A Vampire's Soul (15 page)

“So I've been told,” I muttered under my breath. Unfortunately, angels and vampires both have excellent hearing. You really would think I'd know better.

“Then why . . . ?” The radiant smile was replaced with a puzzled frown, and then a look that could only be described as stunned amazement. “You don't remember, do you?”

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!
“Um, I guess not.” I did my best not to sound completely idiotic.

My memory was coming back—in fits and starts. Ever since the dream that wasn't a dream, I'd been remembering all sorts of things at the oddest moments. Usually it was nothing more than a fragment—a single word whispered in my ear, a glimpse of hair, the lightest stroke of a hand across my skin, a scent both familiar and unknown at the same time. Sometimes, it was such a jumble of images that I knew a much larger span of events was being covered. However, I had no way of putting them in any context. No way of knowing if they took place before or after the incident in the clearing. The only thing I knew with any certainty was that Gabriel's taking my blood had been the catalyst that triggered the chain reaction inside my head. But there were still gaps, and whatever Sebastian was referring to now was one of them.

“So you are not refusing to complete the ritual?” he asked slowly, as a worried frown wrinkled his boyish brow.

“Not intentionally, no.”

“And you're not unwilling?”

“That's kind of hard to answer when I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to do, but no, I don't think I'd be unwilling.”

He paced up and down a couple of times before coming to a stop in front of me. When he reached out a hand, the tips of his fingers unerringly went to the spot where Gabriel had punctured my vein. “You have given him your blood,” he murmured softly. “This was also done willingly?” I nodded. “Then you have no choice, Rowan. You must complete the ritual.”

“Why?” I moved his fingers from my neck, surprised at how warm they were. “How am I supposed to fix something when I don't know what it is, or how I broke it in the first place?”

“Something has been broken?” Sebastian asked, confused.

“I'm speaking metaphorically.” We both sighed. Mine was an exhale of frustration, his one of thoughtful contemplation. “Look, my memory's been returning, but I haven't got it all back,” I explained, “and I honestly don't know how to make any sense of what it is I am remembering.” The look on his face encouraged me to continue. “I know Gabriel hasn't always been a vampire. I know he was once an angel, a fallen angel, and I know that he gave me something important to keep safe. Something I'm supposed to return to him.” I glanced up at Sebastian's face and gave him an apologetic shrug. “I don't know why you're so concerned when it doesn't matter to Gabriel anymore.”

“Why would you think it doesn't matter?”

“He told me.”

“What did he say?”

“That he was bound by ritual and couldn't tell me what it was, but that it made no difference if I remembered, because returning whatever I had was no longer necessary. It wouldn't change anything.”

I thought Sebastian was going to explode. His face went dark, and his eyes became pools of molten lava. His wings reappeared in a furious rustle, and muttering something completely unintelligible, he hid himself from me. I doubt if more than a minute passed, but it felt much longer. Making the wings vanish, the angel stepped forward, his face once more a perfect representation of a figure painted by one of the old masters.

“You know what it is, don't you?” I said. It was more of a statement than a real question, and I was filled with a mix of excitement and sheer, unmitigated terror at seeing him nod his head. Whatever I'd been given had been important. Something about Gabriel's casual dismissal had caused Sebastian to lose his cool. And it was something he was going to tell me. “I don't suppose it's the title to a garage full of antique cars, is it?”

His mouth became a grimace. “It's a little more important than that.”

I closed my eyes, steeling myself for what I couldn't imagine. “Then perhaps you'd better tell me.”

“Rowan . . .” He hesitated, and I opened my eyes to see his were now lakes of fire. A wave of nausea washed over me, and I began to tremble. Sebastian caught hold of my hands, his extra-jointed thumbs rubbing the inside of each wrist. Suddenly I didn't want to know what Gabriel had surrendered to me. I had the awful feeling that it was going to be so much worse than discovering the man I loved was a vampire. If Gabriel was okay with not getting it back, then who was Sebastian to force it on him?

“I don't want to know,” I said, trying to pull my hands out of the angel's grasp. “Don't tell me!”

Panic was threading its way through me, and the feeling that I was going to throw up was so real I could taste bile in the back of my throat.

“Rowan . . . ,” Sebastian drew me into him, pulling me close and wrapping an arm about my shoulders. “Rowan, you have to be told, and if Gabriel will not speak of it, then I must.”

“No!” My voice rose to a shriek. “Gabriel doesn't want it! He says it doesn't matter!”

Speaking with just the right amount of calm, Sebastian made me think I wasn't the first hysterical female he'd ever dealt with. “Gabriel cannot make such a decision by himself. If he is bound by ritual, Rowan, then so are you, and this he knows. To allow you no voice in this outcome makes a mockery of you as his Promise, and belittles the vow you made to him.”

The arm around my shoulder dropped, and he stepped back. I took a deep breath to calm myself, waiting until both the nausea and the hysteria subsided. Finally I spoke, though not as calmly as he had.

“What did Gabriel give me to keep safe for him?”

The angel looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “His soul, Rowan. You have Gabriel's soul in your safekeeping.”

I
never really understood the phrase
you could hear a pin drop
until this exact moment. It was as if every living creature on the planet decided to hold its breath at exactly the same time because the earth had stopped spinning and we were all waiting to see if gravity was nothing more than a joke. My rib cage constricted, threatening to crush the lungs it was designed to protect. I opened my mouth, gasping for air, but there was none to be had. The beat of my heart slowed to the point that I could hear the blood moving sluggishly through each separate chamber. I felt strangely heavy, as if my muscles could no longer support my skin and bones.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I wound up trying to do both at the same time, spluttering and coughing. Not a good idea. Sebastian patted me on the back as he led me to the swing seat and sat me down. I looked at him with watery eyes, searching for a sign that this was some sort of celestial
gotcha
, but his face was so grave, so solemn, I knew he wasn't kidding.

I was in possession of Gabriel's soul.

I had absolutely no idea. Ever since I'd first heard I was keeping something safe, I'd assumed it to be something tangible. It never crossed my mind that it might be anything . . . incorporeal.

“You're not messing with me, are you?” I asked. “You know, joking?” Sebastian shook his hair, revealing a red tint I hadn't noticed before. “How is such a thing possible? How can a person exist without their soul, and how can it be given to someone else? You're an angel—tell me how.”

“You really don't remember, do you?”

Now it was my turn to shake my head. “No,” I whispered. “I really don't.”

Sebastian closed his eyes for a few moments, as if trying to make up his mind about something. When he raised his lids again, they seemed more orange than red, and I could see he had come to a decision. “Tell me everything you do remember.”

It didn't take as long as I thought it might, and when I was done, I was filled with a strange sense of relief. Telling Gabriel had been one thing, but this was someone who hadn't been there, who didn't know. Surprisingly, he didn't laugh or think I was in need of some serious drugs. Getting to his feet, Sebastian extended his hand and gave me a blissfully radiant smile. It made me think he really should have been at Christ's birth.

“If you will permit it, Rowan, I can help you recover your lost memories.”

“You're not going to kiss me again, are you?” Allowing him the same catalyst as Gabriel to kick-start my recall process seemed a lot like being unfaithful.

“No, I already know that won't work.” He actually sounded disappointed. “But there is another way I can restore what has been forgotten, only I need your complete trust. Do I have it?”

I doubt there were many women who had ever responded no to that question from Sebastian, and I wasn't about to join their lonely ranks. Instead I placed my fingers in his outstretched palm and allowed myself to be pulled against his body once more. I heard the rustle of his wings as he wrapped them around me, encasing me in a cocoon of fragrant warmth. The scent reminded me of incense and made me think of being in church. A softness brushed against my bare arms.

“Rowan?”

Sebastian's free arm encircled my waist, but it was the gentle tug on my hand that made me look up. I gasped. His eyes were once again lakes of molten fire. It took all I had not to try to free myself from his embrace, but the arm around my waist was now a band of steel.

“Do you trust me, Rowan?” he asked.

I hesitated a moment before nodding my head. I trusted Sebastian, but not my own voice. The wings at my back tightened, his long fingers curled around my hand, and the fire in his eyes intensified. And then . . . I fell.