taking on her.

“Gates?” As soon as she was in front of him, she fell into his arms crying as he hugged her to his chest.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.” He breathed in the sweet smell of her hair and tried his best to comfort her. “How is he?”

“He’s so weak. The doctor says it’s some kind of virus and they’re monitoring him for signs of pneumonia. I don’t know if I can handle this.” She pushed back to look in his eyes and he could feel his stomach clench at the pain and fear reflected in her gaze.

“Look, he’s going to be fine. He’s strong and he’s a fighter. Just like his mama, you’ll see.” Holding on to her hands, he tried his best to convince her Brayden would be fine. “What happened?”

“He was fine this morning when I dropped him off. Around lunch, the day care called and told me he had a fever. I tried everything to bring it down, but nothing worked and then he was having trouble breathing and I brought him here.” She sobbed harder and he pulled her back to him and wrapped his arms tighter around her petite frame. Her body shook against his and he wanted nothing more than to make everything better.

“Can we see him?”

Nodding her head, Sloane turned back to the double doors, linking her hand in Gates’. Walking slowly, she led him through the corridor and into Brayden’s room. Gates’ breath hitched in his throat seeing his son hooked to various machines. He was used to Brayden running around and getting into things. He was such a happy baby and it was hard to see him lying there so lifeless.

“Hey buddy.” Reaching over he rubbed Brayden’s stomach and he felt tears prick his eyes when two little hazel orbs opened for a brief moment. “Daddy’s here.”

Sloane stood wiping her eyes and hugging her arms to her sides.

“Hey, I’m going to get out of here and give Chase an update okay?” Liyah hugged Sloane and turned to Gates. “Do you need anything?”

“No. Thanks, Liyah for being here.”

“Hey, it’s no problem.” She gave Sloane a reassuring smile before patting Gates on the back and walking out of the room.

As Liyah walked out, a nurse came in to check Brayden’s vitals and update his chart. She nodded at Gates and Sloane before checking the baby’s pulse, his temperature and writing the information down.

“How’s he doing?” Gates hovered protectively by the crib.

“He’s about the same. His test results should be back soon though and we’ll know more then. There’s been a little bit of a backlog with all of the patients we have in right now. Flu season has officially started and we are swamped, but we’re working as quickly as we can on those test results. We started him on another medicine, which should help his breathing, and I’m sure the doctor will be in shortly.” She finished checking the baby’s IV and silently left.

“He looks so much smaller than he usually does.” Gates watched Brayden
breathe and listened to Sloane’s timid voice.

“I know. This is frustrating. He can’t tell us what hurts. I can’t do anything to help him feel better, and we have no idea how long this will last.”

“I’m sorry I bothered you, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Hey.” He turned to look into her red-rimmed eyes and reached over to wipe her tears. “You weren’t bothering me. I…I should’ve been here in the first place.”

Before she could respond, Dr. Vincent came in and confirmed Brayden was suffering from a respiratory virus and they were going to keep him at least overnight to make sure it didn’t develop into a more serious illness. He and Gates continued to talk about Brayden’s progress while Sloane rubbed the little boy’s stomach. They changed his IV and put even more fluids into him to help with bringing his fever down. After the doctor left, she and Gates continued their vigilance.

“I can’t stand this.” He watched her slowly sink down on the window seat before moving from Brayden’s side and taking a seat beside her. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar. Rubbing his face, he placed his head in his hands, propping his elbows on his knees and sighed.

“This is so surreal. The last time I saw him, he was playing and giggling and happy. Now this.”

“This is all my fault.” She spoke so softly that Gates barely heard her.
      
“
What?”

“I…I don’t know where he got this. I keep going over the day and why I didn’t notice anything this morning. He was as active as he always is; at least I think he was.” He sat and listened to her replay the morning over in her memory.

“You heard the doctor; he could’ve gotten it anywhere. Have any of the other kids been sick at his daycare?”

“Not that I know of. But, I should know this. I should know if the other kids in my child’s daycare have been sick. What kind of mother am I?” She stood and crossed her arms and looked out of the window. Gates watched her as the room fell silent except for the beeping of the machines and he could see fear etched into her tear-stained face. Here he believed he was a horrible father and she was thinking she was a horrible mother.

“You’re a great mother.” Turning slightly to look at him, she pushed her hair behind her ear and sat down again.

“How can you say that? I kept him from you for the majority of his life to ‘protect him’ and now our little boy is so sick he can barely open his eyes. I didn’t protect him. I put him in a daycare. Everyone knows children get sick; and other kids in daycares are usually how they get sick. I was too busy trying to prove something…and I put him in daycare.”

“Stop it.” Looking in her eyes, he took her hands in his. “Don’t do this. You’re beating yourself up and it’s me you should be blaming. I left you alone to take care of Brayden. I didn’t do anything to help you once I found out he was mine. You would’ve never had to put Brayden in daycare if I had been the kind of father he needed.” Sloane had always been such a confident person and he knew that was part of the attraction he had for her, but her uneasiness and worry about their son was unnerving to him. In the short amount of time he’d found out he was a father, she had been the quintessential mother. She always seemed to know what Brayden needed. Each cry; each murmur, she knew. Now, with their son lying in a crib with all kinds of beeping machines going off, he looked in her eyes and saw a fear he’d never seen before and it scared him.

“I didn’t let you.” She closed her eyes and he watched her shoulders sag before her eyelashes fluttered up and she looked at him. Her gaze held so much hurt and pain that he wanted to reach out and hold her. To make it go away. “When my parents died, I felt this void. It was this awful gaping hole in the middle of my heart,” she paused, rubbing her hands together. “When Avery took me in, she loved me as much as she could and made me feel like her own, but it wasn’t the same.” Gates reached over and took her shaky hands in his.

“I know it couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“It wasn’t, but when I met you. Everything started to change. I felt that hole starting to fill in. You were everything to me. So, when you started to pull away and we were drifting apart, I felt like I was losing again. And then, I found out I was having that wonderful little angel,” her voice softened as she pointed to Brayden lying in the crib. “And I vowed that I would never let anything or anyone hurt him. I never wanted him to feel the way I did.”

“Sloane-”

“No. Gates, I’m realizing that no matter what I do, I can’t control everything. And I definitely can’t control when people come and go out of my life.” She squeezed her eyes shut and he watched the tears stream down her face, dropping into her lap to disappear into the fabric of the skirt she wore. “And now, our little boy could be leaving, too, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Gates, I’m scared. I’m so scared.” She crumpled and he took her into her arms as she sobbed.

A few hours later, Gates woke with a start. He sat up and rubbed his neck trying to shake off the soreness of his awkward position in the hardback chair. Rolling his head around for a minute, he finally focused in on Sloane, who was curled up in the window seat on the other side of the crib with his suit jacket thrown over her. She had cried in his arms for what seemed like hours before finally falling asleep. Now, he sat staring at her soft skin and the slight upturn and curve of her mouth. Her hair fell softly across her cheek. He thought about how good she felt in his arms and how he wanted to be able to hold her for the rest of his life. Shaking the fuzziness from his brain, he rubbed his face with his hands before standing to stretch and walk over to check on Brayden, who was still sleeping.

“All right little man, I need you to get better. There’s so much we still have to do. You, me...and mommy.” He glanced over at Sloane’s tranquil petite frame thinking of all of the things he wanted with her. The life he wanted, the family he wanted and how he’d been so reckless to walk away from her. He reached out and stroked the soft curls on his son’s head and continued to talk to the little boy, wiping at the tears in his eyes. He could kick himself for not being there for Sloane or Brayden and he felt horrible for being absent from the little boy’s life. “I haven’t been there for you in the past, and I’m sorry for that. You and your mom mean so much to me. I’ve been too afraid of hurting the both of you, but I promise I’m going to be a better father for you. A much better one than mine was to me.” He was about to say something else when Sloane stirred and her eyes popped open to look at him.

“Gates? Is he okay?”

“He’s still sleeping.”

He watched her stand and stretch before joining him to look in on their son. “Why didn’t you wake me?” She placed her hand on Brayden’s cheek to see how warm he was and pulled the blanket up over his little body.

“You needed the rest.”

“Did you sleep?”

“A little.” They stood in silence for a while before Sloane spoke.

“I’m sorry for this, Gates.”

“Sorry, for what?” He wasn’t sure why she was apologizing to him. If anything he should be apologizing to her for leaving her and Brayden.

“That I let Brayden get this sick that he needed to be here.” She motioned around the room and he shook his head.

“Sloane, did you purposely put Brayden in contact with a virus? Did you leave him at the daycare when you found out he was sick? Did you not bring him to the hospital when nothing you were doing to bring his fever down would work?”

“No.” Her voice was so miniscule and he looked at her; with her hand on Brayden’s stomach as she watched their little boy like a hawk. He was in awe of her motherly instincts and the way she doted over the little boy.

“Then why are you apologizing to me? You’re a great mother and you do so much for Brayden on a daily basis. If anything, I should be apologizing to you.” Taking her hands, he turned her to look at him.