Absence of Grace (32 page)

“It does. Did you beat up the kids who teased you?”

“Didn’t need to. Most bullies are cowards, you know. Once I developed some muscles and stood up to them, they backed off.”

“Like in your book. So that did happen to you.”

“Not exactly. But it’s where the idea came from.”

“Do we ever escape our pasts?”

“Probably not. But for me it’s a good thing. Without a checkered past
,
I’d be hard-pressed to have anything to write about.”

“I’ve been thinking,” Gerrum said, as he and Clen soaked in the Stikine hot tub.

She stretched out a foot and ran it delicately up and down his leg. “Deep thoughts or shallow ones?” Contentment flowed through her, as warm and encompassing as the hot spring water.

“I want you to move in with me.”

Startled, she withdrew her foot. Although for today she’d put the future out of her mind, that detail had begun to niggle like a pebble caught in a shoe—the question of what she would do when the lodge closed for the season. Gerrum’s intent expression meant he’d wait as long as it took for her to answer. But it wasn’t a simple proposition he was making, even if it could be answered with a single word.

“Maude will have a field day,” she said, testing his resolve.

“She will.” He looked serious, but amusement glinted in those dark eyes.

“This is your place, Gerrum. I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for you.”

“Nobody with the slightest spark of intelligence pays any attention to Maude. And what would make me uncomfortable, in the extreme, would be to spend the winter sleeping alone.”

The teasing words were a welcome break from the weight of the decision, and she grabbed it. “Such a romantic.”

“Come here, woman, and let me show you just how romantic I can be.”

“Uh-oh. You never know when a moose might drop by.”

He hooked an arm around her and pulled her onto his lap with a splash. “A moose, huh?” He held her without kissing her, and she knew that although he was willing to be playful, he was still waiting for the answer to his question.

“Living with someone is...it can be difficult. It requires compromise. Unselfishness. I don’t know if I can do it.” Not the real reason for her unease, but at least it sounded plausible.

Gerrum held her for a time before speaking. “Compromise and acting unselfishly aren’t difficult when you care for someone and want to make it work.” He shifted slightly, and she settled more firmly against him. “All either of us can promise is to try, and that we’ll talk about anything that bothers us.”

“What if we fail?” She already cared enough for Gerrum that failing would be dreadful.

“What if we succeed?”

They met each other’s eyes, in silence. Into that quiet whispered a memory of the desperate pain she’d felt when Gerrum was missing. If they cut short what they’d begun to share without discovering where it might lead, it would hurt. Horribly.

For a moment longer she let herself imagine her life without this man, and her heart clenched with the certainty of agony. “I’m about parboiled.” She nibbled on his ear then rested her forehead against his. “Maybe we can go home and you can show me that romantic side?”

“You’re not using the term home loosely are you? Because I’m real delicate, you know. I can be hurt easy by careless talk.”

She shifted in order to look him in the eye, making her expression a solemn one. “I never use the word home loosely.”

He stood, setting her on her feet. “Good. I’m glad we got that settled. I’m ready to go home, too.”

But first he pulled her back into his arms. The warmth from Gerrum and the hot spring water mixed with the cool of a breeze that tickled her neck and flowed over her back. “Hey, don’t forget that moose,” she said, breaking off the kiss.

He laughed. “Better a moose than Maude.” He let her go, and she climbed out of the tub, sprinkling bright diamonds of water in his hair.

They grinned at each other the whole way back to Wrangell.

The night Clen finally told Gerrum about what happened with Paul, he listened silently as the story poured out, then he folded her against his chest.

“I ended up at an abbey, and Sister Mary John tried to straighten me out.”

He leaned away and looked her directly in the eye. “I think you’re wonderful exactly the way you are.”

It was so easy loving Gerrum. Like free-falling through space without any fear of the landing. Sometimes she felt so light, it was hard to remember she was made of flesh and bones, until they made love. Then she was grateful for that flesh and those bones. For their delightful, delirious collision.

Clen was laying out the ingredients to make lasagna for the dozen expected for dinner when Marian came in from her sewing circle. “Has Gerrum said anything to you lately about Hailey?” Marian asked, shedding her jacket and the tote bag containing her latest project.

“Hmm. Like what?”

“Doreen said Hailey just hasn’t been herself lately. Twice in the past week, she didn’t open the gallery, which is a first. Then someone else said they’d seen her a couple of times having serious discussions with Gerrum. I thought he might have said something.”

“No. Afraid not.”

“Yeah, I should have figured. Gerrum’s a man of few words, isn’t he?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Although compared to Maude, he’s a clam.”

“Everyone compared to Maude is a clam.”

“If you’re so worried about Hailey, why not just ask her if she’s okay?”

“Doreen did. Hailey brushed her off. Said she had a bug. Hadn’t been feeling well.”

“That could be it, you know.”

“No. Somehow I don’t think so.”

As Marian intended, Clen asked Gerrum about Hailey while they were taking their evening walk.

“As far as I know, she’s in perfect health.”

It meant Clen was going to have to do her own investigation, but when she arrived at ZimoviArt the next morning, she found it closed and Doreen from the Visitors’ Center next door fussing about it. “Gerrum was here awhile ago asking about Hailey. Said if she comes in to let her know he’d be at the marina.”

Clen decided to walk over to the marina to surprise Gerrum herself. She found
Ever Joyful
was right where it was supposed to be, but both jet boat and Gerrum were missing.

She didn’t see him until she arrived at his house after dinner. He was sitting at the computer when she came in, and he stopped writing to greet her with a big smile and a kiss.

“How was your day?” she asked.

“Busy. We did some work on the
Joyful
.”

“Didn’t you take the jet boat out?”

“Oh...yeah. I had a couple show up who wanted to do a quick run over to the garnet reef.”

She wouldn’t have noticed his hesitation if she hadn’t been looking for it. “I stopped by ZimoviArt today,” she said, watching him closely. “It was closed. Doreen said you’d stopped by. Did you and Hailey ever get together?”

“We must have missed each other. I’ll have to check in with her tomorrow.”

No question, the man was squirming. But why? If he was willing to leave a message for Hailey with Doreen, it must be innocent.

“Say, I’m hungry,” Gerrum said. “How about I make popcorn.”

It felt like he was deliberately changing the subject. Perplexed, Clen let him get away with it.

The next day, Clen went back to ZimoviArt. The gallery was open and Hailey was sitting behind the counter staring out the window. As always, Hailey was beautifully dressed and her lovely hair was smoothed into a sophisticated French braid. She looked, Clen judged, exactly the way Stella McClendon wished her daughter looked. Clen cleared her throat.

“Oh. Clen. Sorry, I guess I was woolgathering. It’s a nice day, isn’t it.”

“It is. Are you feeling better?”

Hailey appeared puzzled.

“Marian came home from sewing circle with a report you’ve been ill.”

“Oh. No. Well, just a touch of summer flu. Left me feeling tired, so I took time off. But I’m fine, now.”

“Did you know Gerrum was looking for you yesterday?”

Hailey turned away, blushing. “Hey, I sold another one of your paintings. End of last week. You’re turning into one of my best sellers.”

“Maybe we can squeeze in another picnic to celebrate?”

“Sure. Absolutely. Let me check the ferry and cruise schedules and let you know.”

Hailey always had the schedules memorized. And what about that blush and the trouble she was having meeting Clen’s eyes? Something was definitely going on, but it beat Clen what it might be. Baffled, she walked to the grocery store to check on the shipment of strawberries two people had stopped her in the street to tell her had arrived.

Maude was already picking through the pile of berries. Clen preferred to avoid the woman, but fresh strawberries were a rare treat in Wrangell.

Maude looked up. “Oh, Clen, just the person I was hoping to run into. You really need to make sure of that man of yours, dearie.”

Clen favored Maude with a blank stare.

“So you know about Gerrum and Hailey?”

Clen continued to stare. Maude, undeterred, shuffled her feet as she continued to talk.
Polka, two-step, gossip gallop
.

“He and Hailey come regular to the café. Together. And when they think nobody’s looking, they hold hands. I thought you and he were an item, so I remarked it as being awful strange.”

The image of a woman wearing a tight red dress with Paul’s hand resting on her back blanked Clen’s vision. When it cleared, she realized Maude was giving her a triumphant look.

How dare the old biddy insinuate such a thing about Gerrum. Besides, didn’t she realize anyone having an affair in Wrangell would know enough not to conduct it in the full morning light of her voracious scrutiny? Clen turned and walked away.

But in the days that followed the encounter with Maude, others began to make teasing remarks about her keeping an eye on Gerrum.

“Hey, I was you, I’d make sure my claim was staked real good,” was how one of them put it.