A Will To Change (Hope) (37 page)

“Aunt Jean and Uncle Pat just drove her home.”

“Let me see if I can get a flight down there tonight. She’s going to have to have his body transported back here and…” His voice wavered and I could tell that he was trying to pull it together. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

I hung up the phone, feeling relieved that Jamie was on his way. I wasn’t good at taking charge of things like he was. I sat down on the bench outside of the hospital, remembering what a great time we had today and what a great time he had at the hockey game. I finally felt connected with my dad - and now he was gone forever.

I felt like I had finally gotten a good night’s sleep for the first time since running into Will. I still couldn’t get the look in his eyes that night out of my mind. I felt horrible for just cutting him off like that, but I knew that it had to be done, even though seeing him made me realize just how much I loved and missed him. Part of me was hoping that he would come chasing after me and profess his love, but I’m sure once he got over the jealousy of seeing me with another guy, he thought twice about that. He was so fucked up with his way of thinking, and I was done playing that game.

I was off for the next three days and I planned on enjoying every precious minute of it. Spring was finally in the air and it was warming up a bit, which I was hoping would brighten my outlook on things. I had three apartments lined up to go look at tomorrow. The thought of having
my own
place, buying new furniture and decorating it the way I wanted gave me a little something to look forward to in the miserable existence that I was in. I had just gotten out of the shower and was preparing for my date with Dr. Marcus Emerson. This time, I was hoping that it would be uninterrupted. After digging frantically through my purse for my ringing cell, I had to do a double take at the caller ID.

Brian? Why the heck was he calling me?
“Hey there,” I answered, trying not to sound suspicious.

“Hey, Gabby. Umm…I don’t know if you’ve talked to Will, but his dad died when he was down in Florida visiting him.”

My heart sank to my knees. I sat down and immediately felt the tears.
Poor Will.
“Oh no,” I whispered.

“Yeah. He’s pretty upset over it. He died right in front of him. Will tried doing CPR, but he couldn’t save him. The funeral is tomorrow. A few of the guys and I are going, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with.”

“Absolutely,” I said, without hesitation.

I made plans to meet Brian at this place in the morning and hung up, feeling lower than low over the way I treated Will that night, knowing that he probably needed a friend more than ever right now. I quickly pulled his name up in my contacts and hit the CALL button. It went straight to voicemail. I thought about leaving a message, but decided against it. My heart couldn’t handle the pain if he didn’t call me back. I needed to see him. I needed to be there for him, the same way he had always been there for me. I called up Marcus and cancelled our date. He sounded a little annoyed, but I didn’t care. Right now, Will was my first priority.

I quickly dressed and was on my way to Will’s. I called the realtor on my way there and cancelled our appointment for tomorrow. I received the same type of reaction from her as I did from Marcus. My stomach was churning the entire cab ride there.
What if he doesn’t want to see me? We didn’t exactly part on good terms that night at Clancy’s. What if he just wants to be alone?
I knew first-hand that grief could make you say and do some crazy things. I took a deep breath when the taxi pulled up to his apartment building.
Don’t be silly, Gabby. This is Will. There’s no need to feel uncomfortable around him.

I paid the driver and had my hand on the door handle when I saw a very familiar blonde entering Will’s apartment building - Janelle. My heart sank to my knees. Will didn’t need me to comfort him. He had Janelle. I’m sure she would comfort him in ways that I wouldn’t be able to. I stared at the door that led to his apartment long after she had entered.
Stupid Gabby!
You canceled a date with a totally gorgeous guy, and just gave up three available apartments that were hard to come by in the city. Why? Just to have your heart ripped to shreds by Will once again?
This was confirmation of what I had been trying my hardest to convince myself of over these past few weeks - Will and I could
not
be friends!

“Excuse me, miss,” the taxi driver said, waiting for me to exit.

I finally broke from my trance. “Oh, you know what? Change of plans. If you could just take me back to my place, that would be great.”

“Okay, suit yourself,” he said, pulling out into the road.

I arrived back at my apartment and heated up something to eat. I scolded myself, knowing that I could have been on a date with Dr. Handsome right now, eating at some fancy restaurant instead of soup from a can. Once again, Will had indirectly put the kibosh on that and any chance of me having sex. I couldn’t bring myself to go to that funeral tomorrow. As much as I wanted to be there for Will, it was better off that I didn’t. I needed to remain firm with my choice to end this friendship and by showing up at the funeral, it would only send mixed signals. Signals that would put me back on that merry-go-round. After seeing Janelle entering his apartment tonight, I knew that was a ride I never wanted to get on again. My heart couldn’t handle it.

I grabbed my phone from my purse and dialed Brian’s number. “Hey, Gabby. What’s up?”

“Hey, Brian. I’m actually not going to be able to make it to the funeral after all.”

“Oh, that sucks. I know it would have meant a lot to Will to have you there.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure Janelle will be there to help him get through it
.
The same way she’s there for him tonight.
” Damn it, Gabby. You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut!

“What are you talking about?”

I took a deep breath. “Oh, nothing. I was just going to check on Will tonight to see how he was doing and Janelle was already there.”

“So, you didn’t even see him?”

“No. It’s just as well. Will and I can’t be friends, and it’s better that I don’t lead him on and give him any indication that we can. Just tell him…tell him I’m really sorry for his loss.”  I could feel the tears building in my eyes.

“Gabby, I just think you should -.”

“Trust me, Brian. It’s for the best.”

We said our goodbyes and I threw my phone into my purse. I took my soup from the microwave, burning my hand in the process. “Damn it!” I shouted, running to the sink and sticking my hand under the cold water. Amazing how just a few hours ago, I thought I had it all together but, with just a few thoughts of Will, it all came crashing back down.

I reached in the darkness for my ringing phone, still half asleep. “Will?”

“Yeah?”  It took me a minute to realize that it was Peterson. I looked over at the clock.
Holy shit! 8:00?
I was so tired after I came home from my mom’s that I flopped down on my bed and passed out for the past three hours.

“Were you sleeping?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, well…umm…”

“What’s up?” I asked, knowing that he wanted to tell me something, but was having a hard time getting it out.

“Did Janelle come over?”

“No clue. I’ve been passed out for the past three hours.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

He took a deep breath. “Well, I called Gabby to tell her about your dad. She went to your place to see you, but she didn’t go up because she said she saw Janelle walking in and didn’t think you needed her.”

I shot up from my bed. “Gabby was here?”

“Yeah. Look, I know this is the last thing on your mind right now, but she kinda sounded upset by the whole thing. She called me back and told me she changed her mind about goin’ to the funeral and to tell you she was sorry about your dad.”

I was silent for a minute. Right now, Gabby was probably thinking that I was fuckin’ away my sorrows. I needed to go see her and let her know that wasn’t true, that I would give anything to have her here with me. “Hey, thanks for letting me know.”

“No problem. See you tomorrow, Will.”

“See ya.”  I got out of bed, took a quick shower, and dressed. 

Before I knew it, I was walking up the steps to Gabby’s apartment. I knocked lightly, and couldn’t stop myself from gazing at her when she opened the door. God, I missed her so much and just needed to feel her in my arms. She looked absolutely adorable dressed in an oversized sweatshirt and sweats, and still managing to make it look sexy. She looked up at me in shock as she opened the door wider, letting me in. “I didn’t even know that Janelle came over tonight. I was sleeping. Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have wanted to talk to her. I don’t want to talk to anyone, Gabby…except for you.”

She sucked in her bottom lip and tears filled her eyes. She threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “I’m so sorry, Will.”

All of the emotion that I had bottled up for the past few days was finally coming to the surface and I couldn’t stop it. I wasn’t afraid to express my feelings to Gabby. I felt like she was the one and only person that I could do this with. “Thank you so much for making me go to that hockey game with him. I just wish I could have done something more to… I couldn’t save him, Gabby.” I pulled away and quickly wiped the tear that was rolling down my face, while she ran her thumb under my other eye, catching the next one that was about to fall. She took my hand and led me over to the couch.