A Soldier's Heart (3 page)

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that he and Leif were well and truly screwed. Rather than offering up some lame excuse, Spence went with pure bluster seasoned with a sprinkling of the cold, hard truth.

“Any idiot can see that you’ve been off your game lately, Sarge. You won’t talk about it, so you left us no choice but to do some digging on our own.”

Rather than retreat, Spence tossed the envelope down on Nick’s bed with a flourish and faced his furious friend head-on. “For weeks now, everyone around here has been tiptoeing around you, trying to give you enough space to work things out on your own. All they’ve succeed in doing is getting their heads ripped off for their efforts.”

Nick folded his arms over his chest but didn’t argue the point. Spence plowed ahead. “Last week, you thought we should go haring off on our own on the way back from patrol, a boneheaded move if there ever was one. However, we didn’t say a word.”

He took another step toward Nick, glad that Leif immediately moved up behind him, backing his play. “But then there was yesterday when you broke every fucking protocol you’ve taught us when you went charging off on your own without adequate backup.”

Spence leaned forward, making sure Nick was listening. “Bottom line, Sarge, you almost got yourself killed. If that wasn’t fucked-up enough, you managed to get Leif shot.”

Nick’s face flushed red, either from embarrassment or temper or both. Spence didn’t know which it was and didn’t care. Either way, the situation was about to reach critical mass as Nick snatched the envelope off the bed and shoved it in his pocket.

“You’re damn lucky I’m not going to put you two on report for this.” His hands curled into tight fists. “You sneaky bastards had no right to go rooting around in my things just for shits and grins.”

Spence met his friend’s temper with some of his own. “That’s bullshit and you know it, Nick. Do we look like we were having fun right now? This isn’t like you sneaking a few cookies when I’m not looking. If it was one of us running around with his head screwed on backwards, you’d be the first one in line at the ass-kicking party.”

Leif joined in. He stripped out of his T-shirt and then ripped the bandage off his upper arm, revealing a line of stitches and reddened flesh. “I got this saving your worthless ass yesterday. A few inches to the right and you’d be writing a letter to my parents.”

Nick avoided looking at Leif’s arm, keeping his eyes pinned on Spence instead. Did he think that would make the reminder of his idiocy simply disappear?

Leif stepped into Nick’s line of vision, forcing the issue. “Let me make this clear, Nick. I would follow you straight into hell any time you asked it of me, and you know it. When the bullets start flying, we’re not out there fighting for our country or some high-and-mighty ideal. We fight for each other. If we don’t watch each other’s backs, none of us will survive this.”

Leif drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. When he spoke, his next words dropped like rocks in the enormous gulf that had opened up between the two of them and Nick. “But when I follow you into battle again, I need to know you’re not leading us on a suicide charge because of that fucking letter. Yeah, you helped save that guy yesterday. But the truth is, you weren’t courageous. You were fucking crazy.”

Nick howled in fury and charged forward. He was taller than Leif by several inches and outweighed him by twenty pounds. But what Leif lacked in height he made up for with sheer cussedness. The two of them collided with every intention of doing each other some serious bodily harm. Spence let them get in a few licks, figuring both of them needed to get it out of their systems.

After a few well-placed punches, he moved in. Doing his best to dodge their flailing fists, he grabbed Nick by his shoulders and tried pull him off of Leif. He didn’t duck fast enough when Nick spun toward him, bringing his right fist up in a vicious uppercut.

It all went to hell after that, as all three of them took the opportunity to vent their frustration, tumbling to the ground and rolling around in a twisted mass of testosterone and temper. Finally, Spence managed to break loose from the pile and scrambled back a couple of feet.

This time he kept his distance and settled for bellowing, “Stand down, you stupid bastards!”

He was about to repeat himself when Nick suddenly rolled away from Leif. When he was in the clear, he covered his face with his arms and lay still, all the fight drained out of him. Leif retreated to his own corner breathing hard with his hands still clenched in fists. At least he made no move to resume hostilities.

The whole fight lasted less than ninety seconds, but none of them had pulled their punches. Spence’s jaw hurt like hell, and Leif had blood trickling out of his nose, not to mention his freshly stitched arm was bleeding again. Spence tossed him his discarded T-shirt to mop up with while they waited for Nick to surface.

When Nick finally moved, he winced as if his ribs hurt, but there was no missing the real pain was in his eyes. He stared up at the ceiling for several long seconds.

“She wasn’t interested in waiting for me any longer.”

Nick’s statement didn’t come as any surprise. Hell, Spence had lost count of how many of his friends had gotten similar news over the years. It was an unfortunate price the men and women in the military all too often paid for their service to the country.

“Then she didn’t deserve you.”

That much was true, even if it didn’t make the situation hurt any less. He offered Nick a hand up off the floor, relieved when his friend accepted even that much help from him. They each sat down on their bunks. Leif motioned for Spence to move over to make room for him. All three leaned forward, elbows on their knees as they stared at the floor. None of them wanted to make eye contact right then.

Spence figured Nick had more to get off his chest, but he wasn’t about to push. The man would speak when he was ready. It didn’t take long.

“It’s not like we were all that serious or anything. She and I went to high school together although I graduated two years before her. We even dated a few times back then. Last time I was home, we ran into each other at a barbeque and got to talking.”

Nick got up and pulled out three bottles of water, tossing one to Spence and then another to Leif. “Things got pretty hot and heavy, and we hooked up for the rest of my leave.”

Spence didn’t have to ask how long ago that had been. They’d all deployed at the same time almost five months ago. “This is Valerie you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, it is.”

They all concentrated on opening their bottles, the silence heavy and awkward. Finally, Nick started up again.

“Hell, I don’t blame her. It’s not like we were really serious. There wasn’t time for that, but I’d hoped there was at least a possibility down the line. We had a lot fun while we were together, and not just in bed.”

He pulled the envelope back out of his pocket and stared at it. Leif asked the hard question. “What did she say?”

Nick tossed it toward him. “Read it for yourselves. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before.”

Leif scanned the note and then handed it to Spence. It was depressingly short, but then it didn’t take many words to say good-bye. It didn’t help that she’d already found someone else, someone who worked nine to five and wasn’t gone for months on end.

He handed the pale blue paper back to its owner. “Sorry, Nick, but I repeat: a fickle bitch like her doesn’t deserve you.”

His friend put the note back in the envelope and set it aside. “Don’t be too hard on Valerie, Wheels. It’s not her fault that I was hoping for something more between us. Hell, at this point, looking back, I think maybe I liked the idea of having someone waiting for me to come home more than I actually liked her.”

Okay, that didn’t make sense. “But if you weren’t all that hung up on her, why did the note knock you sideways?”

“Hell, I don’t know. I’ve been in the Army for ten years now, and maybe I’m feeling my age.”

“Get real, Nick,” Spence snorted. “You’re only twenty-nine. That’s not old.”

“No, it’s not, but when I was home, I looked around and realized most of the guys I grew up with are married now and starting families. It didn’t help that as soon as my parents saw me with Val, they had visions of a whole new generation of baby Jenkinses dancing in their heads. The truth is, I had some thoughts along that line, too.”

He guzzled the rest of his water. “And now Mom keeps asking me about Val when she e-mails me. I haven’t had the heart to tell her that that train has left the station. Guess I’ll take care of that chore this afternoon.”

Spence wished he had some magical way to ease his friend’s obvious pain. “Sorry, man.”

“Don’t worry about it, Wheels. I’ll be all right.”

It was time to be up and moving. “Want to go outside and let me beat your worthless ass at some b-ball? I’ll even spot you a few points seeing as you’re all bruised up from our little intervention.”

For the first time there was a glimmer of the old Nick in his grin. “Screw the points. We both know that even on my worst day I can clean your clock on the basketball court. Remember, I’m the one that took my high school team to the state championship.”

Spence hooted. “Yeah, but that was eleven years ago, old man. At the ancient age of twenty-nine, I’ll be surprised if you manage to last ten minutes.”

His friend’s smile was definitely smug, but then they both knew Nick was the better player. “Name the stakes, Wheels.”

Seeing Nick taking a long step back to normal was worth any price. Spence opened his footlocker and pulled out the bag of cookies that had come from Callie. “My snickerdoodles against your secret stash of gourmet coffee.”

Leif joined the discussion. “Okay, I want some of that action.”

Spence and Nick ganged up on him. “Yeah, like you have anything we would want.”

“That’s what you think. I was saving this for our next movie night.” He rooted around in his own locker and pulled out a box.

Spence eyed the package with scorn. “Big deal. I’ve got popcorn, too.”

Leif held it out for inspection. “Yeah, but this has extra butter flavor. You might not care, but I assure you the ladies do.”

Nick gave Spence a conspiratorial look. “I don’t know. What do you think? With that gimpy arm and all, I just wouldn’t feel right about taking his lady-bait.”

Spence suffered from no such reluctance. “It was his idea. If he’s willing to risk it despite the overwhelming odds, that’s his problem.”

Leif didn’t back down an inch. “Not only am I going to keep my popcorn, but I’m going drink Nick’s coffee while I munch on your cookies.”

Nick feigned a punch toward Leif and a second one right at Spence’s face. “Come on, ladies. Let me show you how the game is played.”

Spence followed his friends out into the bright sunshine. “You’re on, but don’t think I’m going take pity on either of you. I can already smell the intoxicating scent of coffee and popcorn.”

Leif winked at him as he shoved past him going out the door. Yeah, they both knew the loss of their cookies and popcorn was a cheap price to pay to get the old Nick back.

Juggling times to connect with Callie was hard. Her work schedule could be as erratic as Spence’s. At least when she got called out unexpectedly, it wasn’t because some crazy decided to strap on a bomb and go strolling through town. He took great comfort in that truth.

If she was home, she’d come online in the next couple of minutes. It was crack o’ dawn Afghanistan time, which meant Callie should be rolling in from a day at the office. If she was working late, it could be days before the two of them would have a chance to hook up again. As he waited, he cranked up his MP3 player and tapped his foot to keep time to the music. A heavy boot came sailing past his head.

He removed his ear buds and glared at Nick. “What crawled up your ass?”

Nick was sprawled face down on his bed. He raised up long enough to shoot a dark look in Spence’s direction. “Unlike you, I actually need to sleep once in a while. I don’t have to be up for another half hour, so quit stomping your foot before I break it for you.”

“Sorry, man.”

Spence scooted back on his bed and put his feet up on the mattress removing all temptation to keep time on the concrete floor. They both knew there wasn’t much chance of him holding still for more than a few seconds. Leaning back against the wall at the head of the bed, he closed his eyes and lost himself in the music.

“Hey, there, Spence. Is this a bad time? If you need to sleep, just say so.”

He popped his eyes open and grinned down at the screen on his laptop. “There’s never a bad time when it’s you, Callie. I was just listening to music.”

While he watched, she twisted her shoulder-length hair up in a knot and stuck a pencil in it to hold it there. He thought she looked tired. “How about you, lady? Tough day at the office?”

Her expression took on a predatory gleam. “Actually, it was fun. I finally nailed the jerk who’d been trying to hack into the company’s secure files. My immediate boss was most happy, and so was the CEO. It’s all good.”

Then she frowned. “Of course, that means the contract is ending, so I’ll be moving on down the road again soon.”

“Sounds like you’re not all that pleased about it.”

Her smile was something less that happy. “You know me. I always enjoy a new challenge. It’s just that I expected to be here longer. So I broke my own rules.”

He tightened his grip on the sides of his laptop, hoping she wouldn’t notice how her words had affected him. “How so?”

Although he could guess.

“I’ve been seeing someone I met at the office. You know, just a couple of movies and a dinner date or two. Nothing serious.”

Sounded serious to Spence, considering she was on the same side of the planet as the guy. Yeah, time spent at the movies or at dinner was probably rated PG. It was the rating on the hours after those events that had him worried.

“Think he’s going to take it badly when he learns you’ll be leaving soon?”

If she was moving on, that is. An unsettling question to ponder. With Callie’s mad computer skills, she could find a permanent job almost anywhere.

When she didn’t immediately answer, he prodded, “Are you thinking about staying?”

She nibbled on her lower lip for a couple of seconds before she finally answered his question. “No, not really. But I almost feel as if I should. He’s a nice guy, the kind most women would jump at the chance to date.”

But not her. She hadn’t said the words, but the thought had crossed her expressive face. His mood did an immediate about face.

“If he gives you any grief, tell him that I’ll be coming home soon. Flash my picture at him and mention my marksmanship awards. And, oh, by the way, how much I enjoy target practice. That should do the trick.”

She laughed. “You are so bad. I appreciate the offer, but I’m sure it won’t come to that. Besides, what can he do when I do my usual disappearing act? After I send back all the furniture to the rental company and pack up my few possessions, I’ll simply skulk off in the night.”

“In other words, you’ll head back to Snowberry Creek to see your folks.”

Callie gave a dramatic sigh and pressed her fingertips to her forehead. “Such is the mysterious and exciting life of an intrepid security specialist.”

He laughed. “Tell your folks hi for me, and thank your mom again for her help in keeping me in a steady supply of goodies. I live with two of the biggest sugar thieves in the whole U.S. Army. I’d have them brought up on charges, but they always eat the evidence. Besides, thanks to your generous efforts, I usually get to eat a cookie or two before they manage to steal the rest.”

A pillow came sailing at Spence’s head courtesy of Leif, and now Nick was up and about. He managed to grab the laptop away from Spence. “Hi, ma’am. I’m Nick, Spence’s sergeant. I regret to inform you that he’s a man of low moral character and has been lying to you. On my honor, he bet the last shipment of your most excellent cookies on a game of horse and lost.”

Spence had jumped to his feet intending to retrieve the computer in time to see Callie’s reaction to Nick’s sudden appearance. Her eyes widened and she jerked back as if he’d startled her, but it would take more than that to throw Callie off her game.

“I see, Sergeant. I am, of course, shocked and horrified by these events. It is obvious that Spence has been corrupted by his time with you and that other guy. Leif, isn’t it? Certainly, the noble young man I grew up with would never have indulged in such evil practices. My family doesn’t approve of gambling or any similar vices. Please tell Spence I’m sorry, but I know my parents will forbid me to see him again after this.”

Her expression had changed to one of grave concern, and she gave a convincing sniff as if fighting tears. Spence didn’t buy her act for a minute. Nick, on the other hand, fell for it.

His teasing smile faded into real worry. “Look, Callie, I’m sorry. We were just jerking Spence’s chain. Please don’t—”

Before he could finish his sentence, Callie lost it, her laughter sounding bright and sunny. Spence joined in as Nick, who had a WTF look on his face, surrendered the computer.

Spence resumed his position on the bunk. “Callie, my friend, I wish you could see the expression on Nick’s face right now.”

Before he could turn the screen in that direction, Nick dove facedown onto his own bunk.

“Never mind. Normally he would have seen right through your act, but he hasn’t had his morning gallon of coffee yet. Besides, he wasn’t lying. I did bet the cookies and lost. What he didn’t tell you was that he was the one who beat me at basketball. He had me at an unfair advantage, too, having taken his team to the state championship back in the day.”

Callie shook her head. “Tsk, tsk, big guy. Shouldn’t risk what you can’t afford to lose. And if I really am going to be packing up around here, it might be awhile before I can bake you any more.”

Okay, now that was bad news. Tragic even. He tried to be brave about it. “I understand. Let me know when you’ll be moving and where. Think you’ll live someplace long enough for me to crash with you for a visit when I get home?”

“If I’m between jobs, I’ll be at the folks’.”

And Spence owned the house next door to theirs, not that he much enjoyed spending time in it. Too many good memories and even more bad ones. “Sounds like a plan. Keep me posted, especially if that guy gives you any grief. Hey, I forgot. What did you say his name was?”

Callie rolled her eyes. “I didn’t say. No way I want you tracking him down. It would be an unfair fight even with you parked over there in the middle of nowhere.”

She knew him too well. At the very least Spence would have done some checking into the guy’s background. And he wouldn’t mind seeing his picture just to see what kind of guy Callie was interested in dating even on a casual basis.

“The offer still stands. No guy is good enough for you, you know.”

Except maybe him, but now wasn’t the time for that conversation. “I’d better get moving. My sergeant can be a real hard-ass if I’m late for anything.”

The last shade of humor disappeared from Callie’s pretty face. “You stay safe, Spence. Nick and Leif, too. I’d like to meet them when you all come home.”

Home. That sound good to him, especially knowing she’d be there.

“I’ll tell them. You take care, too, lady. I worry about you all alone in the big city.”

She did the eye thing again. “That coming from a man who wears body armor to breakfast.”

“It’s not that bad.” At least not usually. “Same time next week?”

“Tuesday or Wednesday should work, and before we disconnect, there’s one more thing, big guy. Knowing I might be finishing up here, I baked extra batches of cookies and froze them. Tell your sugar-thieving buddies that there won’t be any interruption in the service.”

Bless the woman. Those packages gave him something to look forward to besides the daily grind of patrols. “I should have known you wouldn’t cut me off cold turkey with no warning. Thanks, Cal.”

“You’re welcome. I miss you, Spence. We’re all counting the days until you come home.”

All meaning her and maybe her folks. Nobody else gave a damn, but he kept that to himself.

Nick was back, sticking his face in front of the camera again. “Thanks for keeping the cookies coming, Callie. And I’ll keep an eye on our boy Spence for you.”

“Thanks, Nick. ’Bye, guys.”

Then her picture winked out of sight, taking Spence’s good mood with it.

•   •   •

An hour later, the three of them walked out of the mess. Leif split off in the other direction to get his arm looked at again while Nick and Spence headed back toward their quarters.

They’d just had coffee with their breakfast, so it surprised Spence when Nick headed for the coffee shop tucked into a corner of one of the buildings. “My treat.”

Which was also out of character for him, but Spence didn’t question Nick’s motivation until they’d gotten their iced coffees and headed back outside. The silence didn’t worry Spence, but it was hard to get a solid read on Nick’s mood with his eyes hidden by sunglasses.

They stopped to watch a heavily armed patrol rolling out of the gate, heading out into the countryside to check for IEDs. Spence wished them luck and crossed his fingers they’d all come back in one piece. The bastards who planted those roadside surprises had honed their skills over the years.

“Does she know?”

It took Spence a few seconds to shift gears from thinking about the war to figure out who Nick was talking about. “Who, Callie? Does she know what?”

Nick pulled his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose to give Spence a clear look at his dark eyes. “Does she know that you’re harboring some pretty heavy duty feelings for her?”

Damn, he’d thought he’d done a better job of hiding his thoughts on the subject. “Why would you ask that? We’re friends, have been since we were kids.”

The sunglasses were back in place. “Ever been friends with benefits?”

“Hell no, not that it’s any of your business. What’s with the twenty questions, anyway?”

They’d resumed walking, faster this time. Spence hoped the increased speed would keep Nick from wanting to continue the conversation. No such luck.

After sipping his coffee again, Nick stared out at the horizon. “I’ve only asked three questions so far, which gives me seventeen more to go. So again, does she know?”

Spence wanted to dump his own drink over his friend’s head. “This is not a conversation I want to have.”

He injected enough temper into the words to make sure Nick knew he meant it. “Callie is my friend. That’s all you—or she—needs to know.”

Nick started walking again. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Spence. She clearly considers you a friend but nothing more, especially since she’s been dating someone else.”

“So?” Not that Spence had liked finding out about her having some other guy in her life.

“It was hard not to notice she didn’t tell you about it until she was ready to break up with the guy. Any reason she thought she needed to keep the fact she was dating someone secret from you?”

“Where are you going with this, Nick?”

“I don’t want to see you hurt, Spence. If all she can offer you is a box of cookies now and again, you’d be better off without her.”

What was Spence supposed to say to that? He couldn’t imagine his life without Callie in it. His parents had died in a car accident when he’d been fourteen. Callie had convinced her parents to let him stay with them rather than face foster care until his mother’s older brother could be found.

She’d also talked him into finishing high school when he’d been on the verge of taking off to get away from his uncle’s abuse. In turn, Spence had played the role of big brother in her life as the two of them weathered the ups and downs all teenagers suffered through.

When he’d made the decision to enlist, she hadn’t tried to talk him out of it. Instead, she’d offered him a mock salute and told him she was proud of him. Looking back, she and her folks were the reason he’d made something of himself. He was proud of the man he’d become. If he’d listened to the hatred his uncle had spewed about Spence’s questionable parentage because he’d been adopted, he would have probably crawled inside a bottle and stayed there.

Finally, Spence gave Nick the only answer he could, accompanied with a shove for emphasis. “She’s my friend, Nick. I’m here for her, no matter what, and she feels the same about me.”

Nick backed away. “Okay, okay. I just don’t want you getting your head twisted all in a knot by a woman who doesn’t appreciate what’s she got.”

So that’s what this was about. “Callie isn’t Valerie, Nick. Now can we drop this conversation?”

But, no, his friend was like a dog with a favorite bone. “If you say so, but I’m serious, Wheels. If you are feeling more for her than that friendship you keep yapping about, tell her. Otherwise you’re leaving yourself wide open for a world of hurt.”

Then he walked away. Spence stared after him feeling pissed off and not sure if it was because Nick was dead wrong or if deep down inside, Spence was afraid he was right.