A Will To Change (Hope) (27 page)

He stared at me, speechless, and shook his head. “Do you really think I'm that heartless to not care about my own son and would rejoice in your misery?” His eyes became glassy. “I know I'm hard on you, Will, but it’s only because I care about you and want you to have everything out of life.” I looked away and nodded. “I know that maybe some of the things I say to you come out wrong. Maybe I do that to mask my own fear. I just wish you had chosen a career that didn't make me worry about you every day of my life. Every time the phone rings, I take a deep breath, afraid that it's going to be ‘the call’.”

“What call?”

“The one telling me that my son died putting out a fire. September 11
^th
-.” He shook his head, trying to regain his composure. “The fear in your mother’s eyes on that day, and not knowing where you were and if you were okay… It was the worst feeling in the world. And the selfish part of me hoped that it would have been a wakeup call as to what your job was all about. You were still so young. I was praying that you would change your mind and decide to go back to college. But it just seemed to make your stubborn ass even more determined. So I guess I faulted you all these years for my own selfish reasons because I can’t bear the thought of anything ever happening to you. You are the most stubborn person that I know and it makes me nuts, but I love you, Will. You will never know how much until you have kids of your own. I know I'm a lot harder on you than your brother, but Jamie has Hope to keep him straight. I worry about you because you have no one. More than anything, I want for you to settle down with a nice girl to keep you in line, and Gabby is the one. The way she jumped to your defense on Thanksgiving? She cares about you, Will. Don’t let your stubborn ways blind you to that.”

Now
I
was the one that was speechless. I couldn't remember the last time that my dad had told me that he loved me or acted like he even cared, for that matter. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything, but I knew that moment would be something I would never forget.

Even though the Rangers blew it in the final period, we had a great time. I hung out with my dad in Penn Station while he waited for his track number to pop up on the screen. “I had a really nice time, Will. Thanks for inviting me.”

“No problem,” I said.

“Track eleven,” he said as his train finally flashed up on the screen, and the droves of people hovering around the monitor scattered down the steps to make sure they didn't miss it.

“Don't get trampled on,” I joked.

He looked at me and smiled before pulling me into a hug. “I love you, Will, and I am very proud of you.”

“Love you, too, Dad,” I whispered, hugging him back.

“See ya soon,” he said, turning around and disappearing into the crowd.

I stood there for a little while longer, just staring into space. Gabby was right. It wasn't too late to make another memory.

I was fairly certain that the way that I was feeling when I awoke the next morning was pretty close to death. I was so congested that I couldn’t breathe, my throat was on fire, and every muscle in my body ached. Reaching for my phone, I dialed the number to the hospital. There was no way in hell that I could work today. It was taking every ounce of energy just to hold my phone. After speaking to the nursing supervisor on duty, I quickly closed my eyes once again.
How could I still feel exhausted after sleeping all night?
I was just falling back to sleep when I was woken up by a knock on my door.

I lifted my head from my pillow to find Will standing in the doorway. “Hey, sleeping beauty. Weren’t you supposed to be to work by seven today?”

I waved my hand to shoo him away. I didn’t want him to come any further and take a chance of getting whatever it was that I had. “Don’t come any further unless you want to experience what hell feels like.”

He completely ignored me, taking a seat on the side of my bed. “Will, you need to keep your distance. Trust me. You don’t want to get this.”

“Nah, I don’t get sick.” What the hell was it with guys and “I don’t get sick”, then when they did, they were the biggest babies on earth? He placed his cool hand on my head. “You need some Advil.”

“No. I need a bullet to put me out of my misery.” He stared at me and smiled. I tried my best to muster a smile back, but even my face hurt. “So, how was the hockey game?”

“It was... It was actually a good time.”

“Told ya.”

“Thanks for talking me into doing it, Gabby.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Hey, where are you going? I’ll get you whatever you need,” he said as I sat up.

“I have to pee. Don’t think you can do that for me.” I smirked. “But you can boil me some water for tea. You know how to do that, right?”

“Even when you’re sick you’re a wise ass, aren’t ya?”

I nodded and went off to the bathroom. “Oh shit,” I whispered, suddenly remembering that I was down to my last two tampons because I was too exhausted to stop off at the pharmacy after work yesterday. I threw some cold water on my face and brushed my teeth. As I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t help but think I could be making a killing playing an extra in a zombie movie. I went back into my room and threw on a pair of leggings and my oversized hoodie.

“Your water’s ready,” Will said, looking a little like he was in shock when he saw me slipping on my boots. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“I have to run up the street to the pharmacy.”

“Gabby, you are not going anywhere. You have a fever and it’s freezing out. Just tell me what you need and I’ll get it for you.”

“Oh no, Will. I think you’d rather if I go for this.”

“Gabby, quit arguing with me. Tell me what you need.”

“Tampons!” I blurted out. Even though it hurt to laugh, I couldn’t help it. The look on his face was priceless.

“Ah, Gabby, you kill me!”

“I’ll go and get them, silly.”

“No, I’ll do it,” he relented. “Just tell me what the hell I’m supposed to be getting.”

I went into the bathroom and showed him the box. He glanced at it quickly, like his eyes were going to burn from looking at it. I loved how guys could talk about the grossest sexual things, but they would get so embarrassed over a natural process in a woman’s life.

“Do you want to take this box with you?” I teased.

“No, smart ass!”

“Well, how about just a tampon. You can stick it in your pocket.” I pulled one out of the box and watched him back away in disgust, sending me into a bout of laughter once again, causing me to have a coughing fit in the process.

“See, you’re being punished for being a wise ass.”

I went into the kitchen and quickly grabbed a glass of water. It felt like hot lava going down my throat, but at least it helped subside the coughing. “I will go, Will. Really -.”

He shook his head and grabbed his keys. “Just shut up. I’m going. Just remember this.”

“Oh, I will, and every time I do, I’ll be laughing!” I shouted as he walked out the door.

Surprisingly, I was feeling a tiny bit better when I finally pulled myself out of bed around dinnertime. I still wasn’t up for running marathons, but at least I felt like I could sit up and watch TV. I giggled as I looked at the four boxes of tampons of all different shapes and sizes sitting on my dresser. Will had a complete brain freeze in the pharmacy and just grabbed a box of each. The shower was running as I walked out of my room and into the kitchen. I was looking forward to spending the night in front of the TV with Will. I still needed to hear all about his hockey game last night. I was so out of it this morning that I didn’t have a chance to get all of the details. I took a can of chicken soup from the cupboard and was just about to go knock on the bathroom door to ask Will if he wanted some when a text message from Janelle flashed across his phone that was sitting on the kitchen counter.

K…meet me at my place in a half-hour.

My heart sank.
Stupid!
Why would he want to hang out with my sick ass when he could be getting laid?
I put the can of soup back into the cupboard. Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling hungry anymore. I crawled back into bed and closed my eyes, wishing that I could fall back to sleep.

“Gabby?” I rolled over and smiled at Will standing in my doorway. “You feelin’ a little better?” he asked. I nodded. As he came closer, I breathed in his musky shower gel, and my heart sank just a little bit more. “I’m going out for a little bit. Did you need anything before I leave?”

Yeah, I need you to not go. I need you to stay here with me, instead of being with her.
“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

“Okay. I shouldn’t be too late.”

I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip, trying to subside the burning in my eyes. “Okay,” I whispered, keeping my eyes closed until I heard the door to the apartment close.

I sat up in bed, wiping my eyes. This was just so stupid. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I tried telling myself that I was just more emotional because I was sick and it was that time of the month, and it had nothing to do with the fact that Will was going to have sex with another woman. I got out of bed and walked over to the closet, pulling out the box containing all of my old photos. I rummaged through it until I found my old journal buried at the bottom. It had been such a long time since I had written in it. I quickly read over some of the old entries before grabbing a pen from the nightstand. I found a blank page, put today’s date on the top, and began to compose my latest entry.

Dear Angel…