A Sorority of Angels (33 page)

I couldn’t sleep. Then a shadow lifted; Laura’s interest in Bender, in Judy. Why would Judy kill Bender? Why would she try to kill me? Why were they together in Bellini’s? I continued unsettled dissatisfied with their story.

Fog slowly cleared.

The picture focused sharper.

And the puzzle made sense.

When Laura entered her apartment after work, the sight she saw stopped her by the door.

I sat on the sofa.

“What are you doing here? What a nice surprise.”

She lit with joy. Carrying two full grocery bags, she closed the door with her foot, set the bags on a table then kissed me. She realized something was wrong when I remained seated with my stern expression. Her smile vanished.

“What’s the matter? What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? Sit over there.” I pointed to the chair opposite. “There’s plenty wrong. I was up all night thinking about you and Judy Heller. Sit!”

Laura’s breath stuck in her throat. She sat looking confused and innocent. Her defenses tightened.

“What about me and Judy?”

“I called last night but you weren’t home then the phone was busy, all night.”

“It was off the hook. Didn’t want to be disturbed.”

“Why?”

“I was tired and needed sleep.”

“When did you hear about Judy?”

“Why are you playing prosecutor attacking me?”

“Just answer.”

She shrugged. “Yesterday. Around noon.”

“Did you know she tried to kill me?”

“I learned that later in the day when more information came out.”

“You knew Judy tried to kill me and you didn’t call me? Why? Under any normal situation you would have called.”

“Normal?”

“Yes, normal. Why didn’t you call?”

“I was shocked, frightened.”

“Frightened for whom, yourself?”

“For you.”

Rage banged my fist on the sofa’s arm. “Damn it. Tell me the truth. Why didn’t you call?”

“I was confused. I…forgot.”

“Like hell you did. I’ll tell you why you didn’t call me. Shall I do that?”

“Go ahead. It’s obvious you don’t believe me. And stop grilling me.”

“Damn right I don’t believe you. You wanted to know about Bender and Judy for your damn cause. You brainwashed Judy with that absurd premise about saving the world. You put her up to killing Bender. You put that shit into her head. She knew your interest in Bender that you sought his downfall and she hated him enough to kill for your cause. Why did she try to kill me? Was I in her way? Was she after you? I was an obstacle to her and she couldn’t have you unless I was out of the way. Right?” My rage lost control. “
Did you sleep with her?”

I was a maniac, glaring at her, my eyes and veins popping. Seeing me in violent temper was a new experience and she cowered from my yell and rage. She covered her face with her hands to withdraw. She added fuel to my blood pressure.

“Answer me!”

The withdrawal aroused her hidden strength. When she removed her hands, she stared defiant into my glare.

“I never slept with her.” She didn’t flinch and stared me down. “I became frightened when hearing about Judy and the poison capsules. When I heard about you, something came over me. She called to say she poisoned Bender because she hated him. I was terrified. I thought I’d be arrested and lose you forever. I never plotted with her to kill Bender. I couldn’t think, and took sleeping pills to escape. Please believe me.”

I did. I remembered her condition that Friday evening, needing comfort. Now it made sense. She wept. In no mood to act compassionate or comforting, I paced the room. She watched each step.

“Adam, I have to tell you something else.”

I was behind the sofa at that point. “What?”

“I told her how Bender could be killed.”

“What do you mean you told her? When?”

“At Bellini’s. She mentioned how much she hated Bender and why she continued to work for him, waiting for him to fall on his face, to be there when he crawled.” My head shook from disbelief. “And she told me how she despised him. I got the idea watching the hearings at your place. I told her this fantasy about poisoning the water. We laughed at the idea. I mean the subject was theory, not serious. The reason I made the trip to Washington, and I did intend to call and surprise you, was to have Judy get information on Bender. No way can I kill anybody regardless cause or reason. She had agreed to provide data on Bender. We’ve been in touch several times since then. She sent data on him. I’ll show you.” From her desk, she withdrew a bulging manila envelope and handed it to me. “Here. This is all information about Bender.”

I accepted her evidence and let it fall to the sofa without opening the envelope. I believed her, but in no mood to read anything. She sat again.

“She followed him nights; to a woman’s apartment in Arlington. A Mrs. Beech, she said. We hoped for a scandal to catch him in a romantic triangle to use against him. She’s a widow and the reason was to play poker with four or five others. Also, Judy invited me to a gathering Bender was going to host, an opportunity to meet him. So help me, Adam, that was the direction. The party was the next thing to follow up. We left it there. I had no idea she’d poison him.”

I absorbed her testimony then sat on the sofa.

“Why was she doing all that for you?”

“I told you. She hated Bender. She had her own cause.”

“Then why did she try to kill me?” She had no answer. “Come on, Laura. I wasn’t born yesterday.”

“I don’t know.”

“Did she make advances towards you?”

“Yes. Words.”

“Nothing else?”

“No.”

“What did she say?”

“She preferred women.”

“And that didn’t bother you?”

“I needed her help.”

“And why do you think she helped you? Were you encouraging her? Leading her on to help you?”

“I treated her as a friend.”

“Didn’t you think she’d want something in return? Like your affection?”

“I didn’t consider it.”

“Don’t act naive and innocent. That’s why she gave me the cold shoulder, why she changed towards me from friend to enemy. I was competition. To want to kill me she must have been confident winding up with you. But you said you weren’t intimate with her didn’t you?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Then she must have been mad, gone extreme because you encouraged her.”

“I led her on that’s all to keep her interested in the Bender project.”

“Do you realize you nearly had me murdered? You almost murdered me.”

“Adam, don’t say that.” She lost control and cried. “I love you for you to say that. If anything happened to you I would die.”

“No, you wouldn’t. That’s how I feel about you. I fail to understand why you keep refusing to marry me.”

“It has nothing to do with not loving you. I want to do some things first before I commit my life to you and a family. Please be patient a few more months.”

“I want to marry you, not to control your life.”

“You’re unfair.”

“What the hell is fair? Bender is dead, Laura, murdered. Assassinated is what you want to hear to justify your cause. If I had any sense I would turn you in to the police to prevent you from continuing your causes.”

“What do you suggest I do?”

“Do? Nothing you do will change anything.”

“But I didn’t do it.”

“Yes, you did. Because of you, two people are dead. Thank God, nobody else drank the water…and she almost killed me. You’re as guilty as Judy. The authorities cannot connect you. There’s no evidence.”

“What if I confess? What if I can’t live with this guilt?”

“Don’t be an ass. The best posture is to forget. Learn to live with the problem. The damage happened, done. Why wreck your life and mine?”

“Do you still love me after all this?”

“I’d love you even if you killed me, but disappointed in you. You managed to mess up my life beautifully. Maybe I’ll take a few days off and think this matter through.”

“An excellent idea. Why don’t we go away this weekend to some restful place? I’ll make your hurt go away.”

“No.”

I was serious; an unexpected turn in our relationship; surprising her. She wasn’t antimagnetic to me before, against the grain. She leaned closer with a pained expression.

“But I want to be with you,” she pleaded.

“I must think this out by myself. I will always love you. I don’t know if I can forgive what you did.”

“And what will happen if you can’t forgive me?” I wasn’t sure how to answer; didn’t know how. “Answer me.”

“I have a need to be alone.”

“But why can’t we go away together anyway? After what happened, I need to be with you, Adam. I need you now. Please don’t make me go through this weekend without you.” I remained unreceptive. She reached out and held my hands. “Please don’t leave. Besides, look how nice making up will be.” I looked distant. “Adam? Can’t we do this together? Don’t turn me away. I need you.”

I had to get away, stubborn enough to remain firm.

“I need to be with my thoughts for the next few days. I’ll call you Monday. You can accept what happened for your cause. I can’t. I will never sanction murder, or killing or terrorism regardless any cause. Your having an affair with her is less important. I must do what I must do, how it is.”

I looked at her sitting, defeated and dejected with confusion on her face needing comforting and reassurance. I headed for the door. She rushed at me and held my arms.

“Please don’t leave.”

I didn’t want to look into those pleading eyes to weaken. I released her arms and left.

“Adam!”

I kept going. She came to the doorway and watched with damp eyes as I waited for the elevator. I refused to look at her, more painful for me to leave than for her to see me go. I fought hard within to remain unyielding. My eyes were wet when the elevator reached the floor. The door opened. With head down and acting oblivious to her watching me, I entered the empty elevator without a nod, a wave, or a word.

The elevator door closed on her day.

Laura watched me disappear until the elevator door closed then watched the numbers above the elevator descend hoping for my return. The number one lit up and stayed lit. Then the elevator lifted. She shuffled from the doorway and positioned herself in front of the elevator. She watched the numbers rise. She tensed when it stopped at the floor below. She prayed the next stop was her floor.

Laura expected me to come back then running into my arms. The elevator started and wheezed. She saw the top of it through the round window; waited for it to stop. The elevator continued up.

Laura encased in gloom and wetness from her eyes. She couldn’t move, unbelieving I had gone. She remained there a pathetic figure. For the first time in her life, she felt alone and rejected.

Laura shuffled to her apartment, closed the door, leaned against the frame and then wept until her feet rushed to the sofa where she lay and cried until tear ducts emptied. She had concluded I would never leave her, and always love her no matter what she did.

She lay in her empty world for what felt like eternity. Then she picked up the phone and dialed. The other end answered.

“Hello,” said a happy singsong voice.

“Alise, this is Laura.”

“Your ears must be buzzing. We were about to call you.”

“Is Shaba there?”

“In all her glory and splendor. The queen of the Congo will be happy to talk to you. Hold on, I’ll get her.”

“No, wait. Ask her to get on the extension. I need to talk to you both. I have a serious problem. Better yet, I’ll come over. I need to punish Adam and need your help.”

If a personal hell exists, I experienced it the next several days. Instead of going to work on Friday, I sat at bed’s edge still groggy suffering from my decision, as enthusiastic to rise as an eight-hundred pound man asked to run a marathon.

I stayed in my apartment, unshaven, refusing to answer the phone that rang several times including middle of the night. I also shut the answering machine. The caller was Laura. I avoided speaking to her, refusing to hear her voice fearing I would weaken again when it came to her.

After all my thinking, the twisting and turns, torture and anguish, my decision reduced to a simple statement. Even if she did have an affair with Judy, maybe she lied and eventually tells me the truth…so what? How important was it if true? The decision evolved down to a simple premise, the simple questions and meat of the matter – How much did I love Laura? What was forgivable and unforgivable? Can I forgive regarding Bender and Judy? That was difficult to accept. The depth of my love for Laura was no different from Alise’s love for Ali. Again, how much did I love her?

I needed to be with her.

Period.

Hard as I tried, labels like weak or strong were irrelevant when it came to Laura. When I arrived at that conclusion, I compromised and called her. I had to try to accept her cause, and bury and suppress my opposing principles. I had weakened again.

It was Sunday night, ten o’clock – one hell of a long weekend to make a full circle. When she answered the phone, I tried to appear cheerful.

“Hi. You still want to go to away?”

“Adam! Oh, honey, I’m so happy to hear your voice. I tried to reach you several times. I’m sorry I upset you so.”

“Forget it. How are you?”

“Better, much better now. How was your private weekend?”

“I thought only of you,” I admitted.

“What have you concluded?”

“I never want to go through another weekend without you.”

“Good. I owe you a weekend and you owe me one. Let’s make them up next week. Let’s see how nice making up is. Where?”

“Anywhere, as long as we’re alone. What do you suggest?” I asked.

“How about pitching a tent over my bed?”

“No, no.” I laughed although that was always my idea of utopia. “All you have is sex on the brain. Shame on you…a nice girl like you talking sex. Let’s get away, a new change of geography.”

“I have a perfect place. Asmir and Jasmine rented a house in the Catskills, and very secluded. How does that sound?”

“You have a date.”

“I’ll pick you up at the airport on Saturday. My car needs a long drive. You should take off the following Monday then we’ll have three days.”

“Excellent idea.”

“I’m happy you called.”

“I love you, Laura.”

“Not as much as I love you. I was scared I was going to lose you. Don’t do that again to me.”

I found that ironic because I weakened first.

“I promise. I won’t.”

“We’re set for Saturday?”

“Sure. Why don’t we make it Friday? I can come up, sleep over then we can leave first thing in the morning.”

“I prefer you come up Saturday. Okay?”

I wasn’t about to push for answers that could lead to friction. I trusted whatever her reason. “Whatever you say.”

“It’s nothing mysterious, but convenient for me on Saturday. I have a million things to take care of Friday. Talk to me about anything. I need to hear your voice.”

We talked for an hour, never mentioned Bender or Judy Heller, principles or causes or anything to dampen our hunger for each other’s voices. We talked about our families. Laura’s parents and two brothers and families lived in the Los Angeles area, my parents and two sisters and families in the Albany, New York area.

During the week, we talked for hours. She talked more. On Wednesday, she admitted her affair with Judy Heller. I felt like an iron pipe smashed my head. The subject became easier to admit over the phone than in person was. Although distressed, I valued her honesty.

The coming weekend meant spending quiet days with Laura and Mother Nature; secluded, private – in the Catskill Mountains.

You can guess what I planned to be doing much of the time.