A Sister's Quest (19 page)

Her eyes widened. “That was because of you? I was so angry and so sad when
Maman
sent a message. It arrived on Christmas Eve and said only that I must stay at the school through the holidays.” She lowered her eyes. “Until
Maman
's death, it was the worst day of my life.”

Kneeling in front of her, he put his hands on hers in her lap. “She was furious that I kept her from spending Christmas with you.”

“It would have been our last Christmas together.”

He winced at the unhealed pain in her voice. “
Liebchen
, I have thought of that so often.” He stood and drew her to her feet. “Now do you understand why I fear for you with Prince Charming? I was as naïve then as you are now.”

“But I do not love him as you loved her.”

“Love?” He laughed tightly. “I did not love her. I wanted her. Just as Prince Charming wants you.” He ran the back of his hand along her cheek. “How could anyone not want you,
Liebchen
?”

It was the wrong thing to ask, he realized when she took a step toward him, raising her hands to his shoulders. How much did she think a man could endure? He had thought she would understand now why he pushed her away when her tempting smile became too enticing for him to resist.

Knowing the reaction his words would get, he gave her the arrogant smile she hated. “Playing hard to get will make Prince Charming even more eager. You could become a princess if you play your cards right.”

“Bartholomew asked me to leave you and come with him tonight.”

“Did he?” Alexei picked up his cup and sipped. He almost gagged—not on the tea, but on what he must say. “Be careful. Stronger men than I have sold their souls and their countries for lust. Women have found themselves betrayed when the lust for power becomes more compelling than passion.”

“You are insufferable!”

“Simply trying to repay your mother by teaching you what she taught me.”

“You want me to believe that she taught you to be so coldhearted and cocksure? My mother was kind and loving, no matter what you might say. She may have taught you to be a spy, but she never taught you to care only for yourself and your work, no matter how much pain you brought into other people's lives.” She scooped up her cloak and ran out of the room.

He sighed when he heard her door slam. No doubt she was locking it and jamming the chair up under the knob on the door between their rooms now. Setting his cup down, he murmured, “You are right,
Liebchen
. I had to learn that all by myself.”

Chapter Twelve

Herr Professor Waldstein nodded as he watched Rusak answer his question. “Very good,” he said. As always, he used signs to match what he spoke, so Rusak would become more familiar with reading signs. “Both of you are doing better than I expected. Rusak, why don't you get your carriage and bring it around front? It is too cold for Fraulein D'Orage to stand on the stoop and wait.”

Good day, Herr Professor
.

“Good day to you.”

When Michelle rose and stretched her cramped hands, she reached for her coat, which she had folded over the back of the chair. She smiled as the white-haired man took it and held it up for her to slip her arms into.

“Fraulein D'Orage, may I ask you a question?” he asked as she closed the velvet frogs at her throat.

“Of course, Herr Professor.”

“Your man Rusak is even quicker at grasping this than I had hoped. He is a man of rare intelligence. Would it be possible for you to afford more lessons for him?” He gave an embarrassed smile. “I would do this without cost, for his zest for learning is a joy, but I cannot spare the hour I would spend with a paying student.”

“The decision is not mine.”

“Not yours? But Fraulein, aren't you paying for his lessons?”

“Count Vatutin pays for the lessons. He is Rusak's employer … and mine as well.” When his bushy eyebrows lowered at her hesitation, she knew he understood what she could not bring herself to say to this man who was not part of the Polite World.

Her brow knitted. Once she had been like this, knowing the clear distinction between right and wrong. Somewhere in the midst of this masquerade that had changed.
No!
It had not. What had changed was caring about what other people thought. Or had that changed either? She cared so much about Herr Professor Waldstein's opinion of her, but it did not bother her that Bartholomew considered her an easy conquest because she was already another man's mistress.

To cover her apprehension at her own thoughts, she smiled and said, “Herr Professor, I shall speak with Count Vatutin. I am sure he will consider an acceleration of the lessons, especially as you have concerns about how much Rusak can learn when they return to Russia.”

“Very good, Fraulein.” He nodded his farewell.

Hurrying outside, Michelle was struck by the bite of the icy wind. Winter seemed earlier and harsher in Vienna than in Zurich, but it might be nothing more than the fact that she seldom had left the school buildings on the coldest days.

Rusak leapt down from the box to open the door for her. “I could have opened it on my own,” she said as she stepped into the interior which was no warmer than the street. “There was no need for you to push aside your blankets.”

I thank you, Michelle
. He added more that she could not understand.

“Herr Professor Waldstein warned me that you are learning faster than me,” she said with a laugh. “Slower.”

Glad we come here. Glad we friends. You give me wings to sing again
.

Tears threatened to fall. “I am glad, too. You have worked so hard.”

Alexei? He learns also
?

“Not yet. He is too busy, he says.”

Sadness etched Rusak's face as he nodded in resignation. When he closed the door, she swore under her breath. Rusak was doing so well, but it would be for naught if, when he and Alexei returned to Russia, no one comprehended what he signed.

A sliver of pain sliced through her. Alexei would be returning to Russia. He had mentioned several times recently that he was curious about his next assignment. Although she had known this was only a temporary arrangement, as the days, then the weeks, passed, she had persuaded herself that it would continue. The thought of Alexei leaving forever cramped her middle as if she were sick.

“You are want-witted!” she said aloud. “He has told you more than once you are important to him only because you are
Maman
's daughter.” She hid her face in her gloved hands. Nothing, it seemed, that she could offer Alexei was enough to make him change his ways—not even love.

Alexei put down his wineglass and stared at the man on the other side of the table. “You were my last hope, Robert.”

“A hopeless hope.” The balding man chuckled as he reached for another piece of cheese. “LaTulippe has disappeared. Mayhap we can hope he was banished along with Napoleon to Elba.”

Leaning back in his chair, Alexei looked past the man he would not even loosely call a friend. Robert had found himself elegant quarters in Vienna and a lovely woman to share them—the very life in reality that Alexei was living as a sham.

Did Michelle note how he avoided her? Since he had revealed his shame to her last week in front of the fireplace, he had tried to be in the apartment only when she was out or asleep. Mayhap he should move out. Sleeping was impossible when he thought of her only an unlocked door away.

“Did you hear what I said?” asked Robert.

Alexei rested his elbow on the chair's overstuffed arm. “No.”

Robert laughed. “Honesty is refreshing from you,
mon ami
.”

“Then I shall honestly tell you that I do not like how LaTulippe has slipped away again.”

“What could you do?” Robert shrugged and smiled. “
C'est la vie
.”

“
C'est la guerre
.”

“Ah, but the war is over.”

Pushing himself to his feet, Alexei asked, “Do you really think so? As long as LaTulippe and his allies are not at the end of a hangman's noose, the war continues.”

“Let him go. What trouble can he cause now that Napoleon is imprisoned far from here?”

Alexei started to reply, then halted himself. He had seen this attempt at self-delusion too many times already in Vienna. Those who should be watching over their shoulders for a backlash from Napoleon's allies wanted to pretend that the emperor was as docile as a house cat. But even that cat could extend its claws when backed into a corner.

Picking up his glass, he finished his wine. He set it down and said, “It has been an interesting call, Robert. I shall see you again before I leave Vienna.”

“You are leaving? So soon?” Robert stood, frowning.

“If what I seek is not here, there is no reason for me to be here.”

“And it would be uncomfortable to watch your mistress further cuckold you with that German prince.”

Alexei laughed. “Do not fret about my mistress and me,
mon ami
.”

“You are a generous man to share her with that princeling.”

“Michelle and I understand each other.” He bade his host a good day and walked out before Robert could know how completely he was lying.

Bending his head into the wind and snow, Alexei strode toward the address where he had promised to call this afternoon. Mayhap, if luck was once more on his side, the call would last late into the evening, and he would not have to return to the apartment to watch Michelle leave on Prince Charming's arm.

If he did, he might do something stupid that would ruin all his work here. He could not risk that … not even for the taste of her soft lips.

You are a simpleton
, he had told her during their heated quarrel in front of the fireplace, but he might have been wrong. He could not imagine anyone who was a greater fool than he was now.

As Bartholomew walked into the apartment to escort her to the gathering in honor of Prince Metternich, Michelle saw a flash of disappointment when he noted that Alexei was not there. He was clearly eager to confront Alexei. Had he listened to anything she had said? It was just as well that she would not be seeing Bartholomew again after tonight.

“I am ready,” she said with little subtlety.

“Don't you have to leave a message for your protector?”

Her lips tightened. “Alexei trusts me to take care of myself.”

Only when he had opened the door to the street did Bartholomew answer, “I cannot believe he trusts
me
.”

“He does not.” She went down the steps that were covered with a dusting of snow except where his footprints announced his arrival.

“Then Vatutin is more of a buffoon than I guessed.” He motioned toward the carriage.

“Do not underestimate Alexei.”

His lips tightened again, but he said, “We shall be late, Michelle, if we linger.”

Michelle thought of saying she had changed her mind about going with him, but she knew he would only argue that she had promised. And she had. She sighed as, sitting stiffly in the carriage, she rocked when it started.

“Michelle?” When she glanced at him, he said in an autocratic tone, “Michelle, answer me.”

“You have not said anything yet.”

He ran his finger along her cheek. “Last time we were together, you allowed me to kiss you. Now you act as if we are strangers.”

“I know.” She could not tell him the truth. That would hurt him more. Or would he laugh that she was falling in love with a man who was shutting her out of his life?

Bartholomew's arm tightened around her. When she averted her face, he asked, “Do you find me so distasteful?”

“No,” she whispered.

“I had planned to ask you a very important question later tonight, but I shall not delay.”

“Bartholomew, I would rather speak only of the musicale.”

“Vatutin is a rare man to allow his mistress to spend her evenings with another man and never suggest that there has been impropriety between us.”

She frowned. She had not expected him to speak about Alexei. Not sure where this conversation was leading, she said, “He has said nothing because he knows the truth.”

“Leave him, Michelle,” he urged with sudden ardor. “Leave him and come with me. I can make you happy.” His hands moved up from her waist. She clamped her elbows to her sides, trapping his hands away from her breasts. “Do you like being used by that Russian bastard?”

“Bartholomew, insulting Alexei is unnecessary.”

He bent to place his lips at the crook of her neck. When she stiffened in his arms, he said, “Michelle, don't hide what you feel to protect Vatutin. I harbor him no ill will for discovering you first. If he had not brought you to Vienna, I never would have met you.”

She had worked so hard to keep this from happening. She must not hurt Bartholomew, but she also must not speak the truth. “I think you should take me home. I am no longer the proper companion for you to bring to this reception.”

He scowled and pounded his fist against the side of the carriage. It stopped. “It would be better if you and I talk without anyone overhearing. Shall we walk?”

“I doubt if you can say anything to change how I feel. I would rather return home.”

He pressed her hands to his chest. “We are not far from your apartment. We can walk in that direction, and the carriage will follow. If you wish, it shall take you home after I say what I must.” He kissed her fingers fervently. “Or you may decide you don't wish to return to Vatutin.”

“Bartholomew, I—”

“Will you listen to me, my dear? You owe me at least that much.”

Michelle wanted to retort that she owed him nothing, but she must avoid angering him more. As he helped her from the carriage, she saw four shadows appearing around the end of it. His guards! Fiercely she said, “I don't want them trailing after us.”