A Survivor's Guide to Eternity (20 page)

“That sounds horrendous.”

“It was. It seemed that whatever happened or whatever I did, the only option was relentless pain and suffering. Some days later I decided to end it all. I had just eaten, which I’m sure contributed to my depression. It was a disgusting mess of fatty bacon boiled in water in my metal helmet. It was a common meal over there. After this, I made my excuses to exit the trench and go further back for a while into the support and logistics area. On my way, I deliberately slipped from one of the wooden walkways into the quagmire of mud. We were instructed not to help any soldier that fell in. It was like quicksand and often when one fell in, others would be killed trying to help. My kit was super heavy and I landed on my back a yard or so from the scattered planks. A big bloopy plopping noise and I was suddenly weightless and comfortable, more so than any time I could remember whilst out there. Everything went into slow motion. I could see a couple of the privates trying to help me before being hurried away by a commander. I looked upwards. It was a spectacular blue sky with little fluffy clouds scattered and bobbling. The contrasting shards of burnt tree branches and deafening gun rounds certainly gave it more edge than a normal autumn day though. I could feel the cool mud seeping into my shirt and pants. It was relaxing and quite marvellous, therapeutic and mesmerising. I felt it go down inside my collar and come up over my neck. The shells continued to roar over my head from the gun position just behind until suddenly, total blissful silence. Nothing, not even a thud. The mud came up over my face and I felt totally at peace as it started to enter my mouth, its thick gritty texture enveloping my nostrils and filling the back of my throat. It tasted strangely aromatic and fragrant, not at all how I expected. I coughed and spluttered out of instinct but I never struggled, not one bit. I glanced to my left just before I went under, noticing the rows of men going to the front. Soldier after soldier marched past, covered in mud stains up to their waist. Only one looked in my direction. He caught my eye just as I went under completely, his face full of fear and trepidation. I, however, had freed myself and was on my way to another level. I was losing nothing and saw this as a great escape. Next thing I knew I was a fucking hedgehog. Can you believe it, reincarnated as a protuberantly pronged beast in what felt like an instant?”

“That’s quite a story.”

“I know. It took me many years to unburden myself of it psychologically. I just thought that I was the only villain in the whole scheme of things but in reality, I was as much a victim as those that I killed. Whether you survived that war physically or not, everyone that took part was a victim, dead inside. No doubt my bones are still there, deep in the soil beneath a tranquil and hopefully life giving crop of wheat.”

“I’m sure it is a peaceful resting place. Certainly pictures I saw of those battle fields in the modern day show no evidence of the horrors that went on there. Whatever humanity can throw at it, the Earth can always repair itself,” replied Ed reassuringly.

“Yeah, I think you are right there.”

“I guess other soldiers from the war came through here, did they?”

“That one and many others. It was very interesting to meet soldiers from before my days: Roman centurions or guys from the Napoleonic wars. I’m not sure what would have been more terrifying, running into modern machine gun fire or facing psychotic ranks of sword wielding warriors. Truth is, they were all regretful and guilty about their actions when it came down to it. Time is a well trained healer though.”

“Did it take you long to understand it all?”

“I’m not sure I understand it even now. I’ve come to terms with the whole thing though and stopped blaming myself. We might not have some of our physical attributes in here, but we certainly still have our feelings, emotions and memories. I often compare some of these emotions to waves. They often get choppy and rough but they eventually settle back into a calm sea at some point.”

“That’s a good way of putting it. You’re right though. War’s damaging even for the hardiest soul. All because of pig-headed, petulant politicians who can’t resolve their differences like adults, especially when they know their mistakes will cost millions of lives. It makes me sick.”

“Me too. We were blissfully unaware though back then. We didn’t even know what we were fighting for really, other than an over-inflated idea of obligation to ‘King and Country’. I was just glad to get out of it, Ed, to be honest,” replied Donald.

“I can understand that.” replied Ed as they continued trudging through the sand.

“After all that, I’ve ended up with the gun and uniform as a souvenir. Crazy that I can’t get rid of them.”

“Yeah, that is a little odd. I am curious though, after your death how long did it take to you to learn about being a Transient?”

“Well it wasn’t until I got here. I was briefly a hedgehog that got run over by a tractor. Then I was a sparrow and got killed by an angry cat and then I ended up here. They told me about everything and I didn’t want to go back into the fray, least of all go back into the physical world. It was bad enough the first time.”

“I’m not sure I could commit to an eternity here though. Maybe it’ll change if I get exhausted of going round in circles through different transient states. On the other hand I might just give in and stay as an animal after my time expires out there. I wonder what happens then, if I do go over the time limit and die at a later point?”

“I think that takes you out of the transient cycle and you just cease to exist. None of us have ever met a Transient who has done that and ended up down here. I guess the human soul dies when we cease to be aware of it, don’t you think?”

“Possibly. But you cease to be a Transient by staying here permanently, isn’t that much the same as opting to remain an animal?”

“Not really because we remain aware of ourselves. This might be the key.”

“You might be right. Maybe there are also other options when we die in the first place. Maybe this transient cycle is not the only alternative. Maybe there is a selection process or something based on a judgement of the lives we lived. Did you ever wonder how you wound up as a Transient?”

“Yes, Ed, I did,” replied the private as they turned another corner and continued walking along the maze of tunnels, all equally covered in the dense vines.

“I don’t think there’s a selection process or that it’s to do with sin or punishment or anything like that. To be honest, there are so many people down here who’ve lived completely different lives that I can’t see anything to suggest they might be here for similar reasons. I think it’s random, just like life was. I never thought that my human life had any cause other than the lottery of who my parents were, or where and when I was born. I don’t see why I should adopt a different frame of mind regarding any ‘after life’ or ‘other lives’, Ed.”

“Good point. I’d also prefer to believe it’s random like you suggest, although the first Transient I met seemed to think there was some sort of puzzle to solve.”

“Well we all want to believe at some point that there is some god, head, or extra meaning for everything. What about it all being just as it is? That’ll do me,” said Donald as they turned into yet another tunnel.

“How do you know your way? All this looks identical,” queried Ed.

“You get to know. Anyway, we’ve been chatting away a long time. We only have a little way to go and we’ll be there.”

“Good, I’m getting a bit knackered,” replied Ed.

“Try these fucking boots, mate, then keep them on for ninety years. That’ll teach you what tired is. Unfortunately we can still get tired down here, as you’ve probably noticed.”

“Yes, I did. No hunger though, that’s something, don’t you think?”

“Certainly is. An eternity of hunger would really be hard to bear. As it is, a bit of tiredness and the occasional backache, isn’t a problem for me.”

The duo turned a final corner which opened out onto an impressively large dome-shaped hall, five times larger than
St Paul
’s cathedral. All around there were balconies and tiers created in double spiral configuration, two spirals both starting at the same lower point going up towards the roof in opposite directions, crisscrossing at various points for easy access to all the levels. The outside of the walkways had small walls which seemed to be made from perfect, shiny, black granite. Behind them, the inner walls were covered with the tapestry of vines, back lit and casting an evocative illuminated texture across the whole dome. All along the walls were tiny doors with black curtains, similar to the rooms from the previous tunnel experience with Thomas.

“There are about three thousand rooms here, Ed. We’re only about seventy percent full though at the moment,” stated Donald as they walked over to the edge of the walkway. Ed could see they were about halfway up the height of the dome as he looked up at the marvellous back lit vine-covered dome and down into the large, red, sandy, open area below. There were dozens of people milling around and he couldn’t help but feel he was in the biggest fancy dress party in the history of the world. Everything from sixteenth century policemen to cowboys, doctors, Chinese labourers, Baltic fishermen, pirates and Nazi guards, all happily intermingling.

“I can see why you learnt so many languages, Donald,” murmured Ed, reflecting on the multicultural timeless mix.

“Well I have had a hundred years to sort it haven’t I? You’ve got to fill the time with something. I’m on Mandarin at the moment. That’s a really hard language,” replied Donald.

“Come on, let’s go down and say hi to a few people. Then we’ll settle you down in a room for some rest and then decide what to do next.”

“Okay, that sounds good. Let’s do it,” replied Ed, as they started to wind their way down the interlinking spiral walkways like mice in a maze. Ed kept stopping to marvel at the views over the balcony every few yards.

“It’s an awesome place, Donald. I can see why you’d stay here. What did you say it was called again: Cohen dome?”

“No, Koan Dome, as in ‘ko-an’, like ‘go-aan’.”

“Oh! What does that mean then?”

“Well I never really understood it at first. Apparently it’s to do with some sort of ridiculous question which can’t be answered. After ages trying to figure it out logically, you go round in circles and get some sort of revelation, like a rubber glove slapped around your face.”

“Sounds like some sort of ‘Zen’ thing?”

“Yeah, that’s it. Zen. I spent years thinking it was ‘Hen Buddhism’ and that by figuring out how a hen became a monk I would get my rubber glove. I just misheard it.”

“That’s funny. Hen Buddhism.”

“I know. Anyway, this ‘Koan’ idea has some things in common with being caught in the cycle of transience. We try to understand it with our old values, but in actual fact, a clearer understanding comes about by being less analytical.”

“Yeah, I haven’t got to that point yet. I can see why you’d stay here though.”

“Yes, a lot of people like it. It was easy for me to make the decision. I miss very little of my previous life.”

“If you could change things, what would you do?” enquired Ed.

“What, about this place?”

“No, I mean about your old life.”

“Well I wouldn’t have fucking volunteered for a start. I think a whole lot of innocent young people didn’t need to be sacrificed so mercilessly with such meaningless actions. Walking into machine gun fire, succumbing to a gas attack, killed by a flying bolt; it was all pointless. I didn’t even know the reason for the war until some years later after I was here. When I found out, it made me downright angry. How could all those people die because some rich, posh, nobs don’t know how to resolve their differences? It is farcical,” replied Donald, as they got down to the floor level of the dome.

Ed looked up in amazement as they walked towards the centre where a large group of people was gathering.

“This’ll be nice, it’s the choral group. They sing some beautiful melodies and they sound amazing in here. Come on, let’s sit on the floor and watch them. It sounds better at a distance. Then we can go and say hi and meet a few people.”