A Woman Gone Mad (16 page)

I attempted to string words together but came up short and settled with, “Baby?” My voice croaked the question. “Nick, what is this?”

Please don’t ask me to marry you. Please don’t ask me to marry you. You will fuck this all up. Please. Don’t. Ask. Me. To. Marry. You.

After Nick seemed to gather what he was looking for, he looked up into my eyes.

“Lillian, I have known you were the one for me since elementary school. I just didn’t know how to get your attention or make you see that I was the one for you. And ever since you said you would be mine, I have been biding my time, waiting for the moment to tell you that I love you and that I want you to be mine forever. I swear, I think I have had this planned out since I drove you home that night, Lil.”

“Hold up. Okay, even I’m getting flipped ass over teakettle by the things coming out of this man’s mouth.”
Lilly knew I was starting to freak the hell out.
“Shit, Lil. Just calm down. And if he asks you what it seems like he is about to ask you, PLEASE don’t freak the fuck out, and for the love of GOD, don’t run!”

Lilly! We haven’t even had sex yet! He keeps telling me he wants to take this slow, but dammit, THIS AIN’T FUCKING SLOW!
I screamed at the nutcase in my head.

“Oh,” was all I was able to say, still unable to create full sentences.

“Lillian, this is a promise ring, baby, and I’m going to ask you to promise me to be my girl until we get to the place in our lives where I can build you a house and afford to get you a ring you deserve. So, until I can propose, do you promise to be mine, Lil?”

“Just say yes, Lil. Just say yes. Look, he isn’t asking you to marry him, just to promise to…” Lilly fucking lost her argument, and we both damn well knew it.

“Lillian, please say something, please. You’ve got to feel this. Please tell me I’m not the only one here.” Nick was pleading me with his eyes.

I felt a calm settle over me as my nerves mellowed out.

Even if I am not where he is right now, I can’t let Nick go. I will get to where he is at. You can grow to love someone. Right? Nick is perfect. He’s beautiful, he’s charming, he’s such a gentleman. He makes me feel cherished and adored and loved like I have never felt before.

I realized at that moment that even if Nick were proposing to me, in the end, I would have said yes. There would never be another option besides Nick in my life. He would never break my heart, he would never leave me lost, alone, or confused, and he would never use me up.

He would build me, strengthen me, help me grow. He would give me happy ever after bent over backwards if that was how I wanted it. And
God
did I want a happily ever after.

“No, Nick. You aren’t the only one here. I’m here with you, baby.” I looked up into his eyes, feeling resolve settle on my features, and smiled the biggest smile I could muster up. “I promise, Nick. I’ll always be your girl,” I whispered.

Two things happened simultaneously. One, I felt the ring slide onto my ring finger, and two, I was yanked out of my seat, lifted a clear foot and a half off the floor, and shoved against the brick wall behind our table. Nick’s face stopped directly in front of mine, his arms wrapped around my waist and the bricks biting into my shoulder blades. He briefly ran his nose, inhaling me from the hollow of my throat, up my neck, and along my jaw line, from one side to the other, where he settled his lips on my ear and growled, “You will always be my girl, Lillian, and I swear to Christ I’ll make you happy, baby, you hear me?”

“I hear you, Nick,” I whispered into his hair.

“I love you, Lillian. I love you like you have never and will never be loved, baby.”

“I love you too.”

Looking back on it now, I really did want to love Nick. I loved everything Nick represented. A future I could easily see, happiness, a home, contentment, and most importantly, never having to survive another heartbreak for as long as I lived.

Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah. So school starts tomorrow, and I am both stoked about it and sad because Nick isn’t going to be driving me every day like he did last spring. However, Allen and I get back our morning drive to school though and I am very excited for that.

Nick is on his way over to pick me up for lunch. I have on my white eyelet summer dress and strappy heeled sandals, and I’m putting on some lip gloss when I hear the doorbell ring. “Shit,” I mutter, glancing up at the clock on my nightstand.

I grab my purse, swing it onto my shoulder, and make my way to the living room. I hear my daddy saying, “Hey, Nick. How goes it, son?”

“Pretty good, Pops. I finally found all my textbooks for next semester. Lillian actually found the last one in that old ‘We Buy Old College TextBooks’ store. You know, the one off 70
^th
?”

“Did she?”

“Yep.” I hear him smiling and walk into the foyer to see that, indeed, he is smiling with pride shining in his eyes. “The guy behind the counter said they didn’t have it. I was ready to go and call it quits, but Lil here”—he nods at me, still proud as hell—“she wouldn’t give up. About half an hour later, while I was rolling my eyes and watching her little self climbing all the way to the back of the shelves, digging—I mean, seriously, Pops. She crawled in that little space between every shelf on the floor! Then I heard her scream, ‘I found it! YES!’ and I’ll be damned, she had found it.”

“Well I could have told you. That girl doesn’t give up.” Daddy chuckles, gives me a sideways hug, and kisses the top of my head.

“That’s what I’m banking on, Mr. Shaw. That’s what I’m banking on,” Nick mutters. “Lillian, you look absolutely stunning today. Ready to go to lunch?” he asks after clearing his throat.

“Yep. I’m all ready.” Nick extends his elbow and I loop my hand around as he opens the door and leads me out to his car.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Nick’s family is freaking loaded. They own half of the construction companies in our once small town. Sometime during middle school, our little Southern town became a big, bustling city. I don’t recall it happening because I was so young. I just remember my parents talking about city development and growth, and then all of a sudden, we had casino boats and tourists and a renovated, pretty downtown with neon lights and sparkling, tall buildings. And with Nick’s family being the main construction company locally that one would contact to acquire wood, glass, and whatever else you need to make a town become a city, they’d raked in the profits.

Nick opens the passenger door of his brand new black Corvette. Using a maneuver—that I have thankfully mastered—I slide into the low-hanging seat with my knees together before scooping my feet up into the car. Nick shuts my door, jogs around the hood of the car, and hops into the driver’s side with a smile that shows his perfect dimples.

“Hey, baby,” he whispers, pulling my face to his with his large hands to kiss me until I swear I see stars. “Fuck, Lil. You look good enough to eat!” he growls against my lips.

“Mmm…eat. I have to say, I love the damn sound of that!” I’m smiling from ear to ear.

Nick is still refusing to let us go all the way. We go far. If you ask me, we have gone too far to go back almost a hundred times. He leaves me begging and pleading, shamelessly rubbing myself against him and the proof that he wants to keep going, but the man is some kind of sadist or masochist.

I don’t fucking understand him or his madness! He leaves us both aching desperately, breathless, but he always fucking moves away, saying, “I can’t, baby. I can’t. We aren’t there yet.” and I’m screaming back at him in frustration, “Fuck yes we are, Nick! Goddamn it! Where else is there to go? This makes absolutely no sense to me!”

He just smiles and says, “You’ll… I’ll… We’ll both know when it’s time, Lillian. We have forever, baby. Come on. There is no need to rush it.”

So when he starts off with “You look good enough to eat,” hell yes I will act like a complete and utter floozie-ass whore to get him to go there with me. And for the last week I have resorted, at Lilly’s insistence, to wearing sexy things under my short skirts that, well…let’s say, get washed when Mom and Dad aren’t at home and are folded in tissue paper and stored in shoeboxes at the back of my closet. However I have yet to get the opportunity to show Nick’s prude ass, because he hasn’t gone past first base since last Saturday night!

Today, under my white eyelet sundress, I am hiding a strapless light pink corset that laces up the front with boning that helps push the girls up nicely and a matching pink lacy thong. Hell yeah, I’ve come fully locked, stocked and loaded with plenty of ammunition.

“So where are you taking me to lunch, baby?” I ask as he pulls the car onto the highway.

“Ahhh…” He nervously glances over at me.
Uh oh.
“Well, there will be lunch. However, we aren’t headed back to your house afterward. I, ahhh…” He rubs the back of his neck then shifts gears and clears his throat to finish. “Lillian, I have a surprise planned out for you today, baby, but I need to ask you to keep an open mind, okay?” His eyes shoot over to mine then back to the road.

“Okay, Nick. I trust you, baby. Hey.” He looks over the shoulder that holds his long arm up on top of the steering wheel. “I trust you, Nicolas. Okay? And I’m excited too.” I hop up on my knees in the low seat and wrap my arms around his neck, giggling and pulling his face a fraction over to meet my lips. I rain kisses on the side of his face closest to me. “I LOVE surprises, Nick!” I squeal then bounce back into my seat, happy as a seven-year-old on Christmas Eve night.

I feel pure and unrestricted bliss bloom inside my chest and slowly seep into my outer extremities to the ends of my toes and fingertips. I am giddy with exuberant excitement, so much so that I can barely sit still and contain my internal little girl screaming inside my head. I’m chanting to myself,
I will not beg for clues. I will not beg for clues. I will not beg for clues.

We pull into the parking lot of a very exclusive Italian restaurant that I’ve never been to and I begin to feel my self-consciousness close in around my excitement.

“I haven’t ever been here before. I really don’t think I’m dressed appropriately for this kind of place,” I say, looking down at what I’m wearing. “Let’s just go to Taco Bell, Nick. I love their Mexican pizza.” I look up with a grin that I know will help me sway him.

He parks and pulls the keys from the ignition. Then he looks over at me and says, “There is no way in hell I am taking my girl to Taco Bell. I don’t see how you eat that, Lil. Besides, you look beautiful. Fucking stunning, do you hear me? Now please make me the luckiest son of a bitch on this planet and allow me escort the sexiest, most gorgeous woman in this state”—he nods to the restaurant’s entrance—“into that substandard restaurant, please, baby.”

“Okay, Nick,” I whisper while trying to shove my insecurities down.

He comes around, opens the passenger door, and helps me from the low seat, his big hand enveloping mine. We don’t even stop at the hostess station. He walks past it and into the dining area that is made up of marble floors, crisp white linen-covered tables, and chandeliers. Then he continues to the back covered awning area that is off to the side but still just as fancy as the inside dining area. We are the only ones at the only table on the veranda, and I look up at him in question but he doesn’t notice because his eyes are looking for I guess the waitstaff as he pulls out my seat for me.

Once I’m settled in my seat, he whispers a kiss across the top of my head. Then I hear him say, “Antonio, how are you this afternoon? We’ll have a chilled bottle of Moscato please.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. James. Would you also like a menu or do you know what you two will be having?”

Nick looks at me in question, and to avoid looking like a novice, I slightly shake my head no.

“No thank you, Antonio,” Nick replies.

“Sir. Madam.” The waiter nods and walks quickly away.

“Wait, Nick, is this…” I glance around the vacant area surrounding us. “Is this my surprise?”

“First of all, Lillian, any time we are celebrating a special occasion—” He stops as Antonio pours wine into our glasses, sets the bottle on the table, and then leaves us alone. “We will celebrate together and always in privacy, baby. Secondly, this is only the beginning of today’s surprises.” A huge smile splits his face with his lick-able dimples surfacing.

“Oh,” I whisper, bringing my wine glass to my lips to gulp down half the contents in hopes of numbing my anxious nerves and wet my now parched mouth. I set the glass back down and look up at Nick. “Okay, well, what are we celebrating today, Nick? It isn’t either of our birthdays…”

Reaching across the table, he takes both of my hands and holds them in one of his. He uses the fingers of his other hand to trace circles around my wrists and knuckles. Then he looks up from my hands to my eyes with a devil’s grin dancing and pulling the corner of his mouth up. “It’s our anniversary today. Well, not really, but it has been six months today since you flew off that swing, wrapped your arms around my neck, and changed the rest of my life with one first kiss.”

Fuck. Me. Is it?
I mentally do the calculations.
Damn, it is. Oooohhhhhh he’s good. He’s good and he’s mine.

“Well well, Mr. Nick. You just keep knocking me on my ass with your wonderfully fantastic yet surprising courting behaviors.” I smirk for a second and then become serious. I need him to know I care and that I’m here. “I love you, baby. I love that you know that. I love that you planned this out for me because of it. But more than anything Nicolas, I love you. So much.”

I smile because, dammit, I am in love—head over heels, ass over teakettle, over the moon in love—with Nicolas Wade James.

We finish our delicious lunch, don’t worry… I went with the chicken parmesan—most every fancy Italian restaurant serves it. Yeah, tuck that away for yourself and you’re welcome. Nick leads me through the restaurant with his hand at the small of my back and opens the passenger’s side door for me.