A Storm of Pleasure (13 page)

She swallowed deeply, trying to decide whether he was angry or not. He lay on the bed, hands crossed behind his head as he’d laid earlier in the middle of the stone circle. But he did not meet her gaze. “I did warn you of my unseemly curiosity, did I not?”

Gavin laughed aloud, the sound of it filling the entire stone chamber. He did seem genuinely amused by her reply, but she also noticed he’d not answered her question. He rolled onto his side then, bracing his head up on one hand, and stared at her, almost daring her to ask him again.

So, she did.

“Tell me, Truthsayer, why do you live in a cave?”

K
atla dared much, asking him what no one else would. But did he dare to tell her the true reasons for his move here?

The force of his need to share his burden burned through his blood, nearly as strongly as the need for pleasure. It pushed everything else aside and surged forward. Gavin began to speak before he’d thought all the words out in his mind.

“The noise,” he said, trying to think of how to explain the powers he had and the ways they were changing. She frowned at his words and shook her head. “I need the noise of the ocean and the river that feeds into it.”

“But why, Gavin? It is enough to drive a person mad with the constant rushing. I have been here only a few days, and sometimes the loudness of the waves makes my head ache,” she said. “I do not understand.”

Gavin sat up and slid back next to her. “Over these last months, as the full moon approaches, the thoughts of others fill my head. The sounds, the voices, jumble into a chaotic clamor. It gets louder with each passing day until the ritual.” He paused to see if she seemed to comprehend his words. “By the time the moon is dark, the pain becomes intolerable.”

“The spirits? The healer’s brew?” she asked.

“Aye. I tried both, but neither one blocks the sounds or the pain.”

“Are these the thoughts of others around you or the thoughts of those you have heard during the rituals?”

He could not help the smile on his face. With but a few questions, she’d clarified some of his own thoughts. This was exactly what he had hoped for in daring to tell her the truth.

“I have believed them to be the thoughts of others around me, but you said something today that makes me think otherwise.”

“I did? What did I say?”

“At the circle, you asked if mayhap I heard the echoes of those who lived there before. I have always thought the clamor in my head was made of the thoughts of those around me, for it worsens when I am near people. After thinking on your words, I begin to suspect the thoughts are those I have heard during the ritual.”

He felt like the weight of all the rocks around him was lifted from him then. Admitting his weakness, speaking of it to another, had not made it worse.

“So you come here because there are so few people and to use the noise of the rushing water to drown out the sounds in your head?”

“Aye. Exactly.”

Katla shook her head. “But you have said nothing about the pain, nothing about the thoughts you hear. Do you hear them now?” Her eyes brightened and she answered her own question. “Not since the night in your chambers. You were answering the voices in your head when you yelled aloud to leave you alone.”

She pushed back the bedcovers and walked to the shelves on the other side of the chamber. Lifting the small bottle that held the healer’s brew, she peered closely at it, tilting it to see its contents. “You have taken none of this, nor drunk strong spirits in days. Has the pain eased?”

This would be the most difficult thing to explain to her. She would laugh at him, think it simply a ploy to get her into his bed. Sweet Christ, he did not understand it himself! He watched as she walked back to the bed and sat there, waiting for him to speak. He reached out and took her hand in his, whether just to touch it or to hold her there when she heard his explanation, he knew not.

“When I had twenty-and-one years, the power struck me like a bolt of lightning in a storm. Though I’d had glimmers of it before that, every month as the moon reached its fullness, I could hear the thoughts of people around me. When I touched someone, I could hear their thoughts clearly. Each month the power grew stronger and stronger.”

Katla nodded and climbed back under the covers next to him. “That was years ago?” she asked.

“I am nearing twenty-and-eight years now.”

“An old man to be sure.” She smiled.

“Aye,” he said.

“Last year, just after the anniversary of my birth, it all began to change. The power grew stronger each month, but the noise in my head began, too. A low noise at first that I thought might be my imagination, it grew louder and louder until these last few months have become unbearable. Other needs have grown stronger at the same time….” Gavin did not think he needed to explain which needs they were, and her blush made it clear she understood.

“Do you think it is leading to something? Escalating to some higher ability?”

Her questions were both insightful and intelligent. She saw patterns where he had not. She understood aspects he’d not considered. “’Twould seem to be, Katla. Though toward what, I know not. Mayhap my power will end then?”

“Or grow even stronger?” she asked. “You did not answer my question yet, Gavin, though if you do not wish to, I understand.”

He laughed then. “Come, my determined Katla,” he said, drawing her into his arms and sliding them both down on the bed. In spite of how upset she’d been, she did not hesitate. “I believe you are the reason the pain is gone.”

Katla leaned back, trying to see whether he was jesting, but his intense gaze told her that he meant what he’d said. “How could I be the reason? Why would you think such a thing?”

“Last month, just as the moon turned from waning to waxing, I was visited by an angel. When the pain began to worsen, this angel appeared to me and had her way with me.” She began to object that no such thing had happened, when he placed his finger on her lips to stop her.

“You see, as the pain grows, so too does my need for sexual relief. I seduced the angel to my bed, or the floor where I’d fallen, I think, and when my flesh joined with hers, a blessed silence replaced all the screaming in my head.”

“Silence?” she asked. “When we coupled?” ’Twas difficult to believe such a thing. “And the pain?”

“Gone.” He caressed her cheek and smoothed her hair away from her face in a touch so tender it nearly made her cry. “I cannot explain any of this, and I did not even believe you were real when I woke. Haakon had brought no one to me. There was no sign of you, but I slept for hours that night, undisturbed by voices or pain. You had disappeared, but the effects of whatever you did to me lingered, giving me the power to push away the clamor and the pain.”

Of all the things she’d thought she might hear from him, this was the last she might have imagined. He thought she had some power to calm the painful noises that burdened him. That explained much to her—his demand for Harald to bring her to him when he’d recognized her at the ritual, the way he took her, possessing her body over and over again that first night, and his insistence that she accompany him here. He believed he needed her.

He watched her now, awaiting her reaction to his revelation. For once in her life she knew not what to say. Should she reassure him? Should she accept that she could give him the silence his mind needed? Why did joining their bodies cause such a thing to happen?

Katla could not discern the truth right now. She was overwhelmed by the events of the last several months. Grief, fear, and guilt all lay heavy on her heart, and she feared making another misstep. She needed to think on all he’d told her when she was clear headed and not lying next to the man asking her to believe him.

“And now?” she asked. “The dark of the moon approaches.”

“Silence and no pain,” he said, smiling. “I can push the noise away when it threatens. Since you entered my bed.”

His bed. Not his heart or his home. His bed. Katla steeled her heart. It was clear to her that he hungered for relief from the pain, and the clamor in his head. If having her in his bed gave him relief, he would pursue her relentlessly.

“And you think this respite will continue until the ritual itself?”

“I know not. I only know that you have made a difference in my life.”

She could think of nothing to say to him. Plagued with doubts and fear, Katla dared not reveal too much of her feelings to him now. When she did not reply, he smiled and nodded at her.

“I fear I have frightened you this night when I only meant to ease any fears or uncertainty you have. About today,” he began, but she was the one to stop him with a finger on his lips.

“Nay. There is nothing to say about this day,” she urged. Her true feelings lay too close to the surface now. She did not want to expose any more of herself to him. She only had to make it through two more weeks and then they could return to Orkney and save her brother. For just a little longer, she needed to shield her heart. “I was feeling maudlin tonight.”

She held her breath as he studied her face. He nodded and guided her into his arms. His warmth soothed her. She felt herself drifting toward sleep and then she remembered the question that had begun these revelations. She smiled as she realized he’d not answered it fully.

“So, why do you live in this cave…now?” Katla asked. But she fell into sleep’s clutches before she heard any answer he might have given.

G
avin heard the sleep-slurred words whispered as she fell asleep and he wondered. Why did he continue to live here in the cave when her presence seemed to give him the control he needed? Two days later when a storm struck, stranding them within the interior chambers and assaulting them with slashing rains and howling wind, Gavin decided he’d had enough of the cold and damp place that had been his haven.

With a few orders to Haakon and with the help of some of the men from the village, his furnishings and belongings were moved from the cave up to the small croft above it. Haakon seemed happy to stay in the village, and Gavin suspected that a young widow named Helga had something to do with his willingness to make the move.

In a way, he felt that the change from the darkness of the cave to the light of the cliffs above was like being born again. Without the constant anguish, he could live as a normal man would, and with Katla at his side, he felt like one. For the first time in so long, he even traveled back to his farm and worked a day with Gunnar and his sons. Walking the furrowed earth, digging hard and long, satisfied something within him that he did not realize had been unfulfilled.

Though Katla seemed withdrawn and quiet at times, he reminded himself that her life was in turmoil, her father recently dead, her brother facing execution. Gavin tended to forget that she was young as well. She’d always lived in her father’s household, protected by his name and his presence until just months before, and now she faced an uncertain future.

Despite a desire on his part to help her, his own future was not clear. He realized he wanted more from her, wanted a life together, but he believed he would not survive for more than a few rituals. Any hope for the future lay quietly inside him, awaiting the upcoming ritual to determine whether Katla had made a difference after all.

But each night holding her, he allowed himself to imagine a life with her, the kind of life his parents had lived—working side by side, living, celebrating, loving, mourning—whatever life and the fates threw at them. This time together seemed idyllic, even when he began to feel the power building and surging within him as the full moon approached.

The day came for them to return to Orkney, and he noticed the change in her immediately. Any hint of playfulness or whimsy she’d shown over the past weeks lay hidden now. Though he asked her to talk about her fears, she just gazed through haunted eyes and remained silent.

The only thing that was a constant for them was the pleasure they shared. She’d never turned from him or withheld herself after that one time, and the sound of her body as he aroused her and brought her to release was nearly as pleasurable as the act itself. His need for her did not lessen, but it was tempered, easing from frantic craving to simple desire.

Haakon packed what they would need, and Gavin hoped that he could convince her to return to the croft with him, to stay with him, after the ritual. But he waited, knowing that there were too many variables ahead of both of them. Worse, Gavin was not certain he could save her brother’s life. He might condemn her brother and not even know it.

In the entire time they’d been in Durness, she’d never confided in him about what was to come. When she spoke of her brother, it was about his innocence or his sense of humor and their enjoyment of playing pranks on others. But as he stood watching the approach of the boat that would carry them north, she touched his back.

“Gavin,” she said quietly before he turned to face her. “You will help him, will you not?” She leaned her head against his back. He could feel her words against his skin as she spoke. “I beg you….”

He’d seen little vulnerability in her during these weeks together, other than that night he’d shared so much about himself with her. The way her voice trembled and the way she grasped his tunic spoke volumes about her fears. His heart pained him, because he was unable to promise much to her. The earl usually determined who would be part of the ritual—it was their arrangement. Even while traveling elsewhere, Magnus would send word to Brusi the Lawspeaker, who oversaw the truthspeaking.

“I have never asked to hear the truth of someone before, Katla. The earl makes his choice and…”

“You must, Gavin! You promised that you would help him.”

He turned then and met her tearful gaze.

“You told me you would grant anything I asked if I would come here with you.” She twisted her hands and stared at him. “I fulfilled my part of the bargain. Now you must do yours.”

“A bargain? This was only a bargain to you?” he asked. Gavin could not explain why her matter-of-fact words bothered him so much, but they did.

She nodded then, destroying any hope in his heart that something was growing between them. “I did this for my brother. No other reason.”

He’d fooled himself into believing that her complete submission to him had been prompted by her feelings for him. She did not care that his end was nearing. She did not care that she had made a difference. She cared only for a boy who most likely would speak his truth and be damned for it. He wanted to hate her, but he could not.

“I will keep my part of our bargain, Katla. I will hear your brother’s truth in Birsay. The boat is here. Get your things and meet me at the beach.”

He left without another word to her.

She shielded her eyes against the sun and watched him leave the cottage. His anger poured off him so strongly, she could feel it. Anger and something else she could not identify. Katla wanted to call out to him and beg his forgiveness for what she’d said and how she’d said it. Instead she did as he told her to do and gathered her things together.

Katla glanced around the small cottage that had been like a home to her for these last weeks. Nothing remained of her here. Nothing to remind him of the time they’d shared. Nothing.

In three days, the full moon would give him power to hear the truth. He would hear her brother’s truth, and Kali would be freed. Her life would be given back to her. Unfortunately, she’d given away a part of her heart that she suspected would never be hers again.

Packing the last of her gowns in the leather sack, she considered how things could be different for her and for Gavin. Not once during these weeks had he mentioned anything about what would happen between them after the full moon. Although he was content to play at living together in this cottage, he did not offer her a place here with him.

’Twas as Harald had warned, he would break her heart. From the pain that pulsed in her chest at the thought of never seeing Gavin again, she thought he might have indeed. Despite his kind treatment of her, his concerns for her comfort, and his changed behavior since they’d arrived here, he wanted no more from her than he had originally bargained for.

He wanted her for only the comfort he gained. He had never hidden his purpose from her and never pretended that his desire was anything else. Tugging her cloak on, she lifted her sack and closed the door behind her.

“He gets very tense as the full moon approaches,” Haakon said quietly, taking the sack from her. “Sometimes he does not even notice it himself.”

The man had spoken not a dozen times during her time here, so his words surprised her. That he seemed to seek to offer her comfort was still more surprising. “Is he the same as before?” she asked.

“Gavin said you witnessed him here before the last ritual. Is he different now?”

“Aye,” she admitted. Anyone seeing him could tell.

“Come, the boat is ready,” he announced, holding out his arm to her to help her down the steep slope. They’d almost reached the bottom when he spoke again, in a hushed tone. “You have showed him what it is to be only a man, not the Truthsayer. He will remember it.”

Startled, Katla stopped, but Gavin called out to her then and she walked to him. Though he looked ready to say something to her, he did not. Soon they were all aboard the boat and prepared to sail north once more to Orkney.

Gavin seemed ill-at-ease as he paced along the railing of the boat. The day was calm and clear and they had good winds that moved them swiftly over the water. Once they passed Hoy and the port of Stromness, it would take only a few hours to reach Birsay.

She’d spent so much time alone with Gavin that she did not know how to be with him when others were near. Aside from a few short conversations and some shared glances, they remained at opposite ends of the boat during the voyage. As they arrived at the dock, she wondered, what was her place?

Should she walk at his side through Birsay to the earl’s house? Should she stay behind and wait to be called? Should she hide her face and wear the shame that would be hers once she was recognized as Sven the Traitor’s daughter and the Truthsayer’s whore? Oh, God in heaven, she needed to speak to Kali before he learned of her disgrace!

“Come, walk with me,” Gavin said as he climbed from the ship and held his hand out to her. She took it and soon stood next to him on the dock.

“I would see Kali if it is permitted,” she said, knowing that she was Gavin’s until the full moon passed.

“Harald is the one who can permit it or not, Katla. Haakon,” he called out, “send word to Harald Erlendson that we have arrived. I would see him in my chambers.”

“My thanks,” she whispered as Haakon ran off to do Gavin’s bidding.

Her hands shook now at the thought of walking through the center of the village to the earl’s house. When Gavin began walking, she followed with her head lowered, meeting no one’s gaze. They’d gone only a short distance from the dock when he slowed down and took her hand in his, squeezing it as he led her down the street.

As they reached the earl’s house, Haakon caught up with them. He drew Gavin aside and whispered to him, not sharing his news with her. But a few sidelong glances at her during the hushed conversation told Katla it involved her. From the frowns and the furious exchange of words, it was not favorable news.

“Harald is not here in Birsay,” Gavin told her when Haakon ran off once more. “We will talk in my chambers.”

His arrival sparked a flurry of activity among those who lived and served the earl. Servants ran before them, carrying their clothing into Gavin’s chambers. Trays of food appeared before them. Jugs of wine and ale, too. And women gathered in the corridor outside his chambers.

If she did not know of him and his reputation and needs, she would think him only an honored guest. But these women had come hoping to be summoned to his bed.

Katla could not explain the way her own body reacted. A wave of jealousy pierced her at the thought of his doing what they’d done together with someone else. Shaking it off, she knew that another, or others, would soon share his bed. It was a fact she knew well, even if her heart and soul did not want to believe it. Gavin noticed where her gaze fell and ordered the women all away.

Once the room was settled and all the servants dismissed, Gavin poured a cup of wine for her and waited for her to drink some of it before he began.

“A message was received two days ago from the Scots king about your brother.”

“Kali? What did the king want with my brother?” she asked, dreading the answer. She sank onto a chair and drank down the rest of the wine.

“Word reached Edgar of the plot hatched by your father, and that your brother might have had knowledge of it. King Magnus ordered Kali turned over to the Scots king.”

“Turned over? Where, Gavin? Where is Kali now?”

“The earl ordered Harald to take him to the Scots king in his main city in the east. They departed two days ago, in a vessel sent by Edgar. Harald left word that he will try to keep him alive.”

“Try?” she asked, crying out in terror. “But Kali knows not of any plot. He cannot tell the Scots king anything!” she protested, running to him and grabbing his arm. “Gavin, we must go!”

The room began to sway around her. Katla reached out to steady herself, but the chamber grew dark as though a cloud moved in front of the sun. She watched Gavin reach for her, moving so slowly that she could see the muscles tense in his arms. The buzzing in her ears grew louder and louder until she screamed against the pain. Just as she realized that this must be what Gavin felt, everything turned black.

Gavin cursed his stupidity and grabbed for her just as she sank into oblivion. He lifted her in his arms and carried her into his bedchamber, laying her there until she could recover from this faint. He sought the washbasin, poured some water in it, and grabbed a cloth. Taking the cup of wine and sitting at her side, he dipped the cloth in the water and then dabbed her skin, trying to awaken her.

This had turned into a disaster.

From their angry departure from Durness, to the silence between them on the journey and now this, nothing had gone as Gavin wished it had. Part of him wanted to stay in Durness, alone with her as he had been these last weeks, living a lie even though he knew that the world around them would demand the truth soon enough.

He dipped the cloth again and wiped her forehead. She was sweating now, and her breathing changed as she awoke. Her gaze darted quickly around the room, from him to the door and back, as she tried to focus. Gavin lifted the cup to her lips and urged her to sip. After she took in a small amount, he put the cup down and let her get her bearings.

She was still wrapped in the long cloak she’d worn on the boat, so he unpinned the brooch holding it closed and loosened it around her neck.

“Better?” he asked softly. Katla nodded and tried to sit up. “Nay, do not. Give yourself a few moments to feel stronger.”

He knew she wanted to be out of that bed, to do something to help her brother. He knew the first thing she would do would be to demand that he go to Dunfermline, the main city of the Scots king.

She had no idea of the impossibility of such a demand, but she would make it regardless. And he would have to refuse. Shielding himself from the thoughts of only these few hundred people in the vicinity of Birsay was a struggle. No matter her presence or the strength that her passion seemed to give him in controlling the pain and the clamor, he would not survive a journey to that city with its hundreds and possibly thousands of inhabitants.