A Survivor's Guide to Eternity (4 page)
“Erm, maybe not.”
“Presupposing I believe you for a while, how long do you think I might have been dead?”
“Hard to say for the first time. Maybe a year or eighteen months before you get reincarnated the first time. I have no idea why, maybe a backlog? Time does seem to flow more predictably from the second time onwards.”
Ed thought quietly for a moment, overwhelmed by the whole idea of being dead for over a year.
“I have no idea how to respond to all this. It’s so far fetched. Maybe I’ve taken some very strong hallucinogenic drugs or something. This can’t be happening? Besides, why do you keep saying first and second time? Does it keep happening over and over again?”
“Yes, unfortunately it happens again and again. There are some important things to know though,” replied the fox gently.
“Important things? What do you mean?”
“What’s your name?”
“Ed. Ed Trew”
“Well, Ed Trew, I’m Sam Edwards and like you, I have human consciousness and memories. Just like you, I had the whole jolt and shock of coming around to realise I was an animal with human memories. Also, just like you I was incredibly lucky to meet another like us, a ‘Transient’ who told me what I am about to tell you. Most Transients don’t get this opportunity and before they know it, their minds are cabbage and they’ve lost their opportunity. Basically the deal is this. You keep your human consciousness for around four days. During this time your human memories will gradually fade. As this happens, the instincts of the host animal get stronger and stronger and you start to give yourself over to that creature.”
“What do you mean, give yourself over?”
“You start to lose all your human awareness and basically your soul dissolves into the animal’s basic consciousness.”
“What about speaking and communication?”
“You lose all that.”
“Memories?”
“All gone. You become a basic creature.”
Ed sat motionless, in a state of shock and disbelief, listening to the fox’s revelations.
“After the four days expire, all your human memories, habits, instincts, awareness and emotions disappear completely and you become the common or garden animal with no self-consciousness whatsoever. What happens with these animals after death, I don’t know, but I do know that if you die in the four-day period then you go back to the beginning, reincarnated into a new animal randomly, giving you a new, four-day period all over again. It could be any species from a rat to a poodle; it might be in the wild or a zoo or as a household pet. Anything is possible.”
“But if you only have four days, and say you get born as a helpless cub or something, what happens then? What could you possibly do in that state?”
“You never come round as a newborn. It’s always youthful, but never a vulnerable pup or anything like that. Maybe it’s because we can jump into animals because they have no souls?”
“No souls? Are you sure?” queried Ed.
“What’s the alternative, that an animal suddenly has two souls or that the first is banished in an instant? It’s my belief that we’re being tested. I don’t know how or why but I think we need to solve some sort of puzzle or riddle or something to find out what all this is about and why we’re here. There must be a reason this is happening, and so I keep going round the four-day cycles, trying to work out what it could be. Maybe there’s a way one can release oneself from the cycle and be reincarnated back as a newborn human?”
Ed stared on, his beak-like mouth hung open, his senses oblivious to the re-entry of the badger into the scene, once more sniffing his bottom mercilessly. He turned towards the fox, trying hopelessly to bend his thick neck.
“So I’ve woken up as a tortoise, made friends with a rather large, talking fox, realised I have been reincarnated and now you’re telling me I have to kill myself every four days?”
“In a word, yes, although I’m not large, it’s you that’s small. Also, for safety’s sake I’d suggest suicide every three to three and a half days to be safe. As a tortoise this might take some research. I can just cross the road and get pummelled. I think the cars would just swerve around you.”
“Fantastic, all that, and now I have to find out the best way for a tortoise to kill itself. Well, as I recall from my faint memory, I didn’t have a lot of suicidal tortoise friends when I was a human.”
“There’s no rush, you still have a couple of days. I suggest you come over to my lair and I’ll go and get some food. It’s your first time, and you should relax. Talking will help.”
The badger looked on without concern, as it came round to the front of Ed and started sniffing at his head.
“Whatever!! Let’s go then. It’s the first time I’ve been invited into a fox lair. How far is it? It might take me more than two days to get there,” replied Ed sarcastically.
“It’s just over here. Very close.”
“Can you get this badger off my case? He’s driving me nuts.”
The fox gently manoeuvred the badger away with his snout, snarling with gentle authority. The badger sniffed back before slowly retreating up the dusty, parched incline.
“Just follow this path along and I’ll go ahead and wait for you. It won’t take you much longer than forty minutes.”
Fox trotted off looking like two ballerinas in a pantomime costume, elegant but comical. The brush, as ever, trailed behind without a say in the matter. Ed mustered strength into what he now conceded were four fat legs, looked at his reflection once again and resigned himself to having to haul his shell through the scattered clumps of grass, onto the slightly trodden path and off after the fox as the wispy brush disappeared from view.
Chapter 3
Sliding deeper
Thoughts raced by as Ed began to digest the whole situation.
I looked miserable when I was a human; God knows how miserable I look now. Why couldn’t they have erased my memory? I’m a tortoise; I don’t need to know about iPads, relativity and pornography. It makes me suffer. Anyway, how can all those thoughts and memories fit into
this tiny shrimp of a tortoise brain; it just doesn’t add up?
thought Ed, as he continued ambling in uncomfortable distress through the terrain.
If there’s something up with your satellite TV box or a delivery hasn’t arrived, there’s someone you can call. When you’ve been reincarnated as a tortoise with the consciousness of a human, what are you meant to do then, what helpline is there for that? Even if I could get to a phone I wouldn’t be able to pick it up. What would be the point anyway if all they could hear at the end was a tortoise in distress? Certainly not covered on my insurance plan, that’s for sure.
As he progressed onwards, he was again overwhelmed by that delicious flowery food smell. He manoeuvred over to a small clump and began munching away hungrily.
At least it saves me going to the shops. Saves money as well I’ll smell like
a flower stall though when I have a crap
, he thought ironically, before pulling himself from the colourful edible smorgasbord and on towards the fox lair.
***
“Get me a bottle of
Corona
from the bar, Bella? Oh, and don’t put that lime in the top, you know I hate that.”
She hated being called ‘Bella’ and just as much loathed being used as a waitress on call. Their teenage romance had long since been transformed into middle-aged confusion, even though she was in her late twenties. She was five years younger than her husband Jonathan, and about the same age as Ed. The misery and sadness glinted in her eyes as she turned with resignation towards the bar to fulfil her marital duty.
“I’ll give you a hand - we both need a top up anyway,” announced Ed keenly, realising her anguish. He was not set on making advances at this point, but hated seeing someone so unhappy. Just a short while later she was heading obediently over to Jonathan whilst Ed looked after her drink.
“I told you not to get one of those bloody limes in the top. For Chrissake, take it out and put it in an ash tray,” barked the large-foreheaded man in a light grey tweed sports coat and white flannel trousers. His friends in the group grinned, some with pleasure and others with wincing discomfort. Abella turned tail instinctually, embarrassed to the core and hoping for the ground to open and swallow her up. The heat flushed into her face, reddening it to a bright fireball as she discarded the lime and handed the bottle to her husband.
He neither looked at her nor acknowledged the gesture of servitude, and turned to resume the conversation with his associates, analysing the potential development of a smaller circuit board for their central heating controller.
Abella shuffled invisibly across the room and out into the cold night. No one noticed apart from Ed. He gave her a minute and then subtly followed her out, leaving his drink on the cigarette machine by the door.
He found her huddled and crying in a doorway on the far side of the car park.
“It was so good at first. I don’t know what’s happened to him. He’s a different person, so boring, so cold and so unaffectionate. I don’t know how I can survive.” The words struggled out through the lonely tears which intercepted their announcement as they fell to the floor like her mood.
“Don’t worry, you’ll find a way,” said Ed, comforting her with his words before continuing. “Look, it’s freezing out here. Come back inside.”
“I can’t. I just want to die. I know it sounds extreme but it can’t be worse than this,” replied Abella as she tossed her glorious curly brunette locks with a quick flick of her head to the left. She looked up and straight at Ed with her huge and gorgeous big brown eyes. They shimmered with flashes of light glinting with an enchanting teary reflection from the car park security lights.
Ed tentatively put his arm around her and handed her a clean white hanky, careful not to be overly intimate or misunderstood. He glanced down at her astounding hourglass body, short pleated patterned skirt, black seamed stockings and tasteful stilettos.
“Look, it’s freezing. You don’t have a coat - you’ll freeze,” pleaded Ed as she put her head down onto his shoulder, soaking his shirt with tears whilst her immaculate hair cascaded down over his shirt pocket. The hanky was held motionless in her hand. The car park was deserted and silent apart from the sound of her sobs. She lifted her head up and glanced at Ed once more, a lot closer than the last time.
“Do you have a car? We could sit in your car?”
“Er, yes but, well, that might be deemed inappropriate?” replied Ed slightly nervously.
“Well I’m not going back in there so the only other alternative is to freeze, I guess,” uttered Abella, the tears calming slightly. She lifted the hanky up and began patting her eyes dry.
“Okay then, it’s in the car park at the back. I got here late and missed all the good spaces,” uttered Ed as he started to usher her towards the back of the building.
“It’s over. I decided already before tonight. I just need to decide when. I can’t take this shit anymore,” declared the beautiful woman as they approached Ed’s
Toyota
people carrier. He opened the back door and she got in, delicately manoeuvring her perfect stilettoed feet with dignity.
“I’ll sit in the front,” stated Ed as he began to pull the door shut.
“No,” whispered Abella as she stopped him closing the door. “Sit in the back, I won’t be able to hear you from the front.”
Her tears had demised. She moved her hand forward as if to hand Ed the hanky. He reached out to take it from her and she clasped his hand.
“Please come and sit with me?”
Ed felt a blood surge across his whole body. It was like having a rush from an adrenalin injection. He started to shake slightly as he lifted himself up into the back of the car, pulling the door closed behind and sitting next to her. The hanky fell to the floor as she lifted his hand to her mouth and gave it a gentle kiss on the knuckles.
“Thanks for coming out after me,” she whispered seductively into his ear as she moved her head closer to his, still clinging to his hand.
“That’s fine, it’s the least I…” Ed turned his head as he spoke and had not finished the sentence before their lips had met. He felt the texture of the slightly sticky red lip gloss as his tongue parted her lips and met hers. She lifted his hand up and over her right shoulder and behind her neck as the duo turned their heads slightly and began dancing with their tongues. She enveloped him with her arms and began stroking the back of his head affectionately, as they continued kissing.
He stroked her hair and then moved down over her shoulders, inspiring an excited arousal like never before, aching to be inside her. She reached down and manoeuvred her hand palm down around his inner thighs and up over his bulging enthusiasm. He began gently stroking over her breasts before pulling her sleeves down. She reached behind herself and unzipped her dress to assist.
The situation moved very fast and before he knew it she was on top of him. His hand reached around and slid along her stockings and up to the suspenders and then the beautiful smooth silky skin. Bodies interlocked, they fondled and cuddled, the sweat lubricating them as they manoeuvred together. It was too much for Ed as he climaxed quickly, clasping her firmly but affectionately with one hand, stroking her hair with the other whilst staring into her eyes. It was a moment of utter magic, sublime and all satisfying. It was a moment enough to satisfy him for life.
Soon they had cleaned up, tidied themselves and headed back to the event.
“This is the first time I’ve been intimate with someone straight away like this. It’s not like me - please don’t get the wrong idea. But I want to see you again, Ed,” said Abella as she slid a small piece of paper into his pocket before adding,
“that’s my mobile phone number. I expect to hear from you.”
“You will, trust me on that. I’ll text you my number.” With this, Ed placed his hand on her shoulder, stopped walking, and turned her to face him.
“I tell you one thing from the bottom of my heart; I will never treat you like that animal treats you. You’re like a goddess in my eyes. I would give everything for you. I’m going to resign on Monday. This will be a lot easier if I’m not working for your husband.”
“Soon to be ex-husband, Ed.”
“Sounds good to me,” replied Ed as they skipped off back into the hall. Less than a year later they were married and Ed had started his own company.
***
He felt very sad reflecting back on his wife and that magical evening. He would never see her again and it filled him with such an overwhelming sadness. His thoughts turned back towards his current predicament as he continued his very slow passage towards the fox lair.
The sun was beginning to bake the ground and heat his shell like a little oven. He realised why he had felt so hot and dazed the previous day carrying all that weight around whilst being slowly cooked like a lobster in its own shell. He looked forward to getting underground in the fox den sheltered from the heat. The going was getting tough though, as he struggled on in the bright day.
“Get inside your shell,” he heard from beside him as he saw the fox come into view.
“Get inside your shell,” the fox repeated.
“Well, I don’t know how to do that.”
“RAFFF, RAFFF, RAFFF,” the fox barked loudly, forcing Ed instinctually to shrivel up into the shell and out of sight.
“Thank you,” gasped the fox as he got behind Ed and pushed him with his snout, speeding along the path like an out-of-control bobsleigh.
“AArrggghhhhhhh… Wheeeyyyyyyyyyyyy, errrrrr,” Ed cried out helpless, but excited at the new rapid mode of transport offered to him.
“This is too much, stop, stop! More like, how the hell are we gonna stop?”
Suddenly, the tortoise was propelled into a soft bush, tossed over and over until he landed in an upside down position, whirling around like a spinning top.
In no time, the panting fox was on the scene, having lost control of his projectile.
“Sorry about that. Lost control a little bit. Easier than you walking though,” barked the fox as he flipped Ed upright like tossing a coin.