A Wartime Christmas (36 page)

‘Yes, but he needs to make his own family.’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’ Kay rubbed her eyes. ‘I think I’ll have an early night.’

‘Course.’ Vi folded the tea towel onto its peg. ‘I wish you’d have yer own bed back again.’

Kay smiled. ‘I’ve got a nice warm fire to kip by.’

‘What about Babs?’

‘I told her I’d take the kids to school in the morning. But she said she wanted to come with me to see Alfie off.’

Vi nodded. ‘That’s a good sign. School will set us all back to normal.’

Kay hesitated. ‘Oh, I’ll just run an iron over Alfie’s new shirt before I turn in.’

Vi grinned. ‘No need. I done it all today.’

‘Oh, Vi, what would I do without you?’

‘Goodnight, flower, get plenty of rest ternight.’

‘I don’t suppose there was a letter from Alan while I was away?’

‘I’d have posted it to yer, love, if there had been.’

‘Yes, course.’

‘You’ll get one soon. Don’t give up hope.’ Vi winked as she began to climb the stairs, groaning a little as she held her hand to her chest.

The letter came one late October morning while Kay and Babs were walking to school. Vi stood there on Kay’s return, the envelope heavy in her hand.

‘It’s perishing,’ Kay began, peeling off her woollen scarf and gloves. ‘We’ll have to think about ordering some coal—’

Vi held out the telegram. A blue envelope sent by the War Office and marked Priority was what every woman dreaded. Vi had felt sick at the sight of the telegram boy who had delivered it.

Kay’s busy smile faded. She stood there, staring at it.

‘You’d better come and sit down.’

‘You’re sure it’s for me?’

‘I’m afraid so, love.’ Vi’s heart felt so heavy it could have been a lump of lead in her chest. ‘Let’s go by the fire.’ Vi sat on the couch with
Kay.

‘I don’t want it,’ Kay said. ‘Throw it away.’

‘Come on, love, you have to read it.’ Vi took hold of Kay’s wrist and gave it a shake. ‘Sooner or later, you must.’

Kay turned her head away, staring vacantly at the wall.

‘Listen, Kay, there ain’t another choice here. This is news of Alan. And it might not be so bad.’ Vi knew that neither of them believed this. There was no reason for a telegram
to be sent from the War Office unless it was bad news. Vi placed the blue envelope in Kay’s hands. ‘Go on, open it.’

Kay sat there, the blush on her cheeks from the cold weather fading. The lock of auburn hair that fell over her face trembled as did her fingers as she slowly opened the envelope.

Vi watched her as she read it, Kay’s long eyelashes fanning her cheeks as a muscle moved in her jaw. Vi knew that the shock was setting in.

‘It’s from a Major Campbell,’ Kay whispered. ‘Alan has been reported missing in action. He says, “At this very sad time, I cannot offer you more information. If
further details come to light then you will be promptly notified”.’ Kay turned to Vi, her voice soft and trembling. ‘What does that mean? Has Alan been killed? Is he dead and
they’re just not saying it?’

Vi shook her head quickly. She had no idea what the telegram truly meant. But she was going to cling to the hope that it meant that Alan was still alive. ‘No, Kay. The major ain’t
saying Alan’s dead. He’s writing what he knows and that ain’t much. Missing in action is what he says. The word “dead” don’t come into it.’

Kay’s eyes were wide with fear. ‘I can’t think straight.’

‘Then I’ll do the thinking for you,’ Vi said firmly, hiding the deep fear inside her. ‘Alan’s missing, right? Just missing. Could be anywhere, couldn’t he?
Think about it, Kay. He could be hiding from the enemy. There’s lots of blokes who’ve done that, like the accounts you read about in the papers. The fact is, they ain’t got a
body. Sorry to say that, love, but Alan would want you look at it that way.’

‘But missing in action!’ insisted Kay, not listening as she choked back her tears. ‘I don’t know where my husband is! He could be dying in a foreign land or he could
be—’

‘Kay!’ Vi shook her again. ‘You must stop this. You’re not a widow yet.’

‘Ain’t this as good as?’

‘No, it isn’t! What good is it you cracking up? You know what Alan would say if he heard you right this moment. He’d be a bloody wreck, that’s what. After all, he was
always telling you not to let your imagination run riot. And now that’s just what you’re doing.’

Kay turned her head slowly. ‘Vi, I can’t help it.’

‘Yes, you can. You’ve got Alfie to think of.’

Kay nodded, her expression still terrified. ‘Yes, but I – I just—’

‘Turn your mind to all them rescues Alan did,’ Vi urged as she saw Kay swallow back her breath. ‘Look at how many people he saved in the Blitz. If anyone can look after
himself, it’s Alan.’

‘Oh, God, I hope so.’

‘That’s it. Keep hoping. And praying. And you’ll see him again.’

Kay lowered her chin, her lips trembling.

Just then, the back door slammed and they jumped. Babs hurried into the room, dressed in her coat and scarf. She stared at the telegram. ‘Oh Kay!’

‘Alan’s missing in action,’ Vi said quickly.

‘I’m so sorry.’

Vi looked at the two young women who had had their fair share of problems – yet had overcome so many of them. But how was Kay going to get through this?

‘Kay,’ whispered Babs softly as she sat by her, ‘I’ll remind you what you said to me after Eddie had gone. Be strong for the kids’ sake, you said. Alfie can’t
see you go to pieces.’

‘I know.’

‘Alan would say chin-up, wouldn’t he?’

Kay silently pressed the hanky that Babs gave her over her damp eyes.

‘That’s the stuff, Babs,’ agreed Vi, trying to ignore the pain in her chest that was becoming a regular visitor lately. This news had done nothing to help it. ‘Your Eddie
will make it. So will Alan. Them two boys have got too much to live for to let Jerry take it away.’ She picked up the telegram that had fallen on the floor and folded it into her apron
pocket. ‘I’m going to make a cuppa and when I come back I want to see a smile on your faces. Let’s have no more tears now.’

Vi rushed out to the kitchen and leaned against the table. She wiped the sweat from her brow and waited for the pain to pass. The telegram had scared the life out of her. That Major Whatshisname
could’ve said more, couldn’t he? That was the army for you. No bedside manner, not even in death, the sods.

Vi winced as the pain tightened. What was she thinking! Alan wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be! If there was a favour in life she owed to anyone it was Alan Lewis. He’d always been
like a son to her. Doing all her odd jobs and looking out for her. He’d taken her in when her house was bombed and given her a home. He’d always been there, ready to make her life
easier. Someone like him couldn’t be dead. Not Alan.

December had rushed up like a steam train, Kay thought, as she and Babs shopped in the market for small presents for the children. Neither of them was going to have a tree this
year; they couldn’t justify the expense. Though Kay still had the money in the Post Office account, she was determined not to spend it. The answer to its origin would have to come from Alan
himself. As she had done every day since that telegram, she sent out her love to him and a quick prayer. It was the way she coped now, reminding herself daily, as Vi had insisted, that while there
was no news it was good news.

Kay glanced at the stalls in the market; there was plenty to tempt her, but she was determined to be thrifty. Now that Alfie was settled at school she would get through Christmas and find a job
in the new year. Vi wouldn’t have the responsibility of looking after him then, and the problem of money would be solved.

‘What do you think of this?’ Babs’s question brought her out of her thoughts, as Babs turned over the tattered pages of a book. ‘Tim would like this annual but the front
page is missing. Still, it’s not in bad condition for sixpence.’

‘Yes, it looks all right,’ agreed Kay. She sometimes found her mind wandering, her resolution to stay strong about Alan weakening. And it was Christmas. A special time of the year
that she and Alan had loved. Thinking about presents and festivities didn’t hold any appeal.

Babs paid for the book and slipped it into her shopping bag. Glancing at Kay, she frowned. ‘We don’t seem to be in the mood for shopping. Let’s have a coffee at Lenny’s
to warm us up.’

Kay nodded, barely noticing the decorations that were strung around the stalls. There were not very many but the traders had done their best in what were increasingly tough times. The
greengrocery stalls were busy with shoppers, though the supplies of fruit were limited. No one had seen a banana in years.

In the late morning, the handmade red, yellow and blue paper chains around Lenny’s stall fluttered in the breeze. Kay and Babs drank their coffees in a subdued mood. ‘Do you and Vi
and Alfie want to eat with us on Christmas Day?’ Babs asked. ‘We could share the expense like we did last Christmas.’

‘That’d be nice,’ Kay said. ‘On Christmas Day we could have something different for a change. Bubble and squeak always goes down well with thick slices of
bread.’

‘Then, after, instead of being stuck indoors, if it’s not raining we could walk down to the river,’ Babs agreed excitedly.

‘You know, Babs, I can’t believe it’s the end of 1943 and almost a new year. So much has happened since war was announced in 1939.’

‘Yes, our lives have certainly changed in four years,’ said Babs, nodding. ‘Have you heard from Jean Pearson recently?’

Kay shook her head. ‘I know she’s very busy with lots of other cases to see to. Perhaps she’s given up hope of ever finding Sean.’

‘Dare I ask – have you?’

Kay shrugged. ‘Sometimes I want to return to that house in Stock’s Lane. Just to satisfy myself he’s not there.’

‘You wouldn’t go on your own?’

‘No, I’d ask you to come with me.’

Babs smiled. ‘So you have been thinking about him?’

‘He’s always in me thoughts.’ As they were talking, an elderly man with a walking stick approached.

‘My God, it’s Neville Butt, Paul’s dad,’ gasped Babs. ‘I haven’t seen him in months. Since before Eddie came home and me and Paul—’ Babs stopped,
her face clouding. ‘He’s coming over to talk to us.’

Kay saw that Neville’s appearance had changed dramatically. He was bent over and shivering in the cold, despite his warm coat, hat and scarf, all of which seemed to swamp his frail
figure.

‘How are you, Neville?’ Babs asked.

‘Missing me boy.’

‘Paul?’ said Babs in surprise.

‘Yes, didn’t you know? He enlisted.’

Babs put down her coffee. ‘He’s left his job?’ she asked in a shocked voice.

‘He chucked it in, saying there was no pleasure in it. I told him he was daft, but he wouldn’t listen. If it wasn’t for you, Paul would still be safe at home.’

‘Wh . . . what do you mean?’ Babs stammered.

‘He couldn’t forget you. Had to go away. You should have put a stop to it long ago. You had a good husband in Eddie.’

‘I don’t think you should say that,’ said Kay. She saw that Babs had turned white.

‘Somebody has to,’ Neville muttered. ‘It’s the truth. Not that the women round here will admit it openly. They just talk about it behind yer back.’

Kay stood up. ‘Neville, that’s an unkind thing to say.’

‘No, it’s not. It’s the truth.’ Without looking at them again, he turned away, slowly disappearing in the crowd.

Babs gave out a shaky sigh. ‘Oh Kay, I didn’t think I could feel much more guilty. But now I do. I haven’t said anything to you but Neville’s right. Jenny and Alice go
out of their way to avoid me now. I saw Jenny’s daughter, Emily, at the corner shop last week and she seemed embarrassed about saying hello.’

‘You never said,’ Kay said.

‘You have your own problems.’

‘But we’re best mates. I’ll speak to Jenny and Alice when I see them.’

‘I’d rather you didn’t, Kay.’

‘Why’s that?’

‘They’ve got a right to be the way they are. I was carrying on with Paul behind Eddie’s back.’

‘That’s nobody’s business but yours.’

‘I found out Gill had been insulted at school. And Tim was in fights because of the names he was called.’

‘Is that what made you decide to end it with Paul?’

Babs nodded. ‘I saw what I was doing to the kids and Eddie. Neville’s right, I should have been stronger. If I had been serious about stopping it, I could’ve prevented Paul
from getting in so deeply.’ She brushed the hair from her face. ‘He wouldn’t be at war now, Eddie would be none the wiser and the kids wouldn’t have had to see their dad put
a knife to me throat.’ She stared at Kay. ‘I didn’t know that loving someone could hurt so many people.’

Kay saw the grief on her friend’s face that had aged her so much over the past few months. Babs was paying dearly for the happiness she had tried so hard to grasp with Paul.

Christmas Eve was spent at Babs’s house. There were wafer-thin slices of chicken to celebrate and baked potatoes and vegetables to smother the plates. The children
performed their play once again and Kay was amused to see how Alfie’s confidence had grown since he had started at school. Gill gave him the parts of all three wise men to play, while Gill
was Mary and Tim was Joseph and the shepherds. But the tableau soon erupted into laughter when the baby’s head fell off. The doll was returned to Gill’s bedroom and the evening spent
playing charades.

On Christmas Day, after opening their few presents and enjoying a fry-up, Kay and Babs took the children to the river and then the park.

‘Any news from the War Office?’ Babs asked, hugging herself in her heavy winter coat, well-darned at the collar and cuffs.

‘No,’ replied Kay, equally muffled by the thick wool collar attached to her herringbone coat. ‘I don’t turn on the wireless these days as it’s all bad news,
although Vi listens to the BBC reports as she sits in her chair.’

‘Berlin was bombed by the RAF and thousands perished. Dreadful,’ said Babs, her warmth breath filling the air as they took their places on the bench, while the children ran wildly on
the green. ‘They’re German families and are only the same as us. It’s the madmen who run their country that should take the punishment.’