Abandon (9 page)

It wasn’t that she was thinking about leaving - quite the opposite actually.  In the past two days she had found a peace out here that she rarely felt in her life.  She just needed to evaluate and control her feelings for Cort, which was a task easier said than done.  Everything about being out here with him screamed and tugged at her emotions.  She wanted him, and she wanted him by her side.  It frustrated her that since the first morning, when they had talked at the sliding glass doors, she hadn’t had any alone time with Cort.  In fact, she didn’t think anyone in the group had over the past two days.  Katy had been attached at his hip like a parasite.

Rationally she could understand why Katy was attached to him.  Katy had been scared by whatever happened on that trip that Cort wasn’t telling them.  She was scared, and alone.  Sure, there were other people, but Katy didn’t know them like Annalise did.  She was an outsider.  The only person who was really making an effort to get to know Katy was Kevin, and that was largely because that was the type of person he was.  He was nice to everyone.  Cort was the only person here Katy actually knew, and she was clinging to him.  Logically she could understand that, in fact she could actually relate because it wasn’t like Jake, Kevin or Jenna were her best friends either.  

That’s one of the reasons why this situation was so hard.  Logically, she understood Katy, but emotionally all she felt was jealousy and anger.  Every time she saw Katy run her fingers through his hair, or hold his hand while they sat in the living room, Annalise would feel rage swell inside her heart.  Katy should have never come.  It should be her holding Cort’s hand, and her running her fingers through his hair.  This was their survival plan, and Katy was the interloper who managed to steal her place when she wasn’t looking.

The worst part was at night though.  Her and Cort had ended up getting rooms right across from each other, and she spent the last two nights staring at her door and thinking about the fact that they were tangled up in the sheets together.  Her treacherous brain worked feverishly to imagine that every creak, cough, or noise that came from the room was Cort and Katy in the throes of passion.  Every night when she finally managed to fall asleep the thoughts assailed her in her dreams, turning them into nightmares.

So when she finally woke in the mornings, she found herself out on the dock trying to sort through her thoughts and jealousy to find a way to make it bearable.  She would get everything under control, and make herself able to get through another day.  It was a sort of torture, knowing what would happen the following night, but it was important she managed to maintain a leveled appearance.  The one thing she wanted to avoid was letting her emotions bottle up until they came out in a fit of rage directed at the wrong person, or causing her to run away.  It had taken her no time to admit to herself that Cort was her motivation in staying, and now that she had, she wasn’t giving up.

It didn’t escape her that she was in a situation that she might be considered a ‘homewrecker’.  In fact, the thought managed to sneak up on her every morning while she controlled her anger, adding an extra layer of guilt.  She knew Katy was here with Cort now and it wasn’t like she could just go confess her feelings to him.  Even if he reciprocated her feelings there would be nothing that could be done.  Katy was too fragile right now, and that is what Cort would argue.  The situation wouldn’t change, so it was better to stay silent. In her mind, this was a short battle in a longer war towards getting Cort back at her side where he rightfully belonged.  All she had to do was deal with her emotions internally until they figured out what was going on.  Katy would eventually leave the group and she would have Cort by her side.

She laid back on the end of the dock and closed her eyes.  Maybe they would still be here this summer and they could spend time skinny dipping together in the lake under the moonlight.   When they had talked about their plans before they had jokingly talked about the sex they would be able to have when they didn’t have to worry about work or the tedious things in life.  Now that the time was here she wanted to make those nights and days of ecstasy in his arms occur.  Thinking about all the things she wanted to do with Cort and the future she wanted them to have, she didn’t notice the sound of four paws coming up on her and was surprised when she felt something cold and wet nudge her cheek.  She shot up from her position laying on the dock and looked towards the side she had felt the wetness.

A wolf.  Holy shit, a wolf was standing right in front of her.  They hadn’t seen any on their scouting missions but that didn’t mean they weren’t out here.  She frozen, staring at the wolf in it’s eyes.  She would win this show down.  

The wolf nudged her hand, twisting its neck in a direction which made her hand make a petting motion against it’s head.

Not a wolf.  Wolves don’t let you pet them, and wolves are not this well groomed.  Running her hand slowly over it’s head, she felt for a collar.  Not finding one, she put her other hand on it’s back feeling for it’s ribs.  It was a husky, a beautiful black and white husky with blue eyes, no collar and apparently, no food judging by the emancipation she felt on it’s rib cage.

“What’s your name?” she asked out loud, getting to her knees.

The dog’s tail started wagging and it’s front paws clawed at the ground in front of Annalise’s knees.  It was obviously domesticated and had some sort of human interaction which caused the dog to think it was about to either get a treat or start playing a game.  Smiling, she picked up a twig near her and threw it to see if it would fetch.

The dog just sat in front of her, wagging it’s tail.

Laughing, she rubbed it’s head again.  Okay, so fetch was out of the question.  What other tricks could dogs typically do?  It was already sitting... moving her hand out in front of the dog, she said in a firm voice, “Shake!”

The dog obeyed, placing it’s paw in her hand.  She shook it firmly and patted the dog's head again.  Looking around, she searched the edge of the woods and the lake for anyone the dog might belong to.  Not finding anyone, she stood up and brushed off her knees.  “Let’s see if you can follow,” she said at the dog and patted the side of her leg indicating it should follow her.  “If you can, you might get some food.”  

The dog fell in step next to her as she walked up to the house as if it had always been her dog.  It’s tongue was waggling in the cold air and when she reached the house, moving the sliding glass door the dog walked into the house as if it owned the place.  Laughing, she went to the kitchen to find some canned vegetables and spam and two bowls.  She mixed the vegetables and spam into one bowl, and put cold water into the other.  The dog immediately started lapping up the water, and next the food, spilling some on the kitchen floor by the bowls.  Annalise took a seat on a barstool by the counter and watched in amusement.  Apparently, she now had a dog.

Chapter 12:  Cort

Deep Creek Lake, Western Maryland
December 18, 2012

Cort stood at the sliding glass door with his coffee and watched Annalise play in frozen grass with her new dog.  She was chasing the dog around in circles, stomping her foot every once and awhile.  The dog would then lay on the ground, bark at her, and jump up again to run around in circles.  When she had initially started playing that game he had thought to stop her; if there were people out there they might hear the bark and come to investigate.  The look of unadulterated joy on her face had stopped him though.  He hadn’t seen that look on her face since they dated, and he couldn’t take it away from her.  Annalise stumbled on something in the yard and fell to the ground laughing, the dog running up and covering her body with his.  He saw her arms go around it’s neck and it started licking her face.  She looked like a child with it’s first puppy.  With the way her face was lit up and her cheeks pink from the cold, he thought she looked more beautiful than anyone he had come across.

Turning on his heel, he walked toward the bedroom he shared with Katy.  Katy was traditionally beautiful, and had the kind of features you would see on the cover of a magazine.  She didn’t have the life in her eyes that Annalise had though, or the brains to back her astounding beauty.  The longer he was here with the both of them, the more he knew that he and Katy would not last as a couple.  Katy was a doll made of china, beautiful to look at, but cold to the touch.  Annalise was a teddy bear, something you could rely on for the rest of your life.

Opening the door to their bedroom, Cort stepped inside.  She was supposed to be getting ready for their first scouting mission of the day.  The sooner they got out there, the sooner they could get back and enjoy their afternoon.  “Katy, you almost ready?”

She wasn’t immediately in his line of sight, so he stepped towards the adjoining bathroom and peered inside.  She wasn’t in there either, but her night clothes were on a pile on the floor so she must’ve been in here getting ready.  He turned around and instantly saw her in the corner behind where he had opened the door, balled up on the floor with her arms wrapped around her knees.  She looked up at him and he could see the tears flowing out of her brown eyes as her body convulsed in sobs.

He quickly moved to her side, kneeling in front of her.  “Katy, what’s wrong?”

Katy didn’t respond and instead started sobbing even harder.  He was at a loss for what to do in this situation.  He had never been comfortable with crying females, he was always afraid he would say or do the wrong thing and make whatever was wrong, worse.  Even through the awkwardness at the situation, he realized that Katy was bringing out a side of him he didn’t know existed.  Instead of running from the emotion which would have been his typical response, Katy’s tears brought out a new protective side to him.

Katy was so fragile, and she was here because he brought her with him.  He could have tried to force her to stay with her friends that morning or he could have flat-out refused to let her join them.  Being honest with himself, either one of those responses would have been a better course of action than letting her come.  There was nothing they could do about that now though, and that meant her happiness, or in this case, lack thereof was his responsibility.  The tears that were pouring out of her eyes were a direct result of his actions.  

As he shifted some of his weight to relieve some of the pressure on his knees, it was almost as if his movement made her recognize he had asked her a question.  “I can’t handle this anymore,” she said as she wiped her eyes.  “I can’t handle not knowing anything.  I can’t do it.”

Cort began to rub her back, moving from his crouched position to sit beside her.  He knew this would happen eventually with her and he had somewhat been preparing himself for this conversation since the first trip to Cumberland.  “We know things.”  

“No we don’t, we don’t know anything,” she argued, waving her hand in the air to express her frustration.  “We don’t know what happened in DC.  We don’t know what happened to my family and friends.  All we do is go out and walk around in the woods and we never find anything or anyone.  We’re alone.”

Cort could see where she was coming from and acknowledged there had been a distinct lack of information since they arrived.  Part of it was because the power hadn’t returned and their cell phones were still unable to get service.  He understood that it was unnerving to be stranded, not knowing.  On the other hand, this was Cort’s dream come true.  How many hours had he daydreamed about the time when he’d be able to be out in the wilderness with a significant amount of contemporary amenities for an undefined period of time?  

The rest of the people in the house had all been handling it in stride as well though, and he considered calling one of them to come help him with Katy.  He wasn’t sure any of them would be able to relate her any better than he would though.  The majority of the people who were out here had been involved in high stress jobs:  he and Annalise had been project managers for high profile government contracts, Jake was a electrical engineering manager, and Kevin had been an assistant district attorney.  A vacation, in any form, was a welcome escape for them.  Katy had been a waitress with Daddy’s credit card.  She didn’t view the world prior to the collapse as cynically as the rest did.  Her world was still parties and fun.  Jenna was probably the closest one to her in that respect because Jenna was still in school getting her PhD.  

He started to pull away from Katy to go get Jenna, but Katy grabbed his arm digging her fingernails deep into the skin.  Looking down, he noticed how much her nails had grown out in the week they had been here and how instead of being perfect manicured like he was used to, the edges were frayed, as if she had been biting them secretly when he wasn’t looking.

He covered her hand with his and began peeling her fingers off his arm.  There had to be something that he could do to make this situation better for.  “Do you want to go back to Cumberland today?  We can check out what’s going on there.”

Katy looked up at him, her eyes now red from crying.  “Can we?” she asked in a small voice.

Cort nodded, as her fingers finally relaxed against his arm.  He stood up and offered his hand to get her up as well.  “I’ll get Annalise’s keys.  Why don’t you get ready and I’ll meet you out front in 15 minutes.”