A Special Ops Christmas (2 page)

It was seven o’clock, and after she’d boiled water to make
her favorite lemon ginger tea, she sat down in front of the laptop and turned
it on. Her head pounded. Her stomach rolled and threatened to throw her tea
back up. She set the steaming cup aside, wanting the comfort, but knowing she
couldn’t handle eating or drinking right now.

She used to be tougher, but Aiden had spoiled her. Whenever
she was sick, he’d gently stroke her forehead, take over the housework, and
make her homemade chicken noodle soup. Those thoughts made her smile, and she
glanced up at a picture on the shelf above, right next to the fanciful snow
globe Aiden had given her their first Christmas together. The picture was of
the two of them at Big Bear, and she visually traced his movie star smile and
his warm eyes glowing with happiness and pride.

It seemed the two of them had all the right elements for a
happy relationship. They were proud of each other, enjoyed long conversations,
and liked many of the same things. However, this last year their relationship
had changed drastically. In the beginning, Aiden dismissed it as a fleeting
seven-year itch. She’d heard and read about that too—how couples went through a
dry spell around year seven. They’d been together close to that, if she counted
their time dating, getting engaged, and then being married. But it hadn’t been
fleeting; things between them had gotten worse instead of better. And now his
last email sounded so terribly final.

Vivianne rubbed her lower stomach, wishing she’d stopped by
Safeway for more crackers the day before. An icon in the corner of her laptop
screen showed the internet was connected. Even so, it took her a minute to
click on her email. There were a dozen spam messages, plus one from her mom,
and another from a friend, but none from Aiden.
He hadn’t even bothered to
respond.

A deluge of emotional pain hit with another wave of nausea,
doubling her over right in the chair. She stumbled her way down the hall,
fighting both tears and her stomach. She made it to the bathroom and collapsed
on the floor. Her stomach relented, leaving her to cry into a green hand towel.
She hated the sound of her own crying, the sound of weakness. She’d been strong
for Aiden all this time. He needed to focus on his work, even more so when he
was on a mission. She couldn’t worry him with mundane things from their life.
She had to handle those things herself. That’s what the other Navy SEAL wives
taught her early on, and she’d been tough, brave, and silent even when she
needed Aiden.

Now, holding her stomach and thinking of their child, she
was scared to death she’d lost their future.

Someone knocked on her door.
Not now
… She sighed as
she struggled to her feet and made her way to the front door. Even before
opening it, she somehow felt it would be her mom.

“Hi mama,” she greeted, pushing a smile on her face.

Martha tilted her head and twisted her mouth in a classic
concerned-mother look. “Vivvy, I saw your car still in the drive so thought I’d
stop. Are you not going to work today? Dear, you don’t look right…”

“Thanks.” She ushered in her mom before too much cold air
blew into the house. “I’ve been going in a little later in the mornings.” She didn’t
explain why—her boss knew about the morning sickness and was allowing her to
come in at ten. Before her mom could comment, Vivianne said, “You look
fantastic, as always.”

It was true. Her mom was nearly sixty but looked closer to
forty.

Martha beamed and leaned in to kiss Vivianne on the cheek.
Then, leaning back, she took her daughter by the shoulder and studied her face
for a minute. She sucked in her breath just as her eyes dropped to Vivianne’s
stomach. “Oh. My. Gosh! You’re pregnant, aren’t you?!”

Vivianne stepped back so she wouldn’t cry and collapse into
her mom’s arms. She turned away, collecting herself, and tried to sound happy
about it. “Yes, almost four months already.”

Her mother was speaking too, murmuring to herself, counting
the months since Aiden visited. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I honestly didn’t know at first.” She was relieved that her
mom didn’t ask who the baby belonged to. It wasn’t like anyone had reason to
doubt, but the timing could be subject to questions. “I mean, Aiden came to
visit for a week, then he started this forever-long mission, and I was
stressed. Then the holidays were coming up, and then…well, I started getting
sick every morning.”

She faced her mom, feeling like she could do this… could
conceal her emotions behind a cheery false front. But it was hard when she saw
Martha’s hands rise to her cheeks, accompanied by a huge smile.

“Oh, I bet Aiden is beside himself!” She took Vivianne’s arm
and guided her to the sofa in the living room. “What a lovely Christmas surprise!”
Luckily, Martha didn’t wait for an answer or look Vivianne directly in the eye.
Surely she’d have seen something was wrong.

More than anything, Vivianne wanted to tell Aiden about
their baby. But they had fought every time they talked since she’d discovered
the news herself.

Sitting down, Martha added, “You’ve been trying for, what,
two years now?”

Vivianne nodded, afraid of what her voice would reveal. Why
hadn’t she confided in her mom before? She’d always been so darn proud, never
wanting to admit weakness or ask for help. She had worked while going to
nursing school and still earned a 3.98 GPA. After graduation, she’d put her
time in at the nearest ER while looking for a job at a medical office. It
didn’t take long. Not only did she have high recommendations from her manager
and co-workers, she connected well with interviewers, male or female. Now she
was a head nurse at an office close by her home.

Her career was in full swing, but her marriage had hit an
invisible wall with a splat. Vivianne shook her head, trying to clear it, when
she realized her mom was watching her closely with doubt in her crystal blue
eyes. Those same eyes that Vivianne always wished she had inherited instead of
the hazel ones from her father. Finally, her mother blurted out, “Why aren’t
you happier?”

“I just miss him so much,” Vivianne said, the tears breaking
through and stinging her eyes. She fell onto her mom’s shoulders, crying,
instead of explaining.

“We’re not giving up on you. You… are…
NOT
… giving up
on your marriage. Do you hear me, soldier?” Daniels stood behind Aiden, talking
to his back in that commander voice, pausing after each word. It was an order,
and one Aiden wanted to follow.

 “O’Riley, I know you love her. She was all you talked about
for the two years you dated. Then, you were the happiest man I’ve ever seen
when you tied the knot. Even the tone in your voice when you talk about her is
different. You know that? You’ve got something special.”

Had
something special and, like an idiot, he’d let it
waste away.

“You don’t get it, Vinny.” He didn’t use Daniels’ first name
often, but now seemed like a good time. Maybe using Vinny would make him
listen. “She’s done. We’ve been in trouble for almost a year. There’s just
nothing to fight for anymore.”

Daniels grabbed him by the shoulders and yanked him around
so fast he had to catch himself from tripping.

“O’Riley! Of course there’s something to fight for – your
wife! Quitting is not an option.” They stared eye to eye for a minute. Daniels
had gone through a divorce, an ugly, bitter one. That lent weight to his words.

Aiden threw his head back, sighing. His frustration built
like a pot about to boil over. “It might be out of my hands. She needs someone
who’s there. She needs to start a family. And…and I fucked up.”

Yep, this was his fault. It was more than him being gone a
lot. Way more. He’d killed Vivianne’s trust in him, her love for him, and her
self-confidence—all in one short , brutal confession ten months ago.

What he’d done wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but that
didn’t matter. His infatuation for another woman had inflicted the same damage
as an all-out affair.

It had been an innocent friendship that went too far…well,
maybe friendships with women can never be entirely innocent. Cindy was there.
Vivianne wasn’t. He and Vivianne were arguing a lot, but Cindy just wanted to
joke around and have fun. He was missing his wife; he naively never thought how
flirting with someone else would make her feel. Somehow, it had even seemed
like a reasonable way to ease the pain of missing Vivianne. He could see how
stupid he’d been now, but hindsight wasn’t going to fix this. What a mess.

“Who?”

Aiden shrugged like it didn’t matter, and really it didn’t.
It could have been anyone. “Remember Cindy?”

Daniels grimaced. “And was it worth it?”

“No, it wasn’t like that exactly…” Aiden tried explaining
about the joking and playing around, and how it made him forget about the
troubles in his marriage. It had been exciting, something outside and separate
from his relationship with Vivianne. But it wasn’t right. He knew that now. But
he’d gotten caught up in it and had acted like a fool.

Daniels stepped back, studying Aiden for a long time. Maybe
he was adjusting his opinion of him. That stung because they’d been SEAL team
brothers for over three years. The SEALs were a tight-knit family. They had
each other’s backs, and their families were all close as well. Part of him
feared the others, especially Daniels, would judge him, get angry, and even cut
off friendships. Another part of him thought that maybe Daniels desperately
wanted Aiden to succeed where he had failed—at marriage.

He waited but the tongue-lashing didn’t come.

“So make it right,” Daniels said calmly. “Start a family.
You’ll be there in a few weeks. Don’t let your marriage be a casualty of this
war.”

Daniels’ words surprised Aiden, but he shook his head and
looked away. “It hasn’t worked. The getting-pregnant part. Everything is
dragging her down,
and I haven’t been there emotionally or
physically for her. I let her down. I lost her. Get it?”

He wanted to yell at someone, but it shouldn’t be his
friend. Daniels stood there and took it anyway. Now that they were both quiet,
the only lingering noise was his ragged breathing. There were sounds off in the
distance, but they didn’t matter. 

Vivianne had always trusted him once he had won that trust
in the beginning. The first time they were together, she looked up into his
eyes, her own eyes wide, and asked him, “Be gentle, okay?” She tried to laugh with
it, like it was an offhand comment, but he felt her tremble. She might have
been worried that he was too strong or too much for her, but he showed her just
how gentle and loving he could be.

He didn’t want to lose her. All this fighting hadn’t been because
he was tired of her, didn’t like her, didn’t love her, or any other sorry
reason. It stemmed from his frustration at being away from her and at being
angry with himself for hurting her.

“What will it take?” Daniels asked, confusing Aiden.

He stared at Daniels for a minute, trying to understand the
simple words. What would it take? Was it even
possible
to convince her
that they had a chance? That they should try to hold on to their marriage?
Aiden heaved a sigh, realizing he wanted to cry. He never cried. “She wanted me
home for Christmas.”

Daniels slapped his hands together like that was the
solution. “Then we’ll get you home!” He turned and strode back inside, yelling
back, “Get in here. We’ve got planning to do. Everyone, here, right now! We
have a mission.”

Aiden followed him with slow steps. “Daniels?”

“We’re going to get you home for Christmas so you can save
your marriage. We’ll arrange a special covert ops.”

The phone rang, jolting Vivianne. She picked it up, looked
at the screen, and dropped it by accident.

“Aiden!”

She snagged it off the floor, cursing the way her heart
jumped. Everything felt right for a second, before she reminded herself that
things were over between Aiden and her. They’d tried. They’d failed. She
controlled her voice to answer simply, “Aiden.”

She wanted to hang up on him for sending that last email.

“Babe… I know you’re hurting, and I know I’m not there, but
can you give me a little while longer?” His voice was rushed and raspy, as if
he’d been under stress. Sometimes he sounded like that when he returned from a
mission. She could see him plain as day, as if he were right in front of her.
Closing her eyes, she savored his image for a second.

Then she cleared her throat and wondered out loud. “A while
longer before what?”

Panic spiked in her chest. Did he somehow know about the
baby? Maybe he knew and was worried she planned to abort it. She felt sick
again and even headed toward the bathroom, but walking and taking several deep
breaths helped. Of course he couldn’t know. No one did except her boss, who
wouldn’t say a word to anyone yet, and mom… her mom! Her mother wouldn’t call
him, would she?

After the long pause, he said, “So…so things are okay?
You’re not…doing anything?”

His voice held so many questions and layers that she felt he
was talking over her head. It had to be about how she had mentioned a divorce.
“Doing anything like what? What do you need more time for?” He could have meant
filing divorce papers. She wanted to make him say it, though.

He was the one who had strayed. And wasn’t he the one who
had brought up calling it quits? She wasn’t sure how to deal with this kind of
pain much longer. It was love and hate mixed together, battling and tearing her
apart in the process.

“I just want more time. I don’t want you to make any
decisions about us until after the holidays, when I get back. Please give us
one more Christmas, baby. It’s our season, remember? Give us a little time to
remember how good we can be. I love you.”