A Woman Gone Mad (14 page)

Of course Mom and Dad—hell, even Allen—were devastated when I told them that me and Wesley were no longer dating. But they understood.

No, they really had absolutely no fucking clue what went on between Wesley and me, but in their minds, they understood. And who was I to tell them any different?

It’s February, and Valentine’s Day is a few days away. I’ve never been big on Valentine’s Day, but I’m pretty sure that’s because I’ve never had a Valentine before. Gone are my old ratty t-shirts; they wouldn’t fit me now anyway. I’m wearing a new shirt Mom picked up for me at The Limited and a new pair of jeans. I have my hair pulled up into a French twist with wisps of hair falling out around my face.

My friends and I are headed to the parking lot after school when Amy says, “Hey, Lil. You going to Brad’s party this weekend? It’s supposed to kick ass. His parents are out of town, and you know he lives on the lake.”

Lake… That word alone still makes my heart squeeze in pain.

“Ah, I don’t know, Amy. Who all is going?” I ask, really not wanting to go. I haven’t been to the lake since
that
night.

“Freaking EVERYBODY, that’s who. Nuh uh, bitch. Don’t even start. You’re going, dammit. AND you’re wearing my red strapless dress with your new black ballerina peep-toe high heels—bottom line.”

“Well then. Why’d you even ask?” I laugh.

“Don’t know. Probably to try the nice, friendly route first, but once I saw you about to kibosh that, I decided to get dirty.” Amy winks at me.

“Gahhh. Fine, I’ll go. But I’m not DD, dammit! I get stuck being DD every time we go out. And since I’m being taken against my will, I’d like to play the role of a drunken hostage properly.”

“Whateves, Lil. See you tomorrow, babe!” she hollers, hopping into her car.

Shit. I don’t want to go.

“You never want to go. You always bitch and whine. And then, when we get there, you have fun and ask, ‘Why didn’t I want to come?’ So just shut the hell up, drink, have fun, and be merry.”

Fuck off, Lilly. I’m getting tired of your shit.

Allen is at my car when I make it to my parking spot. “’Sup, baby bro?”

“Nothing much. Hey, are you going to Brad’s party this weekend?” he asks, getting into the front seat of my little Honda Civic.

“I’ve been told I am. Why, babe? You wanna go? To an upper class party?” I laugh.

“Well hell yeah I wanna go. Come on, Lil. You gotta take your kid brother!”

“Fine, whatever. Truthfully you’ll probably make it less boring,” I say, pulling into traffic to make our way home.

It’s Saturday night and I’m finishing up the last few touches of my makeup in Amy’s bathroom. Amy is sitting up on the counter with her legs crossed, leaning almost against the mirror, putting on her eyeliner, when she stops and I see a wicked smile dance across her face. “You know Nick is going to be at this party, right?”

“No, Ames. All I know is that I’m being forced into participation and that you’re gonna make it all better by driving and allowing me to get shitfaced,” I laugh. “Why would I care if Nick is going anyway?”

Hell yes I care that Nick is going to be there!
I feel excitement and anticipation shoot through me like a wildfire! Then I get nervous and start questioning the outfit Amy picked out for me.
I wonder if I look like a slut. Hmm…

“Look, Lil. I know your vagina died after you and Wes broke up, but there are more guys out there that are more than willing to attempt a little CPR on your dead vag,” she says through a giggle and leaves me laughing my ass off.

“Shit, Amy. I freaking love you, bitch. Come on. Let’s go save Allen from your parents. Poor guy. I’m pretty sure they think he’s your date!”

Amy, Allen, and I pull up to Brad’s house. Well, not really up to it. We drive by it, but the yard, driveway, and surrounding block have cars lined up, so we actually end up parking as near to Brad’s house as we can.

I immediately feel an intense urge to jump in Amy’s car and drive to Leo’s and my spot on the lake, just to drive by there, see it for the first time in years. It’s only half a mile away. Tears flood my eyes and I have to stop and turn around in order to get my shit together.

“No, Lil. Absolutely not! Besides, he’s probably there with whoever he’s screwing this week.”

After I’ve collected myself, my tears have been blinked away, and my urges are reeled in, I turn around and start making my way back to where Amy and Allen have stopped walking to stare at me.

Allen comes up beside me, wraps his big, long arms around me, and asks with his mouth on the top of my head, “Hey, sis, you okay?”

“Yeah, Allen. Sorry, I just…” I can’t finish or the tears that are threatening will flood my vision again.

How does he know? Allen can’t possibly know.

“I know, Lil. I know. He isn’t there anymore though. No one’s seen him since, well…since
that
night.”

Wait? Fucking what?

I glance up at his, face trying to figure out what he’s talking about. We’re still walking with our arms around each other’s shoulders when I still can’t read his face.

I force myself to ask, “Allen, how do you….” I have to clear my throat. It feels like it’s been clogged with a bowling ball. “What do you mean, Allen?”

“Later, okay? I was just so glad that that asshole was out of the picture. You weren’t asking, and nobody else was talking, so I just left it alone. We’ll talk about it later, sis.”

“Okay,” I whisper as we make it to Brad’s door. I look over at Amy and she just bursts out laughing.

“Fuck, do we knock? Ring the doorbell?” she sputters.

“Hell no, girl. They wouldn’t fucking answer anyway. Everybody, game face.” I turn and look at Allen and Amy. “How do I look?”

“Like a hot fuckin’ bitch!” Amy answers.

Allen rolls his eyes at Amy then looks at me with a smile. “You look all right. Now come on. We goin’ in or what?”

“Yes, grasshopper, we are going in, but not until you can walk in this fuckin’ party like you own this shit. Y’all ready?”

After I get a chorus of
‘Hell yeah’
from them, I open the door and do just that—walk in like I own that motherfucker.

I learned this little trick from Wes when he first started taking—or when he first started making me go to parties with him. He said that it would make the social anxiety disappear.

Son of a bitch was right.

Allen goes off on his own, I assume to find his friends or that girl Ashley he’s been hanging out with, while Amy and I walk through the house, making our way to the booze. I spot a few friends and wave.

I met Amy through Wes, and damn am I glad I got to keep her in the
divorce.
It’s because of her that I look hot as hell and I know it. My long blond hair is in big, loose curls down my back to my waist. I am wearing Amy’s strapless red dress, and damn, it is rockin’. The satin bustier top has boning that makes it fit to my figure, pushing up my cleavage perfectly—not too much, but just enough.

The skirt of the dress is a pick-up skirt and stops mid-thigh. And hell yes I paired it with my new black five-inch peep-toe ballet heels, just like Amy told me to. What can I say? The bitch has a fashion sense, and I DO NOT.

Once we are in the kitchen, I walk up and see Wes handing out drinks behind a makeshift bar.

“Holy fucking shit, Lil!” he yells, hopping over the bar, making his way to me. He scoops me up and spins us, whispering in my ear, “Why the fuck did I let your fine ass go, baby? Come upstairs with me. Give me two minutes. I swear to god it’ll be the best two minutes of your life, sweet tits.”

“Shit, Wes,” I chuckle. “Put me down, and hell no you’re not getting two minutes with me. You’ll mess up my hair, dammit.”

Setting me down and walking back around the bar, he says, “But, babe, it’d be so fuckin’ worth it. Now what’s your poison tonight, baby girl?”

“Wes, you know what my poison is, babe. Double Jack and Diet Coke.” I wink at him. I love our friendly, flirtatious banter. And I love that I got to also keep that after the divorce.

“You got it.” He makes my drink and hands it to me.

Taking my drink, I lock eyes with him. “Start making me another one in about fifteen minutes, yeah?”

“Lil, I would build a castle and keep you worshiped if you’d let me. But if that’s all you request of me, I’ll have you a double Jack and Diet Coke hand delivered by me every fifteen minutes, baby.”

Laughing and saluting my drink to him, I blow him a kiss and walk back to the party.

I let out a sigh on my second sip as I feel the drink flood my body with warmth, all of the tension in my shoulders slipping away from me and falling to the floor. The bass is thumping through me and I begin to let my hips sway back and forth.

There’s no way in hell I’ll full-out bust a move. I’m not that self-confident yet, but I will let myself loosen up and move with the beat.

I spot Amy and a few other girls I kind of know and make my way over to them. I’m still hesitant to scoop up a lot of girlfriends or try to be the middle of female attention. I don’t trust bitches. One little bout of depression and they leave you behind like you have the plague. Plus, they talk shit. I’ve got enough drama I’ve created all on my own. I don’t need them airing my dirty laundry on top of it.

I have Amy and I’m completely fine with just having her. I am nice and smile to the other girls, but let’s just say I am not collecting their phone numbers. Nor am I handing out mine.

“Hey, what’s up, y’all?” I ask once I get to their circle.

“Hey, Lil. Love your dress, girl,” one of them says.

Huh, that’s funny, because you’re looking at me with a skank’s look on your face, bitch.

I toss her a bitch smile. “Oh thanks. Yours is cute too.”

“What did you get to drink, Lil?” Amy steps in, knowing it’s best to break the tension now before I start looking for my shiv.

“Jack and Diet.” I take another sip, trying to start having fun.

Another girl walks over to me.
Shit, I think her name is Lisa or Liza. Damn. What’s her name?
“Hey, Lil. How have you been?”

“I’ve been doing good. How about you, girl?”
Yes, okay, I went with a vague ‘girl.’

“Oh, you know, same ol’, same ol’.” She smiles and that’s the end of that, thank God.

“That’s cool.” I’m coming up severely short with ‘girl chat’ responses. What the hell am I supposed to say? This is starting to feel awkward so I chug my drink and look back at Wes with my glass in the air. He winks and starts making me another drink.

“Oh, are you and Wes back together? I thought I heard he’d dumped you,” Skank says.

I smile the most charming smile I own and tell her, “No, we aren’t back together, and no, honey, he didn’t dump me. I fucked the shit out of him for six months then got bored and let him out of bed. No need to keep all that good fuckin’ to myself, right? You should probably go make your move. It’s your prime time. he just tried to coax me upstairs, but I had to turn him down. I’m pretty sure he’ll pick you up as a second-stringer.” Then I give her a wink.

Say something back, bitch. I beg you to.

Wes comes up behind me, kissing my cheek then resting his chin on my shoulder, and hands me my drink. “Here ya go, sexy.”

“Thanks, baby. Oh hey, so check it out.” I nod in Skank’s direction. “I’m sorry, what’s your name?” I ask.

“Riley,” she spews and looks me up and down like I’m the fucking problem.

Turning back and snuggling into Wes, I explain, “Riley here was just inquiring about your—or our—relationship status.” I lean up and whisper but make sure it’s a loud enough whisper for Riley to hear. “I think I may have found you a date for your upstairs rendezvous you were looking for, babe.”

He leans in close enough for no one else to hear and bites my earlobe. Through his biting teeth, he whispers, “You evil little bitch. Have I told you I fucking love you? Best fucking woman in the world. Swear to God.” He lets go of my ear and smiles at Riley. “Well, Riley, shall we? Gotta make this quick though. My Lil will need another drink in fifteen.”