A Vampire's Soul (16 page)

I
blinked and found myself lying on the ground, with Sebastian looking down at me. He was wearing the most curious expression, and his head was bent so low his hair swirled around my face.

“What happened?” I groaned, struggling to sit up.

“I have no idea.” Extending a hand, he helped me to my feet and then sat me back on the swing seat. “You just sort of fell over. From the way your eyes were rolling, I thought you might be having a seizure. It was very impressive.”

“Trust me, it wasn't meant to be,” I told him, embarrassed by his account.

“Does that sort of thing happen to you often?”

I shook my head, wincing at the sudden bolt of pain that pierced the center of my forehead. Apparently I'd hit the deck face-first and was going to have a sizable goose egg for my trouble. Leaning back against the cushions, I ran my fingertips over the bruised area and grunted. A headache was already starting to thrum. Gingerly I pushed aside the pain. The memory was still there, as clear as day. Sebastian disappeared through the back door, returning a moment later with a glass of water and one of the blankets from my bed.

“What did you see?” He began, solicitously tucking the blanket around me.

I drained half the glass before saying, “Me, pulling Gabriel from the Void.”

I wasn't about to share the rest of my vision or hallucination or whatever it was with him. I didn't care if he was an angel. Some things were private. Sebastian's expression said he accepted my explanation exactly as I'd told him, no more, no less. “Tell me what I'm missing,” I asked him as I placed the now-empty glass on the deck and tucked my hands beneath the blanket. “Fill in the blanks for me, Sebastian.”

Sitting down next to me, he slipped a hand beneath the blanket and pried apart my palms with his long fingers. Slipping his hand between mine, he sighed.

“Entering the Dark Realm is perilous and never free of charge. Whether those wishing admittance walk on two legs or crawl on their bellies, the cost is always their soul.”

“Crawl on their bellies?” I sounded dubious even to my ears.

“Have you forgotten who prayed for the creation of a vampire? You think only humankind is worthy of having a soul?”

“Sorry, I guess I never really . . .”

“An angel is created from the light, the purest that exists,” Sebastian continued. “An angel can never give his soul to the Dark Realm, nor can he enter such a place while still in possession of it.”

“Why not?” I might have been pushing my luck, but it was worth the risk.

“To do so would upset the balance of all living things.”

“Oh, I see.” I didn't really, but now wasn't the right time to ask what he meant.

“When Gabriel accepted the offer made by the Wraith—”

“Who exactly is that?”

The look Sebastian gave me said he probably wasn't going to tolerate many more interruptions. “The keeper of the Dark Realm.”

“You don't mean Satan, do you?” Technically I didn't regard this as an interruption.

“The Wraith is a powerful demon, but not Satan or Lucifer or the Devil. If that entity were to appear, there would be no doubt as to his identity. Besides,” Sebastian sniffed, “he's prideful. He would not hide inside a hooded robe.”

I shivered and squeezed the hand still encased between mine beneath the blanket, promising not to interrupt anymore.

“When dealing with the Wraith, one must expect a certain amount of trickery. He exists to mislead, misinform, and deceive. The soul of an angel is something to be coveted, but the law governing the Sanctity of Souls is an old one. It cannot be broken.”

“So he needed to find a loophole,” I murmured. Sebastian nodded in agreement. “What happened?”

“Each of the Fallen who accepted what was offered was granted the opportunity to seek a vessel into which his soul could be transferred. If the vessel could keep it safe until the appointed time, then it was to be returned, and the Fallen would be given—”

“—redemption at my hands!”

The look on Sebastian's face said he forgave my outburst. “Now do you understand how important you are?”

“Fuck me.” I truly wished I'd been able to say something profound and insightful, but vulgarity was all I could manage. “What was the catch?” I would have frowned, but it hurt my forehead too much.

“The catch,” Sebastian said in a grave tone, “was in the vessels themselves. Although able to possess an angel's soul, they were not governed by the same laws.”

“Meaning?”

“They were not protected by the Sanctity of Souls.” He looked downright miserable. “If the Wraith could get the vessel—the Promise—to release the soul prior to its being reclaimed . . .”

He didn't need to finish, and I understood the reason for his dismay. “How would that happen?”

“The same way it always does. With temptation . . . seduction . . . dark promises of things that will never be. Once a Promise has been identified, the assault is relentless. The Wraith will not cease until the soul has been acquired.”

“How many Promises have surrendered?”

“It is unknown.” Misery was replaced by utter grief.

It was something I really didn't want to think about, but how could I not? “Why hasn't the Wraith tried to get Gabriel's soul from me?”

Sebastian shook his head, and gave me a thoughtful look. “I don't know, but why do you suppose it is that you were unable to remember your past with Gabriel?”

It was something I hadn't thought about. “You think the Wraith made me forget?”

“It is a demon's nature to deceive,” he repeated.

“Then why not just take Gabriel's soul from me?”

Sebastian blew out a breath. “A soul must be surrendered willingly. How can you surrender something you don't realize is in your possession? If the Wraith made you forget, then the unexpected result was ensuring your safety.”

I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not, and in my mind's eye I saw again the robed figure with the hood pulled forward, hiding its skeletal features. It didn't give me the warm fuzzies knowing I might owe a demon for keeping me safe so far.

“Tell me, Sebastian, how long was Gabriel crucified on that damn tree?”

My question took him by surprise, and I saw anger spark in his eyes. Frankly, I couldn't give a rat's ass. I figured some angel somewhere owed Gabriel big-time for what had been done to him, and if Sebastian didn't like my question, too bad. He shouldn't have offered to tell me anything.

“Time, as you know it in this existence, is just that,” he said.

“Just what?”

“In this existence.” I decided Sebastian had definitely been wandering around in Clueless Land by himself just a little too long. “Time is not fixed, Rowan,” he continued, “it is fluid. Changing and adapting as necessary.”

“It is, huh?”

The smile he wore wasn't exactly patronizing, but it made me feel the same way I had when my dad tried to explain the intricacies of a catalytic converter to me. Whoosh! Right over my head. But it was unreasonable of me not to consider what Sebastian was saying. Perhaps it was like the Old Testament. Do you really think Noah, swinging a hammer and building an ark, was actually six hundred years old?

“Humor me,” I told him. “Surely you can take this fluidity and put it in terms even my puny brain can understand.”

He gave me the kind of suffering look that elderly relatives are so good at. “The Armageddon for which Gabriel was punished occurred at least a hundred millennia before he was made a vampire, and he has been a vampire for more than three thousand of your years.”

I opened my mouth to say something, and then shut it again. While I was willing to accept that his use of the word
Armageddon
was merely a reference to a battle, I decided Sebastian knew crap about putting time in a context that I could relate to. A hundred millennia—was he serious? I was better off trying to fathom infinity.

Holy crap! Just how old was Gabriel, and more to the point—how old was I? I had been with him in the clearing; I had been with him at the Void. Did that make
me
more than three thousand years old?

“Gabriel has been searching for you for an eternity,” Sebastian said, as if reading my mind. “I think you mean more to him than he ever thought possible or had any right to expect. Through the passage of time, he has shared both your joys and your sorrows, watching as you grew and matured. Becoming so much more than the young girl who first came to him in the clearing, and yet . . .”

“What?” Pauses like this usually mean some form of criticism is coming.

“And yet you still retain that inner strength, that essence that drew you to him. It has not been diminished by the passing years. You are as strong now as you were when you first agreed to be his.”

I wasn't sure how he would know this, but it didn't stop me from blushing at the compliment. We had now reached the point where I had to ask, “What will happen to Gabriel when he gets his soul back?”

Sebastian's eyes glowed like dying embers. “He will be restored to what he was always meant to be.”

I'm fairly intelligent, some might even say bright, and I caught his meaning right away. “You mean he'll become an angel again. Like you.”

“Not like me,” Sebastian chuckled, “but an angel, yes.”

“Why not like you?” Unable to help myself, I grinned at him. “I think your wings are real badass.” Who wouldn't want to be an angel with wings the color of a hundred sunsets?

I don't know if angels are capable of blushing, but he did look pleased. “Thank you,” he said, “but in your comprehension I'm near the bottom of the angelic food chain so to speak. Gabriel is far superior to me.”

“So whatever he was being punished for has now been forgiven?”

“It has. Which is why he sought you out.”

I didn't want to burst Sebastian's bubble, but I wasn't sure how forgiving Gabriel was going to be to those responsible for his punishment. Being crucified was bad enough, but his wings had also been cut off. The Gabriel I knew could do nothing to warrant such cruelty, and that was knowing him as a vampire.

“Rowan, I have to ask you something so I can be certain my understanding of the situation is perfectly clear.”

“Okay, what do you want to know?” I was a little alarmed by his sudden seriousness.

His expression became grave. “Now that your memory is restored, would you be willing to fulfill the ritual, and return Gabriel's soul of your own accord?”

“Aren't you forgetting something? He told me its return was no longer necessary, and let's not kid ourselves, Sebastian, we both know exactly what he was referring to. Gabriel told me it wouldn't change anything, and I'm assuming he meant for him. I don't think it's up to me anymore. I can't return something he won't take back.”

“But what if you could? What if it actually wasn't up to Gabriel but entirely in your hands? Would you return his soul then?”

This was completely different, and horribly unfair.

If I was being brutally honest, then the answer had to be a huge resounding
no.
I didn't want Gabriel to return to his former angelic glory because it would mean I would lose him. Angels and humans did not have long-term relationships and, I felt pretty sure, not casual ones involving sex either.

If I wanted to keep Gabriel with me, then I would keep him as a vampire. A human would be better, but I wouldn't quibble over details. Emotionally he made me feel things I'd never felt possible, opened me up to new experiences, challenged my way of thinking, and broadened my horizons. It all sounded incredibly corny, but it was true. And physically, well let's just say I've reached heights I never knew existed. I didn't want to give any of that up.

Selfishness in every ugly form imaginable swept over me as this realization hit home, whispering in my ear that it made no difference what I had agreed to eons ago. If Sebastian wanted the truth, then my answer would be no. God forgive me, but I didn't think I was capable of giving Gabriel up. But it was all so wrong, and deep down I knew it. Catching my chin in his long fingers, Sebastian tilted my head up until I was looking at him. I didn't realize my conflict was leaking out until his face blurred, and I felt hot, salty tears overspill my eyes and run down my cheeks. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to each eye, drinking the moisture from my lashes.

“Rowan . . .”

“I know! I know!” I half-sobbed, jerking free of his hand.

I wiped my face on the sleeve of the T-shirt I was wearing, forgetting it was the one Gabriel had left behind. What little self-control I had remaining was almost destroyed as his scent enveloped me. Teetering on the edge, I was about to throw myself into a vat of self-pity when my inner bitch decided she'd seen just about enough of my pathetic show. It was time to man up. Fourth and long, with no timeouts left, the home team behind by four points. All the quarterback could do was throw a Hail Mary pass. Striding furiously through my misery, she came bearing one message.