A Wedding for Wiglaf? (7 page)

“I never forgot you either,” Belcheena said. “After you left, all I did was count my gold, order silly things from
Junior Jester Magazine,
and sing this song. Listen.” And Belcheena began to sing.

“Oh, Belchie!” cried Coach.

“Sit down, Plungett,” Mordred ordered. “You and Belcheena can talk about old times later. Now, let’s get back to the wedding!”

But the princess and the coach paid no attention to the headmaster.

“I shall not lose you again, Belchie!” Coach Plungett vowed. He dropped to his knees and said, “Will you marry me?”

The princess smiled. She turned to Wiglaf. “I hope you don’t mind terribly,” she said, “but I must marry Wendell.”

“So you must, Princess,” Wiglaf said happily. “You must marry the one you love.”

There. He’d said it: Marry!

“What will your father say?” Coach asked.

“Who cares?” the princess replied.

“Hold it! Hold it!” Mordred cried. “What about your conditions, Your Highness? True, Wendell Plungett is a dragon slayer. And his first name begins with
W.
But,” Mordred added slyly, “he does not have red hair!”

“‘Tis true,” Coach Plungett said. He pulled off his wig. “I no longer have
any
hair.”

“Who cares?” Princess Belcheena said again. “You once had lovely carrot-colored hair. I still carry a curl of it in my locket. That is enough for me.”

Mordred groaned.

“I’ll be your best man, Coach,” Wiglaf offered.

Brother Dave began again. “Dearly beloved, we have come here today to join Princess Belcheena of Mildew Palace, East Armpittsia, and Wendell Plungett of Dragon Slayers’ Academy in marriage.”

What a celebration followed! No one had a better time than Wiglaf. He cheered for the jugglers. He sang along with the minstrels. He danced with Daisy. Later he smiled when he saw his pig in the crowd, flirting with the golden-tusked boar. He’d never been so happy.

“Look,” said Angus at last. “The bride and groom are getting into the carriage.”

“Let us bid them good-bye,” Erica said.

Wiglaf, Angus, and Erica hurried over.

“Farewell, Coach!” Wiglaf said. “Farewell, Princess Belcheena!”

“Good-bye!” Belcheena called. “Come and visit us at Mildew Palace, won’t you, Wigs? And bring your friends.”

Mordred pushed his way to the carriage. “Excuse me, Princess,” he said. “But as your matchmaker, I was wondering.... About that pot of gold?”

“Ah!” Belcheena said. “But I have not married Wiglaf of Pinwick. So I owe you no pot of gold.”

“But...but...but...” Mordred sputtered. “The price of the wedding supper alone...”

The princess reached out of the carriage and patted Mordred on the head. “Thanks for everything!” she exclaimed. Then the happy couple galloped off for their honeymoon.

“I’m ruined!” Mordred bellowed. “Ruined!” He turned to Wiglaf, his violet eyes bulging. “It’s all your fault!” he growled.

“My
fault?” Wiglaf cried.

“If you weren’t a redheaded dragon slayer named Wiglaf, none of this would have happened!” Mordred yelled. “I’m going to throw you into the dungeon. It’s the Thumb Screws for you, my boy....”

The Sir Lancelot almost-magic ring began flashing a bright orange warning:
Danger, danger, danger!
Wiglaf didn’t wait around to hear any more. He took off running. Angus and Erica took off after him. They knew just where to hide from Mordred until his temper cooled down—in the DSA library.

As Wiglaf ran, he felt better than he had felt in a long, long time. He felt as if he really might live happily ever after.

Sir Herbert and Sir Ichabod founded Dragon Slayers’ Academy on a simple principle still held dear today: Any lad—no matter how weak, yellow-bellied, lazy, pigeon-toed, smelly, or unwilling—can be transformed into a fearless dragon slayer who goes for the gold. After four years at DSA, lads will finally be of some worth to their parents, as well as a source of great wealth to this distinguished academy.
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Mordred graduated from Dragon Bludgeon High, second in his class. The other student, Lionel Flyzwattar, went on to become headmaster of Dragon Stabbers’ Prep. Mordred spent years as part-time, semi-substitute student teacher at Dragon Whackers’ Alternative School, all the while pursuing his passion for mud wrestling. Inspired by how filthy rich Flyzwattar had become by running a school, Mordred founded Dragon Slayers’ Academy in CMLXXIV, and has served as headmaster ever since.

Known to the Boys as:
Mordred de Miser

Dream:
Piles and piles of dragon gold

Reality:
Yet to see a single gold coin

Best-Kept Secret:
Mud wrestled under the name Macho-Man Mordie

Plans for the Future:
Will retire to the Bahamas ... as soon as he gets his hands on a hoard

Lobelia de Marvelous is Mordred’s sister and a graduate of the exclusive If-You-Can-Read-This-You-Can-Design-Clothes Fashion School. Lobelia has offered fashion advice to the likes of King Felix the Husky and Eric the Terrible Dresser. In CMLXXIX, Lobelia married the oldest living knight, Sir Jeffrey Scabpicker III. That’s when she gained the title of Lady Lobelia, but-alas!-only a very small fortune, which she wiped out in a single wild shopping spree. Lady Lobelia has graced Dragon Slayers’ Academy with many visits, and can be heard around campus saying, “Just because I live in the Middle Ages doesn’t mean I have to look middle-aged.”