A Survivor's Guide to Eternity (5 page)

“Yes, easier for sure, but that’s like saying that jumping off a high rise is quicker than using a lift. Thanks for the thought, though.”

“Don’t mention it. Anyway, we’re here now, you can get in the shade. I suggest you pop behind that bush though and do a bit of natural stuff before you enter.”

“Yes, I’ve been holding that one off. I don’t know how it will be. I haven’t been yet. Is it the same?”

“How do I know? I’ve never been a tortoise! Do you want me to have a look at what you have back there?”

“No I bloody well don’t, thank you very much. I’ll go and do it alone. I am sure nature’s designed it so it’s not pointing in my face.”

Ed slinked off behind the bush and quickly did his thing before heading back over to Sam. Exposing himself to the elements in such openness seemed strangely comforting, dropping off his parcels without any toilet paper or bidet to finish up with. It did little to hide the smell though, intriguingly scented and evocative.

“That’s incredible, it did smell like flowers. That is one improvement on the human situation for sure.”

“Yeah, but it’s not always the case, trust me on that,” said the fox shyly as he headed down into the lair, followed by the tortoise.

It wasn’t all that deep, but was enough to give protection from the elements and any aggressive beasts that might fancy an impromptu vulpine snack. It was surprisingly spacious with twigs and leaves scattered around, adding a degree of comfort in spite of the circumstances. The fox lay down, slightly on his side, his head peering back over his body with the brush wrapped around preventing any nasty draughts.

“Don’t suppose you have room service?” uttered Ed before taking up his position opposite the fox.

“I’ll go and get something later for both of us. There are a couple of small shops through the bushes which are easy to raid.”

“Where are we?”

“Definitely somewhere in the
UK
. Home Counties I’m guessing, but I’ve only been here a day longer than you.”

“Right, that means you’ll leave a day before me, presupposing everything you say is true.”

“Well if it wasn’t true it would be one amazing pointless story. Christ knows I wish it wasn’t true. I’ve been through numerous transitions and it doesn’t get any easier. Worst of all is not knowing what sort of revelation one is looking for, and beyond that, what would happen if I had it.”

“Could it be some sort of eternal sin thing? I was a bit religious and loosely held some beliefs along those lines.”

“I don’t think so, although I wouldn’t rule anything out. I was not religious at all. That’s the difference between us right there. Maybe you were praying to the wrong one? Got to the gates of heaven and Shiva was there instead of St Peter. That would be a shock if you’d spent your life believing in Christ,” announced the fox.

“Yeah, wouldn’t it be. In retrospect, it might have been more beneficial spending my time watching Animal Planet and National Geographic.”

“Are you a Christian, a Muslim, Hindu? What did you believe in?”

“I was Christian, Church of England. Not fanatical, but a regular church goer.”

“Was?” enquired the fox.

“Well I’m dead aren’t I? Anyway, I honestly don’t know. Church of the living tortoise? I don’t think so. Turning me into a reptile wasn’t the best way to ensure continued loyalty.”

“I’m with you on that one. How religious were you?”

“Not massively but I was swayed by social pressure and conformity. I liked to have that comforting belief that there was something out there much bigger than me that I could hold out a hand to and ask for help. Now I can do that in reality, it turns out to be a fox ten times my size.”

“I personally find it a little odd to worship something that’s completely impossible to verify scientifically? Even if there had been proof, I wouldn’t have been a follower.”

“Even if it was proven? Why not?”

“Well, let’s assume for argument’s sake that there’s a god. We then have to consider the possibility that its nature is either good or bad, or even a mix of good or bad just like the mortals on Earth.”

“Why bad? How can there be a bad natured god?”

“It’s just for the purpose of the argument. Would you agree that if it was a bad natured god then you wouldn’t worship it?”

“For sure.”

“Me too. How would you feel though, if it was a mix of good and bad and its actions one way or another, were dependent upon its moods or prejudices?”

“Well off the top of my head, I wouldn’t feel comfortable about that either. What would make him, or her different from regular people?”

“The power and omnipotence, of course.”

“Of course, power. Power which could be used for good or evil,” replied Ed, getting more and more engaged in the conversation, almost forgetting he was talking to a large, brown fox in an underground lair.

“Exactly. I certainly wouldn’t want to worship such a god. You could be praised one day yet scolded the next for the very same action.”

“I guess you’re right. But what if he was good, but without any powers?”

“Well maybe there’d be some people willing to entrust their hopes of wellbeing to an impotent god, but I wouldn’t be one of them.”

“Me neither.”

“This leaves us with the ideal candidate for worship, an all-powerful and good-natured god.”

“Indeed.”

“I don’t see any evidence of it though; did you in your lifetime?”

Ed paused for thought, the moist scales on his head catching some penetrating flecks of sunlight glinting down into the lair as the day slipped into night.

“Well, not especially, to be honest.”

“Me neither. If there was such a god then how could he stand by and watch tsunamis and earthquakes destroy people’s lives? Isn’t that an argument that no such god exists?”

“Maybe.”

“On the other hand, if he caused it to happen, then he’d be evil in nature. Or, if he observed it but was unable to stop it, then that’s complete impotence. If he caused it and then chooses a select group of people to save then that’s even worse. What other options are there? Maybe he didn’t notice it at all?”

“Well, put like that, it’s hard to think of any other scenarios.”

“Exactly! I just can’t see a counter argument against it, apart from one that requires brainwashing, emotional irrationality and enforced doctrines. Whichever angle you come at it from, I cannot personally see a reason to be a worshipper.”

“Your argument makes total sense to me, Sam. However, proving it one way or the other isn’t the only point. To my knowledge, the question of the existence of God doesn’t even come up in the Buddhist doctrines.”

“Well, for me the doctrines of any faith can create a direct conflict between personal morality and philosophy on the one hand, and a belief in an all-powerful master dictating a specific set of rules, on the other. With this we give up a degree of freedom and start to think of reward or punishment, guided more by fear and compliance than by a natural desire to be good and morally honest people. I prefer good for good's sake. It doesn’t make me a Buddhist or a believer in god, but rather a belief in good. An extra ‘O’ and such a different meaning.”

“Yeah, anyway, at least it’s easier to become a Buddhist if you’re a tortoise. You don’t have any choice in the matter regarding clinging onto worldly possessions.”

“There is that,” replied Sam as he bent his head back around to nip at an unsuspecting flea on his side.

“What do you mean exactly by personal morality?” enquired Ed.

“I’m not an expert but I’d be inclined to say that it’s the ability to imagine the consequences of actions upon another as if it were happening to oneself and then build a code of conduct based on this.”

“But what about people who couldn’t care less about this code?” asked Ed inquisitively.

“Maybe there’s some sort of brain malfunction or short circuit?
“It’s not only about not hurting or not inflicting suffering on others though? That’s really just altruism isn’t it?” enquired Ed.

“To a degree, but a whole load of stuff gets bundled in there with religion which doesn’t come from any personal morality that could ever occur naturally. Don’t masturbate, for example. Why not just make people with shorter arms and solve the problem at the design stage? The only person who could possibly benefit from that is the person that cleans the sheets. Beyond that, why come up with something like the seven deadly sins and then programme people to be tempted? Either have the sins and consider them as ‘OK’ or else remove any instinctual desires mankind might have in that direction.”

“Ha ha! There’s another angle though. Maybe these religious doctrines have the positive aspect of creating a better social structure and a degree of harmony in the community? If everyone believes in the same thing then they’ll get along just fine.”

“True enough. I guess I was more of a rebel than that. I didn’t like having sets of rules and regulations imposed upon me.”

“Do you see faith and belief as totally negative then?”

“No, I just don’t see them as the bedrock of good they are made out to be. You can’t have faith or belief without some degree of doubt. In my book, something is either a fact or it’s not; you either know or you don’t know.
To me, having faith is no more than having hope, and belief is no more than hope, or passive acceptance of unproven speculation.”

“Incredible really, Sam. I’ve never really thought deeply about this. You seem to have thought it all through,” replied Ed, dragging his cumbersome body around to the left with his oversized chubby reptilian legs.
 

“A bit. I was quite interested in philosophy as a student, and since being in this whirlwind of a conundrum, I find it helpful to get a deeper understanding.”

“I’m with you there. Like I said before though, my belief did give me some comfort, However, I was also confused as to how the world could get into such a state. It did cast some doubts for me.”

“That’s understandable.”

With this Sam manoeuvred himself upright, stretched his front legs out in front of him, gave in to a massive yawn and stretched his lengthy body to the maximum. Ed looked on, marvelling at the size of the proud fox.

“You know, for a minute there I’d forgotten I was a tortoise.”

Ed twisted his head and neck from side to side and moved forward slightly before continuing, “I’m assuming from my last movements that tortoises can’t yawn?”

“Can’t help you with that one, my friend,” replied Sam as he settled back down into his comfortable recline, reaching his head down the side of his body to bite away at some fleas with his sharp, white teeth. They sat silently for a while, digesting their conversation.

“Anyway, there’s only one important question right now, and that is how the hell did we end up in this mess? Is it something to do with our beliefs or is there something else at work here?”

Ed looked at Sam as inquisitively as a tortoise possibly could.

The fox’s ears pricked up as his head came to attention on his brown furry neck, sprouting elegantly from his relaxed horizontal body.

“In all honestly, probably not. We both seem to have very different experiences and beliefs. I can’t see anything in there to suggest that.”

“I agree,” replied Ed before continuing, “I might, however, have been ‘praying to the wrong one’, as you mentioned earlier. We can’t exclude that.

The more I think about it, the less I consider religion as a possible factor. There are just too many factions and religions to choose from. There must be something else.”