A Survivor's Guide to Eternity (17 page)
Bakery, Dairy, Tinned, Vegtables, Meat / Poultry, Frozen, Fish and Household goods.
All the choices one would expect.
Ed was looking for the freezer department. He had a bright idea of a chilly but pain-free suicide if he could work out how to get into one of the super chilled compartments. Then he saw the sign; FROZEN
He proceeded along past fresh meat and dairy and finally got to aisle 15 without bumping into a single soul. He skipped up onto the flat topped transparent lids and sped along, hiding behind a large sign that read;
Jumbo Arctic rolls, 2 for 1 special offer.
Now it was just a matter of waiting his moment and taking his chance.
He was there for what seemed like an eternity. The shop seemed deserted and very few people came past. He began to get despondent and not overly confident that anyone would shop in one of these freezers. He glanced up at the glowing clock and saw it flashing 5.54. He had seen the sign outside on the door and knew that the store closed at 6.00 so he didn’t have a whole lot of time to play with. He began musing as to possible ways he could prize the freezers open once the store was closed but knew how hard that would be in reality. Even for a human, those doors had a very strong seal. He wasn’t overly optimistic.
The clock continued on its inevitable path, 5.55, 5.56, 5.57. He felt increasingly confused as to how long he had before his deadline. His human consciousness was continuing to dissolve and he was getting worried about being locked in the store, unable to kill himself. The anxiety grew as the clock chimed ever closer to the decisive hour. Then, out of the blue, a small elderly lady, complete with Zimmer frame and pink rinse turned the corner and caught sight of the sign Ed was hiding behind. She got closer and looked enquiringly at it. Ed was sure he had been spotted, as he did not fit behind it entirely, the tail poking out and along the back surface of the freezer.
Eyesight fading, she turned away momentarily before giving a rip roaring sigh and returning to the freezer.
“Ah, that’s one offer I can’t refuse,” she exclaimed delightedly, as she opened a compartment just along from where Ed hid. She reached in and grabbed one Arctic roll, followed by another which landed in the small basket attached to her wheeled silver Zimmer frame. Her hand clasped the lid of the freezer in the open position, as from behind her a voice bellowed ignorantly,
“We’re closing the store; sorry, you’ll have to go to checkout now.”
She turned to confront the young man, long black hair, small black bobble hat and a blue shop assistant’s coat.
“It’s not 6.00 yet. Look, I have one more minute,” she replied assertively looking past him at the clock as she flicked the lid closed behind her. Ed took his chance and in the nick of time skidded across the transparent glass surface and slid into the freezer just before the door came crashing shut.
“Whatever. We’re closing. Anyway, look, it has just gone 6.00,” replied the young man petulantly as they both went their separate ways.
Ed slid along to the end of the cabinet, over the Arctic rolls and Haagen-Dazs vanilla and settled on the cheese cakes and frozen profiteroles. The bitter chill stung away at his soft paws like millions of tiny darts fired from a huge pistol, penetrating through his fur like he was being shot blasted. His breath virtually froze into little steamy clouds as it was expelled into the chamber. He settled down and stretched out as if he was lying on a bed of nails. He rested his head on his front paws whilst the chill crept into his brain, making it ache like a fireball of agony behind his eyes. He thought of Ali and Frank and his transitions, the tortoise, Sam and everything that had been going on in his busy schedule over the last few days.
He soon started to drift in and out of consciousness, the thoughts and reflections becoming more and more abstract and unrelated. Then suddenly, a tornado of a wind, the coldness disappeared in an instant and his journey into a supersonic kaleidoscope tunnel began, like a bullet being fired into a never-ending gun barrel. Gravity ceased to exist. One second he was up, the next down, forwards and then backwards, sideways to the left and then over to the right, all at such a speed that the transitions were hardly noticeable. Then he saw the light, the laser pinprick beam at the end of the tunnel that pulled him with unstoppable power. The noise and wind was deafening as he sped onwards, the light getting bigger and bigger. Then just like before, total darkness and absolute silence. If a pin dropped, it would just fall silently for ever. He had made the shift from deceased to Transient.
Chapter 10
The red leather saddle
Ed awoke to a loud squelching, slapping sound, staccato, like a powerful wet flipper on a marble floor. He was drowsily unaware of his surroundings but vaguely heard a stern voice yelling at him, piercing his dulled senses.
“There’ll be plenty of that for you after, boys; this is just to give you the taste.”
He felt disoriented and unsettled, like he’d been spun into a whole new dimension, blinded by a light and an intensity of sound and smell that overwhelmed him. He raised his eyelids languidly, like the heavy sails on an old clipper ship. Fierce rays scorched through, tazering his brain, reminding him of how he set fire to newspapers with a magnifying glass as a child. Soon, shapes and colours began to assemble into a vaguely comprehensible panorama, gradually focussing and sharpening his perception and confirming once more that he had not awoken in his bed at home with Abella. He also began to realise he hadn't arrived back in the labyrinth of tunnels and reluctantly began to prepare himself for the next unknown and strange adventure in the animal world.
The pain of the glare soon abated and in front of him he could see a small piece of uncooked steak splayed out on the stone floor, stains of blood splattered around its edges as if thrown from a height. His nostrils sniffed at the offering with a sensitivity he’d never experienced. It was as though he could taste every detailed aspect of it.
Just at that moment he saw two enormous feet in shiny black leather boots come towards his face. He was lying flat on the stone and started to wonder exactly what sort of animal he had become. He quickly stood upright before instinctually leaning over and tearing into the piece of steak, instantly devouring it. He had never felt so painfully hungry, as if he’d been starved or something.
“It’s just you two this time,” yelped the man as he bent down to Ed and started rubbing a fox brush in his face.
It’s fox fur; it smells just like Sam but it can’t be?
The man continued to rub the brown fur in his face, causing him to splutter on little bits that came loose. Ed then watched on as the individual wandered over to his left and over to a large, vicious and muscular hunting hound. Light and dark brown patches covered the body apart from a glorious white front and underbelly. The facial expressions went from intensely forlorn with a closed mouth to absolutely terrifying with it open. Ed was shocked with the realisation that he too must be a hunting hound and that they were no doubt being readied for a hunt.
He could feel a tight collar restraint around his neck and soon began to bark violently in tune with the other hound. He glanced down at his powerful front legs and paws, pulling forwards at the restraint so much that the front part of his body lifted off the ground upwards, straining against the leash which pulled his head backwards and up leaving him half upright on his rear legs. Meanwhile the man with the boots moved over towards a fine horse, dark brown all over with a strange white patch underneath a pristine red leather saddle. Steam oozed from the animal as the metallic hooves on his jet black legs scraped at the stone floor, its tail dancing from side to side excitedly as the individual scrambled up and into the saddle.
He looked ridiculous on the animal, his effeminate red jacket, white stockings and dainty looking black soup bowl hat clashing with the beauty and elegance of the beast.
Ed glanced to his left and watched as the other hound was let free by a young boy in tweeds. He raced off like a firework, shooting from the restraint as soon as it was released, catching the boy’s hand slightly in the process.
“I’ve told you a dozen times how to do that, you stupid fool. You only have two dogs to release today and you even get that wrong,” shouted the man angrily from the horse, his face red with overreaction.
“Sorry, Pop,” replied the boy timidly as he reached around and released Ed into an equally jet propelled departure, hastily followed by the mounted clown.
I thought I had a strong sense of smell when I was a cat but this is
incredible
, thought Ed, realising the sense was so strong he could actually see a red mist trail of the hound that raced in front. Soon a faint yellow trail accompanied it in the distance, gradually getting stronger and stronger, luring both dogs in that direction. Ed was well aware that the powerful muscular legs that propelled him with such haste were the strongest he had experienced so far, even stronger than the spring coiled power of the cat’s hind legs. His feet tore at the ground, tossing up small clumps of dirt and grass as he sped violently across the countryside, steam coming off his body like a boiling kettle covered in a tea towel.
Behind him he could hear the loud, but pathetic horn of the huntsman. Ahead he could see the distinct red trail of the other hound and ahead of that, the less fervent yellow trail of what he assumed was a fox. He tried to power himself forward with determination, faster and faster and catch up with the other dog. It felt sensational to be so strong and move at such speed so close to the ground. He was urgently aware that he had no desire to kill a fox though. He liked foxes, their big brushes, soft brown fur and fine chiselled looks. They represented elegance to him and as he got closer to the second hound he couldn’t help but attribute only negative features to it.
I feel like I’ve got Stalin as a mate and we’re out hunting together. It’s very strange and I wish I’d at least had a few hours to adjust. It’s a very confusing
instant transition
,” thought Ed, as the other hound tired slightly, pulling back the pace a tad. With the slight relaxation he began to take more note of the countryside around. It was very English, with flowing open fields dotted with trees and hedgerows. One thing that struck him more than anything was how everything had a coloured aura equating to its smell. Ed could see this around trees, bushes, mounds of earth and virtually everything. It was like having a clever smart phone app for smells, one that could be held up for a snapshot of the environment to reveal street names, famous buildings and directions. The only difference was that his displayed smells and trails of odour. It was overpowering and incredibly rich, like being in the barrel room of a fine vineyard.
Soon he had caught up with the other hound and was side by side. They galloped, raced, jumped and sped through the countryside following the scent of the fox. The strong yellow trail indicated they were catching up with the animal fast.
Ed was not happy with the fox hunting scenario at all. His bond with Sam sat heavily on his conscience. He recalled how his friend had eaten pate in preference to killing a chicken, advocating abstinence from slaughter whenever possible. It made the current predicament seem even more immoral. How could he overcome these new instincts and if so, how could he find a way to get the other hound off the scent to avoid killing the fox?
Behind him, the mounted hunter followed, eagerly blowing on his inadequate toy trumpet. The dogs ploughed on relentlessly in pursuit of the terrified victim who most certainly would have been in a state of intense panic.
Quickly, Ed shot off to the right, away from the prominent trail, hoping to lure them in the wrong direction and give the fox a little more time to escape. However, they had none of it. After pausing for thought and looking at Ed’s alternative route, the other dog simply turned tail and carried on in the right direction. The scent was so strong that it would be virtually impossible to deceive in this way so he changed his tack and veered back onto the original path, catching up with the second hound and rapidly running through possible scenarios.
I can’t let this happen. I’ve got to do something
, thought the dog, sweating profusely and running out of energy to keep up.
Even if I do stop it, they’ll just do it again anyway. I have to make a statement as well, a big statement.
They got to the top of a small grassy crest and looked down to see the exhausted fox taking refuge in a bush, the brush poking out of one end and the whiffling snout from the other. He was defeated, helpless and panting furiously. Both hounds slowed down from their full speed run into a gentle jog. Behind them the hunter and his horse slowed to a canter as they knew the game was up. He puffed on his trumpet for all he was worth, trying to prove to the world that against all the odds, he could still get a hard on.
Ed immediately accelerated from his jog into a full pace advance towards the fox.
“That’s my boy, you are eager today,” exclaimed the man from the horse as the fox cowered trembling in the bush.
Just at the last minute and just a few feet from the bush he turned and faced the oncoming assailants, growling angrily. They mistook this for eagerness and a desire to finish the job as a team, not knowing that the hound had switched sides.
“We’re coming, we’re coming,” shouted the man as they both got closer. Ed got louder and louder, barking ferociously for all he was worth.
The second hound accelerated as he closed in and was about to run past Ed to devour the fox. Ed however had other ideas and leapt out with his growling salivating mouth opened to its widest. He grabbed the hound around the neck, pushing him over sideways, tearing through fur and skin deep into tissue. Blood spurted from the dog as it fought with panic to regain its balance and fight back.
“What the hell are you doing?” yelled the man as he saw the exhausted fox run from the bush safely into the distance.
Ed bit deeper, tearing into the violent animal knowing that this was one fox hound that would not be repeating his ugly deeds.
“That’s my best hound, you stupid mutt,” exclaimed the hunter as he reached for his shotgun from the neat holster attached to the red leather saddle. He undid the popper stud and started to withdraw the weapon just as Ed withdrew his teeth from the limp and now lifeless hound. The man jumped down from the horse and came towards Ed, lifting the shotgun in his direction and pulling off a round. Ed ducked down and ran around to his right through the small clumps of grass before he could re-aim the gun. Then Ed pounced across and was upon the hunter in a flash, leaping up and onto the forearm, forcing him to drop the shot gun on the ground. He tore into his arm right down through the flesh and could feel his teeth grinding on the bone.
This is what the fox would have felt whilst you watched, laughed and blew
your fucking trumpet, mother fucker
,” thought Ed, as he began to gouge a deep hole into the guy’s arm, causing a waterfall of blood to squirt out in every direction. Nervously, the man fumbled with a holster of his other hip trying to free his pistol whilst the teeth dug deeper into the bone. Soon there was a loud bang and Ed felt a massive thud throughout his whole head. He saw the end of the steaming pistol and realised he’d been shot at point blank range by the thuggish pig. Smoothly he fell back in slow motion downwards, thudding into the ground dramatically. It was as if when he landed he went right through it and into the soil, like a diver into water. He was transported through a myriad of rainbow colours shining at him from every side, spectrums of light, kaleidoscopes, mirrored halls and bands of multi coloured effects.
Slow down, stay aware, I need to get paused this time. Focus, think of pausing, slow your thoughts down, remain aware
. Thought Ed.
He desperately tried to cling to some sort of strand of consciousness, anything. He knew if he blacked out, he would lessen his chances of getting paused and meeting the Viking. He had plans and was anxious to try and make them a reality.
“Stay awake, stay awake,” he gasped, as he could see the bright light ahead of him once more.
“I am Ed Trew, I am Ed Trew and I am staying conscious. I am slowing down, stopping. I am not going to the next transience. I am Ed Trew, Ed Treeew…”
Ed soon phased out of consciousness into the now familiar blank and empty darkness.